+- Subliminal Talk (https://subliminal-talk.com)
+-- Forum: Men's Journals (18+ NSFW) (https://subliminal-talk.com/Forum-Men-s-Journals-18-NSFW)
+--- Forum: Men's Journals (https://subliminal-talk.com/Forum-Men-s-Journals)
+--- Thread: DMSI, will you be the final piece of puzzle? (/Thread-DMSI-will-you-be-the-final-piece-of-puzzle)
RE: DMSI, will you be the final piece of puzzle? - sw72hw - 10-19-2016
I suppose I've been off DMSI a bit more than 2 weeks as Shannon thought useful. I suppose it is hard to tell if I am noticing any differences between when I was on DMSI (or 2.3~2.4), and when I have been off for over 2 weeks. Perhaps I will see more if I am fully off DMSI.
Anyway, here is something I noticed.
1. I am not disgusted by people any more. --> Well, I've had experiences of being seriously disappointed in people in general (but not at the level of disgust), and eventually accept that that's what people are and how they are. Became not so much of a disappointment, but rather acceptance and not caring. So this point is a bit tough to say that it is a result from DMSI disconnection.
2. I think it is a continuation from before, but I am now starting to question about my next moves after the master program, what to do next, where to go and etc. Also I have recently started questioning about my abilities, where I fit, what I am good at, what I should do, where I can be use, and etc...... Perhaps 1. was a part of this process. Anyway, is this the result of DMSI, and/or the result of disconnection? Although more explicit version of this thought/self reflection came near the 2 week of disconnection, it also seems that these have been developing for a while. I don't know since when, but I think it may have been developing for about a month or a little longer. Also, I have done these several times to think that this may be a cycle for me. Hence, it may be just me, not necessarily DMSI.
Sooooo what should I do, or what am I going to do? Am I going to change to DMSI 2.5, or am I going to continue observing the difference between no sub and disconnection? I suppose I will first try waiting Shannon, but since he's on a break, I don't know if I will hear back from him soon.
I haven't decided on my next move, but I know that I won't be listening to DMSI 2.5 tonight. It's too late, I'm tired from class and school work/quizzes, and I have another class to attend tomorrow.
RE: DMSI, will you be the final piece of puzzle? - DisneylandUSA - 10-20-2016
(10-19-2016, 11:45 PM)sw72hw Wrote: I suppose I've been off DMSI a bit more than 2 weeks as Shannon thought useful. I suppose it is hard to tell if I am noticing any differences between when I was on DMSI (or 2.3~2.4), and when I have been off for over 2 weeks. Perhaps I will see more if I am fully off DMSI.
Anyway, here is something I noticed.
1. I am not disgusted by people any more. --> Well, I've had experiences of being seriously disappointed in people in general (but not at the level of disgust), and eventually accept that that's what people are and how they are. Became not so much of a disappointment, but rather acceptance and not caring. So this point is a bit tough to say that it is a result from DMSI disconnection.
2. I think it is a continuation from before, but I am now starting to question about my next moves after the master program, what to do next, where to go and etc. Also I have recently started questioning about my abilities, where I fit, what I am good at, what I should do, where I can be use, and etc...... Perhaps 1. was a part of this process. Anyway, is this the result of DMSI, and/or the result of disconnection? Although more explicit version of this thought/self reflection came near the 2 week of disconnection, it also seems that these have been developing for a while. I don't know since when, but I think it may have been developing for about a month or a little longer. Also, I have done these several times to think that this may be a cycle for me. Hence, it may be just me, not necessarily DMSI.
Sooooo what should I do, or what am I going to do? Am I going to change to DMSI 2.5, or am I going to continue observing the difference between no sub and disconnection? I suppose I will first try waiting Shannon, but since he's on a break, I don't know if I will hear back from him soon.
I haven't decided on my next move, but I know that I won't be listening to DMSI 2.5 tonight. It's too late, I'm tired from class and school work/quizzes, and I have another class to attend tomorrow.
You know yourself: You know yourself better than anyone. Taking classes and tests can contribute to 'higher standards' in women in general. Instead of looking for an A+ woman perhaps, you can lower your standards to an A- woman.
RE: DMSI, will you be the final piece of puzzle? - sw72hw - 10-29-2016
(10-20-2016, 04:59 AM)DisneylandUSA Wrote: You know yourself: You know yourself better than anyone. Taking classes and tests can contribute to 'higher standards' in women in general. Instead of looking for an A+ woman perhaps, you can lower your standards to an A- woman.
I don't know if taking classes and tests contributed to raising my standards in women. I suppose my standard on girls' appearance is fluctuating, sometimes it is high, and sometimes it is not that high, but even when it is high, it is never the level of the time of my highest, which was basically an impossible standard. Yet, I wonder if my standard on women is still high. Maybe not necessarily impossible, but high. I wonder if this is a terrible thing. On the other hand, I feel and think that I deserve a very high quality woman..... so this is an interesting dynamics.
However, I find that my standard on girls' intelligence/smartness is pretty high. Probably this is the most difficult to satisfy criteria. (Other than emotion, character and relatability part, and these I am not even sure what I look for in girls.) Or it can be that I have a different way of thinking things, perceiving things that I am looking for the girl who has similar way of thinking/perceiving the world.
Nevertheless, the most challenging thing I am finding is that I don't really have anything relatable with any girls, or with any guys. (Perhaps some, but I constantly get a feeling that I don't have anything to connect with anyone at a deep level, not just very shallow short term, one time connection.)
I suppose there can be a few different things going on here. 1. I am always with a wrong crowd that I need to somehow find better suited crowd. 2. I need to have life that is more normal, perhaps more relaxed and less focused on academics only. 3. Other dynamics that I don't know going on.
Anyway, I know that this aspect of my life is a very difficult one to address, if not the most difficult aspect. It will require lots of therapies and hard working, and perhaps not even fixable. My hope is that sub will be a help, even a little bit. (Hopefully it will be a great help!!!) So far, there hasn't been much signs of help, but I am not dismissing it that easily as addressing autism and other developmental/psychological disorder is not an easy thing.
RE: DMSI, will you be the final piece of puzzle? - SargeMaximus - 10-29-2016
You don't need to relate deeply to a girl to sleep with her (I assume that's what you want?) in fact, relating deeply with a girl would probably work against you there. All you need to do is relate enough. I'd say learning how to ask questions and relate to her answers is your best bet in that area. It's what i do and I'm almost Asperger's.
RE: DMSI, will you be the final piece of puzzle? - sw72hw - 10-29-2016
Switched to DMSI 2.5. I suppose it's been a few days, may be a week and a half. But with high loads of work, and last week of staying up really late to finish assignments two days in a row that I skipped a few sessions of listening to DMSI. I also learned that I may have messed up with playing the playlist that it may have played only one loop as opposed to multiple loops that is suggested by Shannon. (3 loops for this one, and 5 for previous one was it?) I just learned of this a few days ago, finding that the phone on dock stopped playing after one loop..... In this case, it can be that I only got to listen to the phone playing V2.3 and V2.4 entire thing playing one loop only, instead of playing the entire playlist.
Very shameful, and makes me wonder, why iPhone does weird stuff like that...... Given the above, perhaps my feeling that something was going on during V2.2 was due to my listening to it on computer, instead of playing it on a phone during the sleep. At least, computer was playing the right amount of loops. However, it more difficult to continuously listening to the whole thing. So I will need to see more to assess the result more fully, and I hope that the phone does not mess with me from now on!
As far as of now, I haven't seen any changes in women's behavior around me. My hostility/negativity of others is non existent. But I wonder if this was an extension from my being disappointed in academia, and the courses I am taking in general. Right now, I am wondering about my future plans, and nothing seems so clear. I plan to contact a few institutions after the coming exam, and hopefully they will give me a better guidance to what I should do next.
Other than being slightly more concerned about my path and my future, and more irritation/frustration, (which come and go, and now at a pretty low level) I haven't noticed anything different inside me. But I noticed something interesting.
After the long Tuesday - Thursday, I was able to fix the loop issue and listen to the subs every nights. And since I did that, I heard neighbor having sex every night. (Except today, but who knows I may catch them in the act when I go to bed.) But one weird thing was that I was in bed watching a video, and I think I heard my neighbor having sex. I took earphones off, and that sound was gone. I put them back on again, and I heard the sound again. I took them off again, and the sound was gone. Within last two nights, I heard neighbor having sex three times, (2 in my bedroom side and one in my living room side), and out of 3, I am sure two of them were just like what I described. (One, I am not so sure I lost the track of the sound when I took the earpieces off.)
Soooo, I am now starting to question if I am hearing things that is not there, and this developed within last two days, and this happened as I listened the subs two days in a row with supposedly corrected loop numbers. (I am not 100% sure as I didn't stay up entire time to check. )
Based on this, I can say interesting dynamics is going on with the DMSI 2.5.
1. It is making me hear people having sex, even when nobody is having sex.
2. It is making my neighbors having more sex. I caught my bedroom side couple doing it twice before, (one time was really vivid simultaneous orgasm of the guy and the girl, and the other time was the guy getting a blow or handjob. ), but I never caught my living room side neighbor. Perhaps it was coming from above, and in that case, I may have heard upstair neighbor having sex before, so it isn't too unusual. However, what is unusual is that I never caught them having sex too frequently. In fact I have heard only about 3~4 in total in about 1 year and 3~4 months of living in this place (except the last few days, which should add to 6 incidents of catching neighbors in action). Therefore, if it is the case that I have caught my neighbors in action, then I suppose the sub is making the neighbors having more sex. (by a lot)
Both scenarios are depressing. If 1 is the case, then the sub is causing me to hear aural hallucinations (and BTW, I never had a hallucination before or heard things), which can be dangerous that I should stop listening. If 2 is the case, it seems to be doing my neighbors huge favor, while adding envy, jealousy, horniness, and eventually melancholia and depression to me.
Interesting dynamics, but both concerning and saddening in certain sense.
I am going to listen to these for a few more days (I know that I may have to stop one or two days for my exam preparation as I may end up staying up very late with little sleep time. Besides, I can't allow mental energy drain in that time, so I am more likely to stop DMSI for those periods)
Hopefully, I will figure out that it is safe (that I am not hallucinating) and not only beneficial to those around me only.
RE: DMSI, will you be the final piece of puzzle? - sw72hw - 10-29-2016
(10-29-2016, 09:50 PM)SargeMaximus Wrote: You don't need to relate deeply to a girl to sleep with her (I assume that's what you want?) in fact, relating deeply with a girl would probably work against you there. All you need to do is relate enough. I'd say learning how to ask questions and relate to her answers is your best bet in that area. It's what i do and I'm almost Asperger's.
Sure, I'd like to sleep with a girl, (or with a few different girls) but I also don't want to sleep with just anyone. I also suppose that just pure one night stands are not the ones I am looking for. I think that if I sleep with anyone, I'd do it with a girl whom I can see myself going further with. It doesn't have to be that way, but I want the girl, who possess traits and potential to be something more than just one night stand partner.
I don't know, but I think just having one night stands would probably just do me more emotional damage than giving me benefits. It's funny I say that as I haven't had any one night stands or sex before.
These make me feel somewhat conflicted, because DMSI is designed to make me sexually irritable. (So very sexually oriented, which may be lacking what I want/need) Yet, I suppose only sex is not something I want. I developed this feeling and thought when I was on the Sexually perfect lover sub, which led me to stop and taking a break and switch to other sub. (I don't remember which one(s)) On the other hand, I feel that sexual irristability or sexiness is something I lack the most in the necessary area, so that's the reasoning/thought behind doing DMSI. Also, it would make my life much easier, if girls approached. Perhaps a bad goal, but that is the intended goal of the sub.
RE: DMSI, will you be the final piece of puzzle? - 4Kingdoms - 10-30-2016
(10-29-2016, 10:15 PM)sw72hw Wrote: I noticed something interesting.
After the long Tuesday - Thursday, I was able to fix the loop issue and listen to the subs every nights. And since I did that, I heard neighbor having sex every night. (Except today, but who knows I may catch them in the act when I go to bed.) But one weird thing was that I was in bed watching a video, and I think I heard my neighbor having sex. I took earphones off, and that sound was gone. I put them back on again, and I heard the sound again. I took them off again, and the sound was gone. Within last two nights, I heard neighbor having sex three times, (2 in my bedroom side and one in my living room side), and out of 3, I am sure two of them were just like what I described. (One, I am not so sure I lost the track of the sound when I took the earpieces off.)
Soooo, I am now starting to question if I am hearing things that is not there, and this developed within last two days, and this happened as I listened the subs two days in a row with supposedly corrected loop numbers. (I am not 100% sure as I didn't stay up entire time to check. )
Based on this, I can say interesting dynamics is going on with the DMSI 2.5.
1. It is making me hear people having sex, even when nobody is having sex.
2. It is making my neighbors having more sex. I caught my bedroom side couple doing it twice before, (one time was really vivid simultaneous orgasm of the guy and the girl, and the other time was the guy getting a blow or handjob. ), but I never caught my living room side neighbor. Perhaps it was coming from above, and in that case, I may have heard upstair neighbor having sex before, so it isn't too unusual. However, what is unusual is that I never caught them having sex too frequently. In fact I have heard only about 3~4 in total in about 1 year and 3~4 months of living in this place (except the last few days, which should add to 6 incidents of catching neighbors in action). Therefore, if it is the case that I have caught my neighbors in action, then I suppose the sub is making the neighbors having more sex. (by a lot)
Both scenarios are depressing. If 1 is the case, then the sub is causing me to hear aural hallucinations (and BTW, I never had a hallucination before or heard things), which can be dangerous that I should stop listening. If 2 is the case, it seems to be doing my neighbors huge favor, while adding envy, jealousy, horniness, and eventually melancholia and depression to me.
Interesting dynamics, but both concerning and saddening in certain sense.
If you are listening to 2.5 on your headphones like I think you are... then I don't understand how it is affecting your neighbors?? Unless they are somehow affected by your aura as it projects sexuality.
If you are listening to 2.5 on speakers, then they can definitely hear it and you should face the speakers away from them. I don't get that impression... since you claim to be taking your earphones off and on.
As far as hallucinating that that you "hear" your neighbors having sex with your headphones on. You are the only one reporting that. Since you claim to have never hallucinated before, then you might just be timing it perfectly with them starting and stopping with you taking your headphones off and on...
RE: DMSI, will you be the final piece of puzzle? - Lucius - 10-30-2016
(10-29-2016, 10:55 PM)sw72hw Wrote: Sure, I'd like to sleep with a girl, (or with a few different girls) but I also don't want to sleep with just anyone. I also suppose that just pure one night stands are not the ones I am looking for. I think that if I sleep with anyone, I'd do it with a girl whom I can see myself going further with. It doesn't have to be that way, but I want the girl, who possess traits and potential to be something more than just one night stand partner.
I don't know, but I think just having one night stands would probably just do me more emotional damage than giving me benefits. It's funny I say that as I haven't had any one night stands or sex before.
I can relate to this in a way, as in I had similar thoughts back in February when I joined IML. I did not want to admit it then, but this was a blatant sign of neediness. I started moving forward when I accepted that there is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with one night stands. I thought I had no problem with this, but deep down I did. I am not encouraging you to seek ONS, I just hope understanding this will help you to start moving forward as it helped me. If for one thing, it has made me start developing an abundance mindset when it comes to women, and that alone has increased my courage when I interact with them. If one says no to me, who cares? Rinse. Repeat.
I have not done DMSI by the way. I've just been testing what guys like Sicko and Chaos have been posting (showing women I'm a sexual being but refusing to put their p***sy on a pedestal), and I'm getting positive feedback - and I'm a virgin.
RE: DMSI, will you be the final piece of puzzle? - SargeMaximus - 10-30-2016
(10-29-2016, 10:55 PM)sw72hw Wrote:(10-29-2016, 09:50 PM)SargeMaximus Wrote: You don't need to relate deeply to a girl to sleep with her (I assume that's what you want?) in fact, relating deeply with a girl would probably work against you there. All you need to do is relate enough. I'd say learning how to ask questions and relate to her answers is your best bet in that area. It's what i do and I'm almost Asperger's.
Sure, I'd like to sleep with a girl, (or with a few different girls) but I also don't want to sleep with just anyone. I also suppose that just pure one night stands are not the ones I am looking for. I think that if I sleep with anyone, I'd do it with a girl whom I can see myself going further with. It doesn't have to be that way, but I want the girl, who possess traits and potential to be something more than just one night stand partner.
I don't know, but I think just having one night stands would probably just do me more emotional damage than giving me benefits. It's funny I say that as I haven't had any one night stands or sex before.
These make me feel somewhat conflicted, because DMSI is designed to make me sexually irritable. (So very sexually oriented, which may be lacking what I want/need) Yet, I suppose only sex is not something I want. I developed this feeling and thought when I was on the Sexually perfect lover sub, which led me to stop and taking a break and switch to other sub. (I don't remember which one(s)) On the other hand, I feel that sexual irristability or sexiness is something I lack the most in the necessary area, so that's the reasoning/thought behind doing DMSI. Also, it would make my life much easier, if girls approached. Perhaps a bad goal, but that is the intended goal of the sub.
Yes, that end part is true and there's nothing wrong with that.
In my opinion though, one night stands are how relationships start.
You get with a girl, she decides to sleep with you, and if she doesn't want to continue, she'll stop seeing you. But if she does, she will.
Try not to think of it as either a ONS OR a relationship. Instead just see everything as "relationship" and then things will get better because you won't be putting pressure on it.
(10-29-2016, 10:15 PM)sw72hw Wrote: I noticed something interesting.
After the long Tuesday - Thursday, I was able to fix the loop issue and listen to the subs every nights. And since I did that, I heard neighbor having sex every night. (Except today, but who knows I may catch them in the act when I go to bed.) But one weird thing was that I was in bed watching a video, and I think I heard my neighbor having sex. I took earphones off, and that sound was gone. I put them back on again, and I heard the sound again. I took them off again, and the sound was gone. Within last two nights, I heard neighbor having sex three times, (2 in my bedroom side and one in my living room side), and out of 3, I am sure two of them were just like what I described. (One, I am not so sure I lost the track of the sound when I took the earpieces off.)
Soooo, I am now starting to question if I am hearing things that is not there, and this developed within last two days, and this happened as I listened the subs two days in a row with supposedly corrected loop numbers. (I am not 100% sure as I didn't stay up entire time to check. )
Based on this, I can say interesting dynamics is going on with the DMSI 2.5.
1. It is making me hear people having sex, even when nobody is having sex.
2. It is making my neighbors having more sex. I caught my bedroom side couple doing it twice before, (one time was really vivid simultaneous orgasm of the guy and the girl, and the other time was the guy getting a blow or handjob. ), but I never caught my living room side neighbor. Perhaps it was coming from above, and in that case, I may have heard upstair neighbor having sex before, so it isn't too unusual. However, what is unusual is that I never caught them having sex too frequently. In fact I have heard only about 3~4 in total in about 1 year and 3~4 months of living in this place (except the last few days, which should add to 6 incidents of catching neighbors in action). Therefore, if it is the case that I have caught my neighbors in action, then I suppose the sub is making the neighbors having more sex. (by a lot)
Both scenarios are depressing. If 1 is the case, then the sub is causing me to hear aural hallucinations (and BTW, I never had a hallucination before or heard things), which can be dangerous that I should stop listening. If 2 is the case, it seems to be doing my neighbors huge favor, while adding envy, jealousy, horniness, and eventually melancholia and depression to me.
Interesting dynamics, but both concerning and saddening in certain sense.
Interesting. I had this on SM 3. My brother lost his virginity after being a social-less loner. The only thing that changed was I was talking to him regularly and I was on SM 3. Like it or not, people will pick up signals from us and sometimes they will get ideas on how to behave from us, which can lead to them having the same success. I call this "transference" and had asked Shannon to put something in DMSI to keep this from happening but apparently he hasn't perfected it yet.
I have noticed that I'm not transferring to others but if you have to your neighbors then obviously it's still a thing.
As for your feelings of jealousy and stuff, those are normal. Any guy hearing that and not getting any sex himself would feel the same way. I know because my landlord brings girls home sometimes and they f*ck upstairs and I can hear them.
But I've gotten to the point where it doesn't matter, I just keep focused on succeeding. So I'd suggest you do the same thing. Start focusing on becoming better with people and the sex will come on it's own.
RE: DMSI, will you be the final piece of puzzle? - Shannon - 10-30-2016
I thought the definition of a one night stand was to have sex for one night and then part ways sexually... and relationally...
RE: DMSI, will you be the final piece of puzzle? - RTBoss - 10-30-2016
(10-30-2016, 07:42 AM)SargeMaximus Wrote: Interesting. I had this on SM 3. My brother lost his virginity after being a social-less loner. The only thing that changed was I was talking to him regularly and I was on SM 3. Like it or not, people will pick up signals from us and sometimes they will get ideas on how to behave from us, which can lead to them having the same success. I call this "transference" and had asked Shannon to put something in DMSI to keep this from happening but apparently he hasn't perfected it yet.
You take credit for your brother losing his virginity? Perhaps the only thing that you observed was that your brother was talking to you regularly. Seems more logical that you're trying to make yourself feel better for not losing your own virginity on SM3 by taking credit for your brother getting laid...
But if the program did work that way, that would be an interesting side effect.
RE: DMSI, will you be the final piece of puzzle? - SargeMaximus - 10-30-2016
(10-30-2016, 10:32 AM)RTBoss Wrote:(10-30-2016, 07:42 AM)SargeMaximus Wrote: Interesting. I had this on SM 3. My brother lost his virginity after being a social-less loner. The only thing that changed was I was talking to him regularly and I was on SM 3. Like it or not, people will pick up signals from us and sometimes they will get ideas on how to behave from us, which can lead to them having the same success. I call this "transference" and had asked Shannon to put something in DMSI to keep this from happening but apparently he hasn't perfected it yet.
You take credit for your brother losing his virginity? Perhaps the only thing that you observed was that your brother was talking to you regularly. Seems more logical that you're trying to make yourself feel better for not losing your own virginity on SM3 by taking credit for your brother getting laid...
But if the program did work that way, that would be an interesting side effect.
Yeah prolly just trying to make myself feel better.
RE: DMSI, will you be the final piece of puzzle? - sw72hw - 10-30-2016
@4Kingdoms
Based on your reaction, I apparently didn't do a good job at explaining my situation. Basically I was watching something on my iPad with earphones in it, while my docking speaker is playing the sub. I have good hearing that I usually put volumes pretty low. For instance, on computer I would usually set master volume at 2~6% and will still be able to hear just fine, and I also can hear things with my earphones in it. (Well, I'm using Apple Earpods, so it's not noise isolation earphones like that of Shure) With that, I can also hear the sub playing on the speaker. (Though it gets more difficult when I put it on Ultrasonic, and it is my primary choice on the docking speaker.) Also I put relatively low volume on that speaker too, but I realized that I can also hear the sound in my living room. I played FM radio with even lower volume and I was able to hear it in my living room. Yet, the door was opened, so I don't know if it is able to go through the wall to reach the neighbor. I'll consider lowering the volume anyway. This means, I will be putting volume lower than 5 on the speaker.(And I believe the volume is on 20 scale. I don't know, I never got past volume 7 or 8.)
Last night, I didn't hear any actions, so I assume even if I was having hallucinations, they are not an issue anymore. Honestly though, I'd prefer if it were not hallucinations. No mental health to worry about and more pleasures for the neighbors, so it is a win-win.
@Lucius
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. On the other hand, I am not sure if I can understand the reasoning behind why not wanting one night stand is a sign of neediness. In fact, I kinda think that not wanting to sleep with just any women, and deciding to wait for the one I like seems like being in control over the neediness. But I will reflect more on this and try to understand what you mean by that. Yet, I get that not thinking about things, or separating women in general is a good thing. It's just a bit difficult that I seem to be doing this on a rather auto mode, not really being conscious about it.
@
One thing that may be different from your brother and my neighbors is that I don't really have any interactions. Since the grad school is in the evening (like 5 to 8) my schedule is a bit weird that I wake up at around noon, and go to bed at between 3~4 AM. Because of this, and because I mostly do my school work at my home (I tried going cafe, and library, and it was too distracting to me that I can't really do it.) that I don't really have that much interaction going on. I have only seen my bedroom side neighbor once, and I have only seen my living room side neighbor about 3~5 times during 1 year and 3 months of staying here. So I doubt their behavior is not really based off from my action or my radiating aura. (Unless the aura can penetrate the wall)
Rather, if there is something going on I believe it may be that they are somehow able to listen to my sub (highly doubt it for my living room side neighbor), and it is somehow turning them to have more sex.
Anyway, I'll need more data with the neighbor to conclude that they were having more sex. Who knows, it could just be a coincidence.
RE: DMSI, will you be the final piece of puzzle? - sw72hw - 10-30-2016
So no sex last night, or at least I didn't get to hear any of them enjoying.
Today though, I am for some reason very low energy, especially mental energy being very low. This is bad as I haven't even gotten my paper proposal started (although I have my ideas put together already), and I couldn't get 25% of what I wanted to do. (Since there is an exam, I planned on skipping or skimming the reading for tomorrow, while finishing most of the review of the exam, so that I can see the professor during the office hour to ask some questions.)
I feel even light headed that concentration or thinking, or even understanding materials has been challenging throughout the entire day. This is very bad, and if it doesn't get better soon, I may have to drop DMSI entirely. (I didn't have this much issue with DMSI before, but I suppose previous two versions might have had issues with the loops, and I was probably more irregular with listening patterns.) I need mental energy focus, and can't let sex or any other stuff to take that away for an extended period of time.
Nothing else happened today, but there are a few things I realized can be of interesting.
1. Babies. Nothing has changed with babies. Whenever I go out, and whenever I see a baby on stroller, about 90% of the time, the baby is staring at me. Heck, I even see the baby turning his/her face when I move away from the baby.
2. Dogs. Reflecting back, I also find that dogs have become more friendly/curious towards me. I notice that they sniff at me more, come closer to me to a point that the owner has to pull them away to keep the dog away from me.
This Friday, basically pretty much after I spotted the loop issue, I had a more extreme version of dog coming at me. In the morning, I was seeing one of my coaches at the lobby at my place. After a while, a person with a dog walked in, and the dog was walking rather very energetically and enthusiastically towards me and the owner had to pull the dog away. (BTW the location I was was somewhat close to the entrance, but not that close.) After a while, I had another same incident, and this time, the owner was being dragged a little bit. Since I didn't pay much attention, I suppose it could have been the same dog, and the same person, but it could have been a different one. Anyway, the dog(s) could have been the friendly one(s), but their enthusiasm and coming to me was a bit too much to say it was natural. It can be nothing but I just wanted to share.
3. Female concierges. One girl concierge is being kind. So in that same morning, I overheard the concierge talking to a maintenance guy, with a little mocking/joking tone about how somebody put a request to change a battery in the fire alarm, and how people (tenants) don't know anything. And since I had an issue with a fire alarm in the previous night (Thursday), I had to ask them to change it, as I couldn't reach the fire alarm. (I needed a bigger ladder, and they didn't have one at the moment.) Because I overheard the talk, I went there to request the fixing order, and also decided to add a little explanation that how I was going to change it, but I couldn't reach it. And the concierge was like "you don't have to worry about that, we'll take care of it." It could have been a just courtesy stuff, but it felt that there was something there almost as if she didn't want to offend me, or make me feel assure that it is okay to ask. Anyway, it definitely seemed different from the way she was describing the tenants to the maintenance guy to the way she was saying to me. Sooo, I thought this may be interesting to report.
On the other hand, the other concierge, who is old, but hot, and looking young (she's like 50, but can trick that she's in late 20s or early 30s) is rather treating me like I don't exist. When I approach her, she's friendly, but has become a bit colder than past. Past was warmer, and very friendly towards me, but now feels rather indifferent, but still friendly. Weird.
And both of them, I met them around the same time, and it was probably when I began with DMSI or shortly before that.
They are both quite friendly toward people in general as far as I know of, so I find the difference, or the development of difference is rather interesting.
4. Students/others...... No difference, or nothing really different about them at all. I'm pretty much indifferent/non-existent. (Except professors)
This is preliminary report I observed, and I will be reporting more, if anything develops further. And I hope I am making sense, as my mental power is low, and my head isn't functioning that well.