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+--- Thread: Revisiting guilt, shame, and fear (/Thread-Revisiting-guilt-shame-and-fear)
RE: Revisiting guilt, shame, and fear - mat422 - 03-03-2014
(03-03-2014, 04:31 AM)SargeMaximus Wrote: Don't worry, if she's good at what she does, she either already knows what your problems are, or she's starting to get an idea.
As for our little thing here, let's try this again:
When, in the last week, have you had an experience where you felt like you were bottling yourself up?
Just tell me what happened, not what you think happened. In other words, if you never read anything online about this stuff, how would you describe what happened?
Well the most recent event was when I went over to this family's house to go meet their dogs. They are going away and I'm going to be taking care of them for the week. So basically just typical small talk stuff. I went there and was anxious the whole time, talked about whatever, then left. That's about the only thing that's happened within the past week.
RE: Revisiting guilt, shame, and fear - SargeMaximus - 03-03-2014
How do you know you were anxious?
RE: Revisiting guilt, shame, and fear - mat422 - 03-03-2014
(03-03-2014, 01:24 PM)SargeMaximus Wrote: How do you know you were anxious?
I felt really tense. Kind of had a tension in my chest too. The whole time I just wanted to get away. I kind of struggled talking too and my mind didn't feel like it was working right.
I see what you're getting at though. I need to stop looking deeper into things that aren't there. Just notice what actually happens and work on that instead.
Anyway thanks. I probably sound like a broken record when it comes to this stuff. But I guess I do get caught up in these thought loops and have trouble pulling myself out of them.
RE: Revisiting guilt, shame, and fear - SargeMaximus - 03-04-2014
When that happens (when you start being in a "loop") the best remedy is to become aware of it and notice what you're doing/feeling/thinking without judgement. Accept it, and say to yourself "I have/feel X inside of me." You don't need to "work on it", believe it or not.
So, in your example, instead of saying: "I felt really tense. Kind of had a tension in my chest too. The whole time I just wanted to get away."
It would serve you better to become aware of the why's, like so:
"I have tension inside of me, kind of in my chest too. I also have fear inside of me." like that. No identification and NO judgement. Just be aware.
Do NOT say to yourself "I'm X", the problem is when you identify it as yourself. I don't know how much meditation you've done in your life, but when you do it for a while, it becomes clear pretty fast that thoughts and feelings are just normal processes that happen in the body, much like your heart beat or metabolism.
Now, you don't identify with your heart beat, it just happens. Same with your thoughts and emotions. They only hold you captive if YOU let them by identifying with them.
Food for thought.
RE: Revisiting guilt, shame, and fear - mat422 - 03-04-2014
(03-04-2014, 03:47 AM)SargeMaximus Wrote: When that happens (when you start being in a "loop") the best remedy is to become aware of it and notice what you're doing/feeling/thinking without judgement. Accept it, and say to yourself "I have/feel X inside of me." You don't need to "work on it", believe it or not.
So, in your example, instead of saying: "I felt really tense. Kind of had a tension in my chest too. The whole time I just wanted to get away."
It would serve you better to become aware of the why's, like so:
"I have tension inside of me, kind of in my chest too. I also have fear inside of me." like that. No identification and NO judgement. Just be aware.
Do NOT say to yourself "I'm X", the problem is when you identify it as yourself. I don't know how much meditation you've done in your life, but when you do it for a while, it becomes clear pretty fast that thoughts and feelings are just normal processes that happen in the body, much like your heart beat or metabolism.
Now, you don't identify with your heart beat, it just happens. Same with your thoughts and emotions. They only hold you captive if YOU let them by identifying with them.
Food for thought.
Gotcha, I'll keep that in mind.
RE: Revisiting guilt, shame, and fear - mat422 - 03-05-2014
Sometimes I forget that conscious intervention can help unstick myself when it comes to change. And actually thinking about the why behind a certain fear is a lot more helpful than just seeing it as fear without a reason. All fear has a reason behind it. It's not this disembodied emotion that floats around in our bodies.
I've been thinking about moving past depression and anxiety. I feel like my life would be so much better. At the same time I'm reluctant to let them go because it's been a struggle in my life. And for some reason I want acknowledgement for all that pain and struggle I've gone through. I'm worried that once I move past all of this I'll feel stupid. Like if it was as easy as just letting it go, why didn't I do it years ago? It's all about taking responsibility and maybe I wasn't taking responsibility at all. Maybe it's looking to the past and seeing all the dumb stuff I did. Maybe it's because all these issues have become my identity and being anything else is strange and uncomfortable
I think my pattern of getting stuck in it was a certain mentality. I'd try stuff and claim it didn't work. But I'd hold onto it because if I was instantly cured I'd feel like I was a liar for all those years. The irony would be feeling better would actually make me feel worse about myself.
I'm probably gonna keep introspecting about this stuff. I notice the more awareness I put on it, the more it tends to dissolve. But change can only happen if the person is willing to change. In my case, I don't think I am, not yet. As miserable as depression and anxiety are, there are some reasons I've held onto them throughout the years. Not necessarily consciously, but they are there. There's a lot of ego in the way when they are brought to light however. Not really sure how to move past that, probably gonna take some time and I'm ok with that. Once everything clicks and my mind is in agreement, I'm sure then I'll be able to move on.
RE: Revisiting guilt, shame, and fear - mat422 - 03-07-2014
So recently I went back and looked at fasterEFT. To my surprise Robert claims tapping has nothing to do with the healing now. It's the intention and willingness to let go. Energy meridians have nothing to do with it.
Which made me think about all the other techniques out there. I'm starting to think these tools, while providing a lot of growth and easing the suffering of millions of people, are missing a vital point. That this innate healing ability is built within us already and learning to trust our own power should be the goal. It's ok if you need a tool to help, but I see them like training wheels. Eventually you have to accept that you're in control and the changes come from you.
Now that may seem contradictory because I'm using a subliminal right now. But subliminals are like an enhancement for that inner power. They just give you the realization of what's already within you. I believe Shannon has mentioned this somewhere.
And this made me ponder why I was so reluctant to accept this responsibility? Why was it so hard to believe that it was me? I let go of fasterEFT and just started trusting myself and my own ability to let go of negative emotions. At first I felt like I wasn't capable of doing it on my own, but after really letting go of those doubts I found I could get the same effects of EFT without any tapping, physical or mental.
Anyway this realization just made me more aware of how I have to work on my relationship with myself and realizing that I'm the one in control. Something I realized is that if you still have the belief that you aren't in control or able to change, when someone else brings it up it might cause a knee jerk reaction. That's the time to look into yourself and see your own negative beliefs. Other people are really like mirrors into your own belief system, once you move past or acquire helpful beliefs it's unlikely that you'll have the same knee jerk response. For a while I didn't get that. Instead I'd do the equivalent of sticking my fingers in my ears and not listen. Consciously I may have said no, but deep down my subconscious reacted.
Also I went back to my original alpha journal and.... damn a lot of the stuff I said. I couldn't believe the words that came out of my own mouth. So many realizations and wisdom and insight. But what happened? Honestly I feel like I slid way way back. I'm making realizations now that I already made in the past. Like almost word for word. It's weird because you'd think I'd have new insight and clarity, but I actually have to unlearn a bunch of stuff instead to get back to where I was when I first embarked on my alpha journey.
The only thing I can think of is I was 18 when I started alpha. Besides college I really didn't have many responsibilities. So I felt safe enough to grow and push the boundaries little by little. But the latest alpha I ran through, I was in such a train-wreck of a life. I think alpha pushing me to make changes on top of that sent me over the edge. It was sink or swim and I sank like a lead weight. Could be all the stuff that was crammed into 5.0 too. Maybe it was just information overload. Oh well, I forgive myself and any future hardships I may come across.
RE: Revisiting guilt, shame, and fear - SargeMaximus - 03-07-2014
/\ Great to hear. Don't forget it.
RE: Revisiting guilt, shame, and fear - mat422 - 03-12-2014
Ok so I've been doing some thinking and I'm probably gonna go off and experiment with my own subliminals. If I crash and burn I can always come back to these haha.
I've been toying around with some concepts regarding reality and whatnot. Many of which I feel would land me in the nuthouse if I spoke of them openly with others. But let's just say it has to do with parallel realities.
I've stopped listening to the emotional pain relief and healing subliminal since yesterday. I understand that resistance has to be pushed through, but for me if I can find an alternative way I'll experiment with that. After all pushing blindly without experimenting with some alternative is kind a foolish of me. Worst thing that happens is I realize I was completely wrong and learn from mistakes. I've always looked for the best path in life. I'm always scanning to see what can be done better for me and if that amount of work is necessary. Some might perceive that as laziness, but I don't believe hard work=better development of oneself. I believe in efficiency and utilizing only the right amount of work necessary to achieve something.
Anyway I seem to have some trust issues. And I believe it's not the ideas inside the subliminals themselves that I'm resisting, but a foreign voice giving me those suggestions. If I think about my relationship with people over the years I was very anxious around people, even my own parents. And I'd sort of remove that anxiety with the help of my conscious mind intervening. Now if I think of subliminals which bypass my conscious mind, suddenly those anxiety and trust problems are magnified because my conscious mind isn't there to intervene and calm me down. It's like my safety net kind of and if I take that away I have some issues.
Is it a personality thing? I really don't know. But like I said I'm going to experiment with my own subliminals and see what happens.
Oh yeah also I don't know if it's a permanent thing, but I had a part of my body heal. I wasn't really running this subliminal for that, so I didn't document progress. Anyway I've got a tattoo on my shoulder and when I got it the guy was pretty heavy handed so I had some scar tissue left behind. It was always raised in some areas. Last night I had this dream of this guy who carved out my shoulder with some tool and extracted all this excess tissue. I woke up this morning and felt my shoulder and I was pretty amazed to find that it was smooth and not raised like it usually was. I'll be watching this area to see if it returns or if it really is gone. Needless to say I was not expecting this. But I'm truly amazed at the powers our own minds hold.
RE: Revisiting guilt, shame, and fear - Geodude - 03-12-2014
I feel you, bro.
You got anxiety? Here's an instant fix:
Here's an easy way to cure anxiety in minutes. It's scientifically validated and what I use when tapping doesn't work: (Full credit goes to joeypete for this technique)
Joeypete:
"Stress reactions are about one thing- Lactic Acid! This is the lactic acid releaser. When any kind of anxiety can build to a level that it would stop you from doing the act u need (u get sweaty, ur pulse races u are too afraid, you doubt and think in a fearful way, muscles too tense or get super weak and so on) this will cure it.
All AA can be busted forever by it.
First the move to do and then the 2nd part of doing the move with the inner game mindset imagination and visualizations and why that works.
Think of the set up you have AA in. Let it be real for you and imagine the scene. For some ppl this is enough to set them feeling stressed. Some it is not enough tho. Hold the image (stressed yet or not) of the HB u want and the drama and stress and AA u have tho in ur attempts to get her.
Inhale part way and hold it.
If you are of average lung capacity take in half a lung full of air and hold it. If you are an athlete and/or do yoga and have a super lung capacity then take in only 25% of a lung full and hold it.
Now ur lungs are half (or ¼) full and you keep holding it. A normal man will feel the stress of this air being stuck (breath held) as painful in about 4-7 seconds (9-12 for some athletes. Me its takes 22 seconds to get the stress started, I do yoga tho). Let the pain come! It is like you are being drowned and suffocated! Let it hurt! This will make a panic state! Feel it burn and how it squeezes! Its fearful and stress making! Let the pain, panic and stress and tension build up in you!
Hold it for as long as you can and when it gets just too much slowly and calmly let the gas out and gently exhale. Exhale softly and in relaxed control fashion (do not let it all out in a gasp at once and do not gulp for air after you do- control and be gentle on the exhale. That is the key). You induced the state and you can release it.
Breath normal, gentle and slow, and let the breath go in and out of you. If you need, take a few deep breaths and then just breath normal again. Smile big. Breath normal and smile.
Now how do you feel?
Some feel relaxed, some feel charged but even now, some (of the 32 I tried this on) feel blissful and some kind of floaty. Some feel foggy and then quickly alert in a clam even way.
Your stress and tension and AA an panic is all over now tho. You are free and feel fine to go on without anxiety.
You have by doing this thrown off the fear sympathetics that held you in an anxiety state. Its all about the sympatric (fear making and anxiety making part) and parasympathetic (calming) nervous system.
You’re breathing in half or ¼ the normal amount and then holding it causes the sympatric fear drive (suffocating) to act up and be actually painful. Then by the build up of C02 in ur lungs u can fight that lactic acid build up in you and balance the other side. By slow releasing u master the stress and it goes away.
Simple and totally effective!
Do this once and with the imaging the stress that would give you AA. Then take a 1 min break after you exhale and breath normally again and get ready do it again.
Do it 5 times total. It will take 6- 10 mins. Its get different and also easier each time. A new kind of feeling takes over you and u feel more confident and able to face the task and do it right and with good balanced energy. Do it more and more and you gain greater and larger control of your state.
Now you feel?
Great!! I know!
Do this 2x a day for 5 sets each time. In 3 days you will be past ur old fears and old triggers. U will be a new man in less then a week. All the old AA and such is gone and in its place is confident and self control.
U can use it to bust AA right @ the moment it starts as well. Here is why this is a good conditioning tool and how it busts the AA.
Do it with the image of the HB (or kind of HB) u want but cannot get due to AA in ur mind. To go and cycle this (fear leading to super fear and pain in u and then release) tricks the subconscious mind into thinking that u faced the fear and its over and no longer stressful to u. You then can get a no stress reaction doing it IRL. Do the breathing right be4 the IRL event if u need a booster to change over to parasympathetic action and be totally claim and still active.
In field version for a bar (13 men have field tested this and all used it to 100% success):
Go in and see what is what. Now u see a set to openÂ… But when u try to do so you tense up and u get AA! Your mind starts to panic-What to say? Will she like me? I cannot do this! EtcÂ… Ur heart is racing and u are tense and too nervous now to get game going!
Go and stand off to one side. Take out ur phone and pretend to look at it while u do this fast move. Inhale to half the lung capacity (or 25% as ur need may be). Hold and it let the fear and the feeling of drowning take over! Let it hurt and let it be more fear making! Have the tension and the panic and fea build up in you greater and higher and feel it all burning you! When u cannot take it any more- let it out softly and gently. Smile and breath in normal and calm. Smile big and then see how u feel. Do I again if needs be, after a 30 second to 1 minute rest.
No you can go and open the girl no problem! Any set, any opener and just use the game u have.
Try it and you will see!
Instant state control and physiological shift is yours to master and have."
RE: Revisiting guilt, shame, and fear - stratos - 03-12-2014
Geodude - where have you tried this breathholding technique? At home or "in the field"?
RE: Revisiting guilt, shame, and fear - Geodude - 03-13-2014
It's my fail-safe. When I'm about to go on stage and perform and don't have any place to tap or release, I do this and it kills it.
I played a show with my band, and usually I would be nervous as hell. When we won an award, I actually ran up to the stage and grabbed the mic and started thanking everybody. Even before the rest of the band got on stage. TOTALLY out of character for me at the time. Everyone was speechless lol.
The guy that wrote that article wrote it for "PUA"s. I use it for stage fright anxiety and it works great. Give it a try. You can do it at home or where you feel anxiety. It works everytime.
RE: Revisiting guilt, shame, and fear - mat422 - 03-13-2014
Cool. Thanks for the technique. I'll be sure to use it.
RE: Revisiting guilt, shame, and fear - stratos - 03-13-2014
OK, added to my Geodude Sage Advice gdoc. I'm a little nervous about the idea of holding my breath until I panic.