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+--- Thread: Sean's AM Journal (/Thread-Sean-s-AM-Journal)
RE: Sean's AM Journal - Shannon - 11-28-2012
Nicely put, Sean.
RE: Sean's AM Journal - Benjamin - 11-29-2012
Quote:There are four of them in your room, RIGHT NOW!
Hahaha this part made me laugh!
The naturalizer is interesting, after your post Sean i'm going to read back through my journal myself so I can see the progression.
RE: Sean's AM Journal - Sean - 11-29-2012
I enjoy giving others reason to laugh. I believe it will remain, no matter how Alpha I become.
RE: Sean's AM Journal - Benjamin - 11-30-2012
Quote:There are four of them in your room, RIGHT NOW!
Hahaha this part made me laugh!
The naturalizer is interesting, after your post Sean i'm going to read back through my journal myself so I can see the progression.
RE: Sean's AM Journal - Sean - 12-01-2012
The other night, I was having a very vivid dream, and during the dream, I was giving someone and backhanded slap. It woke me up, because the headlamp I kept on the bed beside me hit a box on the other side of the room. Apparently, the dream was vivid enough that I was physically acting it out.
Glad I sleep alone: it wouldn't have gone over well, backhanding a girl in my sleep.
RE: Sean's AM Journal - Patti - 12-02-2012
(12-01-2012, 08:20 AM)Sean Wrote: The other night, I was having a very vivid dream, and during the dream, I was giving someone and backhanded slap. It woke me up, because the headlamp I kept on the bed beside me hit a box on the other side of the room. Apparently, the dream was vivid enough that I was physically acting it out.
Glad I sleep alone: it wouldn't have gone over well, backhanding a girl in my sleep.
YIKES! lol
RE: Sean's AM Journal - Sean - 12-03-2012
My boss's admin stopped by my cube today. Like usual, this was a strafing run to test my waters. She chatted about various nonsubjects, and then as she's getting ready to leave, she says "Ow" and grabs her legs. Taking the bait out of habit, I ask if she did anything to them (because she said she had spent the weekend in bed with migraines).
"Dance class," she replies.
"What kind of dance?" I reply, taking the bait yet again, and I'm not proud of it.
She looks around, lowers her voice, and says, "Pole dancing." Then she starts excusing it, saying how much fun it is and how it's good exercise, and then about how she hurt her hands because she didn't bring any gymnasts chalk to the class.
The way I see it, she was qualifying herself to me, laying down a blatant item of proof that she's a sexual being (which is a big deal to her because she proclaimed to another coworker that she's not been asked out in three years), and it seemed like a clear invitation to make advances.
I have one good-and-somewhat-surprising realization from the conversation: In the past, I'd have jumped all over that third piece of bait ("please court me") like a starving beggar on a crust of bread. Instead, I listened to her talk without reaction, and then advised her to get a chalk ball from REI for her hands. Without a doubt, were this conversation to happen with a girl I do want to get to know better, I'd have had some witty replies about her changing career paths or telling her I have a bunch of homeless dollar bills available.
It's nice: a beta scarcity paradigm leads one to jump on every piece of bait out there, which tends to keep one only progressing with low-quality women. Contrariwise, an alpha abundance paradigm, one feels free to pick and choose among the various options, and when an attractive-but-crazypants woman puts it out there, there is no urge to jump on the offer.
I'm quite certain that even if she put all the right moves on me, there's no way a romp would happen: I know too well that it would end disasterously.
RE: Sean's AM Journal - Ryan - 12-04-2012
Great way to handle it. I really get annoyed with guys who talk to women in such a way. As soon as they get a clue she's sexual, a guy assumes she is an easy lay and starts begging or bringing up more sexual conversation.
I notice at times I have gotten that way as well but I've learned over the years, don't. Play it off like it's no biggie, like it's something normal and natural and she should never be ashamed of it. Then she'll feel so comfortable talking to you about this kind of stuff and exploding on your lap.
RE: Sean's AM Journal - Sean - 12-04-2012
(12-04-2012, 05:59 AM)Ryan Wrote: Great way to handle it. I really get annoyed with guys who talk to women in such a way. As soon as they get a clue she's sexual, a guy assumes she is an easy lay and starts begging or bringing up more sexual conversation.
I notice at times I have gotten that way as well but I've learned over the years, don't. Play it off like it's no biggie, like it's something normal and natural and she should never be ashamed of it. Then she'll feel so comfortable talking to you about this kind of stuff and exploding on your lap.
Frequently it is a test: they're seeing if you're going to jump on the bait like a sex-starved beta, and will lose interest as soon as you do. When you play it off, you confirm that it's no big deal to you, which makes you more desirable.
RE: Sean's AM Journal - Sean - 12-04-2012
I went out last night, after the gym, to a salsa instruction-and-dance at a local Latin-themed bar. It turned out that there were only four guys there for instruction and no girls. I grabbed a seat alone and had a drink, because as long as I was there I wanted to patronize the bar. Unfortunately, the place remained guy-heavy, and I didn't see any girls who interested me, so I left after 45 minutes.
Big move for me, since dancing is not something I've ever excelled at, and going to a place with the intent to learn how to dance is something I've never done before.
RE: Sean's AM Journal - Tiesto - 12-04-2012
(12-04-2012, 07:58 AM)Sean Wrote: Frequently it is a test: they're seeing if you're going to jump on the bait like a sex-starved beta, and will lose interest as soon as you do. When you play it off, you confirm that it's no big deal to you, which makes you more desirable.
So true, I've fallen to this type of bait before.
RE: Sean's AM Journal - Sean - 12-04-2012
It seems like this thread was missed by many, and I wonder if Shannon also missed it:
http://subliminal-talk.com/Thread-Dance
The Christmas Party - Sean - 12-10-2012
A friend invited me to her company Christmas party. I have a few friends there, so it was going to be a fun time all around. The company is small, so the party was in a few meeting rooms at the local hotel.
I dressed very well for the occasion, and received several compliments, and a few unspoken compliments as well. (I caught a couple ladies checking me out).
Playing it cool was natural. I occupied space, spoke when I felt like it, and tolerated boredom fairly well when the speeches were happening.
Then the dancing started. At first, my old "I don't dance" patterns were in charge, and then I just decided to get out there. Everything was in my favor for the first hour: I was the only man on the dance floor with 5 very attractive ladies. Later, one of the ladies asked for Latin music, and was showing me the steps and leading. I was having a GREAT time just dancing, and my prior stuck-thinking-instead-of-doing issues were not present, all replaced by just enjoying dancing with a fit, beautiful, and married woman.
Looking back, the self-consciousness that would have normally tainted an evening like that were not present at all. Also, one woman, to whom I was very physically attracted from seeing her photographs, generated no attraction for me in person. Something in her personality and presence transformed that attraction into the complete absence of attraction. Not revulsion, just *nothing*.
Rough Week - Sean - 12-13-2012
AM Stage 5 Day 6
I'm freakin' exhausted. I've been using headphones as much as possible, following Shannon's suggestion, and I've been really cranky this week. Three separate issues came up yesterday that put me in a bad light when viewed from one angle.
My boss took that angle in all three cases. He basically called me a liar and asked me to justify the disparity between my stated workload and the numbers he got back from our partner. The letter from the partner shows that their numbers are inaccurate (they only track things I approve, not the ones I reject, where I was keeping the emails of all things for my records).
Later, an issue came up where I made a mistake during something, reversing a decision I had already made. I didn't have context at the time, and I didn't think to check back for prior decisions. I compounded that mistake by sending an email while frustrated and without checking all of the historical evidence.
While I was writing my retraction, he interrupted me by asking for the evidence on which I based my first decision. I said I wasn't sure if I had a written copy of it, and I needed a minute to change gears. He started to say, "Well, it's very important that you have this for something so big--" at which point I interrupted him, saying, "This is not the time to chastise me over details. I'm trying to put out a fire."
This was amazingly effective, because I said it with an edge to my voice, but without raising it or changing my posture. I had a demon inside me, though, telling me to stand up, gesticulate, and start intimidating him like a little bitch.
As each item landed on me throughout the day, I became more and more emotionally unsettled. I was angry, and I needed to escape, because my emotions were really powerful and starting to influence my decisions too much.
Once I got out, I went directly to pick my daughter up for the evening. On the way there, I spent every traffic light going through mental calming exercises because I want my time with her to be all about us without bringing my work frustrations into it. We had a great time, though she slept a lot, coughed a lot, and spiked a fever last night.
At the beginning of a new stage, I have found the first week to have the greatest change. This week has been particularly bad, far worse than any other. It makes me question the wisdom of moving on to WM2 when compared against repeating AM5.
On the one hand, I want to be attracting women and enjoying my time with them. Right now, I feel like that is missing. On the other hand, I feel that increasing my Alpha is very important.
Were I completely objective, I would tell myself to wait until Stage 6 is done and re-evaluate, that nothing is set in stone, and that Alpha is the more important of the two choices I've set for myself. That it's going to benefit me, and therefore those women I attract, a great deal if I get the Alpha dialed in before entering into relationships and having the alpha level increase, which can put a fly in the ointment.
I would advise myself to practice patience, spend two weeks following Stage 6's completion to introspect and choose a path forward.
Unfortunately, being objective is only an exercise. In the meanwhile, I have doubts about where I'm going next, doubts about my job, doubts about how I've scheduled my day-to-day life, and doubts about what I want. So I try to control these things by making plans about what I'm going to do, and while they're not carved in stone, I have an inner battle about treating them that way.
"I said I was going to do BASE next, but I want women, and the business isn't going anywhere right now, and Shannon hasn't released in 9G/HST/OMFG so start attracting a soft harem, man!"
Next week, I'll have changed the plans again.
I'm noticing that I'm amazingly aware that this is really just mental masturbation. My inner alpha, coming into strength, is seeing the analysis paralysis as just another way I sabotage myself, rather than setting up eventual goals; taking action at appropriate times; and abandoning tracks that have proven fruitless instead of chasing sunk costs. It's a strange feeling, like being two people at once inside my own head, and the thoughts of both people are both my own thoughts.
I've got Irrational Sean over on one side, and I've got Cool Sean on the other. Anyone else get like this in Stage Five?