LionMonkeys journey to become more of a real man with AM2011

[Benjamin]

I've had a few dreams where alot of fear has come up during Alpha.

And i've woke up frozen and full of fear, it seems like it is just bringing stuff up to let it go. Haven't had the dying ones though.

[Spiral]

Ben, I've only had one like that so far. But it was serious because when It happened I let go to the situation and realized there's nothing I can do and I welcomed it.

[LionMonkey]

If that's true.. what a way to get something old away!!? lol


Today I got a lot of looks from women and also guys when I was biking to the temple. The eyecontact with the women were all sexual (those I was physically attracted to). I've also noticed that sometimes, they know I'm coming closer to them and then they look up directly into my eyes.

I can't blame them.. I would not able to resist either

Going out clubbing tonight. Last time was about 2 months ago.. so it's going to be a blast!!!


- LM

[LionMonkey]

Stage 2 - Day 17,


This weekend, I had gone back to my old pattern. Very bad habit. It's fascinating how easily it is, to fall back to a old habit. When it was too late, I was thinking that this is wrong and I shouldn't keep doing this but I did. Next day I wake up I feel terrible.
Fortunately enough I do have something planned to do and I am aware enough when I haven't fallen in the trap at the day.

Some self-doubt have come back up but it's like it have really little affect on what's happening outside of myself but more how I think of myself.. strange...


Ohh and this girl, a sexy dancer I've been making out with before 3 months ago but I met her again and she offered her number. I wrote it in an earlier entry here. I write to her but she doesn't respond. Then I meet her in a club and she was like, I want you and introduce me to her female friends. I asked why she didn't answer, which she gave an excuse for, pretty long. And she asks if she was excused and I said no.
She makes a little drama but says sorry afterwards.. she wanted me I could tell. Her and her female friends went to another place and I told her to write to me when they get there. She did.
Long story short.. we didn't do anything that night but I suggested that we should meet the next day, she haven't responded.

Now I didn't want to waste more time with this girl, so after calling today and she didn't take it, I wrote afterwards; "Hi xyz. If you are not responding because you are not interested, then you can just say it! Anyways.. soo, would you like to share my company; [week days and time of the day, evening etc.] ? "

She haven't responded.


- LM

[Ryan]

Hey Lion, you're getting there man! I remember back in stage 2 of Alpha, I kinda miss it right now as opposed to stage 2 of SM which is kicking my butt lately. I've had similar responses to women and in person they are always going to be more welcoming then via text. The thing is, perhaps she was pursuing you at first...then you switched it and started pursuing her and came off a bit more needy towards her (the whole we should hang out tomorrow thing). I remember during Alpha I was very needy to get with women until the later stages, I was pursuing them like crazy, just don't let it get you down if she doesn't respond. The biggest thing I learned...is patience. Once you allow yourself to live for yourself and know that she has to earn a 'date' with you, you'll see a change in the way women respond to your offers. Continue talking to, flirting with and allowing her to become comfortable with the idea of you two together. When you ask her out...try something different like inviting her to a party with you. "Hey you, I'm going to a party with some friends this weekend, you're welcome to join me if you'd like" or something to that extent. You want it to be a mutual decision to meet and in my opinion, you want it to be more-so her decision And totally do not ask a girl if she isn't interest in you, you always want to assume that she is, regardless and if she doesn't line up with that, walk away.

Ryan

[LionMonkey]

Hey Ryan, great stuff man. I guess at this point in AM for me, it isn't improving my flirting skills and letting them come to me that well yet but the confidence is great really!

Actually the dancer told me about her friends f***ed up relationships, with a lot of drama quickly that night at the club and that's why she needed to take care of them and be with them that night.

Soo..
she wrote to me this morning and told me she was sorry that she didn't wanted to respond, she had a lot of things to see to at the moment and if we should see each other again, it wouldn't be within the next 2 weeks and wrote sorry again.

Something happened when I saw the message. I got a slightly feeling of happiness, a quick boost. That either shows that I like this girl more than others or I'm just not there yet to being indifferent with a girl I even haven't done anything more with than making out... probably the first because with her dance-moves on the floor.. it gets wild!

Now I haven't answered her yet, but my first thoughts; I should tell her not to be drowned in her friends problems, since she doesn't have a f***ed up relationship and that she could contact me when she wants to.
but then I thought, why should I care? I mean, at least she's responding now but it's not on my terms. It's like she wants me to stay around and be sure of me.

What would you have done?


- LM

[LionMonkey]

A thought that I've had earlier today since I'm not a funny guy but I love to laugh at my own jokes;

If you want to create something else in a interaction in a situation or just try doing something different by you making a fool out of yourself / doing stupid s***, are you qualifying (impressing) the woman / people who are nearby?

This question is based upon knowing that making women or people (who are interested in either way) laugh by being silly in your own way is something unique and usually they'll want more. It peaks their interest.

But

I've noticed that I'm not really good at it, so I wonder if there's a simple way to practice making people laugh?
One key thought about this is; knowing/intuit when to make a fool out of oneself or say something in context within the conversation but has a perfect timing.

I've seen people try to be funny and keep on coming with timed words and doing silly things and showing it to others afterwards. I think some of those people are hilarious and great fun but oftentimes it really just come off as try-to-hard (trying to impress). Whether or not it is consciously those who do it, I still can't stop but to think they are too much.
Sometimes though, I can be too serious...


- LM

[LionMonkey]

I replied to the dancer, "Hey xyz. I know that you prioritize highly your friends and it's also up to yourself.. If you REALLY want to see each other again then you can contact me, for it doesn't seem like that... Or else may you have it great :-)"


Stage 2 - Day 19,


Earlier today I was teaching kungfu to kids who were 11 years old. I got a great lesson from it (more to come) and me and my teacher also talked afterwards, how it went. We had a school-class each.
It's funny that I find it a bit similar to interacting with girls, when you are teaching a lot of kids.

I'll write more about that later.. right now, I'm home after hanging out with a buddy.. I'm a bit exhausted and I have to be to salsa in an hour!

Honestly, I love having things to do all the time to make myself occupied at this time of my life I think it's more of just living life out!


- LM

[Ryan]

Well...you told her what you wanted and now you gotta stick to it. Let her come to you. And go enjoy yourself and the other women out there

Ryan

[LionMonkey]

Yes. I just have had some doubts that it always ends like that. I'm sure it'll get over as soon as I'm completely aligning myself to what I really want. I've cut going out often and it's only around once a week now (going to bars & clubs).

One great thing about the subliminal is that, I got this feeling of improving myself.. like there's always something to improve and it never ends, so even in down times I try to think about it and it makes me feel more trustful of whats going on in my life...


- LM

[LionMonkey]

Stage 2 - Day 22,


Just watched Van Wilder, great movie!
Can someone tell me about their experience in going through Stage 2 of AM2011, if you remember? stage 2!


- LM

[Ryan]

Stage 2 - Day 22,


Just watched Van Wilder, great movie!
Can someone tell me about their experience in going through Stage 2 of AM2011, if you remember? stage 2!


- LM

I was depressed quite a bit from stages 1 until 4...it would come for a few days and then leave. I think it got heaviest in stage 2 and 3 but I don't entirely remember. I felt like I was becoming more confident and happy with myself, but I don't entirely remember all of it. I was very needy and began doing whatever I could necessary to get a girl to go out with me. I also began to stop caring so much as to how I was talking to women or trying to get them to go out with me. My main mission was just to get a yes. I also felt much less self-conscious at times and felt more comfortable. It was small, subtle changes that started to feel very natural. In stage 3 and most of 4 I felt like I reverted back completely and wasn't making any progress. Towards the end of 4 and into 5 I felt things come alive more =)

Ryan

[Benjamin]

Stage 1 and 2 were similar for me.

I started getting very annoyed and angry at people trying to manipulate and take advantage of me. Alot of anger come out at unhealthy times I just exploded.

I also felt myself becoming more confident, getting along with people better. I also was noticing that people started listening to me more and doing things without argument (like when I ask them to leave the club) and this just got better during the later stages.

-Ben

[LionMonkey]

Interesting.. hmm...


Stage 2 - Day 23


Hmm right now, I think I'm more on a right "spot" to describe what really has been going on throughout the process so far.

Last night I went out with a friend of mine pub crawling. It was great fun. I got a lot to drink, I must admit ;-p His sister and her friend joined us somewhere along the night. I've met them before and I remember how I wouldn't say much but not yesterday. I would say and do whatever I felt like, popping up in my head. I didn't give a f*** if they liked me or not. I just wanted a good time and created the aliveness in my interactions and was curious about people. Eventually the sister and her friend went away and we keep crawling. Throughout the night I would go up to a girl or a group of girls and just talk. My energy was positive and alive.
I think Van Wilder had an influence ;-p One of the girls had her 25. birthday and I gave her my number, told her to call me tomorrow or on tuesday. Kissed her on her cheek and went back to my buddy. Her birthday present from her friends was a big dildo lol. Ohh and that night, it was like tattoo night or something!! almost every girl I talked with had a colored tattoo.


What I feel like I'm going through, especially right now in stage 2, is I'm much more self-absorbed. Just 4 days ago, my brother said I was quiet when I came home from training, which he had never said before.
I feel like talking a lot less and I am not so curious about people but when I do talk and when I do am in a high-energy mood, I can be pretty creative in interactions and I feel very comfortable with myself. I'm not so attached to things as before but I also have been needy about past stuff.
It's like going Mode 4, but without the intent of revenge.. just fun!!!!


- LM