Cry Me a Trickling Stream - EHPRA 2.0

[RTBoss]

I could have sworn I left a post saying my conscious was clear on not telling her, but apparently it didn't go through. I'm glad, because you guys left some great posts - thanks. I'm not telling her for one reason, observation of changes in her attitude and behavior. That's it. If she were to ask, I'd tell, no problem.

That being said, I've seen my wife's stress physically manifest many times over the course of our relationship. When she's in emotional turmoil, headache. These headaches last forever. This one (after asking about it) was even more painful than her typical migraine, but was short-lived. 30 minutes. Odd, no?

I'm convinced, at this point, that this is a direct result of the subliminal. 10 minutes into the headache, it began to scare her and she was going to wake me up to go to the hospital. That's when it started to slowly subside, and in 20 more minutes was gone. She was even able to go back to sleep immediately. I'm thinking safety limiter.

[RTBoss]

ION: I had my first zombie dream. I've read many posts where people posting have zombie dreams, and I'm like "I never have zombie dreams! No fair!" Last night, I was in a world where steam-engine trains chugged through broken down towns and cities many years into a zombie-apocalypse. I dress like I was in Red Dead Redemption. I was well-respected, but damn I had to carry a lot of gear! Fun dream.

[Daredevil]

Not a crown chakra opening^^^^^. Headaches are are body's way of telling us there's something wrong and on the physical it manifests as blood vessel constriction. Not everything relates to the chakras opening or closing.

[eternity]

Not a crown chakra opening^^^^^. Headaches are are body's way of telling us there's something wrong and on the physical it manifests as blood vessel constriction. Not everything relates to the chakras opening or closing.

Caffeine withdrawal headaches are a prime example of this. As I sit here on the bus, writing this reply with a massive caffeine withdrawal headache

[Nox]

Last night was the first dream-filled night of screaming at my wife. I've now screamed at my parents, sister, and wife in dreams. Who's next? ;-P

"EVERYONE TAKE A NUMBER AND GET IN LINE!"

[RTBoss]

Not much to report. Having some anxieties, worries, and anger brought up to the surface. It seems to go away in an hour or two, rather than stick around. I know this run isn't going to be all rainbows & butterflies.

I'm ready to dig deep to permanently let go of anything that's been holding me back from being happy, hopeful, & more care free on a regular basis, rather than fearful, worried, pessimistic & stressed on a regular basis.

[RTBoss]

Epiphanies Galore:

A few quotes from one of my favorite band’s new releases (Killswitch Engage, Incarnate):

“Put your fears to death, define your ascension.”

“Victim becomes the Victor.”

I caught these lyrics on the drive back home from a one day sight-seeing vacation with my wife and son. As the epiphanies popped into my head, I'd simultaneously catch the lyrics. Nifty coincidence.

We went to go see one of nature’s most amazing events in the world: The convergence of the Sandhill Cranes during their migration north. It’s been so close for so long, and I’m just now getting to experiencing it. Look this up, it’s just incredible. We decided to go after I had a, “Well, why shouldn’t we go and enjoy ourselves?” moment. Doing this increased my feeling of self-empowerment and freedom, as simple as it was. A trip side-note: A lady was talking super loud during the climax of the birds taking off from their roosting site on the river, and normally I’d be pissed and let it eat away at me without saying anything. Not today – I looked over and said (loudly), “Ma’am, do you mind?” She later came up to me and apologized for talking so loudly, to which I said, “Don’t worry about it, and have a great day!” with a smile and warm touch to her arm.

I’m beginning to transcend many old paradigms. I feel like I’ve emerged from a cocoon that I built when I started EHPRA 2.0. Now I’m a butterfly, but it doesn’t stop there. I’m building another cocoon. I feel like I’m going to keep going through metamorphoses.

I’ve begun to not care about what other people are thinking (at least in the negative sense), or what others have achieved. I’ve used other’s judgements, beliefs, and achievements as excuses for self-pity. I’ve used that self-pity to hold me down (by giving away my power in an underhanded, sneaky way), by pre-choosing my own failure through that comparison – whether or not I even want to be, do, or have what they do. I’ve used all of this to blame my failures on others.

I feel like I’ve had these tendrils that I’ve sent out into other people’s lives, and now I’m withdrawing them to gather and keep my energy and focus where I can control it, within myself.

Another realization: I don’t put much effort into anything as an excuse to justify failure, and hold myself down. At some point in my life, I became afraid of failing, and so to further “protect” myself – as well as become more “efficient,” – I stopped working hard. Why waste energy? Why even try? This excuse is starting to fall away. It just ensures failure and misery, and is another example of making myself the victim. No more. I’ve been victimizing myself in so many little, nefarious ways that I can now see it as I let go and disconnect from them. I know I’m not out of the woods yet, but I can see the open field beyond the tree line.

With each realization comes a surge of gratitude that near moves me to tears. I’m so thankful! I can feel a growing sense of confidence, as I literally take my power back under my conscious control. I can also attest to more accountability, without blame or guilt attached. Attaching guilt and blame to accepting responsibility may encourage people to...avoid accountability.

My mind is switching from “If, then” to “I am, therefore it is.” Instead of outside circumstances allowing me, I make the decision. Now, the outside will CONFORM TO ME!!

[Benjamin]

Wow... so much awesome stuff from EPRHA 2.0! I like the descriptiveness.

[RTBoss]

Working on more deep-seated beliefs today.

It's St. Pat's Day, and I'm at home with my family. As pictures of people out at the bars pop into my Snapchat or onto Facebook, I'm getting more and more depressed and sad. Massive FOMO.

Of course, my wife is unaffected, and has been about making dinner. I've been trying to hide my mood from her, but she noticed. I know I just make her feel bad when I feel these emotions, because she starts to feel like it's her fault, or that our family life isn't good enough for me. Then I feel guilty, which makes me feel even worse. I feel bad, then feel guilty when it affects others, and then feel bad about that, and feel bad about feeling bad. Awesome.

I hadn't been playing the sub much today, I felt like I needed some extra processing time. As my mood continued to deteriorate, I started playing it again. I started to feel a little better, and felt my rational mind start to kick in with a little logic:

Q:"Why do you feel bad about missing drama, excessive drinking, and spending money on expensive drinks and cover charges?"

A:"Not going out feels like the last vestiges of my youth are dying. Responsibility is boring. Home life is boring."

Q:"Why can't I completely disconnect from the desire to go out like my wife can?"

A:"You're not like her, you're more social, blah-blah-blah."

Then I feel like I don't have as much in common with her as I would like. But then I see that how she is is actually good for me, and where my life needs to be. Over and over and over with these type of conversations going on in my head.

I then notice and appreciate her going through the effort to make us dinner, and making green milk shakes for us and my son - a family tradition she's carrying on from her family. Thoughts of appreciation for spending every second that I can to enjoy the company of my son, who's rapidly growing and learning, and listening to his cackles of childish laughter as he plays, and figures out new things.

There are good things happening here, but I feel like I've been holding on to days past, and it feels like mourning a loss. As I do, I can feel myself letting go and thoughts shifting to a more positive outlook. I gotta get these issues dealt with, and for the first time regarding this theme that I've dealt with for some years now, it feels like something real is happening.

[4Kingdoms]

http://subliminal-talk.com/thread-7289-p...#pid104189
As I read this post, it reminded me of the episode of Fit to Fat to Fit with Seth and Dave. At the beginning of the episode you see Dave, overweight watching his family play going through some thought process as he sits. At the end, Dave is leaner and actively playing street hockey with his trainer Seth and later on with his family.

[RTBoss]

http://subliminal-talk.com/thread-7289-p...#pid104189
As I read this post, it reminded me of the episode of Fit to Fat to Fit with Seth and Dave. At the beginning of the episode you see Dave, overweight watching his family play going through some thought process as he sits. At the end, Dave is leaner and actively playing street hockey with his trainer Seth and later on with his family.

As a trainer myself, I watch this show - but I'm a little behind. I'm sure this episode is on my DVR, I'll watch it today after my morning clients (and my own trip to the gym)! Hope Seth is a little less of an a$$-kicker than some of the other trainers on this show! I'd apply to do the show, but I've yo-yo'd enough in my life - not going through that again.

[RTBoss]

Realized at the gym today that wanting attention from others is due in part, or even primarily, from a lack of self-love. This realization was eye-opening, but then immediately made me very sad. Welled up with tears sitting at a machine for a minute, and don't think anyone saw - but I didn't really care if they did.

Time to work on self-love.

After that reveal, I thought to myself that many people seek to attain certain goals to "get more love." If goal is achieved, and love is not found, goal is abandoned. This may be why many people yo-yo on diets. If you love yourself, achieving weight loss with healthy methods may be more sustainable.

I have been meditating more. I used to meditate on a regular basis, years ago, but now I'm back to a daily session of 10-15 minutes.

I also am noticing a reduction in my obsessive behaviors. I'm not getting as crazy with pheromone combos, I'm not using as many health supplements (down to a multivitamin and fish oil), and I'm not as interested in getting on internet forums. It's important to me, mind you, but I'm not spending every waking second of free time reading posts as I normally would.

[Shannon]

Sounds like this program is having a really good impact on you.

[eternity]

Realized at the gym today that wanting attention from others is due in part, or even primarily, from a lack of self-love. This realization was eye-opening, but then immediately made me very sad. Welled up with tears sitting at a machine for a minute, and don't think anyone saw - but I didn't really care if they did.

Time to work on self-love.

After that reveal, I thought to myself that many people seek to attain certain goals to "get more love." If goal is achieved, and love is not found, goal is abandoned. This may be why many people yo-yo on diets. If you love yourself, achieving weight loss with healthy methods may be more sustainable.

I have been meditating more. I used to meditate on a regular basis, years ago, but now I'm back to a daily session of 10-15 minutes.

I also am noticing a reduction in my obsessive behaviors. I'm not getting as crazy with pheromone combos, I'm not using as many health supplements (down to a multivitamin and fish oil), and I'm not as interested in getting on internet forums. It's important to me, mind you, but I'm not spending every waking second of free time reading posts as I normally would.

i am experiencing these too!!!