(09-02-2016, 06:43 AM)Dzemoo Wrote: I think you shouldnt drink that much when you are out with a women i never drink too much to be able to **** her later

(09-01-2016, 12:24 PM)chaosvrgn Wrote: I'm super hungover right now and struggling to even type this out, so I hope it makes sense.

DMSI v2.3 works. #3 was so into me that it was ridiculous. I've never, in my entire life, seen someone give so many clusters of IOI's, back to back to back. Unfortunately, sex did not occur, when it was VERY obvious that she wanted me to do so. One -- I wasn't expecting v2.3 to work, so I got shitfaced wasted and had whiskey dick. Second... I didn't anticipate actually liking this chick as much as I did. We're supposed to meet up tomorrow for a second date, but I might've ***** that up by not being as aggressive as I should've. If things go well... this is the kind of woman I could see myself dating. I'm a naturally flighty person -- I hate being emotionally close to people and them being emotionally close to me. So, when I realized that I was REALLY digging her, I started self-sabotaging, holding back.

But anyway -- first off, the pictures don't do her justice. She was absolutely stunning. Flawless skin, perfect teeth, very poised and well spoken. Was wearing this tight white blouse and black leather pants that fit her curves perfectly. Ridiculous feminine energy -- fierce and passionate, yet submissive. When we met up, the aura hits her and she could barely speak. Stumbled as she stood and gave me this hug. Complimented how good I smelled.

We headed to the bar, sat down. I laid the charm thick. On the bartender. On the other patrons. Words flowing smoothly out of my mouth. That autopilot is ***** nuts. Was totally in the moment, holding conversations. After awhile, the other patrons began to leave, and it was just she and I. That's when I noticed the IOI's. Twirling hair around her fingers, CONSTANTLY fidgeting with this silver necklace. At one point, when I was talking about my crazy California adventures, she was staring deep into my eyes, legs clenched tightly around her hands and was doing the chair f*ck.

I suggested that we bar hop, keep things up a bit. At first, I was attracted to this bar that had live music. Once we got in, though, it was WAY too loud. Autopilot urged me to take her to another bar. Was much more quiet and intimate. Had these tall, private booths. We sat in there. I got touchy, started initiating kino. We talked for like, another hour. Very flirty. She kept brushing her knees against mine.

I knew she wanted it bad. Started throwing up subtle shit tests. She's a doctor -- started saying how she had to get up early in the morning, but she wishes she knew it was my birthday (I didn't tell her until I got there) so we could've "done more things." I didn't push. Was weird. Wasn't like I was afraid -- I swear, I think the autopilot was warning me not to attempt to f*ck her as inebriated as I was. And I was pretty gone. Was having trouble even staying awake. Anyway, we had this really nice moment where she was staring me in the eyes, asked what I thought of her. I told her that I found her fascinating and aesthetically pleasing. Then I bust out laughing. She asked if that was my way of calling her pretty. I said, "aesthetically pleasing will do for now." She ate that up, kept grinning and stroking my arm.

She started giving me signals that she needed to go. It was around 11 and she said she had to be up at six, so she started talking about how sleepy she was. To the less experienced: You can totally **** up your future chances by extending the day too long. When she gives those signs, bail. So, I took her by the hand and helped her up. She wrapped her arm in mine and we walked back to the car.

At that point, I gave her a light kiss goodnight. She asked if I wanted her to take me to my car. I said no, because I wanted to walk -- which was true. I was soooo sleepy and drunk that I was just gonna walk around and chat on the phone with my homies from Cali until I was sober enough to drive. She offered like 3 or 4 times. I made a joke like, "well, if you're that adamant on seeing me again." She says, "well, I'm free Friday and Sunday." I teased her again: "Is that your way of getting me to ask you again?" She says, "Well, if you want to ask me out again, I'd say yes..."

I told her we'd meet up Friday night. Hopefully, this ***** hurricane doesn't ruin those plans (be safe, Shannon -- they say Georgia's gonna get hit pretty hard). I gave her another light kiss, one on the cheek and told her I'd hit her up on text (which I will tonight).

Despite the fact that I know she was aching for dick, it was like I was being compelled not to go for it. The worst thing that could've happened is me get back to her house and whiskey dick set in. So... I'm gonna text her again tonight after boxing. Suggest this bar I know about. See if she responds.

DMSI will be a masterpiece. Hell, I didn't even need the aura last night. Just the internal effects alone got me to a good spot. Gonna run v2.2 today, and then v2.3 again tomorrow before the second date -- if it happens. Hopefully, she won't categorize me as "beta" for not pushing.

(09-03-2016, 06:58 AM)chaosvrgn Wrote: I'm so emotionally coiled right now that I'm feeling reckless and destructive. Need that v2.4 healing to resolve these intimacy issues. I posted this on Shannon's journal, will repost here since it's relevant:

I ran DMSI to get laid. I could get laid before DMSI, relatively easy compared to some people, given the fact that I'm pretty brash and bold. For the past few years, that's all I've done. Bang and bolt. I used to pride myself on the fact that I only ever slept with women I knew I'd never have to see again.

Enter #3 (see my journal), who I'm actually crushing on. What happens? Even with v2.3 flowing through my synapses, it's like I'm incapable of being that bold person. Dawned on me that I have NO IDEA how to handle true intimacy -- anything beyond that bang and bolt. I definitely have intimacy issues that need to be dealt with -- issues that's keeping me from becoming a truly self-actualized male.

Last night's date with #3 went really well. Didn't get to bang because of logistics (we were about an hour from both our houses), but we stayed out until like 3am partying together, making out, cuddling. Wants to see me again when I get back from traveling all next week. Said she really likes me and she really wants me.

That being said...

Wtf do I feel so miserable today? Like, I'm going through SERIOUS resistance -- the depressive kind with suicidal ideation. I'm so torn right now. I hate the way this chick makes me feel. It's taking everything in me not to instinctually sabotage this budding relationship. I'm sitting here, literally hoping that she just loses interest so I can shrug and just go on as if I never met her.

Doesn't sound healthy. v2.4, with the healing, can't come fast enough.

(09-03-2016, 06:14 AM)Snoop Wrote: 02/09/2016

Second day on using v2.2 while sleeping and v2.3 during the day. The odd effects that I was experiencing with 2.3 seem to be gone. Internally, I feel more confident and there does not seem to be a disconnect between how I feel and the external world. At work, all the women I've interacted with were really chatty. What I've noticed in particular is the extent that some of them will go through to draw interest.

towards the end of the day, I was walking in the hallway at work and in the distance I see R. a late 30's petite brunette. as soon as she see's me, her walking gait changing from a normal one to one where her hips are swaying from side to side. As we get closer, I say "Hi R."., She responds. "Hi Snoop". The icing on the cake was that she started to act shy and coy, looked down and smiled. As we parted ways. I said "have a lovely weekend". She responded "You too". As she said it, the tone of her voice was wavering and I could tell she was really nervous.

The second in command in my department is in her mid 40's. She's attractive, but relatively flat chested. When she leaves at night, she generally shouts "good night" while walking away. But tonight, she dropped by and chatted for about 5 minutes, which is highly unusual. Body language wise, I can see that while she's talking to me smiling. Her head tilted sideways, she's standing so I get a side view of her body profile. That's when I noticed that throughout the conversation, she's periodically pulling her shoulders backwards, trying to accentuate the size of her breasts.

(09-03-2016, 07:30 AM)RTBoss Wrote:

(09-03-2016, 06:58 AM)chaosvrgn Wrote: I'm so emotionally coiled right now that I'm feeling reckless and destructive. Need that v2.4 healing to resolve these intimacy issues. I posted this on Shannon's journal, will repost here since it's relevant:

I ran DMSI to get laid. I could get laid before DMSI, relatively easy compared to some people, given the fact that I'm pretty brash and bold. For the past few years, that's all I've done. Bang and bolt. I used to pride myself on the fact that I only ever slept with women I knew I'd never have to see again.

Enter #3 (see my journal), who I'm actually crushing on. What happens? Even with v2.3 flowing through my synapses, it's like I'm incapable of being that bold person. Dawned on me that I have NO IDEA how to handle true intimacy -- anything beyond that bang and bolt. I definitely have intimacy issues that need to be dealt with -- issues that's keeping me from becoming a truly self-actualized male.

Last night's date with #3 went really well. Didn't get to bang because of logistics (we were about an hour from both our houses), but we stayed out until like 3am partying together, making out, cuddling. Wants to see me again when I get back from traveling all next week. Said she really likes me and she really wants me.

That being said...

Wtf do I feel so miserable today? Like, I'm going through SERIOUS resistance -- the depressive kind with suicidal ideation. I'm so torn right now. I hate the way this chick makes me feel. It's taking everything in me not to instinctually sabotage this budding relationship. I'm sitting here, literally hoping that she just loses interest so I can shrug and just go on as if I never met her.

Doesn't sound healthy. v2.4, with the healing, can't come fast enough.

Hang in there. You've been through much more than this, I'm sure. It's good that you are aware of what's actually going on.

You are afraid of intimacy. Ok. Time to step up and face it, no matter what happens regarding the outcome. I think people with intimacy issues are afraid of being rejected when showing their true selves and being vulnerable, rather than the facade they present.

If having sex with someone you value connecting with in an intimate way scares you, I wonder if it has anything to do with they way you perceive the outcome of your prior sexual experiences. In other words, since you bang and bolt, you're naturally afraid that will be the outcome here. You seem to be interested in a different outcome than that, and so if you believe that won't happen before you even try, "Why try at all? Just sabotage this whole ***** thing before I even get to find out! Then I won't have to face this issue and grow in some way!"

Choose growth.