Blank Slate - EPRHA 2.0

[Natious]

Today something broke in me. I have been disputing one of my purchases through paypal for about a week and it finally came back in the favor of the seller (I was the buyer). In short there was a product that I didn't like and wanted to get refunded for because it seemed way better before the purchase. The sad part is that it was a virtual item and that's why paypal's buyer protection didn't cover me. Also the company stated that the item would be nonrefundable, however I was just so disappointed that I wanted my money back regardless.

I don't want to get too much into detail, but I basically lost my money and the item. This got me incredibly mad and I wrote them a lot of serious letters. It's odd how pleasing people can turn when someone is this mad and expresses themselves fully without fear.

In short I will be spending this whole week spreading awareness about how the company fucks over customers and will write my story on as many sites and forums as I can and make them lose least 100x as much money as they would have lost by refunding me. That would have cost them way less.

Even though I lost the money, I feel strong today. I feel strong because I stood up for myself and fought back even though at first it seemed that there's nothing I can do. That was BS, there's always something you can do!

On a few occasions I did second guess myself about whether this is the right approach and maybe I should just let this go because I won't win either way anymore. But then I went over what happened and trusted my instinct about fighting back more than the one that avoids confrontation. Even if I don't win any more, I can make them lose more than I did.

[Natious]

Day 128:

Often I feel that I'm getting worse on E2. Depression and apathy persist.

I went to the beach a few times. I thought I would feel better from going, but I felt only a little better. Things that once brought me some joy now do very little.

I often feel like there's something wrong with my brain, something that doesn't let me understand certain things. It feels incredibly frustrating.

I turned up the masked track volume from 65% to 80% a few days ago on my player that I use while I sleep. Ever since then my dreams have been mostly nightmares.

I think that on some level I enjoy feeling like shit since I don't have any desire to do anything about my shitty situation.

Not every day is sunshine and rainbows, life will hit you in the balls when your hands are in the air from joy. I have had a few good days too, however recently they have been outweighed by days as today.

EDIT: Something odd that I observed recently is that while my brother and sister get exposed for 2-4h a day (which is the time I use ultrasonic for), they seem to be improving much faster than I am on 10-14h. Will keep my eye on that.

[Natious]

Damn, I might be autistic. Seeing how much fun other people have socializing and how difficult it is for me, that seems like the only reasonable explanation. Fuck!

[RTBoss]

When I stopped E2 to take a break for running DMSI, I was surprised how much everything clicked and settled. The first few days were hellish, then I felt like a new man. Perhaps a short break is in order, and then pick E2 back up again? Not sure if that's in your best interest or not, but a mental break may not be a bad idea.

[Natious]

When I stopped E2 to take a break for running DMSI, I was surprised how much everything clicked and settled. The first few days were hellish, then I felt like a new man. Perhaps a short break is in order, and then pick E2 back up again? Not sure if that's in your best interest or not, but a mental break may not be a bad idea.

Actually I did think about it before reaching 3 months (taking a week break at the 3 month mark), but then I started getting the urge to run AM6. I will stick with E2 for 6 months though. I don't know why, it's a gut feeling.

The results seem to have stagnated for a while now. I wonder what E2 is doing in the background because whatever it is, it's quite invisible.

I have recently been looking into nootropics hard core. Part of me wants to grow, but a bigger part of me wants to escape the huge mess I'm in. I have absolutely no idea what I want from life besides satisfying my basic animal instincts. Before running E2 I had some ideas and thought about acting/entrepreneurship, but now even those have disappeared from my dreams.

25 and already tired of life.

[Natious]

[Breeze]

I just watched this video a few hours ago. It's amazing!

[Natious]

Day 144:

About 2 weeks ago the pain reached an intolerable level so I decided to throw everything that isn't bringing me closer to what I intend to achieve (which I have a vague idea about) out of the window until 7pm each day except on weekends. I have been following this rigorously.

I've been reading "Our ultimate reality", so far it seems like a great book. The author attempts to answer a lot of questions in 700 pages and still keeps repeating some thoughts over and over in a book that he could have written in 2/3 of the length. The book's contents are very interesting and have challenged me on a lot. He even believes that when we dream we leave our physical body in order to travel to the Astral planes. Because of that Astral projection in his book is considered as "lucid dreaming" (WILDs in particular) which is a more common term. And what he calls OBE (Out of body experiences) or Ethereal projection, is often called Astral projection.

Why I brought this up is because I have an easy time achieving lucid dreams when I intend to have them. Now I am more interested in having OBEs and getting some answers to a variety of questions that I haven't been able to figure out on my own. Why this has challenged me a lot is because initially I believed that "lucid dreams" are only happening in our subconscious and are each individuals private place.

How I see it is that through OBEs an immense amount of wisdom can be obtained.

[Natious]

I am feeling more and more like subliminals are only a placebo. I have been running E2 for over 5 months, I've run OF for 7 months, I've done a full run of AM6, 3+ months of free EHPRA and 4 months of ASC. How can I still be in such a bad place if 5g is so god damn spectacular and 5.5g is even more powerful. This makes no sense. At the very least my fears should be at an all time low, however they are not, my sc

If I hit play on E2 every day then just this action will make me look for results regardless of if they are actually there or not.

[apollolux]

I am feeling more and more like subliminals are only a placebo.

I'm going to be honest: my eyes were glazed over before I started reading this entry and thought "placebo" was "potato" instead.

Other than that, I guess go about your life without paying attention to finding results?

[maxx55]

Are you sure it's not resistance dude? Would you REALLY have spent as much money on the subs you used if you didn't feel you were getting results?

[Natious]

What would you call a real change? If there was true change then my choices should reflect that change. Why do all of those little spouts of "Wow this is amazing, there is definitely something different!" revert back to the old ways?

Either subliminals are a placebo and those spouts of excitement are just a creation of your mind because you keep asking for it, the results are so oversold by everyone and they are actually very slow paced which makes them no better than the competitor's ones OR I am just so resistant to every damn thing Shannon produces.

It could be the latter one since in reality I can not be told what to do in almost any circumstance without me getting angry or refusing to cooperate. The main reason why I am not suitable to hold a job nor do I want to have one.

Subliminals are a potato.

[Natious]

My last post makes more and more sense to me. It could be that the subliminal products that are audio based just do not affect me enough. And I also believe I was right about why which is that I simply hate doing what other people tell me to do. So it is more because of myself than it is because of what Shannon has produced.

Every time I have held a job for long enough I have become so frustrated because I simply HATE it when people try to control me, even if it's my boss. My parents weren't very strict with me so I just don't have that part of me brainwashed that a lot of people do. Whether this is good or bad is subjective, to me it's both since I don't know how I will be able to provide for myself without having to take orders from someone. I do have genes for entrepreneurship, however I lack the drive for now.

Now I am between continuing with indigo mindlabs or changing to something else like visual flashing messages to try out how visual guidance would work for me. I have already tried that in the past, but don't remember how they worked.

[Natious]

Day 165: Personal note. I've developed another ear infection so I'll be taking some time off from listening at night. Will be using E2 for a few hours a day only.