Spiral's Sex Magnet 2011 journal

[Spiral]

Ok, I'll just see how things turn out but I'll do my best not to change anything and just rely on faith I guess.

[LionMonkey]

Yes, I've read it and loved it! And Ryan, I was not impressing her. However, I think some neediness had popped up. If she didn't like me gettin up in her business then I don't know what I could do. That's the problem.

Well if you think about it...it doesn't seem to be impressing but when you look really into it, it is slightly. I mean think about it...you're trying to change yourself to do something differently in order to get this girl to stick around...meaning in one way or another, you feel like you need to be more social with her or take a stronger interest in her (impress her) so she will stay. It doesn't look that way, but it kinda is, if you think about it, and I still do it too. But Sex Magnet, I'm sure will make it so you just don't care anyway, you could be quiet and say nothing for all you care and she'll be all over you. It's just a matter of your energy.

Ryan

Now that is a bit subtle but so TRUE. Mindset, it is.

P.S. In most cases the women position themselves right in front of me. Not next to me so it's blatantly obvious.

At that point, you can just talk to her and even make fun of her, if that's what you want. I think it really depends on what you really want, and with the mindset of abundance and not giving a f***.


- LM

[RainbowAbyss]

If ur gonna 'try' anything I would say the following
Act without permission or looking for signals to act
Be honest about what u want and express ur intentions with freedom of outcom
Act in a way that makes u feel better and better,
Continually make fun of her or act in a way that is always saying your higher status than her, not in a demeaning way, but in a fun way between u and her,
Enjoy urself and realize nothing a women says or does neccasarily means anything

[Patti]

Yes, I've read it and loved it! And Ryan, I was not impressing her. However, I think some neediness had popped up. If she didn't like me gettin up in her business then I don't know what I could do. That's the problem.

How do you know if you were impressing her or not?

[Spiral]

Patti, I was not as far as I'm concerned. But what I don't know is if she was getting that sort of vibe from me trying to impress her. I was def. thinking about what she was thinking and that's still a bad habit of mine. I was just doing what I thought I should have done by continuing the interaction and somehow escalating things in a way that would reveal my intentions in some way while on the dance floor. Then afterwards I would take her aside and chat with her more and be honest with what my intentions are up front.

Btw, LionMonkey I could try getting her attention verbally next time.

[Spiral]

Stage 1 seems to bringing up alot of stuff right now too. I'm getting aggravated very easily and all in all today has sucked. I need to get out of this rut. I'm guessing this is my first wave of resistance.

[Ryan]

It's weird because today I feel so pissed off too, mostly at women, just a feeling like I've been taken advantage of and all the moments in my life where I did things wrong or allowed a woman to take advantage of me are coming forth. I feel really needy and literally so sick of all the BS I've put up with. I'm ignoring them all like crazy. Mode 4, big time.

Ryan

[Shannon]

SM is designed first to get you able to do your thing, and once you can do your thing, make it so you don't have to. She won't come to you until you don't need her to. That's the key.

If she comes to you because you need her to, she's not girlfriend material, she's mommy material. Or impatient and brazenly interested enough to make a move for you. Which in itself will likely kill her interest, since she has to be the man for the man in that case, unless she wants to dominate you.

I had a conversation with a friend of mine the other day and she said something about how her boyfriend is "a good boy" and how she has "trained him" well. I could not believe how sexist it was, what I was hearing her say, knowing that if I said the same thing about a female, she'd be screaming sexist pig! And when I pointed this out to her and told her there was no way in hell that any woman was going to do that sort of thing to me, she responded with, "Of course not, you are your own man, you don't need a woman telling you what to do."

Ding! Lights go on in my head. I get it now. Women want a man who is his own man, but will sometimes settle for a boy they think they can train. Until they discover they can't change him...

But I digress. The program starts with making you able to do the job yourself, and once that's done, it works on making her want and choose to do it for you. Doing the man's part is important, and she won't do it for you if she's what you really want.

[Spiral]

Thanks, Shannon. I won't lie I've been pretty needy the last couple of days.

[ronatello]

@ Spiral
I have had neediness pop up bigtime during stage one of SM. Once I got in to stages 2 and 3, it's been trailing off.
The only 'need' I really have is the want to be around people just to converse with them. Every once in a while, my old programming will come up but that's less and less nowadays.

[Patti]

Patti, I was not as far as I'm concerned. But what I don't know is if she was getting that sort of vibe from me trying to impress her. I was def. thinking about what she was thinking and that's still a bad habit of mine. I was just doing what I thought I should have done by continuing the interaction and somehow escalating things in a way that would reveal my intentions in some way while on the dance floor. Then afterwards I would take her aside and chat with her more and be honest with what my intentions are up front.

Btw, LionMonkey I could try getting her attention verbally next time.

Yes, you did put a lot of thought into that! And in all honesty, you can guess all you want about what someone’s is thinking but for the most part, you’ll never know unless you ask. The only person you can control in any given situation is yourself.

I’m sure how this sub is supposed to work. Whether it’s supposed to enhance someone’s charisma or assertiveness or confidence to make them more approachable? Or let’s say someone is on the shy side, which some women find attractive, would it make more of these types of women seek these types of guys out? I dunno! I’m sure this program is much more in-depth than all that and it will interesting to see where you end up when it’s done.

I’m not sure how old you are, although I think much younger than myself, seeing that you mentioned a woman who is 30 to be a cougar! lol Anyway, I’ve been online a long time and have made some very good, but mostly stay online friendships. I truly enjoy making friends online because you get to know someone from the inside out. To me it’s more like souls talking to souls than people talking to people. It doesn’t matter what age difference (in most cases, 18 and up), race, gender or whatever, we all can connect on some level.

So many years ago I befriended a kid who was in college. I loved him lots but he used to drive me nuts! lol Every day he’d IM me telling me he made some amazing eye contact with some girl. Now this would be fine for someone if they were just looking for that fantasy, took it home, and did what they did with it. But in his next breath, he would always say how he longed for someone to be in a relationship with. And everyday I would say the same thing….if you don’t OPEN YOUR MOUTH and SPEAK, you’re never going to achieve what you want!!!!!!!!

So here’s the deal Ryan. You went to that bar with nothing so therefore you have nothing to lose by approaching someone. Yes, you may get rejected, which is not fun. But you’re also gaining some kind of knowledge about yourself. Make it game of sorts. It’s no different than trying to better yourself in any other area of your life. If you want to be a better athlete, you practice. If you want to be a better student, you practice. If you want to be better at meeting people, you practice. Go into it with no expectations. You may fumble but that’s not the point, the point is that you did it! And by doing something over and over, you going to improve and be less intimidated.

As far as this particular situation goes, I think you maybe should have gone over and introduced yourself to whole group. Saying things like, “you guys look like you’re having a great time”, “are ya’s celebrating or just having a girls night out?” The normal blah blah bar talk. She would have possibly felt more safe (I don’t mean safe as in danger, I mean emotionally safe) knowing that her friends were around and there’s no one on one awkwardness. Make it all about the networking. She may not be interested or available but she may have a sister or friend even cuter that is.

Again, make it game! And I don’t mean make a relationship a game but I think you know that. Some games ya win and some ya lose. But that doesn’t mean you stop playing, it just means you practice more and try again.

Good luck! And Spiral, OPEN YOUR MOUTH and SPEAK!

P.S. (I really like that dance move from that movie lol)

[Spiral]

Thanks, Patti! I enjoyed reading the post and you are right. Some part of me is looking for that instant gratification but I also don't have a problem going out and socializing with people. I do want to enjoy this 6 month journey. I think I need to work on allowing things to come into my life. Sometimes in a subtle way I can push people away. I'm working on it.

[Spiral]

I feel very grounded right now and sociable. It's like I'm available in the moment which may seem like I'm too available to others but I don't feel this way. At work I'm not keeping conversations too long because I have lots of work to do. I don't procrastinate much if at all. Out of work I'm more available in the moment and I don't really think this is a bad thing. I seem to be happier right now going up on the roller coaster of emotions. I actually meditated for 10 minutes yesterday before Karate. Unfortunately, I have a tough time letting go of the various itches I get. Say my forehead will itch or my back starts itching I can let it go for a minute but then it just continues to itch and then I just can't let it go. It can be aggravating because I break concentration every 3 or 4 minutes but I'll keep practicing.

[Spiral]

Letting go of things has never been easier. I've been able to deal with alot of things at work with a very controlled behavior and I am happy about that. I am also speaking my mind more. I will also note that I have hung out with a work buddy a couple of times at his new house and with some of his friends. They are great people! While doing this I've realized that when I really relax and let go I am the life of the party. I've noticed this alot when I go back to Savannah to visit old friends as well. I normally just like to keep things chill.. but everyone loves to be around me whether I realize it or not. I think sometimes I don't thing I have turned into enough of a leader but ALL the time now I'm looked up to. I'm starting live a very responsible life and I am maturing on all levels.