DMSI 3.2 - B and A

[Blacksheep]

(....)

[Shawn]

Didn't update as I was too tired last days (and still am) but this is at least not only sub related, simply not enough sleep. However, two days ago as I stand on the bus station there was a girl right to me. I think she was 18 or 19. After few minutes standing there I noticed IOI's from her and then noticed that she came closer and closer in my direction....and then....simply bumped into me. Later she increased the distance again. This make me think that she wanted to approach me but had no clue what to do. So I guess the communication part between affected and user is the weakest point of the sub. The sub probably required to tell her more detailed what to do and how (and make the user able to respond), instead bumping into the user, lol.

Other than that I have been bit more social last two days. Started a conversation with a co-worker where I usually just say hello. A MILF in the train started talking to me and as I left later I made a joke. I feel somehow more liberated and my posture improved, too.

And my food taste changes, too. The stuff I usually eat doesn't taste anymore, I almost spit it our lately and more healthy stuff like fresh salad tastes better now.

This and some more stuff I don't remember or am too tired to write now.

[Shannon]

I did not have a chance to alter the aura tuning and programming script in 3.2, so it is the same as 3.1, but it has a much better support script now. That is coming.

[Shawn]

The tiredness and exhaustion increased in the next days up to the point where I couldn't handle it anymore. So is today my second day of not listening and I still feel really exhausted and my brain feels burned out. I think the probably most important reason was the sleeplessness, partially caused due to outer reasons so I couldn't recover as much I needed. One thing I noticed is that firering the aura for a longer time period - like during the movie or with my neighbours girlfriend - started to exaust me so building up the aura seems really energy expensive, even with the energy sourcing. I will continue with the sub when I recovered sufficiently from this exhausted state but I think it will be a few days.

[Shawn]

Surprisingly did start to feel better today during the day and felt a strong urge to do a loop, so I did. Still tired but it doesn't feel that bad like yesterday.

[Shawn]

My bad state from the last days might have been caused by the hybrid track because it got really worse after the second time listening so maybe increased resistance. On the other side the effect of hybrid seemed also deeper so maybe once a week or even every 14 days might be ok. However, after two days rest and the masked one yesterday I slept like a baby this night and until hybrid I also slept good.

[Shawn]

So it looks like the state wasn't only caused because of hybrid because yesterday I already got really tired after just two days of listening and after listened to my loop yesterday I went into a really bad state. I got a strange pressure in my head, almost felt like passing out, after that experienced panic, strange sensations in my arms (like there is no more blood circulation) and very cold feelings in my body. I was afraid to death. Later after the first symptoms went away I started getting slight headaches. It was really scary. I even thought about waiting for A before continuing but I have the strange feeling that at least part of the body symptoms were detoxification symptoms. If this is the case it would at least mean that I am executing more than before. Anyway, there is also good internal stuff (most of aura faded after that experience).

For example my interest in women and my experience of sexual related feeling seems more mature than before and not so binary. Before it was often that I went from 0 to 100 from one to the next moment and now it is somehow smoother even if it can also happen fast. Hard to describe, but I think this might have caused at least partially the creepiness I was talking about. And when I am around people I noticed that it feels more comfortable and natural having people around me. I seem also notice to recover better from drawbacks and the PTPA programming shows its influence.

[Shannon]

What you describe sounds to me like the subconscious trying to scare you into stopping.

[Shawn]

What you describe sounds to me like the subconscious trying to scare you into stopping.

Possible.

Other thing I had in mind is that this might be too much listening time for me. I refer here to my 5G experience where 16 hours were optimum but I did usually the minimum, 8 hours a day. And whenever I tried to listen 10 or more hours I usually felt afterwards less effect than with 8 hours. This might be also related to resistance but when pushing too much makes me execute less than finding the right balance would be priority. This is why I hope 3.3 will have autoconfig.

Anyway, yesterday I was indeed too scared to do a loop but today I did. The thing is before my loop I started to have this good feeling in my chest and was positive at all and after the loop I again closed down. Right now I just feel frustrated because I can't make it work. Tried half the day to consciously influence it but with very limited success.

One thing more worth to mention is that few days ago when I executed I had the feeling that I should just let DMSI do the work and not try to influence it consciously. The thing is there is an instance in me that needs to be always in control. So every time I just managed to let it go it came just back. I don't know how important this instance really is but before I had a picture of an employee who feels ignored (rightly or wrongly) and therefore tries to sabotage the project in the company. We really need to give him in some way what he wants or he won't stop to sabotage this thing.

[Shawn]

Today without loop I felt like the aura and energy is coming back and I am projecting more but nothing special to report in this regards. But I had an important realization. I realized how much I really dislike having no masturbation inside. It feels like the sub is trying to take away the only reliable source of sex from my life in exchange to having a pussy here and there and I am absolutely not willing to accept this. If this happens then I would be completely dependent on women to fulfil my sexual needs and this can't simply happen. I notice that I am damn close to stop this program and switch to SE instead to prevent it.

[Shadow2200]

Today without loop I felt like the aura and energy is coming back and I am projecting more but nothing special to report in this regards. But I had an important realization. I realized how much I really dislike having no masturbation inside. It feels like the sub is trying to take away the only reliable source of sex from my life in exchange to having a pussy here and there and I am absolutely not willing to accept this. If this happens then I would be completely dependent on women to fulfil my sexual needs and this can't simply happen. I notice that I am damn close to stop this program and switch to SE instead to prevent it.

I hear what your saying, it least in the short term it's like having less, even though no flap is good thing. without girls initiating and trying to have sex with ya kind of in a bind with few options.

[Benjamin]

That's some very strange logic. "Your only source of sex".

It's not sex at all.. sounds like your mind is playing weird things to convince you to stop.

[Light]

Shannon wrote once this I am putting it as my signature)

Generally, when you start using a subliminal that seriously conflicts with something you have in your subconscious programming, the subconscious will attempt to get you to change to something else in order to escape having to change it's programming

[Shawn]

I hear what your saying, it least in the short term it's like having less, even though no flap is good thing. without girls initiating and trying to have sex with ya kind of in a bind with few options.

The thing is for me is no-fap NOT a good thing. To be exact I consider only excessive fapping or porn as bad not if you are doing it here and there.

That's some very strange logic. "Your only source of sex".

It's not sex at all.. sounds like your mind is playing weird things to convince you to stop.

Well, English is not my first language and I wrote it in the middle of the night because I couldn't sleep. What I meant that I could take care of this need by myself if needed (even if it isn't real sex) and was independent from women in a certain way. If I can't do that anymore I am completely dependent on women on fulfiling my needs and that's not something I want to be. Not to mention that there will probably not always be women around when I wanna have sex. So in fact I consider this independence as more important as getting laid - if this makes sense for anybody. That's what makes it difficult, because I wanna have sex with women but I also wanna have the option to take care of myself and with this version it looks like I only can have the one or the other.