The Modern Libertine's diary

[Tigurinn]

I literally can't remember the last dream I had, I black out and just wake up, or so it seems, does anyone know if that is a sign of anything and how I could start experiencing dreams again?

Well, you don't have to go far - it's right here in the shop: Remember Your Dreams

[mat422]

So the rage is setting in like last time in stage 1. I get rage from time to time, but stage 1 seems to make me remember more all of the things that piss me off and makes me want to rebel against everything. Of course it's not as bad as last time. I'm much more zen these days, but here and there it's popping up a little. I guess that's a good thing to get out.

I was the same way on stage 1 and even stage 2. Prepare for the jerk to emerge. I've cooled off a lot now that I've progressed into later stages of alpha, but for those 2 initial stages I was ready to bite people's heads off at times. My advice to you is don't worry about it too much.

[Cortez]

Lol, I know, Matt. I need to seriously subdue myself, because I can already be a really abrasive asshole sometimes. It's not gonna be as bad this time, I've calmed down a lot since last run through.

[Cortez]

It would have been my dad's birthday today. He's been gone almost 6 years. I really have grown up a lot since then, but it doesn't make me miss him any less. I'm very grateful for the family I do have, because it hurts so bad losing someone that close to you.

[Spiral]

Hmm.. I know what you mean. My grandfather died in '97. But now.. it's been so long.. I don't feel anything anymore. I miss him.. but it's like I barely remember him. I don't know what's sadder, the fact that he's dead, or the fact that I've completely let go of it. We just keep going.

Did you do anything today in your father's rememberance, Cortez?

[Cortez]

I just stayed home and reflected. That's the best thing, I think, at least for me.

I've been changing it up with the 2011 Alpha and listening to the stream at night instead of ultrasonic like I always have before. It's really relaxing. I like it and I can feel it working on me already. I also listen to 2-3 hours of ultrasonic during the daytime as well. I love the feel of the alpha set.

[Cortez]

I have really calmed down a lot from the maniac I was during my Sex Magnet run. It feels good. I actually forgot how good the alpha set feels and the 2011 version is so much stronger. I think I may go out on some dates here in the next week or two...whenever it stops being so damn cold outside. I'm a reptile and I need constant heat. I am getting the feeling again like I did last time that I'd like to get together with a good girl and have a nice relationship for a while. It's funny how alpha always brings out that side of me. Last time I was on it, I had a great relationship with a girl. I have a few girls I'm interested in right now.

Aside from that, I've been more creative, I feel a little smarter and my sense of humor is always increasing. I also feel more genuine and authentic when I talk to people. I want to make sure what I say has some kind of emotion behind it. I hate it when people have emotionally dead and uninspired conversations with me, if I can add a little enthusiasm to this world, then maybe others will too. Also, everyone wants to be around someone like that. It's a very fast way to be popular with people. Charisma is a powerful thing.

[Cortez]

Ah, the rage of the alpha set. How I missed you my old friend. It's starting to really set in now. Good thing I'm so calm now.

[Shannon]

Calm rage?

[Roy]

Cortez,you make me want to do the alpha set again.Is it less anger than the
first run through or does it have the same levels of resistance?

And why not wait two weeks until Shannon finishes AM 5.0 and than run the
latest version?

[Cortez]

Calm rage?

Haha, I meant it's a good thing that I am in general, a much calmer individual now. I can deal with the anger in the first few stages of alpha a lot better.

So, yes, to answer your question, Roy, it's a LOT easier this time around.

[Spiral]

How many days are you in? This will be my 3rd night and so far I'm better than ever. I might be getting to be a more fun and in general silly person too.

[Cortez]

I'm about halfway through the first stage so far.

[Cortez]

I like the progress I'm making with stage 1. I know stage 1 IS probably one of the roughest, but I'm powering through. It just so happens that I'm using it in a time where I've really had enough of peoples stupidity...especially at work and the rage I'm starting to experience on a daily basis is a little overwhelming at times, but I have my ways of dealing with it. I'll be cool, I just refuse to tolerate BS from anyone anymore and the rage is my tool to deal with them and push myself for change. Anyway, stage 1 can be rough at times, but I'm a big boy.


Now on to more positive things. My thinking is getting a lot more clear. I feel smarter almost on a daily basis, but I do have to balance it out with more right brained things, because if you get too analytical, you will become either a. Neurotic or b. A fucking asshole, in my case it tends to lean a little more towards b and I won't ever let myself get that way, so I keep a close watch on my ego, lol.

Another perk is that I have been WAAAAAY more social lately than I have been in a long time. I love meeting new people and I feel the drive to do that all the time. Of course that means I've been meeting a lot of new women as well and that's also cool. I won't even go in to detail about them, but I have been meeting a lot and it must be the Sex Magnet programming kicking in to overdrive, but my charisma and ability to attract women to me has been top notch lately. I don't have the feeling that I had during Sex Magnet, where I wanted to go around having sex with tons of women, but even so I have a lot of options. I'm way more picky with the girls I spend my time with, though. I don't really know if I like them right away.

The last thing I noticed is that my self respect is increasing a lot and that's great. Things are coming along nicely.