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+--- Forum: Men's Journals (https://subliminal-talk.com/Forum-Men-s-Journals)
+--- Thread: AM6 (/Thread-AM6--5174)
RE: AM6 - eternity - 04-29-2015
i've already missed 2 hours today. had to turn it off at 7 AM so I could get up at 8:00. That last hour of sleep was VERY restful LOL
RE: AM6 - eternity - 04-30-2015
it's not physically possible to do 23 hours a day, even playing with my kindle fire's built in stereo speakers. I need at least one hour of sleep with no subs. that's a given. i woke up with a MASSIVE hangover-like headache and not feeling very well rested this morning. and then few minutes here and there that rack up between getting up from my desk, going to the bathroom, setting my tablet on my bed when i get home, etc. it ends up being 22 hours out of 24
and even at that high amount of hours, I'm not giving the subs enough of a chance to express itself in my personality/behavior, pushing my brain to the extreme, and then reinforcing it with noots to keep it going, when coffee can barely live up to his requirement.
could this behavior be "seek the challenge" in action?
RE: AM6 - eternity - 05-04-2015
stage 4 day 23
i'm still around. i just haven't felt the need to update my journal with what now seems like menial day to day happenings which seem to be the same day after day. no real reason to complain about anything, no significant resistance aside from fleeting feelings of worthlessness that come and go. Neediness with girls is at an all time low, and although my attraction to women have been getting higher and higher, I don't feel that heart sinking urge to go talk to her or be with her.neediness destruction I remember in stage 3 how I was struck with a profound sense of "wow this woman is really beautiful on the inside!", now it isn't so much conscious. I guess the superficial veil has been lifted to a degree. realizing women are good to be in the company of, and not putting them on a pedestal
Life's been going on around me, I'm really enjoying being in the moment and taking life as it comes.
In looking for a supplement to help endure long hours of subs, I've in a roundabout way created my first product for the business I've been planning for 5 years. I just need to test the doses on myself and titrate it until the product is perfected, and finally will get something to upload onto my website for sale. seek the challenge optimus engine
I've started making more money at work, making far more sales (commission) which allows for more money in the pocket and am due for my 3rd raise (in base pay) in 9 months. success programming
I've developed a refined sense of humor, still retaining my old silly comedic ways but delivered in a much more fun manner. humor enhancement
I've decided to grow out my goatee and stash, which has been 2 months and 1.5 months respectively. manliness?
I'm in a fairly constant state of serenity zen attitude
I'm surrounded by a solid group of guys and a couple girls who I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt love and care about me and my well being circle of friends and more importantly I have been able to get on an intimate level with (not romantic, mind you).
</end self searching>
I'm still around, I just haven't wanted to really post in this journal anymore, and the time definitely goes by WAY quicker when I get out of the subliminals' way. not to mention allows the subs to embody itself deeper into me.
thanks for reading; much love y'all.
RE: AM6 - Benjamin - 05-05-2015
Quote:I've decided to grow out my goatee and stash, which has been 2 months and 1.5 months respectively. manliness?
It's funny several of us have reported this. I grew a beard twice and I like how it looks, I think I look much more masculine and attractive. But I really hate the feel of it on my face, the last straw was after doing an especially hard session at the gym and the feeling of the sweat in my beard. So it's a shame because I feel like I definately project more masculinity while I have the beard.
But I was thinking last night I can't use that as an excuse and it's just a beard. But it is interesting the patter of several of us reporting this desire to grow beards.
RE: AM6 - eternity - 05-05-2015
lmao i didn't realize there was more than us. i remember you posting in your journal about that. awesome though, it's a random side effect that seems more or less awesome
pic removed. hope you got a chance to see it.
RE: AM6 - eternity - 05-09-2015
3 more days left of stage 4.
getting more comments relating to people looking up to me, being inspirational, and having an even keel with myself.
On the inside, i can tell i'm preparing to hit the next level in terms of money/vocation. i'm emotionally getting ready to take the entrepreneur plunge, while considering a career change as my 9 to 5 to help pay bills. i talked to a 14 year old kid today after the meeting, who said he had only been getting high for 6 months, but he saw his life going down hill so he went to the meeting. spent some time talking to him, getting his story, and felt a strong sense of purpose in working with adolescents struggling with addiction.
it freaking warms my heart, like for REAL. I wish I had seen where I would have ended up in life if I stopped drinking and drugging at 17 when I caught my first felony. But instead of beating myself up for my own mistakes, I can at least contribute a hope for living to kids who may not have positive direction their life.
transcendant alpha is arriving.
RE: AM6 - eternity - 05-12-2015
27 more hours til i start stage 5.
I just started on my 4th step, which is "made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves", and the first thing my new sponsor is having me do is to write out my entire life story from as early as I can remember to the present day. I get to write an autobiography LOL.... This should be fun. I'm glad EPRHA / OGSF is in this sub. The 4th step is going to bring up a lot of negative feelings I've been holding onto all my life, I may even relive some horrifying experiences while writing it.
Write the Wrongs - eternity - 05-14-2015
Stage 5 Day 2
Listened to hte New Stage while sleeping and woke up EXTREMELY groggy, and on the wrong side of the bed. I came across my room mate horribly. I went up to him and I was like "bro, if you wake us up 10 times less during the night, we might actually get a full nights sleep". Yeah I needed to say it. Yeah I was pissed. But I went about it all wrong. It was more of an attack than a solution oriented statement.
I was looking at my hand written notes from yesterday, and noticed that my handwriting looks a LOT better than it used to look! It's actually clear, and far more legible.
I wonder if there's more truth to the "what your handwriting says about you" concept than I gave credit for. lol.
Alright I give this sub 4 days to get me sick. If I get sick, that'll be 5 out of 6 stages where I get sick at the beginning of the stage of AM. lol
----
Last night I had a dream that me and A (same girl from my dreams, same girl from real life) were snorting meth and getting sexy.
This is so weird, I'm still having dreams of drugs even 6 months after my last use.
----
Well, I finished reading Double Your Dating last week, and learned lots of good stuff from it. Like insisting on being friends verbally, but actions showing attraction. I decided to text message two tinder matches who I got numbers from back in January. Both of them responded "sorry, who's this?" I told them who I am and they seemed excited to talk to me lol. I said "we should meet up for coffee soon, you know.. as friends"
I also got on POF and started messaging girls like it was no big deal, using what I learned from double your dating and how to be an alpha male to my advantage. Big time kudos to Shannon for suggesting those books, btw. If you haven't read them as part of your alpha male training.... READ THEM!
Started talking to two black girls last night, one specifically of which I must have seemed different from every other guy she talked to, based on how she responded. It was much different than what I'm used to getting on POF.
I set up a date with one of the tinder girls (19 y/o brazillian, yum!) at an unidentified date and time. I just need to get a commitment for date and time.
The other one, who's 20/21 half arabic/half indian (YUM!)... I might have intimidated her lol. i'll try again in a day or two.
I don't know if I posted this on my journal or not, but the Thursday before easter friday, I get a message from my ex. the one who I was engaged to, moved in with, and relationship fizzled out VERY fast and ended very unhealthy back in 2010. This is exactly how it went:
Her: [E_C]?
Me: Hi [girl] how are you?
Her: i'm not well actually
Me: Sup?
Her: I was just wondering if we could meet sometime
Her: It's been a while since we agreed to meet
Me: Definitely, let's do it
Me: I'm pretty much available on the weekend except after 7p; what about you?
Me: (6 hours later) I just found out I'm off tomorrow.
Silence.... after that, I never bothered to respond. It felt like she was trying to guilt trip me into seeing her. I didn't play it.
I'm not going to lie, for the better part of the last 5 years, I thought about her A LOT. in fact, I haven't slept with anyone SINCE. No puss* for 5 years + getting ass raped twice really tore me up emotionally (I've never let anybody know about that, btw, so this forum is the first to hear it). I held onto the memory of her for a long time, and in fact I could legitimately say I would have dropped everything to just get a conversation with her. But like catman would say that would just beta it up.
Now, I wouldn't mind a conversation with her but it's the furthest from healthy thing possible. There's a lot of emotional charge that hasn't been dealt with properly, and I don't think I'm in the right place to deal with it. I highly doubt she is either, based on that guilt trip it seemed like she was trying to pull.
I'm definitely noticing tremendous healing, being 4 months into AM6. Let go of past relationships
RE: AM6 - Benjamin - 05-14-2015
Man she sounds like she is just pulling more bullshit.. from what you've just said the best idea is to avoid her. I know your emotions are telling you different, but at the same time AM6 seems to be working on it.
RE: AM6 - eternity - 05-14-2015
that's what i thought it was but i appreciate you chiming in and clarifying. AM6 is DEFINITELY working on it!
I asked the brazilian out.. I said "let's do saturday at 3 pm, yeah?" she said "possibly, let me check".
I shouldn't have put "yeah?" making it a question lol.
I TOLD one of the black girls "let's do sunday at 2".. we'll see what she says.
You know what, I'm really not excited with a mentality of "OMG i'm going on a date!!" like I would be before. Women aren't scarce, that's something AM6, plus the suggested readings, plus the guys on this forum have helped enlighten me about.
F*** eHarmony. Not worth it. 3 months of having that app, and I got to exchanging conversations only twice, both of which fizzled out QUICK. And they were both in Conroe, an hour away from where I live in NW houston...
I wasn't expecting myself to be ready to run SM3 after just one run of AM6, but maybe I will be. but i'll cross that bridge when I get there.
Hopefully I'll finally be ready to move in to that apartment with my buddy by July. I should finish the program mid july; looking to move early july. My time at this nut house is coming to a close!!!!!
RE: AM6 - Benjamin - 05-14-2015
That's cool, sometimes it helps having someone on the outside point it out too.
Good luck with the brazilian.. I hope she has a good brazilian
RE: AM6 - eternity - 05-15-2015
lol the black girl i "told". conversatoin goes as follows:
Me: [in regards to the venue of choice] It's an awesome place. I actually am not going to matagorda this weekend like oriignally planned, Let's do sunday at 2pm
Her: I work all weekend hun Im sorry. I work all day
Me: Ah, well at least I know you have a life. Lol what time do you get off?
Her: Lol. Are you busy tomorrow
Me: Work in the day time, fiesta Friday with my buddy.
Me: Unless you're a night owl, hoot hoot!
Me: There's a starbucks in the galleria area that's 24/7 lol. Bars/clubs aren't good to chat and get to know each other
Her: Okay. Well i'll let you know as soon as possible.
Me: Ok
Her: I feel horrible today. -_- headache drowsy sore throat grossness. I feel very very crappy.
LOL the hilarious part is there was only 30 minutes between "I'll let you know as soon as possible" and "I feel very very crappy"
I want to say something smart like. Wow, you got sick within 30 minutes huh? convenient.
but would that be in bad taste? lol
RE: AM6 - enoch - 05-15-2015
Bad move bro unless you're not going to pursue any further, then have a chuckle. Lol.
RE: AM6 - ffaux - 05-15-2015
She's given you an excuse because she didn't feel comfortable and felt a lot of internal pressure that she had to resolve. The way to get past it is to continue to talk to her and build more trust.