Quote:Starting to feel really good on this program. The inner turmoil is quickly going away, and doing so much quicker than what was happening on PRA. There's this sense of inner calm, and I'm no longer bothered if I'm not included in things. My mindset is already shifting to the thinking of "if someone wants me around, they'll ask", and if they don't I do my own thing.

Quote:Another thing that I'm noticing that I didn't realize was in Stage 0 is the Brain Optimizer is really starting to kick in. My thinking has really cleared up and I'm able to focus a lot easier on what I need to do at work, and am more attentive when speaking with people. The calm authoritative way of talking to people and bringing up issues at work is more noticeable (US at work as well?).

Quote:I got a haircut today. In the past I had nothing really to say and unless they asked me a question it would be awkward silence the whole time. Today the guy I went to and me got along really well and we had a really great conversation about all kinds of common interests. I don’t have a lot of great conversations. I think I was much more open than usual and my presence invited him to be more open as well, as he shared some really deep meaningful things that he was almost embarrassed for a minute after he said them and almost apologized but I said no it’s good and we carried on. He even commented after that he really enjoyed the conversation. And I felt really good afterwards, including happy bodily sensations and heart opening, for having connected with someone in a way I used to be too closed off to do unless I already knew the person well.

Quote:The happy positive feelings carried on into the first evening of the event. One of the participants, an older woman, told me that I seem taller and bigger like I’m taking up more space than last time and I seem more masculine.

Quote:Tonight I went to pick up some pizza. I noticed the girl before I walked in the door and saw her in the back kitchen wearing short shorts. She came out to the register. The guy brought my order out and went back to the kitchen as she rang me up. She was probably early 20s, bubbly and friendly and not bad looking at all. As I was about to turn around to leave she said, “by the way I like your jacket, the color goes great with your hair.” I said something like “oh thank you” and smiled and laughed. I didn’t know what to say beyond that. She said “well have a good night” as I turned and left. I wish I had anything else to say to carry on from there. She obviously was into me. I have rarely had any woman be that blatant about it other than a few times. In the past, even when the woman has been even more direct than that, I couldn’t possibly believe she was actually attracted to me. That didn’t even exist as a reality for me. She would pretty much have to start making out with me for me to realize that she wasn’t just being friendly. At least this time, right after I left, I realized that she was obviously signalling she was attracted to me. That’s progress I guess. I think it’s now possible for me to see myself as an attractive man, and believe that more than a rare few women could be attracted to me.

Quote:Month 1, cycle 1:

- Feeling way calmer
- Sleep is noticeably better even when it’s shit
- I’m locked in at work and doing longer work sessions much easier and with less stress
- Got a job interview randomly for a position I applied to last year… spooky
- Way less interest in certain junk food and my already high intolerance for poor quality food is sky high
- Way less interest in watching YouTube or otherwise wasting my precious time watching other people succeed or do things I’d rather be doing myself.

Quote:Went to the grocery store and had a few guys at different points just randomly turn their head to look at me. Could be placebo.

I felt more comfortable than even on PRA. With PRA if there’s discomfort I’m sort of just left to deal with it but with stage 0 it’s like I can also operate in the world instead of just having to withdraw from it to focus on neutralizing and being “non resistant”.

Quote:When someone asked me if I could do a favor for them when I was low on time I simply said "I can't" without feeling the need to explain. I had to double take because there's usually tension there for me. At another point, while in conversation I noticed I was naturally holding eye contact, and my demeanor was more comfortable and direct, but in a polite way.

Quote:I’m about 2 weeks-ish into Stage 0 so far, and there’s actually a lot happening, but it just feels normal. Like I suddenly realized my body language, attitude, etc. was all different without me noticing. I just feel like normal me. Noticing people starting to treat me different in different contexts, especially strangers. I had a waitress assume I was the “group leader” today even though I wasn’t even the one paying lol.

Quote:Feeling more energetic walking taller taking more room in my strides, I get a few guys nod their head at me. And a few girls look over and smile. Feeling calmer from the November/Decembers spiral. But negative thoughts still surface occasionally. Not as much as before. Also taking less shit from people as well specially if they put the blame on me or make me the scapegoat, I call it out.

Quote:The emotional healing is very strong in this program, i'm starting to restore my faith in humankind and that's something i deemed impossible for some time, i feel some dizziness though so my subconscious must be under heavy emotional healing without being able to resist, it has been a long time since i felt like going out to drink with friends, depression got me good i have to admit.

Quote:Stage 0 - Day 3

It's still early today, but I feel amazing. I had an excellent workout last night, I slept well,  and I woke up with Rick Derringer's "I Am a Real American" playing in my mind.  So, I played it multiple times as I got ready for work.

I grew up watching on screen, larger than life male figures (think Arnold, Sly, Hulk Hogan, etc). That song is reminiscent of that era for me and it conjures up a childlike optimism.  Damn, I feel good this morning.

Quote:Stage 0 - Day 9 (cont'd)

I'm having intermittent moments of mental clarity. When my brain isn't tired from reduced calories or lack of sleep, my cognition and memory seem to be improving. The best way to describe it is that my mind feels less hazy at times and recall, particularly with numbers, is effortless. I don't mean to say that I have laser-like focus or a photographic memory, but I'm seeing improvements in subtle ways without struggle.

Quote:Stage 0 - Day 17

Social fluency is increasing. That boils down to two things:

Listening - I'm usually so disinterested in conversation that I have a tendency to tune out. I'm pretty sure this phenomenon is a result if emotional traumas from childhood. I think I'm essentially attempting to build an emotional shell around myself by not consciously processing what is being said. I've done that for so long that I suspect that my brain circuitry has become wired to support it, so it's amazing that I seem to be coming out of it.

Speaking - I've had a problem with speaking in conversations since my early 20s (maybe longer), but it seems to have gotten worse over the past few years. I think that extends from ridicule I received from my dad when I was a kid. I can distinctly remember being about 10 years old and trying to tell a joke. I was already nervous and I remember fumbling the joke when my dad aggravatedly interjected, "Get to the point son!". I felt incredibly stupid and I was embarrassed. I remember trying to finish the joke while having a knot in my throat and holding back my tears. I was already embarrassed, so I didn't want to be a wimp and cry on top of it. I can even remember the punchline of the joke. That was a normal thing when I interacted with my dad. Looking back, it wasn't a big deal, but I was a sensitive kid and it carried a lot of emotional weight that I think still affects me to this day. I eventually withdrew from him (and others) and learned to keep my mouth shut under certain circumstances. With Stage 0, my speech flows without all my internal over-analysis kicking in.  I'm really enjoying that.

Quote:I started this sub on the 17th of Febuary.

First of this will be my second sub with a full run through i am sure of it did OGSF in 6G last year around this time for a full run through.
Now what can i say i am about 1 and a half months in and it is transformative. 

From taking responsibility for my life, actions and finances to giving no more fucks about irrelevant opinions, people and outcomes i have no influence on.

Even though i am not through a full run yet i would say if i had to choose a single sub to run for live this would be it, no wonder tbh as includes a lot but i also notice my behaviour has radically changed for the better.

I notice how i am confident in myself and who i am a strengthening of what my definition of masculinity is to be calm, sharp and collected.

To be physically and mentally fit i am activley working out now consistently and continuing my education.

Also to be a rock an anchor, unmoveable in spirit and heart.

So this is shaping me up to be strong, unshakeable and validated fully by my own existance.