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+--- Thread: Overcoming vindictive feelings? (/Thread-Overcoming-vindictive-feelings)
Overcoming vindictive feelings? - apollolux - 10-22-2015
I've found myself recently (within the past week or two definitively, possibly longer over time insidiously in the background) developing vindictive feelings against my one-itis. It's made worse by the fact that she's told me stuff in confidence that I could very easily use to ruin her life if I choose to.
I would like to overcome these feelings, among other reasons partly because I still want her to succeed (though selfishly I still want to be the one that makes that happen), partly because a piece of me is still holding out hope (however vain that hope may be) that she'll realize her errors and decide to choose me, and partly because I feel these feelings are currently counterproductive to my own success.
Besides listening to EPRHA, does anyone here know of any reliable resources I can use to overcome such vindictive feelings?
RE: Overcoming vindictive feelings? - ImFreeman - 10-22-2015
Use AM6, get your life in order and only think about stuff to make YOUR life better. Stop concentrating on her, be selfish and think only about your own improvement
RE: Overcoming vindictive feelings? - apollolux - 10-22-2015
I forgot to mention that I very much want to listen to AM6 but I don't have the money for it yet. Anything free besides EPRHA that I can read or watch that's useful?
RE: Overcoming vindictive feelings? - CatMan - 10-23-2015
I'm taking the time to write a detailed post for this as this is a rare area with women where I'm an expert at. It isn't in a good way as I suffered a lot for it, but if I can help one other guy with this post, then that will bring a smile to my face...
Been there before, friend...BELIEVE ME...
For me, it was like: you feel vindictive/resentful because to you/your mind...you're being such an awesome guy to her, so naturally she should choose YOU in return for all this good treatment. Even though it's just because you like her and want something from her, not because you're "such a nice guy" and really care about her, as really, it's more about you and what you want. Do you treat every random stranger the exact same way as you treat her? If not, why not? Because you like her and want something from her, so everything you do comes with invisible, implied, reciprocal contracts attached. So, when she doesn't reciprocate, either because you've never told her how you feel because you were scared she'd probably say no as you could tell she already didn't seem to like you as much as you liked her, or because she already knows as you've made it obvious and awkward and she makes it clear she isn't interested but keeps you around for validation sake or to have an emotional sounding board or male friend, you feel ripped off. And you should, as it's a one-way street and total BS to accept. Hence the vindictive/resentful feelings naturally developing over time. I've done the same thing, over and over and over and over...
AM6 fixed that for me. My old onenitis I haven't even SPOKEN to in a long time. Since before I started subs lol, can I still call her my onenitis legally then? Haha. Maybe I'll call her soon, ironically I started this whole sub journey to finally get her and be together blah blah blah, I've written about her a couple times in my journal when asked how/why I got started with subs. I can virtually guarantee you I was way more obbsessed with her than you are with yours. If AM6 can get rid of my onenitis tendency of obbssesing over a girl and blowing my chances about 10-11 times in my life, it can do it for you too. Moving on, I know you mentioned a cost issue so for now then, AM6 is out. I will say EHPRA is a great choice, especially for this kind of situation. It will probably work a lot on this kind of behaviour and feelings, and more. It's a wonderful sub, probably one of Shannon's best, alongside ASC 5G IMO. ASC 5G was my first sub and gave me the first results to show me this stuff wasn't nonsense. I miss it's confidence in fact. And he gives away both for free, I still smile at that, incredible gesture...
Anyway, here's a resource that I've learned a great deal from and it's distilled, no nonsense red pill information. May be a bit jarring for the first while, but even if it seems untrue and nonsense, at least a part of you will agree with it and it will make more and more real talk sense over time. Read this article, then do a search on the site for "onenitis" and read EVERY article in one sitting. I mean it. ONE. Let it all sink in, it'll make sense to you and you'll understand alot more about the situation and what to do.
Check it out, it will help you understand this feeling of yours and get you to take a step back from this girl. Not forever don't worry, but if you are to have ANY future with her, you need to take a step back, and develop yourself a bit for your own sanity. THEN you will be able to turn up the attraction a bit, but only once your mind is right. Otherwise, if you don't fix this before making your move, you'll blow it and probably ruin whatever connection is there between you. I've done that too...over and over and over...
http://www.returnofkings.com/7326/why-you-think-shes-the-one
RE: Overcoming vindictive feelings? - 4Kingdoms - 10-23-2015
@CatMan
Well written and very sincere!!! It is difficult to believe that every man that I've had a face to face conversation with, including myself, has had 'oneitis'... over and over.
Women, in my opinion... have an emotional network that they use to get over a relationship and move on. Men for whatever reason, don't have an emotional network amongst themselves. This forum, in my opinion... is the closest thing that I have experienced to sharing emotions with other men. In person, I am very reluctant to share my personal thoughts with just any male.
Thank you for sharing your personal experiences, I believe anyone that reads your post will learn how to heal from it!!! I especially like the part about viewing all the posts with 'oneitis' in ONE sitting, that will open anyone's eyes...
RE: Overcoming vindictive feelings? - ArcticFox - 10-23-2015
apollolux
We seem to spend a lot of time on your posts, discussing stuff. Personally, and no offense, but im not sure why?
RE: Overcoming vindictive feelings? - apollolux - 10-23-2015
(10-23-2015, 03:46 PM)ArcticFox Wrote: apollolux
We seem to spend a lot of time on your posts, discussing stuff. Personally, and no offense, but im not sure why?
I hope it's because I write compelling topics after I've exhausted other avenues of searching for the necessary answers.
RE: Overcoming vindictive feelings? - ArcticFox - 10-24-2015
(10-23-2015, 05:45 PM)apollolux Wrote:(10-23-2015, 03:46 PM)ArcticFox Wrote: apollolux
We seem to spend a lot of time on your posts, discussing stuff. Personally, and no offense, but im not sure why?
I hope it's because I write compelling topics after I've exhausted other avenues of searching for the necessary answers.
Sorry bro, i was drunk and that was an immature comment to write. Sorry!.
RE: Overcoming vindictive feelings? - apollolux - 10-24-2015
(10-24-2015, 12:03 AM)ArcticFox Wrote:(10-23-2015, 05:45 PM)apollolux Wrote:(10-23-2015, 03:46 PM)ArcticFox Wrote: apollolux
We seem to spend a lot of time on your posts, discussing stuff. Personally, and no offense, but im not sure why?
I hope it's because I write compelling topics after I've exhausted other avenues of searching for the necessary answers.
Sorry bro, i was drunk and that was an immature comment to write. Sorry!.
It's ok, no worries.
I'm actually surprised anyone here spends any significant amount of time on my posts considering how rarely I get replies, probably because it's "not an AM6 or Magnet journal" and those seem to spur lots of controversy for whatever reasons.
RE: Overcoming vindictive feelings? - 4Kingdoms - 10-24-2015
(10-24-2015, 09:45 AM)apollolux Wrote: I'm actually surprised anyone here spends any significant amount of time on my posts considering how rarely I get replies, probably because it's "not an AM6 or Magnet journal" and those seem to spur lots of controversy for whatever reasons.
Alex, I read your posts and I don't respond because I don't know what say that can help you deal with what you are going through.
I wish I could make your hurt go away!
I know one day, I will read about your success! What keeps me coming back to your posts are your knowledgeable insights on technology among other things. You're very smart for your age. Keep pressing on.
When I want to throw in the towel and give up... I pick myself up, brush myself off and say, "I want to see how this turns out!" I'm talking about life, mine, yours, everyone close to me, people I like, people I dislike. I'm really curious how it will all turn out for all of us!!!
RE: Overcoming vindictive feelings? - apollolux - 10-24-2015
(10-24-2015, 11:15 AM)4Kingdoms Wrote:(10-24-2015, 09:45 AM)apollolux Wrote: I'm actually surprised anyone here spends any significant amount of time on my posts considering how rarely I get replies, probably because it's "not an AM6 or Magnet journal" and those seem to spur lots of controversy for whatever reasons.
Alex, I read your posts and I don't respond because I don't know what say that can help you deal with what you are going through.
I wish I could make your hurt go away!
I know one day, I will read about your success! What keeps me coming back to your posts are your knowledgeable insights on technology among other things. You're very smart for your age. Keep pressing on.
When I want to throw in the towel and give up... I pick myself up, brush myself off and say, "I want to see how this turns out!" I'm talking about life, mine, yours, everyone close to me, people I like, people I dislike. I'm really curious how it will all turn out for all of us!!!
Thank you for your consideration, 4Kingdoms, and I appreciate that you've been able to reasonably describe what you find interesting about my posts and have any sort of desire to help.
I think there are two significant parts to my smartness and intelligence that allow people to consider me positively: my willingness to learn new stuff and accept contradictions to already established beliefs or ideas; and my willingness to accept and acknowledge when someone is more knowledgeable than I am and/or has more expertise than do at something. This has so far served me well in my career, though it's half-and-half outside of it; I maintain I simply needed something tangible as proof (like the first appearance of abs) to give me confidence that I could apply such thought processes outside of technology education.
Now I just need to overcome some short-term procrastination and resume working on certain assignments.