Quote:- In a world of chaos, of extreme external stimuli, it has become extremely difficult to maintain the connection with yourself. It is a harsh world and it fucks with you. The world is making you blinder as you grow older and older, and you might even not be aware of it. Most people aren’t. Without the connection with yourself, you are basically controlled by external factors. You look, whether consciously or unconsciously, for something that will make you fulfilled.

That’s all good James but how do I understand it without examples?! I have heard so much of this, ”You are already whole. Do not care what others think. You do not need anything else than you etc.” but I just don’t understand it!

I’m glad you asked!

We are human *BEINGS* and therefor we are meant to just BE. (Don’t get me wrong. The human mind is one of the greatest assets we have. Just not when it comes to meeting women)

When we are BEING we do not let all these small thoughts and negative bullshit affect us and we do things from our deeper self. If you are thinking, “OKAY! I DO NOT CARE ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK OF ME” repeatedly, it is forced and it is not coming from BEING but rather thinking.


This is actually very Zen. I’ll give you three random examples:

1. Scenario: (environment)
- You enter a bar/club. There’s loud music, lots of people and so much going on.
What happens to you as you enter? As time goes on? Do you get sucked in? Or do you maintain your sense of your own reality?

2. Scenario: (people)
- You randomly met a girl that you might like. You are having a great time. She’s an attractive girl, the kind of girl that most guys would turn their heads for. You are having a great time together.
What happens to you if she suddenly leaves? Do you feel like, urgh.. now what? Or do you think, “she was fun” and maintaining your own sense of validation?

3. Scenario: (daily life)
- You just got a new job that you wanted. The first day on the job the manager tells you that your job is to wash the dishes. The job article said that you only had to clean up the tables though but you need the money in order to pay your rent.
Do you think what the fuck? Who is he? I wasn’t applying for this crap! Or do you think “ohh well.. I have to pay the bills”?
Or do you think, “alright, let’s get started”?


All in all, it is about acceptance and centeredness. The naturals, the ladies man, the great seducers all have this.

So how do you get this? How do you accept and become centered?

The overview: Become aware of it. Consciously try to maintain your own reality and feel good within yourself. Do not do anything else than consciously be in your own relaxed reality. If you have never done this, it is going to be hard to not let external things affect you.
I’ll give you 2 exercises that can help you with it:

A short exercise: Take a deep breath for 5 seconds. Imagine a beautiful sunrise. Do you stare at it? Do you look for validation from it? No. You appreciate and really enjoy it. You accept it. That’s what is NATURAL! You are centered and you are enjoying the moment. There are NO THOUGHTS in your mind.

Then as you become into the moment, from there you can do whatever you want. The negative bullshit is all gone and you are just enjoying your own company. Whatever happens happens. You are going with the flow.

One of my friends, a good guy, who was having depressions, after have gone out and met women, became scared of going out and meeting women because he put too much expectations on himself and on how the night is going to be. He hasn’t been out socializing for a month now and asked for my advice. I could totally relate because before in time I was having a depression every three months or so myself. I told him about what I have realized, and that’s why I look so calm and in my own world.

Now we had been in the bar for a few hours and my friend hadn’t met any girl who had committed. 5 minutes after he did the exercise, he met a hot girl, who committed, out of nowhere.

In the meanwhile I had a stunning girl and her friend come up to me and said that one of them knew me. They were touchy and giggly. “Ohh! It is his name!” but as I just stayed there and enjoyed my time they suddenly began to say, “Don’t play so cool” and they left the interaction. I thought that what they did was weird but I realize again and again that many girls are just insecure.
Right after a businessman I had met before comes to me and talks about an opportunity, which he thought I might be interested in. The girls were still standing near me but were too afraid to reinitiate.

I can sit still and be very non-social for some time but still have girls respond amazingly open when I decide to speak to them or when they ask me something. Even though my friend is doing all the talk and with him, it is like them versus him but when they speak to me it is like they are little girls. Why?

It is all about the feelings. It is mastery of your mind and your mind controls how you feel (besides motion is emotion). It is a sign of strength if you can handle whatever comes your way when you are YOU. You are not trying, just being. People sense that.

A long-term exercise: Meditation. Use meditation as ground pillars for feeling good within yourself and cleansing your mind. I advice to sit comfortable with back straighten, shoulders back and relaxed, hands on the laps or on each other with the tummies connected like the Buddhist way.
Do it for 15-30 minutes every day and you will live a much more joyful life. Do not force anything but let it be and focus on your breath. Let go. When thoughts arise, notice them and accept them. Do not try to control them. Let them pass by. Then try to focus on your breathing again and eventually you’ll have a clear mind again.

As you become more and more in tune with your deeper sense of self, you begin to really do things for your own sake without hesitation, and you do not compromise yourself because of an environment, a needy guy, a hot girl or whatever.

I will leave you with an extra tip:
When you look for signs of interests, or indicators of interests from a girl, you are essentially looking for approval. It is just a more advanced kind of validation seeking.

You do have to calibrate of course and you can only learn that by experience “Experience will teach you everything”

James

(02-01-2013, 07:20 AM)LionMonkey Wrote: Stage 2 - Day 34,


Had a long day yesterday. Had a look at an apartment with a buddy. Going to move out tomorrow with him into central city for february month!

Went to crossfit later and felt over-tired in a good way when I went into the city.

I was euphoric in the beginning of the night and it was like everything and everyone I put my attention on I gave "love" to but as the night went on I lost it by getting into my head. It is inevitable unless I keep meeting new people all the time until I am in the "zone" and I am able to do unbelievable things...

Met up with two friends in a bar later. Not many people there. Around 1AM the bar got filled up with girls and some guys.

There were 4 girls that took seats at a table beside us. 30 Minutes in I go over and talk to two of them. The two others were in the bathroom. They were very open, norwegian girls, just staying for the weekend in a hotel.
They acted like little girls who were almost into everything if you led the them. They asked me where were the good places and where we were going etc.

Suddenly they said, where are our friends? and they went somewhere else, found them and moved to sit in another place of the bar. I thought I said something totally stupid or something.

Anyways me and my buddies were sitting in a spot where you have to go past to get to the toilet. I noticed that the norwegian girls went on the toilet one by one now, instead of two and two.

Then one of the girls, who I could sense wanted to hook up, touched me on the overarm as she walked past. They were two though and 3 minutes after they had pasted me I walked over to let them know that we were going soon and they should come.

I see them surrounded by a CROWD of guys and I was able to tell the two girls I hadn't really talked with.


So I went back to my friends. My state was not great at all. I was over-tired and I didn't feel the feeling but I have promised myself to meet women I found attractive. Spotted a cute girl who locked eyes and walked over to her.

It goes something along like this:

Put my hand forward, "Hi, my name is xyz"
her: "I'm abc"
me: "I saw you and I thought you were really cute. I want to get to know you"
her: "Ohh that's so sweet of you. How old are you?"
me: "why? does that matter?"
her: "yes"
me: "take a guess"
her: "I don't know"
me: "just guess"
her: "I don't know. How old are you?"
me: "Too old. Are you always asking guys you meet how old they are?"
her: "yes"
me: "I'm 22"
her: "ok I'm 21"
me: "how has your day been?"
her: "it has been good.. actually I'm just here with my friends (4 female friends) and I'm not looking for a guy tonight"
me: *cant remember* thought okay I'm going now, but then she began
her: *asking me questions* then said at a point, you are really not my type anyway.

I don't know what went on with that interaction. Either she was being polite or she was just testing me.

Her friend came, who I tried to meet before but didn't happen and they whispered to each other and I stood there in limbo for 10 seconds and walked away, back to my friends.


Later the girl who touched me on the arm came past again with her friend to the toilet and this time she touched me again.

I caught her when she were walking back but she got involved with my buddies as I wasn't directly focused on her as she asked me once again where we were going.
I was very passive as she talked with my two friends because I really just wanted to take her and make out with her and I almost did but didn't. My friends bored her and I was unable to lead her :S

Ryan Wrote:Dude. You took this the wrong way. This woman in fact did want you but she sensed rejection as you were going to get up and walk away, possibly also with the way you were interacting, she didn't want to be faced w/ rejection and instead made it look like she was rejecting you. When she saw you weren't hurt by it she came back after you.

"and I'm not looking for a guy tonight" that's like a woman saying "I will not **** you tonight". If they say that...you will get ***** Lol. Watch the movie, Spread