+- Subliminal Talk (https://subliminal-talk.com)
+-- Forum: Family & Work Safe Journals (https://subliminal-talk.com/Forum-Family-Work-Safe-Journals)
+--- Forum: User Journals (https://subliminal-talk.com/Forum-User-Journals)
+--- Thread: alpha 4 (/Thread-alpha-4)
RE: alpha 4 - ffaux - 01-28-2017
I feel weak and unattractive.
Quote:Have let go of any negative self image, attitudes, thoughts and beliefs about yourself.
RE: alpha 4 - ffaux - 01-30-2017
I feel a strong drive to meet new people.
I need to learn how to make male friends.
I feel very unattractive.
RE: alpha 4 - ffaux - 01-31-2017
I used to feel superior to people. And I would go to great lengths to make sure the things I did and the way I did them were superior to other people. This feeling is gone. I don't feel superior anymore.
---
I'm feeling inferior.
RE: alpha 4 - ffaux - 02-02-2017
Lots of ups and downs as I heal the trauma from the way my ex broke up with me and as I transition from one mindset to another and the back and forth that's causing.
RE: alpha 4 - ffaux - 02-03-2017
So much sadness from letting go of my ex. And I'm so lonely. I don't know what to do with these feelings. I don't have any friends. Well I've got lots, they're just not a circle of friends I hang out with all the time. I miss being part of a social group that hangs out all the time and wants to do stuff.
---
I still want to be attractive to and successful with women. I want their attention and admiration. I feel insecure and inadequate—not good enough. Why is my self-worth still so low?
RE: alpha 4 - ffaux - 02-04-2017
My self-worth is still tied to the response I get from women. If I feel universally attractive to women I feel good, if I don't get a good response my self-worth plummets back to rock bottom.
I wish I knew more things that I could do for myself to take care of myself, love myself and value myself. I wish I knew how to make me happy.
RE: alpha 4 - ffaux - 02-05-2017
AM desperately needs a module to confidently, calmly and clearly communicate your point of view to others so that they understand your perspective. I ruined my relationship and put myself through months of hell because I didn't communicate my understanding of the situation to my ex and to my friends which allowed a misunderstanding to propagate. I figured out her side of the story but they still don't understand my perspective. I still haven't been able to communicate my side of the story effectively. I think it's an alpha male trait to be able to communicate with strength and make sure other people understand (and ideally come to) your point of view. This is basic leadership. More than that, is an important skill to be able to function effectively in all relationships, personal or professional.
RE: alpha 4 - ffaux - 02-06-2017
A while back I used to be on Tinder and it frightened me how promiscuous women are. Women were so ready to hook up and it was so confronting because my whole world view has been that it's difficult to pick up women and that women who are promiscuous are low value and those who are not are high value. I realised just how much and how readily men and women fuck. In the end I deleted Tinder because I couldn't accept this reality. I'm trying to find the women who don't spread their legs so easily.
My ex jumped in bed with a few guys she met on tinder soon after we broke up and let the relationship burn. I guess I'm afraid of meeting another woman who will rather do this than invest in fixing the relationship when it breaks.
(02-06-2017, 07:22 PM)Shannon Wrote: It's not women. It's humans. It's human nature to be sexual. It's human nature to be promiscuous.
The hunt goes like this for males:
I want the best, sexiest most reproductively capable and suitable and healthy female, but I want her to be mine and only mine so I know all her offspring came from my seed. But I also want to **** and impregnate every other woman who will let me **** and impregnate her on the side. Therefore, I want the female I choose as my primary to be hard to get and hard to get for sex, because the harder I have to work to get her, the more likely she is to be faithful.
The flaw in that thinking is... females typically have several males each wanting to have sex with them, expressing interest, courting them, offering them bribes for sex and sex itself. Even the ugly ones! They therefore have all the sex they want, and that means... since she typically likes sex as much as guys do, and it's constantly being offered and thrown in her face, that - especially in today's "empowered female" mindset - female hypergamy is accepted and normal. She's going to **** every guy she wants to, and the guys will just have to deal with it.
It is the males who are making this possible for her. She's just accepting the bribes and pleasure because she can. If males had more self control and self respect, they would not be throwing sex and bribes at any and every woman they could find who will hold still long enough for them to try to ****.
Yes, that's right: PUA is responsible for female hypergamy as much as is society being permissive towards women's hypergamy, and as much as the individual females who are actually riding the resulting carousel.
That, anyway, is why you're not comfortable with "easy pussy". It is also human nature, because she wants the best seed and he wants the best garden to plant it in. Not resistance.
In stages 1 and 2 of AM, there is nothing specifically about changing your beliefs regarding women except that you will refuse to let them walk on, disrespect, take advantage of or abuse you.
RE: alpha 4 - ffaux - 02-08-2017
I'm feeling positive for the first time in months and months. I'm feeling okay about my ex and I'm moving on. Whatever stage 1 and 2 were meant to achieve have been achieved. Stage 3 starts tonight.
RE: alpha 4 - ffaux - 02-08-2017
I doubt that I am attractive to women. I feel unattractive to women when they don't take notice of me. I've tried to be someone else instead of being myself for the better part of my life because I believe that I am unattractive. I don't want to be me. It hurts to admit to myself the loser that I think I am. I am in denial. Undoubtedly a source of resistance because I resist admitting to myself who I am so that I can change.
I've been running my whole life from the loser that I think I am.
RE: alpha 4 - ffaux - 02-09-2017
Naps make everything better! I faced some really big resistance last night. I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't fall back asleep. I'm not sure if I stonewalled stage 3 but I don't think so. I'm pretty sure that I stonewalled stage 3 in previous runs but I've lowered the intensity of the subliminal by restricting my hours and lowering the volume so I think my mind is going to be unsuccessful in summoning the energy to stonewall the incoming suggestions this time; equal and opposite reaction: it has less energy to push against. I did however find myself exhausted after breakfast today and had a brief 30 minute nap in which a lot of emotions shifted.
Something in Stage 2 or 3 made me realise that my ex was batshit crazy and place the responsibility for the breakdown where it belonged, squarely on her crazy shoulders. I don't even know why I tried taking responsibility for the situation, I guess I cared about her and knew that thinking about her and treating her like she's crazy would be damaging. Somehow, somewhere I've had it wired in me that I'm better off if I avoid blaming others and take responsibility for what happens to me but that's just about the most damaging way to approach a situation where you're dealing with someone who isn't normal. And it's clear to me now that my ex is emotionally damaged AF; definitely not normal.
Maybe I've confused taking responsibility for my contribution to a situation with taking responsibility for a whole situation (and absolving her of any responsibility like some kind of fucking chump beta male hero).
RE: alpha 4 - ffaux - 02-10-2017
I feel so ashamed when something socially awkward happens. Just now I was saying something to this cashier I've had a small conversation with before, just making small talk, but she didn't get what I was saying and I felt awkward and ashamed afterward for creating that awkward situation. I'm so uncool
I'm so ashamed of being uncool. I don't want anyone to find out. I haven't felt uncool in ages. My social awkward moments make me feel uncool.I'm too nice a person. I don't want to hurt anyone. This makes me a pushover and uncool. It makes me unhappy when I do something that I know makes another person feel sad. I feel sad myself and I feel that I'm a bad person. I don't want to be a bad person, I want to be a good person. This is some childhood bullshit.
---
Been feeling very insecure/unsafe and vulnerable recently.
---
I've started weighing my food again to make sure I'm eating right.
RE: alpha 4 - Frosted - 02-12-2017
Your post looks like something I could've wrote.
RE: alpha 4 - ffaux - 02-12-2017
The desire to be good with women has been so strong for so long it's scary to let it go and see what else there is.
---
My whole life I have wanted friends and a girlfriend above anything else. I have never pursued anything for its intrinsic enjoyment, rather I have always focused on wanting friends and wanting a girlfriend.