alpha 4

[ffaux]

I just have this great affection and admiration for America. It's like it's calling me and my life is aligning around taking me there. I don't understand it and it's scaring me.

[ffaux]

I'm frustrated to learn that I'm unattractive to women
1. I'm not getting hot/many tinder matches
2. Girls are putting no effort into catching my attention

I'm also disillusioned with the dating dynamics at the moment. It's like I only get any power after I have sex with women. That's when they used to start chasing me. Now that I'm not trying to get laid anymore and I'm being more selective I have no power and no one is chasing me.

[ffaux]

I don't have the success I want anywhere in my life.

[Spareness]

I don't have the success I want anywhere in my life.

You already have the success you want in life, that is why you are still persist up to 4 run now. This is the way to success.

To reach the success you often need a lot of small steps, and rarely one big step. A small step that you specify must be right, and you should do so in the right time.

It all takes time to become a reality.

[ffaux]

Woke up early in the morning with what was presumably resistance or discord between two parts of my person. I had thoughts in my head along a similar vein to not having success. I have beliefs about myself that I'm a loser in every part of my life and a battle was raging inside of me this morning and those beliefs we're coming to the surface in full force.

[ffaux]

The discord between my self-image and how others perceive me is so big.

[ffaux]

I'm still obsessed with women. I don't want to accept that I'm unattractive to women and I want to get into a relationship so that I feel attractive and feel validated.

---

There's an element of fear that drives my behaviour towards women.

Also let me rephrase, I don't want to accept that I'm unattractive to women I find attractive.

A girl I went on a date with last night just texted me asking me if I want to join her for a movie night. But I don't find her attractive.

[ffaux]

Fake it till you make it is such a wildly damaging mindset. I have all these insecurities that I've been hiding in my jungian shadow that are now slowing down AM6 and because I'm in denial about them it's all resistance until I reach a breaking point and face myself. The self-confidence AM6 is trying to instil in me is just bravado and pride until I go through this process, real change isn't happening until I stop trying to deny that I need to change.

---

My ex hurt me so much when we broke up. I don't understand it. I was so good to her but she flipped a switch and wanted revenge for god knows what was in her crazy imagination when we broke up. And my friends at the time defended her because she gave them the impression that she cared about me but I didn't care about her and then dumped her carelessly and they never even questioned it. I don't think I've admitted how much I was hurt by it all until now. She hurt me and my friends hurt me. And I don't know who I can talk to because it's such old news now, I just pent it up inside but now I'm talking to you dear reader.

And now I'm looking someone to care about me. I don't feel like anyone cares about me. And I fucking hate all these people who have sex with no emotions because I get emotionally attached. And I thought if I pretended like I don't everything would be fine but it wasn't, it ended up biting me in the butt when my friends thought it was true. And so now I can't be promiscuous anymore because if I am it bites me in the butt when I inevitable start caring about someone. But because I don't want to be promiscuous I don't want to be with someone promiscuous. And it seems like every fucking one is promiscuous. What's the point of all this? No point, I'm just ranting about everything that hurts and makes me deeply sad and unhappy.

[ffaux]

My poor social skills are a constant source of self-criticism, including my inability to hold an engaging conversation with someone I just met, inability to attract women, inability to turn acquaintances into friendships and so on.

[ffaux]

My self-confidence with respect to women is at an all time low. I have no desire to work out or be attractive. I have resentment and negative feelings towards women, particularly from my ex and my old housemate. I'm on tinder but I'm being avoidant. I don't trust women. Lots of negativity. It's as if I'm sabotaging myself in this area out of fear. AM6 isn't helping.

---

I have an insecurity about loving and caring about a woman who has let herself be treated without respect by more alpha men. How do you trust and love someone without self-respect?

My mind is such a mess. I don't know where the root of all this comes from. Let it heal, just let it heal.

---

I need the validation of a relationship to feel positive about myself and my self-worth.

[Darkness]

Get on DMSI or sex magnet: you have to sever that paranoia, bc it's too emotional and it's keeping you drenched in misery.

Start dealing with girls more and get up to par flirt wise and with how they are and how you respond adequately to their BS. Stop allowing yourself to wallow in that muck. Don't use AM after this run, it's not gonna help you in that dpt.

[ffaux]

I have a lot of trauma from past relationships that I'm carrying around. I'm deeply afraid of women hurting me which is undoubtedly at least one source of my resistance to AM6 and self-sabotage with women. I'm afraid of getting intimate with women now, I don't want sex because I don't trust myself to make myself vulnerable that way again. There's too much hurt there and I'm trying to protect myself, that was the reason for wanting to be a player in the first place.

I went on a date last night and I'm going on another tonight so at least I'm getting out there but I find myself resisting doing the things that make women attracted and instead have as my game plan the things that put me in the friend zone. Last night for example we talked about politics which will be the reason I won't see her again. I know not to do that, I know to talk about relationships and sex instead but 1. I don't care enough about the outcome and 2. I resist being sexually forward (touching, conversation, etc.)

I feel positive about AM6. I always end up that way when I see what it's trying to do and the way forward.

[ffaux]

Bombed a date. I remember why I pretended to be someone else now. I'm really uncool. Just making dating mistake after dating mistake talking about shit that makes me unattractive. I was enjoying the conversation but I just am not an exciting person and in the end she said let's leave. This is so much easier when you fuck first and then find out if you're compatible.

I feel like I've become a chump again lol. I just don't have the energy to bring this fake energy to the table to get laid.

---

Wait whaaaaaaaaaaat?? She just texted me saying she had fun!! This alpha male shit works! I can be myself :o

[Benjamin]

she said let's leave.

Sounds to me like she meant so you could be alone