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+--- Thread: Antaeus' AM6 Reboot Journal (/Thread-Antaeus-AM6-Reboot-Journal)
RE: Antaeus' AM6 Reboot Journal - Antaeus - 07-16-2018
So I’m happy to say I’ve been consistently making better choices as far as diet goes. I’m slowly working myself into a ketogenic diet and I’ve been incredibly disciplined about intermittent fasting. As far as working out I still have some progress to make, but I’m making an effort to do better.
I have been nothing short of serious about cutting sugar out of my diet and so far my efforts have been successful. I even told mom that this year I did not want tiramisu for my birthday (and the Italian in me loves that stuff), I did not go back on my word. I did however have some beer this past weekend so I definitely fell short there, otherwise things have been going good.
As far as resistance goes, I’m not sure if I’ve felt any. I’ve felt some cynicism and mild negative emotions such as low self worth which I’m still dealing with from time to time. This might be TMI for some people but here it goes, I have been having some issues with masturbating and I understand that can detract from the effectiveness of some subs, especially DMSI and AM6. I did not realize this until recently so I’ve made a commitment to stop doing it for a good while if not permanently. It might be hard (no pun intended) but definitely worth it.
RE: Antaeus' AM6 Reboot Journal - Antaeus - 07-18-2018
Felt some more depression today. Low self worth. Doubting the effectiveness of this program on me. Im gonna keep going though. I’m not giving up yet.
RE: Antaeus' AM6 Reboot Journal - Antaeus - 07-19-2018
Went to a rooftop pool in the city today. Felt pretty extroverted. Talked to several people today and felt little to no social anxiety. Also no depression today.
RE: Antaeus' AM6 Reboot Journal - Antaeus - 07-23-2018
Felt some frustration and anger today. Channeled it into my workout at the gym. Did 1 mile in 10minutes on the treadmill and worked arms and chest.
I am Starting to realize how over accommodating I can be at times. My mom cooked salmon today (love me some salmon). And she wanted to cook the salmon before 5 o’clock. I have been doing a one meal a day fast for a few weeks now and I usually eat my one meal at night after I’ve worked out. And I usually don’t go to the gym until about 6 o’clock. She was not aggressive about it But I just kind of caved instead of letting her know what I would prefer to do. This was obviously my fault, it was easily recognizable and I could’ve corrected easily. So lesson learned I need to start verbalizing what it is that I want. People are not mind readers, not even my own mother.
I signed up for Tinder last night. I’m trying to keep my expectations low because I know online dating can be a bitch. However I’m at least happy with myself for taking the risk of putting myself out there and just see what happens. If anyone has any advice on this I’m open.
RE: Antaeus' AM6 Reboot Journal - Antaeus - 07-24-2018
Had a serious bout of depression today. No responses on Tinder yet. Feeling very isolated. Felt a lot of anger. Had to get out of the house.
RE: Antaeus' AM6 Reboot Journal - DavisMind91 - 07-25-2018
(07-24-2018, 04:43 PM)Antaeus Wrote: Had a serious bout of depression today. No responses on Tinder yet. Feeling very isolated. Felt a lot of anger. Had to get out of the house.
Can’t say for sure yet since your journey isn’t over, but judging by what you’re reporting, another AM6 run is in order.
RE: Antaeus' AM6 Reboot Journal - Antaeus - 07-25-2018
Yea I already knew that. I’m gonna run AM 6 more than once for sure
RE: Antaeus' AM6 Reboot Journal - Antaeus - 07-26-2018
So I’m feeling pretty good right now. Not much results wise but I did get a call for a job interview. So I’m happy about that.
RE: Antaeus' AM6 Reboot Journal - Antaeus - 07-26-2018
Went to the rooftop pool again today. Once again talked with a bunch of people. Definitely still trying to work on my socializing skills but it seems people were pretty receptive to me today. I still have a ways to go before I feel fully confident in my social abilities but I’m taking steps.
RE: Antaeus' AM6 Reboot Journal - Antaeus - 07-26-2018
(07-25-2018, 01:08 AM)DavisMind91 Wrote:(07-24-2018, 04:43 PM)Antaeus Wrote: Had a serious bout of depression today. No responses on Tinder yet. Feeling very isolated. Felt a lot of anger. Had to get out of the house.
Can’t say for sure yet since your journey isn’t over, but judging by what you’re reporting, another AM6 run is in order.
I feel like I need to go into more detail about this particular day. I forgot to mention on this day that I had a bit of an emotional breakdown at home when I was home alone. I didn’t binge eat but I didn’t eat according to my diet either. I just didn’t care in the moment. Luckily I didn’t eat anything bad but I was definitely emotionally eating. I sat at the dining room table and just f*cking cried. I felt abandoned, isolated and alone. Feeling like I had no one. It was a strange feeling. I just wanted to get out of the house so shortly after mom got home I took a shower and got dressed. I was pretty short with her and simply didn’t want to be bothered. I was very easily irritated with her and just felt like she was up my ass with questions about my day. Something was going on here but I don’t know what.
RE: Antaeus' AM6 Reboot Journal - Greenduck - 07-28-2018
About feeling bad and alone, I think it's just a stage you have to go through. Feeling what you have avoided to feel for a long time, the loneliness. And as it passes, you get more OK with it, and thus you work on getting rid of neediness from others.
RE: Antaeus' AM6 Reboot Journal - DavisMind91 - 07-28-2018
(07-26-2018, 07:21 PM)Antaeus Wrote:(07-25-2018, 01:08 AM)DavisMind91 Wrote:(07-24-2018, 04:43 PM)Antaeus Wrote: Had a serious bout of depression today. No responses on Tinder yet. Feeling very isolated. Felt a lot of anger. Had to get out of the house.
Can’t say for sure yet since your journey isn’t over, but judging by what you’re reporting, another AM6 run is in order.
I feel like I need to go into more detail about this particular day. I forgot to mention on this day that I had a bit of an emotional breakdown at home when I was home alone. I didn’t binge eat but I didn’t eat according to my diet either. I just didn’t care in the moment. Luckily I didn’t eat anything bad but I was definitely emotionally eating. I sat at the dining room table and just f*cking cried. I felt abandoned, isolated and alone. Feeling like I had no one. It was a strange feeling. I just wanted to get out of the house so shortly after mom got home I took a shower and got dressed. I was pretty short with her and simply didn’t want to be bothered. I was very easily irritated with her and just felt like she was up my ass with questions about my day. Something was going on here but I don’t know what.
Hmm, seems like almost every AM6 journal I read includes some story of the man crying out of nowhere one day, myself included. Getting out of the house was what helped me that day. My tears came out of frustration, but there was no rational reason to cry. I think eventually this program “hits a nerve” that once uncovered, helps with emotional breakthrough. I cried on E2 as well one day after I realized how I let myself down in some way so I’m thinking the E1 programming in AM6 eventually uncovers something in a man that causes him to face something he may have repressed or buried and once it’s uncovered, can be eventually cleared away through continuing to use the sub.
It could also be that your subconscious mind caused you to feel stress because it was being coerced into facing something it was trying to protect you from, hence the tears and emotional eating. Judging by the reaction you had to your Mom’s questioning, it seems like you were dealing with some source of fear. Don’t know for sure though. What I do know is that as long as you keep listening, whatever is causing this fades away eventually.
RE: Antaeus' AM6 Reboot Journal - Antaeus - 07-28-2018
I’m gonna finish my run of AM6. But I think at some point it might be worth It for me to either do a run of E2 or the healing component of DMSI. I hear it is good for that.
RE: Antaeus' AM6 Reboot Journal - Antaeus - 07-30-2018
(07-28-2018, 05:59 PM)DavisMind91 Wrote:(07-26-2018, 07:21 PM)Antaeus Wrote:(07-25-2018, 01:08 AM)DavisMind91 Wrote:(07-24-2018, 04:43 PM)Antaeus Wrote: Had a serious bout of depression today. No responses on Tinder yet. Feeling very isolated. Felt a lot of anger. Had to get out of the house.
Can’t say for sure yet since your journey isn’t over, but judging by what you’re reporting, another AM6 run is in order.
I feel like I need to go into more detail about this particular day. I forgot to mention on this day that I had a bit of an emotional breakdown at home when I was home alone. I didn’t binge eat but I didn’t eat according to my diet either. I just didn’t care in the moment. Luckily I didn’t eat anything bad but I was definitely emotionally eating. I sat at the dining room table and just f*cking cried. I felt abandoned, isolated and alone. Feeling like I had no one. It was a strange feeling. I just wanted to get out of the house so shortly after mom got home I took a shower and got dressed. I was pretty short with her and simply didn’t want to be bothered. I was very easily irritated with her and just felt like she was up my ass with questions about my day. Something was going on here but I don’t know what.
Hmm, seems like almost every AM6 journal I read includes some story of the man crying out of nowhere one day, myself included. Getting out of the house was what helped me that day. My tears came out of frustration, but there was no rational reason to cry. I think eventually this program “hits a nerve” that once uncovered, helps with emotional breakthrough. I cried on E2 as well one day after I realized how I let myself down in some way so I’m thinking the E1 programming in AM6 eventually uncovers something in a man that causes him to face something he may have repressed or buried and once it’s uncovered, can be eventually cleared away through continuing to use the sub.
It could also be that your subconscious mind caused you to feel stress because it was being coerced into facing something it was trying to protect you from, hence the tears and emotional eating. Judging by the reaction you had to your Mom’s questioning, it seems like you were dealing with some source of fear. Don’t know for sure though. What I do know is that as long as you keep listening, whatever is causing this fades away eventually.
You know it’s actually funny now that I’m Thinking about it After having read your post DavisMind91. What I’m starting to realize is that for a while I was actually in denial. For the past couple of years I’ve always identified myself as an introvert And somehow wore that title like a badge of honor. With several people having faded out of my life I think what was really going on was that I see all these people that were in my life having gotten on with their own lives and I feel like I’ve been left behind. And I think the reason I broke down so badly the other day last week is that I’m starting to realize how sad I really am without people in my life. Unfortunately there’s not much I can do in the immediate moment with school starting back up But I do know that someway somehow what school is finished and once I’m sufficiently employed I’m going to seriously work on trying to rebuild my social life one way or the other. Because whether I want to accept it or not we are social creatures despite the fact that I am in fact an introvert and I do like my alone time From time to time. But I’m not going to use the introvert label as a way to absolve myself from making friends and having a social life of some sort.