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RE: Absolute Self confidence journal - mat422 - 11-24-2010
11/24/10
Today was a good day. I really learned a lot more about what works for me when dealing with my anxiety. I've come to realize that when I practiced the sedona method there was so much emphasis on accepting the emotion and releasing it. I never truly owned my anxiety and that is what I'm coming to terms with now. Today I pretty much learned that all I need to do is learn how to breathe properly, when you breathe properly it truly is amazing how much better you feel.
Anyway I did a short meditation session before I went to my first class this morning. Basically all I did was focus on deep breathing, expanding my belly, and feeling that calm peaceful feeling. After a few minutes I opened my eyes and saw the world very differently. I was in the present moment, but I didn't have to try, I was just there. For the first time in a long time I actually felt ok. The anxiety was still there, but it was more of a reminder that I am human and that its ok. I would rather be comfortable being uncomfortable, that sounds weird, but it feels like the right thing to say.
Anxiety created a filter in my head for the longest time. My first response to fear was usually anger, camouflaged as the "I don't need human interaction like everyone else" response. When I reduced my anxiety I finally realized how protective of myself I was being and how the anxiety was creating a barrier between me and other people. I always saw other people as a threat, whether or not I realized it consciously.
So today I talked to the girl from my monday class again. I got to know a lot more about her and the conversations went a little easier. The anxiety didn't stop me from saying what I wanted to say and I was just being my natural self. Not completely confident though lol, but I don't need to be. I was being real with her, not being fake. I always wanted to talk to her, but I never really pushed myself enough. She says she's shy and this is the first real interaction she has had in this class. I feel bad because she is such a nice girl and really down to earth. A lot of shy people are really great, its just that people misconstrue that shyness as indifference and arrogance so they tend to get isolated. I felt like I could connect with her well because of our similar backgrounds.
I still had the physical anxiety symptoms. By the time class was over my mouth was bone-dry and I was really hot. But I left feeling really happy. I used to read a lot of books on dating and whatnot because I was always lousy with girls. They always stressed confidence, and if you were nervous then you would blow the whole thing. It isn't true at all. Confidence is good, but I see confidence as accepting your nervousness or your quirky traits and letting others see that you are ok with them. Hiding them and denying them is what will turn people off from you because they know you are hiding something and not being yourself.
RE: Absolute Self confidence journal - mat422 - 11-29-2010
11/29/10
Man, I did not feel good today. Just overall. I talked to some people but underneath I felt like I was just putting on a happy face for them. I'm fairly certain how I feel right now isn't normal for a person. Nobody should feel this bad for no apparent reason. I don't hate people in this state of mind I just don't get enjoyment. I just wanted to get through my classes, get back to my house and watch tv.
So I'm just going to ride this emotional roller coaster out. I'm focusing on my thoughts, breathing, and meditating for brief periods of time. Right now my goal is just to not lose motivation in my college work. I think I'm just putting too much pressure on myself to get better with people instead of focusing on my studies which is more important than becoming more comfortable around people.
In the past I've tried to understand why I felt this way and logically try to figure it out, but it just added more stress. Today I told myself "ok today sucks, but its not the end of the world, stop trying to force yourself to be happy and just accept everything as it is." Its very tempting to wallow in the depression, but I know that it will just pass and I shouldn't play out the victim mentality.
So now I'm just gonna chill out. Maybe work on producing some electronic music on my computer. Right now my mind is telling me it's more effort than its worth, but I'm going to push myself to do it because I know that it won't be as bad as my mind thinks it is.
RE: Absolute Self confidence journal - sarah825 - 11-29-2010
oh my god i cant even BEGIN to tell you how amazing it was to find this thread!!! i have been experiencing the SAME exact things as you and I am literally at my wits end and dont know whether to keep continuing or not. I have been out of the house for college and law school for the last 6 years and just came home in august to study for the boards. I thought it would be a wonderful time to improve myself and go into subliminal mp3s. I tried a free one from another site about ending anxiety and it actually seemed to calm me (im a worry wart) and so then when I saw the absolute self confidence mp3 i jumped on it!!
i lack self confidence but i am GREAT at faking it. i have an extremely easy time meeting men and I have been in one relationship after another . and i genuinely mean it when i say every guy ive date was an amazing catch. i make friends very easily and initially when i meet people ive been told i exude self confidence. but to be completely honest i am extremely insecure and barely trust myself on most things. i have gotten great at putting on a facade but my lack of self confidence is extremely distressing. to the point where im always looking for ways to get over it! when i started listening to this mp3 in octoberish my mind went CRAZY. thats an understatement. my mind was going through CRAZY fights and it felt like all the work i had done with the ending anxiety mp3 went to waste =( a few days into the mp3 world war III broke out between my mother and I. I was raised in one of those strict asian households where discipline was REALLY overdone. ive always had a lot of resentment but i always dealt with it. that morning, I BLEW UP at my mother and couldnt control my emotions i was crying and a COMPLETE MESS!! omg i went on and on about things from like my 5th birthday! the day was absolutely crazy and the weirdest thing ever is the next day i woke up and i could not care less about all the resentment i had against her. it had just completely gone away. even right now im embarassed to think i reacted that way because it doesnt affect me AS much anymore. i tried to think that i had just released years of resentment (i do think it made major improvement) but going through it was AWFUL. needless to say, i stopped listening to the mp3 that day
then two weeks ago my boyfriend out of the blue broke up with me and i was completely blind sided. i was so confused and all over the place so i picked this mp3 up again. figure my world had crashed (at the time) what could make it worse right? im a few days in and again all sorts of things are happening. ive spent the last two days fighting with my extended family now over just crazy things and im beginning to grow weary of this. is it worth it? i have studying which is much more important to me to focus on. i know these emotional outbursts of mine are completely not normal. im a little scared everyday. is this doing more good than bad???
im so so glad i found your thread. when i looked on here back in october no one had written much about it. i hope someone who has hopefully been through this terrible mess has some advice to give. until then, let hope it gets better soon =/
RE: Absolute Self confidence journal - Benjamin - 11-30-2010
Hi Sarah,
The fact that you are having those intense reactions shows it is working and that your mind and ego is trying to fight against the changes. It seems it is showing you how much you have been manipulated by your family and they are not used to you standing up for yourself.
Alot of it is caused by your resistance to the emotions and the changes, if you can just allow it to be there it will be better.. look into the sedona method, it is a good way to help deal with these emotions.
I'm doing the alpha male program and at times I am having anxiety come up, and I just am able to sit there and welcome it and allow it to be there and it is okay. It is when I resist it and get angry and try to get rid of it when the problems come up.
If you want confidence then yes it is worth it to stick to the subliminal. I'd say that due to your extreme reactions that when you get through that you will have some very good changes. It's just that your ego isn't used to it.
Hope that helps.
RE: Absolute Self confidence journal - Ryan - 11-30-2010
Oh yeah, definitely, had a similar reaction when I first started it. Most of it was geared towards my Dad who was very strict on me my whole life. I had A LOT of resentment towards him which came out during the confidence sub. It's nice because since I stopped using it (months ago) I no longer allow his negativity to affect me and my self-esteem, but he's also been more respectful towards me. This happens for about 2-3 weeks, then you start to gain confidence. You gotta release that baggage, look at it as a learning experience. You're now beginning to understand why you lacked confidence in the first place. I'm sure resistance in itself can also manifest in anger. It'll all go away very soon
RE: Absolute Self confidence journal - mat422 - 11-30-2010
Hey Sarah thats a lot of stuff you got going on there. Stick with the confidence subliminal. I know its hard, I've been there and a lot of other guys on this forum have too. I have thought of quitting, but I've been a quitter all my life and this is the one thing I want bad. You picked up the subliminal because you want confidence, so don't let a little emotional trouble sabotage your efforts of improving yourself.
I, like you, worry all the time. I'm still learning to manage my mind and its a constant learning process. So I'll give you a little advice that has helped me. It is very simple, but don't overestimate the effectiveness of it. Relax your whole body and breathe from your belly. Just be aware of your breathing, let everything be and don't resist. Look up Vipassana breathing meditation. When you are relaxed and focused on your breathing your thoughts stop and you lose your attachment to them. You may still have anger in you, but anger will not control you. The next time you feel an emotional outburst coming along remember to just relax and breathe.
It was OK that those emotions happened. Don't condemn yourself for having those outbursts. You are human, and nobody is perfect. Just understand that it is repressed feelings coming up and they will pass. It is not the end of the world, even though it does feel like it. Relax and breathe, focus on your studies, tomorrow is another day. Don't put so much pressure on yourself.
RE: Absolute Self confidence journal - sarah825 - 11-30-2010
thank you for all the encouragement. despite feeling pretty confused (and psychotic!) most of the day it helps so much to hear all the encouragement and confirmation that this phase passes.
ryan, you are completely right. after the experience (fighting with my mom in my case), the relationship has completely changed - something i never expected. i guess the storm is worth it.
mat, I looked up the breathing meditation and surprisingly, after only a few minutes, i felt slightly more calm!! still a struggle, but definitely helps in clearing my head. thank you for the wonderful tip!! greatly appreciated
RE: Absolute Self confidence journal - Spiral - 12-01-2010
Sarah.. what has worked wonders for me is breathing properly all the time. Instead of doing that breathing meditation be aware of your breathing all the time. It's very hard to do but it will be natural in due time. Just work on pulling in your inhale from your belly up to your chest. When it became natural for me I began to be unaware of my breath. I a pull it in very slowly and then exhale. each breath is usually 7-10 seconds opposed to 3 seconds. This is the length of an average breath for almost every person in the world. A good way to put it is to try and breath like a monk. Take slower deeper breathes. This also improves health and immune system tremendously.
RE: Absolute Self confidence journal - mat422 - 12-01-2010
12/1/10
Just wanted to get this down before I forget. I'm taking up the sedona method again, its very powerful. I've been messing around with it all day and I came to realize why it never really worked that well for me. I would feel the energy but I never actually allowed myself to release it. It's funny because I somehow thought releasing it was a bad thing and I was afraid of being free. So I've been releasing on understanding how to release and now I feel amazing. I think it was all the books I read on buddhism and that said you should just allow the emotion without wanting to get rid of it. So I unconsciously thought I should hold onto these emotions, but now I realize how much more liberated I can feel when I just let go.
I think combining the sedona method with the subliminal will create changes even faster. I believe its the energy connected to negative beliefs that creates the blockages, not the thoughts themselves. Everyone is entitled to happiness, its just these blockages that get in our way.
RE: Absolute Self confidence journal - Benjamin - 12-01-2010
Yeah Sedona is a great combination with the subliminals. It's allowed me to better allow the anxiety, anger or whatever that is coming up just be there. Which usually let's it go.
When you get more advanced you will understand that better, it's hard for me to explain. Just start with the basic course. I prefer the release technique by Larry Crane, it's similar but instead you imagine a cylinder attached to your chest/stomach and let it go through that. Now I am able to do it either way and it doesn't matter, but I found it was easier when I was starting.
RE: Absolute Self confidence journal - mat422 - 12-02-2010
Hey Benjamin. I remember looking at the release technique by Larry Crane a while back. I definitely use more of the release technique because it deals with the feeling more and gets me out of my head.
Overall I'm still learning. I think I'm still trying to figure out how to do it better instead of allowing the energy. I'm still having a bit of difficulty between allowing the emotion and letting it go. Too much emphasis on allowing and I get myself stuck in the emotion. Too much emphasis on letting go and I don't acknowledge it fully and tend to suppress it. So I guess I'm going to release on my issue of having trouble with releasing. It tends to be so simple, but I have a tendency to complicate everything.
RE: Absolute Self confidence journal - Benjamin - 12-02-2010
Quote:Too much emphasis on allowing and I get myself stuck in the emotion.
Take some time to ask yourself these questions, take time on each one to really do it. Just breathe and really allow yourself to feel it.. for this experiment forget about trying to get it go and see what happens.
Could you welcome that stuckness? Just allow it to be there?
Could you welcome all the sensations, images and sounds coming up in this moment?
Could you welcome any sensation of wanting to change it, wanting to fix it, wanting it to be different?
Could you welcome any sensation of this being personal, of it meaning something about who you are?
-----------
What you just did is a more advanced application of the sedona method called triple welcoming.
Quote:Too much emphasis on letting go and I don't acknowledge it fully and tend to suppress it.
Hale says "learn to do what your doing when your doing it and not do what your not doing when your not doing it.."
When your welcoming and accepting the emotion.. just do that, don't worry too much about the thought of letting it go.
When your letting it go.. just let it go.. that's it.
Hope that helps.
-Ben
RE: Absolute Self confidence journal - mat422 - 12-04-2010
12/4/10
Phew what a day. I felt soooo tired. These subliminals really pull up a lot of stuff and its important that I take the time to recognize these emotions and let them purge. I'm learning to accept my emotions more fully with the help of the sedona method. But acknowledging emotions really doesn't require much of any technique and I'm learning to just allow and let these emotions pass through me. Some days its tough and waking up in the morning I can't help but feel a little depressed, but I'm doing my best.
I'm also learning to let go of emotions that caused me anxiety about the future. It's funny how I tend to always "plan" for the future and try to control so much by always thinking and getting caught up in my head. When I let go of the emotion attached to controlling my future I'm a lot more at peace and in the present moment.
I'm actually looking forward to the subliminal bringing up more repressed emotions and feelings because I will know when I purge those I will be making progress.
RE: Absolute Self confidence journal - mat422 - 12-10-2010
12/10/10
I'm still learning more about myself every day. Taking a break from sedona method. In fact I'm done with any self help method. As much as I appreciate the sedona method it still seems to linger in my mind that I have to release emotions, but I'm realizing more and more I have to do the opposite. I suppress my emotions a lot and I'd rather be feeling an emotion fully than trying to stuff it down inside of me and wear a smile on my face. Right now I'm sticking with breathing and relaxing, letting things be as they are.
As things are right now I missed a night of the sub. My mind kept telling me I just needed to release more with the sedona method and I wouldn't need confidence. But I realize now that I do need this subliminal and I'm not going to slack off anymore. At this point I'm looking back and I can say this subliminal did some good in my life. I'm just gonna keep going. College has got me stressed, I have no idea where I'm going career wise, and getting up in the morning takes tremendous amounts of energy. But I'm grateful for all the things in my life and I'm doing my best.