(07-27-2025, 12:14 AM)Just Saiyan Wrote: There were a couple of weeks where it felt like not so much was happening. Overall still feeling not great most of the time but having some moments of opening sensations almost exclusively when I’m imagining some specific things I desire to happen. I have been losing weight the last couple months and I can definitely notice it now and that feels good. I am starting to feel enough of a boost in physical energy that I’m thinking about starting a workout routine. Considering actually doing this seemed almost impossible before because I had so little energy. I have been watching videos and reading and thinking about how to start and what I want to do. I started with doing some push-ups the other day. I’ll keep adding to it whatever I feel I’m able to.

Then a few days ago something I read triggered a memory of a much younger version of me being envious of someone and saying something really stupid about them and they happened to be standing right there to hear it. I immediately felt energy flowing out of my head and I breathed deeply for about an hour as it continued to release. This and other embarrassing memories have been coming up. I have caught myself cringing at them and saying in my head, “F you, m’fer” as if I’m saying it to myself. I almost never use that particular expletive so it’s weird that I would think it and seemingly direct it at myself. I also have caught myself thinking, “I’m retarded” “I’m a piece of shit” and similar things. There must be some very negative self beliefs still being worked through.

I had a moment where I was driving and all of a sudden thought about an old memory with feelings of regret, frustration, and sadness of what might have been if I had been able to be and act differently back then. I flashed forward from then until now and thought, “how is this my life?” It was a feeling of disbelief that I have spent this many years feeling crippled and limited and stuck and I’m at this point in my life with what feels like no accomplishments and very little to be happy about. There was probably an element of feeling sorry for myself but it was more shock at looking at the life I have lived so far.

Today the sadness and heartbreak has been coming up again. If I had the privacy and space to let it out I think I would be back to a major crying and release session, but I don’t right now so I somewhat held it in. It feels like it’s coming soon regardless.

The last few days have been really difficult and reading the EHPRA page has me considering switching to that. I can’t afford it yet but I may be able to next month. I really do want the goal of self confidence and I am curious to see how OSC will eventually help me break through this and what that will feel like. But it’s slow painful progress and it seems like my issues may be better addressed with EHPRA.

(07-27-2025, 08:20 AM)Johannesbrst Wrote: Sounds like OSC is doing a good job at clearing out stuff for you. Be aware of the urge to switch programs as a cause of resistance.

(08-04-2025, 11:40 PM)Just Saiyan Wrote:

(07-27-2025, 08:20 AM)Johannesbrst Wrote: Sounds like OSC is doing a good job at clearing out stuff for you. Be aware of the urge to switch programs as a cause of resistance.

Yes I have considered whether switching is a resistance tactic and I don’t think it is. I have now given the program a solid 6 months. I have had a lot of emotion movement in that time. It has been a very difficult experience. I don’t feel more confident. It feels like there is still something major standing in the way of fully resolving the things holding me back. I may get through it in an unknown amount of time continuing OSC, but so far I’ve mostly felt wave after wave of painful emotions without feeing like any achievement of the goals of the program. I’m going to switch to EPHRA and give that at least a 2 month run. 6G is obviously doing something beyond what previous programs have done for me. I have had some dramatic experiences with it. I’d like to see what a program focusing directly on emotional healing will do to help me get through the emotional issues that OSC has highlighted prominently. I’m looking forward to trying EPHRA and depending on what happens with it I may revisit OSC in the future.

(08-05-2025, 12:41 PM)ncbeareatingman Wrote:  Good move. Good accessment. I wish you all the best on all levels with EPHRA & beyound, when the time comes!