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+--- Thread: SM3: Becoming a Sex Magnet (/Thread-SM3-Becoming-a-Sex-Magnet)
RE: SM3: Becoming a Sex Magnet - Benjamin - 11-19-2014
Hahaha funny that a girl took a photo of you too. I find it funny because if a guy was going around taking photos of girls in public they would be like 'how creepy'.. which I guess it actually is, but I didn't care and just found it interesting wondering what she was doing with it.
We can imagine that they have posted the photos of us on facebook with them and all their friends going "wow he is so hot".
-Ben
RE: SM3: Becoming a Sex Magnet - Spiritman - 11-19-2014
(11-19-2014, 01:18 PM)sebastian Wrote: Crazy things happen. Yesterday I had an appointment and had to wait for a while. Other people were there, too. A young girl sat next to me. She was really cute and it looked like she was attracted to me due to the body language I have seen. The crazy thing is that she took a photo of me. I wouldn't realize this but the flashlight of her phone turned on while the phone was turned to my direction. She probably forgot to turn it off because she seemed uncomfortable after that happened, turned immediately the phone away and tried to cover the flashlight (which didn't work well...). After a while she took the phone in her hand again and pointed it again to my direction in a pretty similar way like before. No flashlight the second time, but it looked like she had taken some pics again. She also held the phone a bit lower at a given point. In this position it looked like she was taking pictures of my crotch (!?). I was somehow amused about that stuff.
The really good thing about it is that I became aware of some things that holding me back approaching women. So I almost don't feel a general fear of rejection, but I am really uncomfortable to get rejected if other people are around. I fear somehow that they will laugh at me at this case. I am also uncomfortable starting to talk in such a situation because if all people around are quiet I become the center of attention immediately and I also don't like the idea that they might think I am pervert or something like that. I am sure I had talked to her if that things were different because she really was my type and her body language indicated some interest, too. Probably good stuff to do some PSTEC on.
Anyway, today I felt really attractive and confident like never before. It was like I really have got all my sh*t together. In the same way the neediness I still had regarding some special things/circumstances started to decrease.
You know that is funny, I have seen that happen once before. If I was in your position, I would have said sarcastically "If you're going to take a picture of me, it will cost you twenty dollars." lol
RE: SM3: Becoming a Sex Magnet - Shawn - 11-19-2014
(11-19-2014, 03:00 PM)spiritman Wrote: You know that is funny, I have seen that happen once before. If I was in your position, I would have said sarcastically "If you're going to take a picture of me, it will cost you twenty dollars." lol
I wanted to say "Now you owe me a coffee". But for the reasons I mentioned I didn't.
RE: SM3: Becoming a Sex Magnet - Spiritman - 11-19-2014
(11-19-2014, 03:04 PM)sebastian Wrote:(11-19-2014, 03:00 PM)spiritman Wrote: You know that is funny, I have seen that happen once before. If I was in your position, I would have said sarcastically "If you're going to take a picture of me, it will cost you twenty dollars." lol
I wanted to say "Now you owe me a coffee". But for the reasons I mentioned I didn't.
That is a good one as well. It might have made her a bit awkward but it would have broken the ice and got things going. Most men have those same problems that you described but as long as you're aware of it and trying to deal with that is all that matters. All you can do is take one issue at a time until you can get things resolved.
Stage 2, Day 28 - Shawn - 11-23-2014
Have been in a club this weekend. Got looks from almost any woman there. Had some small talk with a cute blonde. Later the night I was talking to a guy there while having a lot of eye contact with the blonde one I talked to before. Then she came over, sat almost on my lap with her arm around my shoulders. We have been talking together and also her (female) friends came over and we continued talking for a while and exchanged numbers. However, it turned out that they are married, but, anyway, we met another day for brunch. I didn't expect that something happens at that time but I decide to do it anyway because I just need more practice in socializing (with women). There were definitely some points I was better than before but there is still a lot stuff I have to become better with.
But there is something different I would like to hear some opinions on. There was a party I wanted to go with a girl I know. I asked her earlier the week to text me if she is in mood the day. It wasn't a date or something like that and there were probably more people we know. I didn't get a message from her so I texted her, but got no response. So I decided to go to the club. Later the night she sent me a message and said that she wasn't at home and forgot her phone at home (which is very unlikely). The thing is, while driving to the club I passed her house and the lights were turned on, so she was at home. I want to be straight with her and tell her what I saw and that I think she was not honest. I am not sure here if I should do it this way, because it could appear as needy or she could think I am stalking her (what I don't do).
The other thing is it looks like she would like to hang out with me if she doesn't have other options. I did realize that shortly, because in the last half year we didn't do much together anyway. I would like to be straight here in the same way and tell her to rethink if she really want to hang out with me and not only due to the lack of options. What do you guys think? I just need to resolve that situation in some way but I am not sure what's the way to go. I allowed her to do a lot as we started to know each other but know I am not willing to be treated this way anymore.
RE: SM3: Becoming a Sex Magnet - JackOfHearts - 11-23-2014
With the little experience I have, the girl who rejected me lied a lot of times. And they never admitted their lie even if it was obvious. They always find a way to avoid the facts, they don't want to feel bad so they lie trying to be nice. At least it's what I have experimented more than once, and it's even harder when you never get an honest answer.
What I would do is to not ask anything and leave her alone, a woman who can't be honest doesn't deserve you attention.
RE: SM3: Becoming a Sex Magnet - Shawn - 11-23-2014
(11-23-2014, 06:30 AM)maniac360 Wrote: What I would do is to not ask anything and leave her alone, a woman who can't be honest doesn't deserve you attention.
I probably would, but as she is in my study course I am seeing her for at least one more year almost everyday. So I need to find a way to deal with her.
RE: SM3: Becoming a Sex Magnet - SargeMaximus - 11-23-2014
(11-23-2014, 06:41 AM)sebastian Wrote: I probably would, but as she is in my study course I am seeing her for at least one more year almost everyday. So I need to find a way to deal with her.
Trust her to be dishonest and you should be fine.
RE: SM3: Becoming a Sex Magnet - Shawn - 11-23-2014
(11-23-2014, 07:10 AM)SargeMaximus Wrote:(11-23-2014, 06:41 AM)sebastian Wrote: I probably would, but as she is in my study course I am seeing her for at least one more year almost everyday. So I need to find a way to deal with her.
Trust her to be dishonest and you should be fine.
That's an interesting one. Thanks. It's because even if I should decide to talk to her it doesn't men that she will be honest thereafter.
RE: SM3: Becoming a Sex Magnet - SargeMaximus - 11-23-2014
(11-23-2014, 11:10 AM)sebastian Wrote: That's an interesting one. Thanks. It's because even if I should decide to talk to her it doesn't men that she will be honest thereafter.
That's right, so just accept it. She is who she is. Don't try to change her, but just relate to HER, not who you think she should be.
If sex or other opportunities arise, take them with the same kind. Maybe you could meet with her in public, or make sure to always have an escape plan if she gets crazy. Whatever, just relate to her as she is.
RE: SM3: Becoming a Sex Magnet - Shawn - 11-23-2014
(11-23-2014, 11:25 AM)SargeMaximus Wrote:(11-23-2014, 11:10 AM)sebastian Wrote: That's an interesting one. Thanks. It's because even if I should decide to talk to her it doesn't men that she will be honest thereafter.
That's right, so just accept it. She is who she is. Don't try to change her, but just relate to HER, not who you think she should be.
If sex or other opportunities arise, take them with the same kind. Maybe you could meet with her in public, or make sure to always have an escape plan if she gets crazy. Whatever, just relate to her as she is.
Right, wise advice, I cannot change her. But this make me even more willing to say her. Not to change her, but just to let her know where I AM. No matter if she is willing to like or accept what I am telling.
RE: SM3: Becoming a Sex Magnet - SargeMaximus - 11-23-2014
(11-23-2014, 12:01 PM)sebastian Wrote:(11-23-2014, 11:25 AM)SargeMaximus Wrote:(11-23-2014, 11:10 AM)sebastian Wrote: That's an interesting one. Thanks. It's because even if I should decide to talk to her it doesn't men that she will be honest thereafter.
That's right, so just accept it. She is who she is. Don't try to change her, but just relate to HER, not who you think she should be.
If sex or other opportunities arise, take them with the same kind. Maybe you could meet with her in public, or make sure to always have an escape plan if she gets crazy. Whatever, just relate to her as she is.
Right, wise advice, I cannot change her. But this make me even more willing to say her. Not to change her, but just to let her know where I AM. No matter if she is willing to like or accept what I am telling.
I'm not sure what you mean. If you're saying you should let her know where you stand, that's a good idea so long as it's warranted. I mean, if a girl says to me "Hey, let's go here" and I don't want to, I'll tell her, but if she says "I like this" and I don't, I won't feel any need to say anything unless I want to.
In those situations, I just see it as the person sharing part of themselves with me, not an attack that I need to "defend my boundaries" against.
RE: SM3: Becoming a Sex Magnet - Shawn - 11-23-2014
(11-23-2014, 12:06 PM)SargeMaximus Wrote: I'm not sure what you mean. If you're saying you should let her know where you stand, that's a good idea so long as it's warranted. I mean, if a girl says to me "Hey, let's go here" and I don't want to, I'll tell her, but if she says "I like this" and I don't, I won't feel any need to say anything unless I want to.
In those situations, I just see it as the person sharing part of themselves with me, not an attack that I need to "defend my boundaries" against.
Well, in the past I didn't set any boundaries and I didn't let her know where I am. So she didn't know for sure where I am and what I am thinking. That's why I think I should tell her.
RE: SM3: Becoming a Sex Magnet - SargeMaximus - 11-23-2014
(11-23-2014, 12:36 PM)sebastian Wrote: Well, in the past I didn't set any boundaries and I didn't let her know where I am. So she didn't know for sure where I am and what I am thinking. That's why I think I should tell her.
Well it depends again on the situation. Not sure what yours is (didn't read it if you posted it?) but Blackdragon sums it up quite nicely here: http://www.blackdragonblog.com/2014/06/04/the-definition-of-relationship-problems-drama/
EDIT: Generally, if you're telling a woman something to try and change her, it's a bad idea. Just like acting nice to try and "catch her".
EDIT 2: Found a golden nugget from the BD:
"The ideal solution is to let her tell you whatever she likes and to not care. But if you’re not there yet, sure, you could tell her that you would appreciate it if she kept her other activities to herself (just realize by doing that you’ve entered into Alpha Male 1.0 territory and lost a little frame with her, because she knows she “got” you a little). Again though, the problem is not her, it’s you."