(06-30-2024, 10:33 AM)Darwin Wrote: I bought and downloaded SD and gave a copy to my wife who will use it on her own time. We’re both self negating, giving all of our energy to kids, work, and in concern for each other which has left us both burnt out. I have been people pleasing at work for my whole career, which means I have so much energy devoted to staying on people’s good side that ironically it means I don’t perform as well. I know that when I have a better relationship with myself everything gets better on that front which is why I’m hoping SD gives me and my wife a more permanent foundation.

As I said both of us have a self sacrificial approach to life. My partner puts every ounce of her energy into the kids and work, as do I, on top I have to look out for elderly parents. It just means that we’ve lost any sense of having a healthy good life - where we’re able to manage stress and proactively seek joy. Our version of a break is passing out late in the evening after we’ve ordered dinner!

So the goals for this process is to embed a permanently better attitude to self care, to drop overwork /workaholism as a way to approach, and to get the mental space and energy to actually plan our future and start working toward it. 

I want us to be able to work together to set goals, it’s not something she feels is possible because she is anxious about having more to take on, so we’re stuck. I want to see her value herself more and start taking care of herself, the same way I want to start taking care of myself. Ultimately we both just want to be happy and confident people that are good role models for our kids, rather than the overworked wage slaves surviving until the next two our break when the kids are in bed and we can just tragically watch Netflix!

(06-30-2024, 11:16 AM)Shannon Wrote:

(06-30-2024, 10:33 AM)Darwin Wrote: I bought and downloaded SD and gave a copy to my wife who will use it on her own time. We’re both self negating, giving all of our energy to kids, work, and in concern for each other which has left us both burnt out. I have been people pleasing at work for my whole career, which means I have so much energy devoted to staying on people’s good side that ironically it means I don’t perform as well. I know that when I have a better relationship with myself everything gets better on that front which is why I’m hoping SD gives me and my wife a more permanent foundation.

As I said both of us have a self sacrificial approach to life. My partner puts every ounce of her energy into the kids and work, as do I, on top I have to look out for elderly parents. It just means that we’ve lost any sense of having a healthy good life - where we’re able to manage stress and proactively seek joy. Our version of a break is passing out late in the evening after we’ve ordered dinner!

So the goals for this process is to embed a permanently better attitude to self care, to drop overwork /workaholism as a way to approach, and to get the mental space and energy to actually plan our future and start working toward it. 

I want us to be able to work together to set goals, it’s not something she feels is possible because she is anxious about having more to take on, so we’re stuck. I want to see her value herself more and start taking care of herself, the same way I want to start taking care of myself. Ultimately we both just want to be happy and confident people that are good role models for our kids, rather than the overworked wage slaves surviving until the next two our break when the kids are in bed and we can just tragically watch Netflix!

So the first thing you did was to pirate it?  Or did you give the one you purchased to her and you no longer have it or intend to use it?  You can see how that would be concerning to me, and it would trigger AP scripting as well if you bought one copy and then made an illegal copy for your wife to use as she pleases, while you do the same, effectively using it as if you bought 2 copies, when you only bought one.  If you intend to use it and so does she, you each need to have purchased a copy for yourself.  Otherwise, you're pirating it and that's going to be an issue.

(06-30-2024, 11:29 AM)Darwin Wrote: Hey Shannon, I have zero intention or need to pirate anything and would not intentionally break any rules. I’m confused, as in your journal I thought I’d read that it would be ok to give to a partner, and if they use it on their own time, then you are allowed use one purchase between two. If I have misunderstood, then that’s all it is. And I will pay what I owe. 


I’m

(06-30-2024, 11:16 AM)Shannon Wrote: So the first thing you did was to pirate it?  Or did you give the one you purchased to her and you no longer have it or intend to use it?  You can see how that would be concerning to me, and it would trigger AP scripting as well if you bought one copy and then made an illegal copy for your wife to use as she pleases, while you do the same, effectively using it as if you bought 2 copies, when you only bought one.  If you intend to use it and so does she, you each need to have purchased a copy for yourself.  Otherwise, you're pirating it and that's going to be an issue.

(08-08-2024, 04:07 AM)Darwin Wrote: Neutral
I haven't had any notable increase in self esteem, reliance, or much else. Compared to Self esteem 5g/5.5g where, at least in the initial month, I had quite a change in outlook on life and it fed through to all areas. I expected I would become more resilient which hasn't really happen.

(08-08-2024, 04:07 AM)Darwin Wrote: So I would really love to post a great review of my experience so far but it's been quite a mixed bag with the weight of experiences leaning toward the neutral/negative.

Positives
People reaching out: I've noticed some positive interactions with people. People reaching out unexpectedly to chat, people saying they've been thinking of me - which has been lovely.
Motivation to improve self esteem: I've had some change in thinking, notably that self belief is important - i've become slightly more aware of negative self talk and am a bit more motivated to change this.

Neutral
I haven't had any notable increase in self esteem, reliance, or much else. Compared to Self esteem 5g/5.5g where, at least in the initial month, I had quite a change in outlook on life and it fed through to all areas. I expected I would become more resilient which hasn't really happen.

Negatives.
General decrease in motivation: I find myself deeply unmotivated to do anything.
Lack of energy: I'm generally tired a lot more - I don't seem to be able to move myself - I'm forcing myself to go to a physical trainer
Lack of focus: I'm much more distractable - possibly flowing from the lack of energy/motivation
Cognitive misfiring: I'm making mistakes all over the place, I'm not as able to articulate myself and I'm not able to function as well at work. For example I've had a simple slide deck to put together in the last week and I've done nothing, I also constantly get dates and appointments wrong.
Hopelessness: I'm feeling more like I don't have much of a future - I have ideas on what to do but not the energy or determination to do it.

This is all surprising - the previous incarnation, SE. worked a treat for a while before fizzling out, and when I was on it I would - for example - experience massive jumps in productivity, because I had less negative self talk.

I'm trying to give the sub the benefit of the doubt - hoping that this is just changing some of the undelying plumbing before the effects manifest - but I'm so tired and unproductive I'm just wondering if it's worth it - I don't want to lose my job if the sub is doing this to me.

Apols Shannon - I was hoping to come back with much more positive news. I still maintain that where your subs have worked for me they've given been life changing and have given me insight into so much that 'could be' a part of my life - it's just not happened for a while.