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+--- Thread: Disconnect from negativity within (/Thread-Disconnect-from-negativity-within)
RE: Disconnect from negativity within - Sean - 10-04-2012
The masculine typically WORKS through his emotions, whereas the feminine tends to TALK through her emotions. It's two approaches to the same goal.
Since we each have an aspect of the masculine and feminine within each of us, one may choose either or both paths. The archetypal image of a really masculine guy talking through a problem is him talking to a buddy at a bar while drinking (and alcohol is a feminine substance). No one needs to conform to that image. Whether one talks to a buddy somewhere, a therapist, or a hooker, they're utilizing the feminine path. At any time, they can also utilize the masculine path by working through it: either by problem/solution logic or by distraction with some other goal (building a business, building a tree house, cleaning out the garage, or building a boat, lifting heavy things and putting them back down, etc).
I'm doing both. I have a therapist. I also work out. I also used problem/solution and left my girlfriend who was working hard to keep me down and degrade me.
RE: Disconnect from negativity within - mat422 - 10-04-2012
(10-04-2012, 01:01 PM)Sean Wrote: The masculine typically WORKS through his emotions, whereas the feminine tends to TALK through her emotions. It's two approaches to the same goal.
Since we each have an aspect of the masculine and feminine within each of us, one may choose either or both paths. The archetypal image of a really masculine guy talking through a problem is him talking to a buddy at a bar while drinking (and alcohol is a feminine substance). No one needs to conform to that image. Whether one talks to a buddy somewhere, a therapist, or a hooker, they're utilizing the feminine path. At any time, they can also utilize the masculine path by working through it: either by problem/solution logic or by distraction with some other goal (building a business, building a tree house, cleaning out the garage, or building a boat, lifting heavy things and putting them back down, etc).
I'm doing both. I have a therapist. I also work out. I also used problem/solution and left my girlfriend who was working hard to keep me down and degrade me.
Thanks for the perspective Sean. This is stuff where I guess I'm trying to workout that both are acceptable. It's not always an either or solution, using both is better than just settling on one. So I'm guilty with black and white thinking. This is exactly the type of stuff that does my head in when I think about it too much. But I'm always learning and I recognize when I need to rethink things. Still I'd say for me, yes there is benefit to just talking to someone about the issues. But at the same time my mind wants a solution and that's where the subliminals come in for me.
RE: Disconnect from negativity within - Sean - 10-05-2012
Mat, I still suffer from black-and-white thinking frequently, and it's OK. That you can see the shades of gray is very good, and will definitely help you slay the depression beast.
Also beware overthinking. It is one of the things I struggle with daily, and is helped greatly by taking action. Rather than struggling with a decision and overthinking it, my goal is to make quick decisions and roll with them, right or wrong. If I'm wrong, it's a lesson learned, and I push myself to take pride in having learned it. Recognizing that mistakes and errors are not bad, that they are actually very good when handled appropriately, was critical in making that step, for me.
I'm not always successful in deciding quickly, but the relief of having made the decision outweighs the burden of sitting on it too long.
RE: Disconnect from negativity within - Spiral - 10-05-2012
I agree with Sean. Just going with your gut. Or just going wherever life takes you. Whatever it is roll with it. and learn from it. It is definitly also good to think about things and don't roll with it ALL the time. But.. what do I know.
RE: Disconnect from negativity within - mat422 - 10-08-2012
(10-05-2012, 05:56 AM)Sean Wrote: Mat, I still suffer from black-and-white thinking frequently, and it's OK. That you can see the shades of gray is very good, and will definitely help you slay the depression beast.
Also beware overthinking. It is one of the things I struggle with daily, and is helped greatly by taking action. Rather than struggling with a decision and overthinking it, my goal is to make quick decisions and roll with them, right or wrong. If I'm wrong, it's a lesson learned, and I push myself to take pride in having learned it. Recognizing that mistakes and errors are not bad, that they are actually very good when handled appropriately, was critical in making that step, for me.
I'm not always successful in deciding quickly, but the relief of having made the decision outweighs the burden of sitting on it too long.
This is actually spot on. I'm guilty of overthinking too. I'm slowly moving towards this mindset. But it's a lot of forward progress and then a few setbacks. I never get any worse, I only get better, which is good. But again the few setbacks I need to start learning from instead of being overly focused on them being setbacks.
(10-05-2012, 11:43 AM)Spiral Wrote: I agree with Sean. Just going with your gut. Or just going wherever life takes you. Whatever it is roll with it. and learn from it. It is definitly also good to think about things and don't roll with it ALL the time. But.. what do I know.
Nah Spiral you've got the right idea. I think in my life I cultivated a lot of practice with thinking and analyzing. But going with my gut is something I have to start trusting more. I think it's just really tied to that fear of the unknown and my mind fights tooth and nail to have certainty. And you can't have absolute certainty in life, nothing is absolutely 100% certain, I wish that I could be ok with that. But something about that produces anxiety in me. And I know why, because if nothing is absolute that means that I'm not in control and bad things could happen.
RE: Disconnect from negativity within - Tiesto - 10-08-2012
(10-08-2012, 09:27 AM)mat422 Wrote:(10-05-2012, 05:56 AM)Sean Wrote: Mat, I still suffer from black-and-white thinking frequently, and it's OK. That you can see the shades of gray is very good, and will definitely help you slay the depression beast.
Also beware overthinking. It is one of the things I struggle with daily, and is helped greatly by taking action. Rather than struggling with a decision and overthinking it, my goal is to make quick decisions and roll with them, right or wrong. If I'm wrong, it's a lesson learned, and I push myself to take pride in having learned it. Recognizing that mistakes and errors are not bad, that they are actually very good when handled appropriately, was critical in making that step, for me.
I'm not always successful in deciding quickly, but the relief of having made the decision outweighs the burden of sitting on it too long.
This is actually spot on. I'm guilty of overthinking too. I'm slowly moving towards this mindset. But it's a lot of forward progress and then a few setbacks. I never get any worse, I only get better, which is good. But again the few setbacks I need to start learning from instead of being overly focused on them being setbacks.
(10-05-2012, 11:43 AM)Spiral Wrote: I agree with Sean. Just going with your gut. Or just going wherever life takes you. Whatever it is roll with it. and learn from it. It is definitly also good to think about things and don't roll with it ALL the time. But.. what do I know.
Nah Spiral you've got the right idea. I think in my life I cultivated a lot of practice with thinking and analyzing. But going with my gut is something I have to start trusting more. I think it's just really tied to that fear of the unknown and my mind fights tooth and nail to have certainty. And you can't have absolute certainty in life, nothing is absolutely 100% certain, I wish that I could be ok with that. But something about that produces anxiety in me. And I know why, because if nothing is absolute that means that I'm not in control and bad things could happen.
I have exactly the same problem with you bro, I'm also working on that at the moment. I hope with AM 5.0, then maybe OF sub after AM will take care of these problems.
RE: Disconnect from negativity within - mat422 - 10-10-2012
Tiesto, as long as you keep moving forward you are guaranteed to get better. I've yet to run through AM 5.0 but it looks amazing.
Anyway I've been thinking about how I should start pursuing the things I want to do in life. I've always had an interest in boxing. I don't know why, but it's just one of those things I've always wanted to try. Of course one of the things that held me back from pursuing that was just rationalizing all the time. I thought I just wanted to do it to toughen up or because I needed to prove something by being able to fight. But all that rationalizing was just fear in disguise, the truth is I didn't have the courage to pursue it. It's hard work, you have to be in really good shape, you have to be willing to get beat up for a while before you get better, and like anything in life it's not easy. And honestly being able to defend myself is an added bonus to taking up boxing. Especially with the few times I sparred I realized how badly I froze up because of the fear and I want to make sure if I'm ever in a situation I can protect myself or someone I care about.
What really made me think about this is I'd watch boxing on tv. I found myself with this burning desire to do that. But my fear of failure got in the way again. I knew if I joined a gym I'd inevitably fail and getting beat up physically really shakes up my self confidence. For me I've felt incredibly weak for most of my life. It's like if I start off being a horrible boxer and just having trouble fighting back, I'll feel even worse because then I'll feel really defenseless and weak.
I mean I've learned a lot of technique on my own and I've practiced on my own, could I defend myself in a street fight? Maybe, I don't know. A lot of winning a street fight is just the mentality, the guy with less fear or more ruthlessness is going to win. I'm a very level headed guy, if I can diffuse a fight with words I will or better yet just walk away. But we all know that's not always the case. I know I have the technical knowledge, but when it comes to action my worst fear is it feeling like one of those dreams where you are punching in slow motion.
But like I said I do enjoy boxing and I don't see it as a brutal sport. I see it as a game of chess. So my fear is just holding me back from actually doing what I want. But I'm going to join a gym eventually once I get my life more sorted out. I kind of wish I didn't have this desire to box sometimes because it's really difficult to push past the fear and it gets upsetting when I feel like I'm structuring my life around the fear instead of going for what I want. I can't rewind time, but I wish I started younger. I mean 21 isn't too old to start, but I definitely had this passion since I was around 16.
RE: Disconnect from negativity within - Sean - 10-10-2012
Mat, if there is a Krav Maga school near you, I'd recommend that over boxing for non-sport combat. In sports, such as boxing, there are rules. When you're defending yourself or others against an attacker, this is not the case, other than the laws appropriate to your jurisdiction. Krav Maga teaches according to this paradigm. The Krav Maga schools I've attended were very conscious of their students' well being, and warned us every session to not hurt each other, and only go at 50%.
I'm not going to debate this: It's my suggestion and stands, as-is. Others will have differing points of view, and you can choose for yourself.
RE: Disconnect from negativity within - Benjamin - 10-10-2012
Yeah you can have good technique but it doesn't mean you can apply it on a resisting person or especially in a real fight. If you can't deal with the fear and the prefight then it doesn't matter how good your technique is.
I'd recommend a good RBSD system too. Krav Maga is pretty good, but as with alot of things there is alot of shit people teaching it now so aslong as you find a good school you will be okay.
I'm not sure where you live, but there is several good reality based trainers but alot are shit and say they teach it when they have no idea. So have a look at a few classes and don't get roped into paying some big membership straight away.
-Ben
RE: Disconnect from negativity within - mat422 - 10-11-2012
(10-10-2012, 09:57 PM)benjamin Wrote: Yeah you can have good technique but it doesn't mean you can apply it on a resisting person or especially in a real fight. If you can't deal with the fear and the prefight then it doesn't matter how good your technique is.
I'd recommend a good RBSD system too. Krav Maga is pretty good, but as with alot of things there is alot of shit people teaching it now so aslong as you find a good school you will be okay.
I'm not sure where you live, but there is several good reality based trainers but alot are shit and say they teach it when they have no idea. So have a look at a few classes and don't get roped into paying some big membership straight away.
-Ben
Thanks Ben I trained in Krav Maga for a while. I learned a lot of techniques, but it wasn't the greatest school to learn in because I rarely ever got to spar.
I'm not overly concerned with self defense. I wanted to start boxing because I like the sport. I figured if I got used to sparring more the added benefit would not be freezing up in a real self-defense situation. But I trained in krav maga long enough to get the basics of what kind of mentality you should have in a self-defense situation.
RE: Disconnect from negativity within - mat422 - 10-12-2012
Just gonna be a quick thought. I place too much emphasis on the negative and not on the positive. I'm horribly unbalanced when it comes to feeling good about myself. I used to think it was just being humble, but it's just another rationalization for my low self esteem.
The good news is I'm seeing just how wrong I am. I'm a good guy, I'm down to earth, and honestly I demand too much of myself. I always have this horrible self perception of myself that isn't reflected at all in how others see me. I'm my own worst critic. And looking back I always had the wrong attitude when it came to other people. Like if my friends wanted to hang out I'd say they were just being nice and I didn't understand why. When instead I should have thought that they do like me and enjoy my company. And that was when I was fairly young, like 13 years old so I feel like it just turned into a bad habit. But I realize now I can break that habit and stop giving myself the completely wrong self perception of myself.
So where things stand right now I'm seeing 2 factors holding me back from more growth and it seems they are weaved together in a spider web of sorts. The first is fear, this has been a killer throughout my life. But thanks to the self confidence sub I'm pushing past that fear now, not tremendous leaps but it's progress. My self esteem is the second. Because I have that fear I became very abusive to myself. So even when I had a small accomplishment it wasn't recognized enough by me and instead I focused on how it was stupid that I have that fear in the first place. The focus grew more towards the fear, I felt fear was going to rule my life and as the focus grew I felt more helpless. As I felt more helpless I got more abusive against myself that I was having difficulties overcoming the fear and my self esteem plummeted. The fear fed off of my low self esteem and made it seem bigger than I could handle. Now here's the big problem. I couldn't feel good about myself until I became the picture perfect idea of confidence, which is a tall order. So as long as I had that fear I thought incredibly poorly of myself. But in order to grow as a person I have to recognize that I am a good person despite having these strong fears. And this is what worries me the most, that the fear is causing me to negate the subliminals. Because I've had trouble embracing positivity in my life, I fear that on some level I'm doing the exact thing with my subconscious mind.
But here's the real kicker. While I struggled with strong depression I felt guilty because I had no reason to be depressed in my mind. I had a loving family, a roof over my head, my own health, and opportunities all around me. There are people that would kill to be in my position, and yet no matter how hard I tried I couldn't pull myself out of it. I'd have days where I woke up and just felt paralyzed in bed. It's the worst feeling when you feel wrong and you just look for answers or solutions that seem impossible. Chaos is what it feels like, you don't know where to start or what to begin, or whether or not there is hope. When you get to a place like that you become 100 percent certain that things couldn't possibly change and that it's reality. But it's not, it's just distorted reality. And sometimes I'd get stuck there for a while, which sucks because the more you stay there the more it starts feeling like reality. The world is so vast and the limitations I put on myself and my mind cause me to view it in such a one dimensional way. I can safely say that my own beliefs and perceptions affect my reality.
All that being said right now I'm choosing to ignore the negative thoughts. I can feel them in the back of my head pestering me and trying to get me to pay attention to them. Now one more thing, I start questioning what it means to repress emotions. Am I really repressing important emotions or am I just choosing to now accept a reality that is full of more positivity than negativity. And if so, that reality seems infinitely more strange than the one I'm used to. There is an overwhelming compulsion in me to be chained down by that negative, that it's bad if I just ignore it. But practicing positivity seems to be a habit I need to build, it's obviously going to feel wrong or strange being that it's a new behavior. And also my mind just threw a negative thought at me telling me I'm deluded for believing I can just flip a switch in my head and let go of a lifetime of bad habits. It's not that easy? Well I say why not? Life doesn't have to be hard if you don't want it to be. This is what makes me crazy sometimes, I know I have the power to change and it's all up to me. But there is a negative critic inside of me that says I'm a fool and I need that negativity.
RE: Disconnect from negativity within - Spiral - 10-12-2012
"Well I say why not? Life doesn't have to be hard if you don't want it to be."
That's money Mat! Why the hell not! do what you are doing now man. Focus on the positive. Practice deep breathing meditation lying down then to it sitting up. focus on fully relaxing your face, limbs, shoulders.. all muscles until they are completley loose. And if you have to let yourself slump into horrible posture. anything for you to practice loosening up and quieting that mind of yours. I bet it's tough.. but I bet you are holding onto alot of these emotions and it's just so hard for you to let go of them. You may be repressing them continuously instead of letting them go gradually. I'll admit.. I still cannot let go of some thoughts instantly.
(EDIT but now i don't beat myself up about it anymore) But now all it takes me is a few normal deep breaths and a minute and I focus on something else. And I find while taking deep breaths it's absolutely impossible to hold on to the previous thoughts before the inhale.
I know you ran alpha male twice... I have as well. but not back to back. Alpha male has it's pros and cons. I experienced new anxiety.. or maybe old. But either way I had anxieties brought back up about myself and the world around me. Like will the world allow me to achieve what I want to achieve. Can I push myself to get the necessary things I need done done and continuously do this throughout life. Will I ever get anywhere. Lots of these questions popped back up. I was tense... very stressed from stages 2-5... the tension was built up and I didn't know how to release it. It was critical I ran the SM refresher. My stomach relaxed my shoulders are relaxed. My mind is relaxed. I am at ease. Yet I recognize that I must make change for myself. Do awesome things with my life and inspire others. SM has given me that positive momentum again. I had it at the end of AM but now it's balanced. Where I'm not anxious to get anywhere. I know things take time.. I just have to relax as much as possible and do one thing at a time. Same goes for you. Take this one thing at a time. Slow and steady will win the race.
I don't know if you are doing any meditation practices but I guess you should look back into it. And I know I suggested you run SM. It may take you in the direction of more socializing and becoming more intune with women and making you think about them more but it will also mellow you out and get you on track for huge positive change i think. And what also comes to mind is Self love and Appreciation subliminal. I really want to run that soon.
I hope I helped some. Alot of this is just jibberish
EDIT: re: my edit in the 1st paragraph.. That's huge for you I think. You beat yourself up way too much. Holy crap dude that was huge for me when I finally said I don't need this s#$% It took a long time though.
RE: Disconnect from negativity within - Sean - 10-13-2012
Mat, that's an excellent epiphany, and you've made it so quickly after your previous progress. It sounds like things are really heating up for you to make a massive transformation in how you see and treat yourself. Keep it up!
RE: Disconnect from negativity within - mat422 - 10-13-2012
(10-12-2012, 08:09 PM)Spiral Wrote: "Well I say why not? Life doesn't have to be hard if you don't want it to be."
That's money Mat! Why the hell not! do what you are doing now man. Focus on the positive. Practice deep breathing meditation lying down then to it sitting up. focus on fully relaxing your face, limbs, shoulders.. all muscles until they are completley loose. And if you have to let yourself slump into horrible posture. anything for you to practice loosening up and quieting that mind of yours. I bet it's tough.. but I bet you are holding onto alot of these emotions and it's just so hard for you to let go of them. You may be repressing them continuously instead of letting them go gradually. I'll admit.. I still cannot let go of some thoughts instantly.
(EDIT but now i don't beat myself up about it anymore) But now all it takes me is a few normal deep breaths and a minute and I focus on something else. And I find while taking deep breaths it's absolutely impossible to hold on to the previous thoughts before the inhale.
I know you ran alpha male twice... I have as well. but not back to back. Alpha male has it's pros and cons. I experienced new anxiety.. or maybe old. But either way I had anxieties brought back up about myself and the world around me. Like will the world allow me to achieve what I want to achieve. Can I push myself to get the necessary things I need done done and continuously do this throughout life. Will I ever get anywhere. Lots of these questions popped back up. I was tense... very stressed from stages 2-5... the tension was built up and I didn't know how to release it. It was critical I ran the SM refresher. My stomach relaxed my shoulders are relaxed. My mind is relaxed. I am at ease. Yet I recognize that I must make change for myself. Do awesome things with my life and inspire others. SM has given me that positive momentum again. I had it at the end of AM but now it's balanced. Where I'm not anxious to get anywhere. I know things take time.. I just have to relax as much as possible and do one thing at a time. Same goes for you. Take this one thing at a time. Slow and steady will win the race.
I don't know if you are doing any meditation practices but I guess you should look back into it. And I know I suggested you run SM. It may take you in the direction of more socializing and becoming more intune with women and making you think about them more but it will also mellow you out and get you on track for huge positive change i think. And what also comes to mind is Self love and Appreciation subliminal. I really want to run that soon.
I hope I helped some. Alot of this is just jibberish
EDIT: re: my edit in the 1st paragraph.. That's huge for you I think. You beat yourself up way too much. Holy crap dude that was huge for me when I finally said I don't need this s#$% It took a long time though.
Thanks Spiral. I'm really going back to practicing mindfulness, meditation 24/7 pretty much. You're right I am repressing stuff, it's like willpower holding back the negative, but it gives me a huge boost. It runs out though. I have 2 extremes, either overwhelmingly positive or overwhelmingly negative. Both of those aren't realistic for me right now. I find that I'm reluctant to feel the deeper emotions and let them flow in and out of me because I fear I'll get caught up in it and it will start dragging me down. So it's ok to not feel at the top of my game 24/7, but I have to be careful to not allow those thoughts to gain more power. And part of that is I beat the crap out of myself way too much. Instead I should focus on how those negative thoughts aren't me and they may invade my mind on occasion, but it's not who I truly am. I find that I'm taking on more of an attitude of well I'm feeling a little down and I'm not exactly where I want to be right now, but I can get there so there is no point in trying to make myself feel worse.
I'll have to look into SM. My money is a bit low right now, still have to get a job. But I was thinking of giving alpha 5.0 a go. The idea of sex magnet, although tempting, isn't really what I want to go for. At this point in my life women would be a bit of a distraction because I really need to focus on building up my skills and becoming self sufficient. And I've been mellowing out a lot lately, anxiety is tied to fear and I tend to respond to fear with unnecessary aggression. But now that I'm getting rid of that fear and becoming more positive I'm not seeing people as a threat which allows me to just be my naturally charismatic self.
(10-13-2012, 05:59 AM)Sean Wrote: Mat, that's an excellent epiphany, and you've made it so quickly after your previous progress. It sounds like things are really heating up for you to make a massive transformation in how you see and treat yourself. Keep it up!
Thanks Sean. I guess it was a bit of a breaking point. It all started when I had to call up an employer on the phone to get some info. I had anxiety the night before the call, couldn't get a decent nights rest, and then the day of the call I was considering putting it off. At the time I was having breakfast and then I just sat there in complete silence and thought to myself "Is this really how you are going to live your life? In fear of something that you really can handle if you put your mind to it?" So after that I listened to some music to get me pumped up, said screw it I have to do this because you don't get anywhere hiding. The anxiety burned me out for the rest of the day, but I made sure to congratulate myself for pushing through the fear and doing it anyway.
After that I realized that even though I'd have days where I was down or unsure of myself it's gonna pass. Happiness is the default state, as long as you don't keep throwing negativity over it, it will be there for you. And of course the subliminals are, as always, an absolute life saver when it comes to this stuff. It just gives you that edge to really change your life.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
As a quick note as my mood improves I'm beginning to take on the mentality of "hey I could probably do this on my own!" But I know how much the sub has helped me, I'm very tuned into how these programs work. And with subliminals lately I've been seeing them like a force that just keeps pushing you and giving you momentum to change yourself. Because that's where all the change is anyway, internal. In the past I was constantly obsessed with is it the subliminal or me? Which is foolish because the subliminal is the driving force behind the change you make yourself. I'm seeing how I was really resistant to the changes in the past and that caused a lot of inner turmoil. In the end the change is up to you, 5G has definitely crushed my resistance, but I'll be honest that I still struggle with resisting. And all that resistance is just tied to fear, but the interesting thing about fear is no matter what the situation it's still the same feeling. So I've conquered fear in the past, which means I can conquer fear again. I can feel the more my subconscious beliefs shift, the more of a reflection I can see in my conscious mind.