Quote:Had no intention of posting again so soon, but execute week is starting off unexpectedly. Went out for a couple of minutes to pick up take-out and found myself smiling involuntarily at nearly every pedestrian or passing car as if they were a cute pet that had just done something adorable. The food place had CNN on, which I watched as they prepared my order, and, against all logic or reason, I still couldn't stop smiling. It felt like a totally inappropriate response to my surroundings, but I just kept smiling. At home, before or after? No uncontrollable urge to smile. Strange...

Quote:Concerning the masks I've hidden behind, I had a refreshing experience today. I've shared I've often BS'd myself and others, mostly unaware when it was happening, as if I were on autopilot.

I was in a meeting today, one I've been in almost 2 years now. What was really (positively) different was that my sharing came naturally. I led this meeting, I'd done these same questions before.......but I was much more inclined to be honest. I wanted, and even needed that. If I were sitting on the side observing me, I'd think "where'd that come from?"

It was nothing earth-shattering or dramatic on the outside. I just spit out quickly how the questions related to me NOW. I then saw so clearly how some I've known for a while kept drifting back to what I call "scripted responses", which I've heard numerous times and done myself, for years. For the first 10 minutes, I toyed with being annoyed with it. It faded as I had a little party inside, feeling I'd done something quite miraculous, for me.

I felt so relaxed and comfortable sharing this last week's experiences in light of the questions. I celebrated inside :-). I still feel amazed at it--for I've wanted freedom from my self-dishonesty FOR YEARS. That was a great and memorable experience!

Life changes when I get honest. Wow :-) Great sub Shannon! Thank you for making this one!

Quote:I got on UD for emotional clearing, and it touched me deeper than any other sub has in my life. 5.5 subs have an intense power, and it hit me emotionally and physically--both heavily.

It really went straight to my fears of being honest (with myself), and it dismantled it. However, like you, I wondered "what will replace my fears?" Once a bit of clearing had been done, I was antsy (afraid of not knowing, aka afraid of not being in control?). Maybe it was resistance. It likely was/is. I even began planning on crying when I went to some of my meetings, as just opening my mouth was just seconds away from expressing old grief, having kept everything inside me, for YEARS.