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+--- Thread: Masculine Prime (Primal Masculinity 5.11g) (/Thread-Masculine-Prime-Primal-Masculinity-5-11g)
RE: Masculine Prime (Primal Masculinity 5.11g) - Benjamin - 03-05-2025
Tonight is my night off after 5 nights on.
I'm still unsure if 10 loops is doing something or if it's too much. It's noticable with my dreams, but I feel like my vibe has gone down or maybe is more intimidating I don't know.
Went to a couple of shops, it's always better when I actually have something to do instead of randomly wandering around which I do sometimes to get out of the house. First was a hardware store, I went in and a guy I know was behind the counter working, I tried to wave and say hi to him and it was like he just blanked me almost like my vibe from 10 loops is too much or making me invisible.
Then went into another shop. There was this indian girl at the door as the greeter, she couldn't even look at me and when I left was so intimidated it was similar. I said "seeya later" to her and she answered really quietly. It's funny cos I tend to get stuff like that alot of the time already, in that I either feel invisible or ignored by certain people when they will greet others, but maybe it's intimidation especially with a PM vibe.
I seen this girl in there who I was really attracted to, then was getting annoyed to myself I still just can't go and talk to her. I'm handling it much better though in that it's not sending me down a big spiral like it was before and I can attribute PM to that. But there is alot about PM that i'm resisting and that just isn't kicking in. It's like sometimes I get these small ideas like it's working on sometihng but it doesn't really give a strong push and really process and integrate to get me to take those actions alot of the time to work towards whatever it is. In the past before this resistance and sabotage was so strong I would get that much more, i'd feel the shift strongly at the body level, it would integrate and i'd take the actions.
I've had some little things that i've added or shifted and started the habit of from PM, but those are mostly from earlier in my listening as opposed to now.
It's getting difficult to stick to it, just keep doing day by day, but really want to stop. I do like the effect on my workouts and martial arts training and don't want that to lessen when I stop PM.. but sadly not as much in other areas. Those 2 areas were what I was consistent with already anyway, and PM has boosted them.
Especially the reports of 6g, first OSC and then what Frosted is saying about OGSF 6g. I'm hoping it will break through alot of this resistance that seems to be just making me 'blank' alot of the programming of PM and other past subliminals. But not before about another month of PM. Though if PM come out in 6g i'd most likely do that since the goals of PM are what i'm really wanting, OGSF v3 is just that I hope it will break through all of this bullshit holding me back. Though there's also the thing that i've been ignoring that I really need to deal with money as over time i'm getting in a worse place because of that.
So that part of me would vote for UMS v3 as the priority, but really it doesn't excite anywhere near as much as the thought thought of using AM7. But kind of like I hoped PM would help motivate me in areas of money and business and make progress, where it hasn't.. i'd be hoping for similar on AM which may not happen (I know it's not the goal, but indirectly for me since it's connected to several areas around being a self-reliant man) so I 'should' do something around money finally. Years ago I did half of BAMM, got some good results at the time actually, but then stopped and I haven't gone back to any money subliminals.
Though I did put alot of work in with other methods around money, and didn't make much real progress.
RE: Masculine Prime (Primal Masculinity 5.11g) - Shannon - 03-05-2025
PM hasn't pushed past your resistance? Ben. The cooperative parts haven't pushed past the non-cooperative parts, but the subliminal is just instructions, you know that.
The idea behind you doing 10 loops is to try to break through the resistance better. The more you want to stop using it in response, the closer you are to succeeding with that. Haven't you figured that out? The closer you get to breaking the resistant parts, the harder they're going to fight for what they think is "their survival", and the more they're going to try doing anything and everything possible to get you to stop using whatever is close to breaking through the fears that hold them (and you) in place. Maybe you should be doing more than 10 loops?
Forget what effects it has on others, especially females. You're working on yourself. You're trying to break through inner blockages. You're also apparently making progress, by the effects you're describing.
RE: Masculine Prime (Primal Masculinity 5.11g) - Benjamin - 03-06-2025
Thanks, it's good to have the reminder. Cos when I hit resistance I forget these things that I can easily point out in others. That gave me a few thoughts Shannon.
The was resistance is currently presenting itself is that i'm suddenly feeling like I may not really want the goal, like feeling like there isn't any point getting in better shape, improving my martial arts and such. Those are 2 of my main passions really. But all of a sudden this weird feeling of "Do I really want this goal of being masculine?". I mentioned this a few posts ago, but it has increased a bit since then.
Yesterday I wasn't looking forward to training, I couldn't focus on watching a training video before I trained yesterday. But then when I did train it went well and I enjoyed it.
That reminds me of another strange thing that I don't know why it happens, maybe you have more of an idea? Basically I seem to get certain inspirations at night, like later at night or before bed or in bed.. like last night I was really inspired and keen to do my workout straight away before eating in the morning. Then in the morning I wasn't very keen for it, and my warmup too me ages, again the workout went well. I did eat first as I feel weaker when I don't, but atleast I did it before anything else. That is a pattern the inspirations for things at night, then in the morning it's gone.
The other funny thing is that I think a manifestation of this resistance is when you talk about breaking through the inner blockages, right now I can't think of what that would be. So my mind is trying to hide it obviously.
I can only do 10 loops at night, but i'll add 2 extra loops through the day aswell and see.
I'll attempt to not focus on the effects it has on others, though that's kind of been some of the measuring stick in that I wasn't 'feeling' different especially at the start, but i'd notice different reactions from people. But I definately have something internally that represents in me being extra focused on the effects on others, likely stuff from the past again around abandonment, rejection, feeling ignored and invisible.
RE: Masculine Prime (Primal Masculinity 5.11g) - Benjamin - 03-07-2025
Had a good night last night.
I went to an open mic with some friends. Earlier in the day I messaged one of them to see if he was going, which definately shows my reluctance to contact friends and not wanting to do stuff was resistance. I also realized that it's likely all of these feelings I had that we were drifting apart with PM, that our energies were 'off' and such was all of my own bullshit very likely coming up.
Yes some comments on responses from others, but also stuff with myself.
When I first got there a random guy turned around and said hi to me which doesn't usually happen. I was a bit after that talking to a friend and this other guy come over and introduced himself, he was invited by the guy I was talking to, but I got this weird kind of gay vibe from him in the way he was looking at and responding to me.
A bit later talking to my 2 mates and 2 old guys come and asked where we were from and talked to them for a while. Again this doesn't usually happen too much.
One thing I become aware of today about PM is that i'm feeling less need to try to say hi to everyone just to 'be friendly' or whatever. Like last night I said hi to less people I seen, but I answered them if they said something. I noticed similar at a market today, unless there was a reason to talk to them or I had some kind of interest in something. And the girl who runs the open mic, who when we went to something of hers a while ago introduced herself and we talked a bit and seemed friendly, then at the last open mic when I went to talk to her basically blanked me and was rude, this was early on PM and I was fairly pissed off and I think PM was processing alot of stuff around it, now I lost interest in her and couldn't give much of a fuck even acknowledging her at all.
I didn't really listen to much of the music last night, was mainly talking.
The other cool thing is my friends daughter was skateboarding, and she wanted to show me different things.. then she wanted to teach me and her dad got his skateboard. At first I had this fear about falling off even just trying to stand on it and go along, usually i'd just be like "no" and not do it. But I kept going and went the furtherest standing on a skateboard than I ever have, which isn't far, but I felt good that I was able to do it. Later on I tried something and did fall off, but I was okay. I wanted to stop then but made myself do a little bit more after. Funny how it took a kid to get me to go out of my comfort zone and try this, when doing it I said to my friend (her dad) "It's interesting cos kids pick up this stuff easier cos there's not this fear like when you're older".
While skating over from where the signing was, there was this couple maybe early 20s, the girl was allright, the guy was a bit of a soyboy. I was having fun and they come down a ramp near us and I was in the flow and having fun and was like "have you come to learn skateboarding, i'm learning to skate" and seriously the guy just gave me this really weird look and made like an "eh" sound like a fucking retard, and they both just seemed to stare blankly. After it I was like "how the fuck does that idiot get a girlfriend that's decent and i'm struggling with that" (I mean I know the main answer, fear in my case) like he was too fucking weird and retarded to even reply properly.
I think that's the main things.
As for today, went out to a market and drove around a bit and a few shops. Alot of shit coming up and potential to go down in a spiral, but I kind of don't even have the energy to write about all of that, like I don't even want to. But some similar stuff to some earlier posts. I come home and am in the process of listening to 2 loops.
RE: Masculine Prime (Primal Masculinity 5.11g) - Benjamin - 03-09-2025
I had a weird dream 2 nights ago that I can't even explain or even comprehend it myself. But I woke up with a realization that i'm likely in a low grade chronic stress fight and flight type state but i'm not even aware of it. It's much less than a few years ago when I had much worse physical things going on, but it's probably still there.. and it especially increases around attractive girls.. then leads me to go down in a spiral because of it.
I went out yesterday to a market and walked around and a few other things. And when stuff was coming up I was trying to breathe (box breathing which is meant to help you come down) and just sat there in my car for a bit, then even put PM on for about 10-15 minutes which did relax me a bit and I felt better when I then went for a walk.
But still went down in a spiral eventually, even if I seemed to hold it off a bit. And went on another porn binge, probably worse than the last few times.
And usually when that happens if it's on a weekend and then the next day on monday is a workout day I still do it. But today I really didn't want to, and it's only my 3rd week on. I had all these well sounding reasons like "my body needs a rest" "maybe working out is increasing my fight and flight" and such, which are complete bullshit as it relives stress.
Then I realized "these are low t thoughts" convincing me that weakness and this bullshit is okay, that not doing it is okay. No wonder the world is as fucked as it is, if this kind of things are created by low t.
I ended up doing some stretching, don't feel good about it, but I seriously didn't feel like I could push through and do the workout. It's partly the porn binge, but also it seems even more resistance to PM. Currently been doing 12 loops, 10 at night, 2 through the day.
2 weeks left until the 3 month mark. My thoughts have been "what's going to happen in the next 2 weeks, maybe I should just stop" but still have put my loops on today. Doing my last 2 day loops before the rest day, I REALLY didn't want to listen and had to force myself to press play, I can't say i've had that much of a strong desire not to listen and reluctance to pressing play for quite a while. I seriously don't think I could handle any more than 12 loops, but I wonder if I should just keep going. But i'm feeling like if it's not breaking through then it may not do so.
I also didn't do my red light therapy this morning, which is only 6 minutes and is a very well established habit for years on weekdays.
Also thoughts that I planned to have the measurements I took in testosterone, a bodyscan, videos for the 3 months is wasted if I stop and start something else just because it's getting difficult. And I won't know if PM actually concretely improved those things, I know my physique has improved, but how much? And was it worth it? I won't know if I don't do the scan. Of course I can still do the scan I guess, but it wouldn't be good to do my testosterone test today after a porn binge as it's obviously severely drained right now. Unfortunately the body scan isn't available for another month from now.
I explored my resistance in a document, didn't really get anything that really 'hit' but stuff that makes sense such as if i'm a successful masculine man then I have to deal with stuff around girls, and this fear is impossible to deal with.. but then it goes back to my abandonment, rejection, not being wanted from my biological mum again. And any rejection will confirm that so it's safer for me to reject myself first by having this overwhelming fear, and doing stuff like going on porn binges which stops my drive and temporarily stops the desire, though it fucks everything else up like my motivation. I do notice the pattern whenever my sex drive starts increasing this all gets worse, and it was coming up again in the last few days.
It's funny how it always goes back to this obsession with girls and sex and it's even stronger on masculinity programs like PM and AM and other things i've used. But then the deeper layers under that is the abandonment and rejection which explains that obsession in some part of me thinking if I could just get the girls I want then it might make me feel better about all of that or help deal with it.
Next is likely OGSF v3. For now i'm trying to slugde through another 2 weeks of listening.
RE: Masculine Prime (Primal Masculinity 5.11g) - Shannon - 03-09-2025
Good choice. Fix the problem.
RE: Masculine Prime (Primal Masculinity 5.11g) - Frosted - 03-10-2025
OGSF3 seems like a great choice.
RE: Masculine Prime (Primal Masculinity 5.11g) - Benjamin - 03-11-2025
Quote:Good choice. Fix the problem.
Using OGSF?
I admit OSC is very tempting as I love the reports, but I know OGSF is more needed.
X4a-1600 is also tempting so I can actually get what I want externally, but that would have me back to when I was using different DMSI versions for so long and not really moving forward in other areas. Of course I was also in a better position to use such a program back then too.
Quote:OGSF3 seems like a great choice.
Definately following your journal, interesting the difference between v2 and v3.
RE: Masculine Prime (Primal Masculinity 5.11g) - Benjamin - 03-11-2025
Last night was my night off. I stayed up a fair bit later which is because of how i've been feeling. Weirdly not motivated, low energy but then I feel like shit and want to stay up later playing games despite that. I took some l-ornithine to help me sleep which I noticed earlier in PM it interrupted the processing and made my head feel weird, but last night it actually seemed okay. I woke up feeling like some stress had been lifted, not sure how else to explain it.
But it didn't last very long. I am so consistent with my workouts for years, only on the 3rd week on (after a recovery week) and i've just taken this week to stretch, have a normal workout tomorrow but am thinking i'll do the same thing, that is how low my motivation is, obviously part of low t from the porn binge too.
But also likely resistance. What I noticed is when I set up my playlist for PM, after that i've been feeling nauseous and my head weird. I had to really force myself to go and start the playlist. It could also be the porn binge with feeling nauseous and my head weird, but though i've been feeling low today I don't remember feeling nauseous until then.
It's basically feeling like there's this big wall and I kept increasing loops, and now this wall come up like "nope". I'm even having these little visualizations come to mind like me trying to move forward and bumping into this wall, and my general feelings feel like that too.
Still pressing play though, for atleast the about 12 days left for my planned usage time.
RE: Masculine Prime (Primal Masculinity 5.11g) - Benjamin - 03-11-2025
Interesting.
I've mentioned that I did a course working with the higher self before using PM. I thought I could use it without conflict as it's more specifically targeted, and I did so maybe 2 or 3 times and it helped PM work better, but then the last time I used it.. it derailed PM quite a bit and I don't know why.
But with 2 weeks left in my planned listening time I thought why not just take one part of it. Not the part of getting rid of beliefs, but a part on allowing my systems to accept the goals of PM.
I did that last night and today I come out of the fog, it shows how much strong resistance I was having. I didn't even want to go down the street to pick up a parcel from the post office, had no motivation for anything in the last week or so. And also I had basically reached a point where I had 'given up' on PM and was just listening to get to the planned time, wheras today I feel more able to keep listening and more okay about continuing. Though i'll still most likely move onto OGSF after the 3 months of PM.
Today I woke up feeling much better, motivation is back, I went down the street fairly early to get stuff done and felt fairly comfortable. I've been more motivated today, I started writing a speech for tomorrow night that I was putting off and even considering not going to toastmasters because I wasn't enthused for it, today i'm tackling it and feel okay about doing so. I still was quite aware of when I seen attractive girls of my body going into stress mode, I decided to just move closer to them and focus on breathing, not sure if it helped. I need a way to be able to deal with it in the moment aswell as healing it at the core.
I read the comments about CPTSD in Shannon's journal discussion thread, i've done alot of stuff around trauma but never actually researched this version. But alot of what was written applies. I for years have had this 'thing' where i've created this ideal, fantasy image or character of me if I was a totally different person, who has all the things I want to be and I regularly get lost in imagining myself as him dealing with situations. I see it as disempowering me but haven't really found a way to deal with it, I think I likely come up with it as young, maybe a teenager but I can't remember. In my case I can't attribute it to resistance to a subliminal as it's been around much longer, but I can see what DarthXedonias was talking about, in that I may actually at times take the shift in mindset from the subliminal and apply it to my fantasies/imaginings being in situations and even apply it to this 'fantasy' self that I created instead of expressing it as much in my actual life. Fuck, it sounds like a complex thing to deal with, so no wonder the 'complex' part of the name.
I think me and Darth are describing kind of different things, but what he wrote stimulated these thoughts of how it applies to me.
And my body and mind responding to alot of things as a threat, I can see that, especially due to alot of my trauma during doing security, being attacked with an axe and other things. And not really feeling safe in the world. I'll go out with friends and such on and off, sometimes for a few weekends in a row then not do anything for a few weekends or longer. It seems to allow a little bit of 'exposure' to the world before going backwards into isolation. Damn.
RE: Masculine Prime (Primal Masculinity 5.11g) - Benjamin - 03-12-2025
I don't remember if i've mentioned this at all, and I may have forgot about it until 2 days ago when PM kicked in again.
But PM has a few times caused a detox. Yesterday morning I woke up and my pee was bubbly which is a detox response, maybe candida. This morning it was smelly similar to past programs with detox. It makes sense in that these and similar issues have likely contributed to issues i've had with low testosterone.
Had some weird dreams last night, one I can't even interpret or remember properly.
But one just before waking up I was in a hall with tables set up everywhere having dinner. Somehow I knew that I either owned the hall or was part of organizing it. There was a table behind me and I was sitting there putting my feet on the table. This guy there who I can't think who it was but I know it was someone or represents someone from the past who would bully me was being really rude telling me to get my feet off the table, and even come over aggressively then sat down again. I stood up and aggressively gave it back to him because of the way he said it. I think I was even full on ready to fight him, but the dream ended.
Strange combination of things, cos it's not like i'd actually do that if I was out to dinner. But i'm thinking it represents partly standing up for myself with someone who picked on me in the past and also possibly all the 'rules' my parents tried to give me and they way they did it.
RE: Masculine Prime (Primal Masculinity 5.11g) - Shannon - 03-12-2025
I wonder if maybe the detox is happening in response to pieces of resistance crumbling...
RE: Masculine Prime (Primal Masculinity 5.11g) - Benjamin - 03-12-2025
Not sure but I did have the same earlier on, when I first started PM, so I took it as a sign that PM is kickingin again for me. Feeling better and having motivation the last few days goes along with that too.
RE: Masculine Prime (Primal Masculinity 5.11g) - Shannon - 03-13-2025
What's your current loops per day of usage?