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+--- Thread: Some Kind of Journal - Random Thoughts (/Thread-Some-Kind-of-Journal-Random-Thoughts)
RE: Some Kind of Journal - Random Thoughts - Shawn - 03-19-2019
Ok, have some time to add some things now to my last post so here we go. Like I wrote before the sub gave me more and more exhaustment under the surface. After fading it feels like I was trapped in a certain state and every other state was just emulated within this state if it makes sense. At least this is how it feels like. I wrote in my first post that I think it might be caused by the advanced state shifting and I know what Shannon answered I just see some different possibilities why this was happening. Which can be:
- The state shifting was somehow used by the SC to exhaust me for resistance reason
- The state shifting was used by SC to keep me there because it thought it was the best way to execute. Let me explain. A part of resistance seem to be conscius resistance and when I am really exhausted or really sick there is no more conscious resistance because I simply don't care anymore. So it happened that even in my most beta times I got an unexpected invitation from a woman to stay overnight at her place because I acted more like an alpha, maybe even more like an asshole at this time because I simply didn't care
- The state is induced as result of FRM trying to remove fears and it's not possible to escape this state while it is working
RE: Some Kind of Journal - Random Thoughts - Shawn - 03-20-2019
...Another thing I noticed was that especially on the off days I had to go much more often to the toilet than usual. I think some detoxing was going on. The detox reaction can be also another reason why I was so tired because this process usually takes a lot of energy, too. Saying that there could be problem we didn't think about as some substances get reintaken after processed through the liver, especially some heavy metals if there are no chelating agents available. And as DMSI is optimized to optimize the intake of the food we consumed this could even worse the problem. But maybe only substances get detoxed if they can be excreted safely, I don't know how SC handles this part.
Another problem I encountered shortly after I stopped was ED. I did some holiday and spend a week with the woman I learned in another country. But while she wanted sex almost all of the time it was not possible to give it to her becaused I either couldn't get up at all or I lost it before entering her. I met there another woman who also wanted to have some sex with me but we met only for a short time and it was not possible to do something. However, it would be probably not possible at all because I had no energy at all to do something. I had a bad sleep almost all of the week, which didn't help with anything. I also had the impression that sleeping with a woman (and I mean literally just sleeping) cost me also some energy. Like I am giving all my energy away. But that is something which seems to change because after I came back I felt like I have to care of myself and not paying attention to others and my energy seems not that much all over the place at the moment.
One more thing I have in my mind is not that much DMSI related, it's more related to USLM I think. I just noticed recently that my SC or at least some part of me seems to like problems and seems also to be somehow excited when bad things happen because then there is something to solve which I can prove myself in. I have been thinking about it recently why it happens and it is somehow along the lines: If I get a lot in trouble and manage to solve the problem then I prove that I am a good leader and others can follow me safely. It is like a poor and dangerous strategy to prove that I am alpha enough to be a leader. I even think it goes further than that it also proves my selfworth and literally that my existence is somehow "useful". And I am not even sure that I prove it more to others or just to myself over and over. This could be something that causes the "bad luck" because creating problems seem to be some kind of success in long term if I can solve it. So far for now, if I forgot something I will add it later.
RE: Some Kind of Journal - Random Thoughts - Shawn - 03-31-2019
I was thinking about doing LTU and had an interesting experience. After deciding to buy and run next morning I felt extremely exhausted and felt really tired all the day. Then it came in my mind that maybe this is TID from LTU and decided against running it. Next morning I didn't felt too tired and exhausted and was thinking, hmm, maybe it was an coincidence and decided to buy and run LTU again. But the next morning I again felt that extremely exhaustment and after this lasted during the day I finally decided to not run it and next morning I again felt much better. Sure, I don't know if this was really TID or some placebo effect but for now I decided against it, even if I think it would be a good program to run in general. So I am looking forward to run USLM v4 at the moment but one thing I notice is that I am starting to experience that "being trapped in a state" again, like I did on DMSI 3.3.1. I still think this is the advanced state shifting which causes it, which makes it really hard to relax and sleep. I don't remember having experienced this on USLM v3, that's why I think it goes a bit too far with the state shifting and also overriding chemicals which probably uses a lot of neurotransmitter to do so and therefore uses a lot of resources. I obviously can't have evidence that this is what is causing it, I just report how the things feel like and draw my own conclusions.
RE: Some Kind of Journal - Random Thoughts - Shawn - 04-02-2019
Yesterday was an interesting day because I felt somehow really relaxed, optimistic, motivated...simply good! It was almost like a positive TID from LTU, which is not possible because I decided to not run it and now as the price gone up I won't purchase it for a very long time anyway. Sometimes I think the negative (perceived) TID I experienced was just self sabotage, but I can't be sure as I wasn't able to handle the latest subs very well. Anyway, so I don't know what the reason was for what I experienced today but it felt really good. I am just not sure why it happened. Maybe a late bloom as I am still within the 35 days span (5th week off DMSI).
Today was a bit strange day, I had some small lucky things happened but the things I want most seemed to be more delayed. And I have had a few women texting me that they are horny but all of them live far away from me.
Other than that I had also a strange realization that I am more interested in the women I cannot have. If I can have them they don't seem to be that appealing to me anymore. Here I also don't know what the exact reason is.
I seem to find out many strange things about myself. However, so far for today.
RE: Some Kind of Journal - Random Thoughts - Shawn - 04-06-2019
I find myself struggling right now to choose the next sub. I was aiming for USLM but I find myself thinking a lot about E3 recently. But I also considered to run MHS, DMSI 3.3 (NOT 3.3.1) or AM6. The truth is that running 3.3.1 left me in a not good place and I still have trouble sleeping, mostly in terms of not being able to sleep long enough, I still feel tired most of the time and I am struggling a lot with being able to "get it up" since I run that sub. So I think E3 would be a good option because it would help to heal everything and maybe I would be able to sleep better (right now SR helps here to some degree), too. MHS would be a good choice to being able to recover physically. And I thought about DMSI 3.3 because I never ran it and people seemed to have better results and maybe it could help somehow to heal my loss of manly power. AM6 was just considered because it was the most successful sub for me and I am missing some of the effects.
I have been also thinking about DMSI at all which seems to exhaust me more and more with every version. The last version I could run in long term and which gave me some good effects outside of the women area was 3.1. In terms of women I only noticed at begin some good things but they disappeared later. But saying that at the end when I experimented with off days I had better results even if 3.1 wasn't able to break through. 3.2 was where the wall started and also my struggling. What the wall tries to do with all the anti-escape modules is to give the user no choice but to execute. But it looks like as long the fear is strong enough there is no way to execute this way and for stubborn personalities that may be another reason to resist even more. I wonder how a version without the escape preventing would work. Maybe people would be escaping at the begin but at the same time they would be maybe able to run it long enough to dissolve the fear and succeed instead of becoming exhausted and stopping using the sub. I was also thinking about my problem when I tried to have sex with the woman I visited and it didn't work. I was born in a conservative country and some people had really bad opinions about women who want sex. And while I am not aware of having this particular belief I wonder if a belief like woman who want sex are wh**** could be used by SC for sabotage while the anti-hooker module is in place and therefore cause my problems. I am not saying this is all happening or it's definitely the reason, I am just mentioning different thoughts and considerations I had about the topic. I just would like to succeed but the pushing through method with no escape doesn't seem to work so far for me. That's all for now.
RE: Some Kind of Journal - Random Thoughts - Shawn - 04-24-2019
I had a strange experience with USLMv4. First day was ok so far but already at the second day while doing the first loop I started getting headache and got such a pressure in my head that I had to stop it. After about half an hour it got better and a bit later I continued the loop but stopped there because it was enough that day. I already wanted to stop using the sub there because it felt too strong and overwhelming but after seven days I decided to give it another try. After about 20 minutes listening to the first loop I started to feel uncomfortable and had some pressure in my head, after about 26 minutes I had to stop it becomes I started sweating, felt panic and in my head I had a feeling like I would either pass out or get a seizure and it didn't want to stop first until I deleted my USLM goals and set as goal to stop it. Then I started to feel better but I still notice some pressure in my head about 24 hours later. I don't know what to say or why it happened but it wasn't simple resistance, it was completely overwhelming psychologically as well as physically. I just hope it will pass soon and hopefully it's not too bad that I wasn't able to finish the loop. But the sub is too much for me to being able to use it I can't even imagine how it would be with even more progressed sub technology.
RE: Some Kind of Journal - Random Thoughts - Shannon - 04-29-2019
Actually, it is simple resistance. The difference is that this program is tuned to a very high level of power, and you're having a correspondingly high resistance reaction to it. It is entirely possible to have the rest come from a sufficient fear based reaction.
The sub isn't too much for you to be able to use. It's just that you will need to ease into it. What format options and volume levels have you tried so far?
RE: Some Kind of Journal - Random Thoughts - Shawn - 04-30-2019
I think the reaction was more then simple resistance, I think it is also based in being really tired and exhausted, because since I started I couldn't sleep properly, woke up already about 4 or 5 am and couldn't sleep anymore while I usually need at least 8 hours sleep to feel somehow rested, even without sub, and like I said I feel trapped in this state where it is almost impossible to really relax. This drains my energy and don't let me regenerate. Now, after seven days off it starts to get better again. I just feel tired all the time and have a hard time even to focus on little things becaus my brain feels burned out, without energy.
You say this sub in not too much? I say it is, because since DMSI 3.1 there was no sub I remember I could run for the adviced number of loops, it was too much. The only which came close was USLM 1A. With the other subs I could adjust the number of loops to my needs ans still get something out of it. For example I slept good with USLM3 and had also similar good synchronicities with a low loop numbers. But with USLM4 it is just too much. And you say I can get used to it but how can I do it if I cannot even finish a single loop after 7 days off? With this and the sleep disturbence it seems unreasonable to use the sub. The new subs seems to want too much too fast for me. Both ME and FRM would need to adjust itself to the current ablility of the user to process the information correctly and not to scare them off. And if the trapped is caused by state shifting and not by fear (which I can't know) then it would still need to allow user to change the state if needed and not hold the user trapped in the state all the time. I hope it makes sense at all what I wrote because I am tired at the moment but I wanted to write a response.
Oh, and I was using masked trickling stream, low to moderate volume. Hybrid caused in the past more resistance and US has stonewalling tenedencies.
RE: Some Kind of Journal - Random Thoughts - THolt - 04-30-2019
(04-30-2019, 11:23 AM)Shawn Wrote: I think the reaction was more then simple resistance, I think it is also based in being really tired and exhausted, because since I started I couldn't sleep properly, woke up already about 4 or 5 am and couldn't sleep anymore while I usually need at least 8 hours sleep to feel somehow rested, even without sub, and like I said I feel trapped in this state where it is almost impossible to really relax. This drains my energy and don't let me regenerate. Now, after seven days off it starts to get better again. I just feel tired all the time and have a hard time even to focus on little things becaus my brain feels burned out, without energy.
You say this sub in not too much? I say it is, because since DMSI 3.1 there was no sub I remember I could run for the adviced number of loops, it was too much. The only which came close was USLM 1A. With the other subs I could adjust the number of loops to my needs ans still get something out of it. For example I slept good with USLM3 and had also similar good synchronicities with a low loop numbers. But with USLM4 it is just too much. And you say I can get used to it but how can I do it if I cannot even finish a single loop after 7 days off? With this and the sleep disturbence it seems unreasonable to use the sub. The new subs seems to want too much too fast for me. Both ME and FRM would need to adjust itself to the current ablility of the user to process the information correctly and not to scare them off. And if the trapped is caused by state shifting and not by fear (which I can't know) then it would still need to allow user to change the state if needed and not hold the user trapped in the state all the time. I hope it makes sense at all what I wrote because I am tired at the moment but I wanted to write a response.
Oh, and I was using masked trickling stream, low to moderate volume. Hybrid caused in the past more resistance and US has stonewalling tenedencies.
Shawn,
How much time did you take off between DSMI and USLM4?
RE: Some Kind of Journal - Random Thoughts - Shannon - 04-30-2019
(04-30-2019, 11:23 AM)Shawn Wrote: I think the reaction was more then simple resistance, I think it is also based in being really tired and exhausted, because since I started I couldn't sleep properly, woke up already about 4 or 5 am and couldn't sleep anymore while I usually need at least 8 hours sleep to feel somehow rested, even without sub, and like I said I feel trapped in this state where it is almost impossible to really relax. This drains my energy and don't let me regenerate. Now, after seven days off it starts to get better again. I just feel tired all the time and have a hard time even to focus on little things becaus my brain feels burned out, without energy.
You say this sub in not too much? I say it is, because since DMSI 3.1 there was no sub I remember I could run for the adviced number of loops, it was too much. The only which came close was USLM 1A. With the other subs I could adjust the number of loops to my needs ans still get something out of it. For example I slept good with USLM3 and had also similar good synchronicities with a low loop numbers. But with USLM4 it is just too much. And you say I can get used to it but how can I do it if I cannot even finish a single loop after 7 days off? With this and the sleep disturbence it seems unreasonable to use the sub. The new subs seems to want too much too fast for me. Both ME and FRM would need to adjust itself to the current ablility of the user to process the information correctly and not to scare them off. And if the trapped is caused by state shifting and not by fear (which I can't know) then it would still need to allow user to change the state if needed and not hold the user trapped in the state all the time. I hope it makes sense at all what I wrote because I am tired at the moment but I wanted to write a response.
Oh, and I was using masked trickling stream, low to moderate volume. Hybrid caused in the past more resistance and US has stonewalling tenedencies.
Both the Magnus Engine and Fear Removal Module are SOPS (Self Optimizing Polymorphic Scripting). They do adjust to you. But the key here is, they don't back down just because something isn't fun. You have something somewhere in there that scares the hell out of you, and this program is trying to get you past that hurdle. The responses you describe are all based on fear and/or resistance. The fact is, you have to run the program enough to get the benefit of the "make it as easy as possible" program in FRM. Run too little, and it can't make it as easy as possible.
You say you stonewalled ultrasonic, hybrid caused even more resistance, and masked causes these results. What this tells me is that whatever the issue is, is from when you were very young. It is something that you have based a LOT of your self and your beliefs on. Changing it represents a very big deal for you, but if you are reacting this way, you will never achieve the true potential you have for being successful unless you do overcome that fear.
The feeling trapped in state is not going to be something that the program does, because the state shifting the program generates is always aimed at helping the program achieve it's goals. How is it achieving it's goals if you can't sleep? That strongly suggests subconscious self sabotage as an escape mechanism.
Out of the things you have described, I suggest to you that the ultrasonic format is the best one for you. How have you tried to use that one? How long, how many loops, etc.
RE: Some Kind of Journal - Random Thoughts - Shawn - 05-01-2019
Quote:How much time did you take off between DSMI and USLM4?
About 5 weeks.
RE: Some Kind of Journal - Random Thoughts - Shawn - 05-01-2019
(04-30-2019, 01:04 PM)Shannon Wrote: Both the Magnus Engine and Fear Removal Module are SOPS (Self Optimizing Polymorphic Scripting). They do adjust to you. But the key here is, they don't back down just because something isn't fun. You have something somewhere in there that scares the hell out of you, and this program is trying to get you past that hurdle. The responses you describe are all based on fear and/or resistance. The fact is, you have to run the program enough to get the benefit of the "make it as easy as possible" program in FRM. Run too little, and it can't make it as easy as possible.
You say you stonewalled ultrasonic, hybrid caused even more resistance, and masked causes these results. What this tells me is that whatever the issue is, is from when you were very young. It is something that you have based a LOT of your self and your beliefs on. Changing it represents a very big deal for you, but if you are reacting this way, you will never achieve the true potential you have for being successful unless you do overcome that fear.
The feeling trapped in state is not going to be something that the program does, because the state shifting the program generates is always aimed at helping the program achieve it's goals. How is it achieving it's goals if you can't sleep? That strongly suggests subconscious self sabotage as an escape mechanism.
Out of the things you have described, I suggest to you that the ultrasonic format is the best one for you. How have you tried to use that one? How long, how many loops, etc.
I meant I stonewalled previous subs with US and sometimes hybrid after longer usage. This one I only tried with masked track because that's what I got most best results with in the past. I can try ultrasonic but I need to gains some energy back first, even if I don't believe US would do that much because in the past I didn't really get something out of US tracks. They just made me more awake (even with 3G/4G). The other idea I had was running USLM3 with the goal of identifying the problem behind that symptoms as v3 did work on my on low loops. In this case I could at least identify the problem and maybe even do something consciously to help to solve it.
I don't know what happened when I was young that might caused that, I had some thoughts but they don't necessary make sense. But a big part of my upbringing was fear based so I wouldn't be surprised if a part of my personality has fear as its foundation. And in this case removing fear would be almost like some way of suicide.
Howerver, thanks for your support.
RE: Some Kind of Journal - Random Thoughts - Shannon - 05-01-2019
(05-01-2019, 02:22 AM)Shawn Wrote:(04-30-2019, 01:04 PM)Shannon Wrote: Both the Magnus Engine and Fear Removal Module are SOPS (Self Optimizing Polymorphic Scripting). They do adjust to you. But the key here is, they don't back down just because something isn't fun. You have something somewhere in there that scares the hell out of you, and this program is trying to get you past that hurdle. The responses you describe are all based on fear and/or resistance. The fact is, you have to run the program enough to get the benefit of the "make it as easy as possible" program in FRM. Run too little, and it can't make it as easy as possible.
You say you stonewalled ultrasonic, hybrid caused even more resistance, and masked causes these results. What this tells me is that whatever the issue is, is from when you were very young. It is something that you have based a LOT of your self and your beliefs on. Changing it represents a very big deal for you, but if you are reacting this way, you will never achieve the true potential you have for being successful unless you do overcome that fear.
The feeling trapped in state is not going to be something that the program does, because the state shifting the program generates is always aimed at helping the program achieve it's goals. How is it achieving it's goals if you can't sleep? That strongly suggests subconscious self sabotage as an escape mechanism.
Out of the things you have described, I suggest to you that the ultrasonic format is the best one for you. How have you tried to use that one? How long, how many loops, etc.
I meant I stonewalled previous subs with US and sometimes hybrid after longer usage. This one I only tried with masked track because that's what I got most best results with in the past. I can try ultrasonic but I need to gains some energy back first, even if I don't believe US would do that much because in the past I didn't really get something out of US tracks. They just made me more awake (even with 3G/4G). The other idea I had was running USLM3 with the goal of identifying the problem behind that symptoms as v3 did work on my on low loops. In this case I could at least identify the problem and maybe even do something consciously to help to solve it.
I don't know what happened when I was young that might caused that, I had some thoughts but they don't necessary make sense. But a big part of my upbringing was fear based so I wouldn't be surprised if a part of my personality has fear as its foundation. And in this case removing fear would be almost like some way of suicide.
Howerver, thanks for your support.
If all you have ever known was fear, them removing the fear requires you to re-evaluate and recreate all of your beliefs from the ground up. It's not suicide at all, it's an irrational and afraid part of yourself not comprehending that it can become something completely different and still exist and be even safer, healthier and happier than before.
Fear is a response that tends to self generate and re-generate because fear results in thinking and beliefs that lead to more fear. So your response makes perfect sense if all you've ever known is fear. You have come to believe that you ARE that fear, when in fact the fear is no more "you" than everything else that you experience, without actually being. It is this misunderstanding that generates the fear of death, because in that case change away from fear seems to threaten you with "no identity", which is unknown and incomprehensible and therefore equated with the only other thing that is unknown and incomprehensible - death. The truth is, you have an identity based on what you believe, and your identity automatically and naturally adjusts when you change what you believe. There is no "death" or "threat". It's impossible for you to "lose your identity" by changing your beliefs, and there is no way that "changing your beliefs" can result in any part of you dying unless your beliefs directly dictate self destruction. Nothing in any of my subliminals is even negative, never mind dictating destruction, and especially not self destruction!
In fact you are changing your beliefs all the time, at the conscious level, which is how and why conscious understanding and desires can and do eventually change to differ from subconscious understanding and desires. If you did not have this very difference between conscious and subconscious understanding and desires, you would not be attempting at a conscious level to make any changes, in fact, which only goes to prove what I am saying is true.
So you are reacting very negatively to USLM4 because it works, and the configuration you are using is basically going straight to the most core and fearful part of you immediately (masked format), which triggers the most fear and is at the same time the least powerful way to introduce the instruction set, meaning the fear has overridden the script's ability to deal with it because the usage format is not strong enough. That is precisely why we have masked, ultrasonic and hybrid formats.
Furthermore, USLM4 is a HUGE jump in power and ability from USLM3, and that is why it has such an odd ASRB2. You can't assume that just because masked format was best in the past, that it will still be the best choice for you! You have to try things until you find what works best for you. So go try ultrasonic format at a moderate volume and see how that works for you.
Also, I strongly recommend that you try to play the loops starting at least an hour after you fall asleep.
RE: Some Kind of Journal - Random Thoughts - Shawn - 05-01-2019
(05-01-2019, 07:35 AM)Shannon Wrote: If all you have ever known was fear, them removing the fear requires you to re-evaluate and recreate all of your beliefs from the ground up. It's not suicide at all, it's an irrational and afraid part of yourself not comprehending that it can become something completely different and still exist and be even safer, healthier and happier than before.
Fear is a response that tends to self generate and re-generate because fear results in thinking and beliefs that lead to more fear. So your response makes perfect sense if all you've ever known is fear. You have come to believe that you ARE that fear, when in fact the fear is no more "you" than everything else that you experience, without actually being. It is this misunderstanding that generates the fear of death, because in that case change away from fear seems to threaten you with "no identity", which is unknown and incomprehensible and therefore equated with the only other thing that is unknown and incomprehensible - death. The truth is, you have an identity based on what you believe, and your identity automatically and naturally adjusts when you change what you believe. There is no "death" or "threat". It's impossible for you to "lose your identity" by changing your beliefs, and there is no way that "changing your beliefs" can result in any part of you dying unless your beliefs directly dictate self destruction. Nothing in any of my subliminals is even negative, never mind dictating destruction, and especially not self destruction!
In fact you are changing your beliefs all the time, at the conscious level, which is how and why conscious understanding and desires can and do eventually change to differ from subconscious understanding and desires. If you did not have this very difference between conscious and subconscious understanding and desires, you would not be attempting at a conscious level to make any changes, in fact, which only goes to prove what I am saying is true.
So you are reacting very negatively to USLM4 because it works, and the configuration you are using is basically going straight to the most core and fearful part of you immediately (masked format), which triggers the most fear and is at the same time the least powerful way to introduce the instruction set, meaning the fear has overridden the script's ability to deal with it because the usage format is not strong enough. That is precisely why we have masked, ultrasonic and hybrid formats.
Furthermore, USLM4 is a HUGE jump in power and ability from USLM3, and that is why it has such an odd ASRB2. You can't assume that just because masked format was best in the past, that it will still be the best choice for you! You have to try things until you find what works best for you. So go try ultrasonic format at a moderate volume and see how that works for you.
Also, I strongly recommend that you try to play the loops starting at least an hour after you fall asleep.
I can try it with the US track, but wouldn't be the better approach be E3 in this case? The subs should be very similar in terms of power, aren't they? With exception of the tuning of ME I mean.