Quote:**** I was super confident today.

Thats how I know self esteem is working really well.

I was NEVER that comftorable. I was SUPER playful and direct and it didnt feel like i had any inner turmoil. not even a little. I think my anxiety is even less now.

Quote:Just started Self Esteem 5.5G

First day was pretty good, i noticed my confidence skyrocket.

Have too see what next day will bring me.

Quote:Day 16

I noticed my feelings aren't hurt as easily, and also regenerate much faster then in the past. DMSI helped with this, AM helped with this but Self esteem seems to be helping the most.

I am not immune to pain by any means, I still feel a little bit of pain from rejection but it doesn't linger and effect me on the same level as in the past.

I am able to brush it off much more easily because my mind is more positive and confident in my self, higher self esteem.

So far the program is great i'm loving it, I never was able to text women in the past but now I am able too.

I am going to stay on this program for allot longer.

Quote:Program work very well.
Feeling awesome. Shannon did a good job on this sub.
I am more confident in my self.
I am more comfortable in my self
I love this program,
I am more honest and I speak the truth
I am a nicer person
I am more happy in my thinking
I can look people in the eye and feel comfortable
I'm more helpful
Feels easy to talk with people.
What more Hm, oh yeah I'm awesome.
Haha okay one more thing negative thinking is gone.

So I'm on a diet now and it's going extremely well to be me.

Going too stay on this program for a long time lol

Quote:...I walked up to the door, an attractive woman was walking out, she held the door for me--and we locked eyes. My habit is normally to look down to kill the tension, but we kept eye contact. We both smiled, and I said something to have her smile more. We kept going our separate ways, but I never do this. Never. What's in SE? I noticed my sexual desires waking up some that day. Is this why people jump on DMSI? It truly got my attention. I could use a little more of that...

Quote:Day 20
I say these things as cumulative thoughts over the course of 20 days.

I definitely feel more confident. This confidence is very natural and down to earth and not cocky at all. I feel more playful and wanting to joke and enjoy myself.

I'm feeling much more comfortable doing my own thing instead of catering to other people's needs. I don't feel bad anymore for asserting myself. The way I assert myself is more natural. I used to bottle things in and let them explode so you could say I used to be more passive aggressive.

Social settings are different to me now. I mean that I can see more clearly what is going on and how different people are... partly because I'm also now seeing more of people's motives and why they act the way they do. I feel less taxed by the thought of needing to make everybody happy and instead I am me.

Quote:Okay i have been playing SE 5.5g all night

It feels good coming back on program.

It was easy talking with people today, i felt like i could express my self and say what on my mind without fear standing in my way.

Sense of freedom.

Quote:...One line of development that is standing out is the social aspect. I am having the easiest time of my life to open up people or them automatically drifting towards me. The most interesting part about this are the people I normally reject to get along with; you know those people that trigger you in some way without doing anything when you first meet them, just something about their presence, body language or whatever seems off. With them I am no longer standing in my own way and chat them up the same way as I do with everyone else: warm, curious and non-judgemental. And this works absolutely great most of the time.

Another thing that has shifted is how I weigh myself compared to what I think is expected from me by others. For instance: I rarely get ill. Let's say about once every 3 to 5 years. It is happening again just now and normally I would go about my duties work-wise nontheless even if that meant delaying recovery time, simply out of a sense of personal obligation. Right now my automated response is: my health is my first priority, a job does not even come close this, I take some days off to get healthy again.

A third thing that is quite noticeable is how I am not sucked into the frames of other people anymore. Not only that, but it is becoming more and more of my second nature to actively create my own frames and draw others in. It is simply happening on its own, without any conscious effort from me whatsoever.

I like it.

Quote:I've had glimpses of what it might be like to have genuine self esteem, and they made me think that maybe a healthy and sustainable self esteem is really what's missing and what I need. This Sub has confirmed that. I feel like I've learned the most important mode of being for living a good life through this Sub.

I was concerned that what I'd get is something that offers a fleetingly good feeling, instead what I have is support in the responsibility I have been prompted to take for my own life and well being. It seems like I have the tools now to weather almost anything, move beyond this and actually thrive. I'm far more productive at work, gaining new skills and abilities. I'm actually able to think and speak more clearly because I can manage the critic which held me back before. I have a new set of foundational values which I revert to when things get out of hand and my self image and esteem start dropping.

I genuinely feel like a few more months of this practice will leave me open to accepting other subs. I could never have fully adopted the subs that have come before because I had no reason to believe I deserved or warranted getting what I want - now with my values clear, I see no reason why I shouldn't merit everything I strive for, by virtue of the effort and commitment.

I would suggest to anyone struggling to get the best out of these subs to examine clearly whether your feeling worthy of change and whether your inability to take complete responsibility for your life (100% for everything, without reservation) is holding you back. If it is, then do this sub, learn and embed the lessons deep within. If it works how it's worked for me then it will take you to a place where you don't need Subs and you're good to face life, but you may choose to use them for support in your goals, and get the most of them with your volition and commitment.

People are better with me, doing things for me, and are more respectful - I could go on about all of the instances of this being displayed but it doesn't matter at all. What matters is that I am reconciled with myself or at least I have the tools to repeatedly do this now - and am ready now to move forward with my life.

Quote:I was asked about my experience on SE recently so i thought i'd just post up a summary.

I've been under the impression that Self Esteem is the most fundamental building block of a good life for a while.

I know I've been trying to become smarter, better with women, more popular, richer, admired and accepted really just to cover up that I am unwilling to accept that I am fundamentally flawed and that, because of that, it is possible, and often (with that belief) probable that people will neglect, reject or outright hate me. The foundation of all of this work with subs, spirituality, even dabbling in the Occult has been predicated on the need to fix something in order to be safe.

I wanted to get passed this since no matter what I achieve, I just return to that base of i'm no good and it's never enough.

That's me, and not everyone else, I've met plenty of people who - however ***** up their life is, seem to have a self acceptance which gets them through.

So for me I needed to get self esteem in a higher resolution; find out what it was and see if i could nail it. I originally thought nailing it looked like me never having self doubt, fear, and discovering and endless well of self acceptance and love; well that didn't happen.

SE 5.5g didn't give me unending self esteem - it might have done if i'd stuck with it longer. What it did teach me though, was self esteem resilience, the ability to face down threats to your personal identity, to go through the emotional range that comes out of failure and the fear of failure. After five or so months running SE, i cultivated core principles that I regularly refresh and adhere to, I have significantly reduced negative self talk and very much reduced bouts of depression. I have emotional honesty so if something doesn't feel good, I can grieve, cry it out, just be with the pain and feeling in my body until i've moved through it.

That's the emotional side of it. Now what happened in real life (before results started to peter out).

(1) Found myself reading a shit tonne on self esteem and figured out how i could measure my actions and be more conscious in doing things which enhance self esteem. These included, never lying, patient confrontation with reality and applying more thorough truth telling to it - for example, yes you're imperfect and possibly more shitty than a lot of people, but that's not all if you're really going to be honest about it, you're also (insert virtues here), and yes many people don't really care about you, but that's quite possibly because you don't really care about them or yourself and that's something which is in your power change or you may think you're alone, but you're not the only one and connection is an honest vulnerable conversation away.

(2) With this, when practiced, I'm able to unleash my intellectual capability more; i find myself able to have complex conversations at work with experts, think much quicker on the spot, generate creative ideas and manage my own team. Highlights were being in very technical meetings with experts and generating complex concepts on the spot which shocked even me.

(3) I've detached from needing people or engaging in activities for validation, not that i don't feel lonely at times when i'm less conscious, or feel that I'm falling short sometimes - rather i have the ability to keep it moving, to integrate these feelings as lessons, to be able to re engage with people and life's activities.

(4) Relationship with girlfriend is increasingly good, many times it's phenomenal. It's one thing to have girls just on you - that's certainly fun and exciting - it's quite another thing to just be deeply in tune with a woman, to love her and for her to love you, there is something powerful about that connection which opens up the senses to many aspects of life previously not withing my realm of cognition. Here i can only talk for myself though, I don't know if that will resonate with anyone else and it may be just something I've experienced. Since people are interested in generally getting laid here as well, i'll say that old gfs have been regularly trying to connect and i'm vibing with women in an amazing way, if i wasn't committed i don't believe i would have many problems in that area.

(5) I'm just enjoying life so much more I laugh much more. I ***** run!, I've never been able to run in my life now i'm like a ***** runner, i started being unable to jog for a 60 seconds i'm going for a full half hour before i collapse in a sweating ball of exhaustion. This same out of being able to accept small daily progression rather than be impatient. I socialise for fun, I enjoy people's company, especially funny people who are interested in the world, I have great enriching conversations with people. I find myself doing things which, in my previous bottom feeding consciousness made absolutely no sense to me, hiking in the hills? wtf? the old me would have laughed at someone who just wanted to be in nature. When you don't have yourself as someone who needs to be fixed, you free yourself up for appreciating beauty, for being refreshed by good things, you allow yourself to feel joy and you learn that life doesn't have to be just about proving your existence is worthwhile. This frees up so much space in your being...

Quote:46 days on SE.

It is going good. Its natural not must resistance. I do get resistance on some days. But, It is fine overall.

I am more confident than ever.

Quote:59th day,

I have reached a new plateau in terms of what I am.
I am high self-esteem and confidence has become my nature now.

I am training to be Assertive. This is a skill I had not learnt in a long while. Now that i am understanding it, my social anxiety has gone, i am not afraid of rejection, everything seems possible in the social sphere.

People reading this, Study about Assertiveness. It is the true nature of an adult. And aids in continues development.

Quote:Right now I feel much better again. Yesterday I went to the city to buy some stuff and have a drink. I felt completely relaxed and my slef consciousnes has also dropped a lot again. An other great improvement I noticed was my eye contact with strangers. In the underground I noticed a man looking at me, instead of ignoring him like I usually do, I made eye contact with him. I still found it difficult to hold eye contact for longer time with strangers, however that wasn't needed this time since he looked away almost imdediately.
I also made eye contact with 2 good looking women. With the first women thh situatuion went exactly the same as with the men except it did happen on street. With the second women there was improvement. She looked at me, I looked at her and whd held eye contact for like 3 seconds. I couldn't handle more than that. It's just too intense for me right now.

The last thing I want to mention is something I also already mentioned in an earlier post. The way I walk is very powerful and confident. I always had a quiet relaxed confident walk, atleast that's what people told me. But right now it's improved even more, I really feel like a boss when walking. I also noticed that more people were willing to move out the way when I was passing them.

Quote:...What this program has done fore me so far I like you would have expected. It has given me a big self esteem boost. One way this has become very apparent is that validation seeking has become lower.

To describe my overall growth in one sentence: I've become way more self secure/self content(but of course still wanting to improve myself)...