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+--- Thread: Magnus' journal (/Thread-Magnus-journal)
RE: jimbobdays journal - Magnus - 02-28-2012
So I had an interesting night last night. Went and met with my auntie and her wife and got to listen to her story. She had been through similar experiences to what I went through except to a greater degree and to hear her story of learning to accept herself was actually quite comforting in a way and made me realize that the psychologists these days are so much better than they used to be. I also have a whole new perspective on confidence and acceptance. The ease at which my aunties wife was so comfortable was actually quite amazing. I began to realize confidence isn't about who is the loudest or who is the most arrogant but who is the most comfortable within themselves.
On a side note the crying has resumed again today and seemingly over nothing but at the same time my god does it feel good to let it out its such a comforting release.
RE: jimbobdays journal - Shannon - 02-28-2012
It takes true strength to be yourself, and being yourself includes allowing yourself to have, and feel, and express the emotions that society wants to tell you that you don't have, or can't have. I respect that.
RE: jimbobdays journal - K-Train - 02-28-2012
(02-28-2012, 10:53 AM)jimbobday Wrote: So I had an interesting night last night. Went and met with my auntie and her wife and got to listen to her story. She had been through similar experiences to what I went through except to a greater degree and to hear her story of learning to accept herself was actually quite comforting in a way and made me realize that the psychologists these days are so much better than they used to be. I also have a whole new perspective on confidence and acceptance. The ease at which my aunties wife was so comfortable was actually quite amazing. I began to realize confidence isn't about who is the loudest or who is the most arrogant but who is the most comfortable within themselves.
On a side note the crying has resumed again today and seemingly over nothing but at the same time my god does it feel good to let it out its such a comforting release.
Truer words, have never been spoken.
I think these days in the age of blabbermouth talk radio hosts and angry drunk a-holes we forget about the true characteristics of confidence. She's a strong woman, definitely.
RE: jimbobdays journal - Magnus - 02-28-2012
I was very amazed because its the first time ive actually really felt her presense and aura. Shes very quiet and quite softly spoken but it was a comforting aura about her a strong sense that everything is ok internally with her. It made me understand at a more emotional and deeper level true confidence and feeling completely at peace with ones self.
Now what this means for me and how it relates back to AM i have no idea but it was a very cool feeling to say the least and picked me up from the depressed state i had been feeling and gave me a great sense of feeling ok about myself. Actually thinking about it possibly a deep knowing that these are the sort of people i should have in my life
RE: jimbobdays journal - Magnus - 03-01-2012
So lately i have been on fire at work. Getting things done , being assertive where needed, voicing my opinion and not mucking around at all or putting up with a slack attitude from anyone people have been noticing and its exactly what i need for my job. I just wish i could bring this into the rest of my life. Ive also started noticing im not putting up with myself not dressing well. I got up and ironed this morning for the first time ever.
Im hoping social life and negative attitude will pick up sometime soon but i am at least happy work is going well
RE: jimbobdays journal - Magnus - 03-02-2012
So the desire to keep looking my best continues. People are actually asking questions. My parents are convinced im seeing a new girl. Ive been called a pretty boy, been told i must get a lot of girls, been checked out by a fair few women and been told im hot by a gay guy. Im guessing this is AM at work.
Im also less afraid of confrontation. Situations like standing up to guys much bigger than me have been scaring me less. A little more general motivation but its still a lot lower than in the past especially around socialising
People pleasing and approval seeking seems to have gone down a bit as well
RE: jimbobdays journal - Shannon - 03-02-2012
You're seeing results.
RE: jimbobdays journal - Magnus - 03-02-2012
Yes
ive realised the results and changes are actually very subtle especially internal changes which i can honestly say i havent noticed but whatever has changed it is starting to get me more attention. My mood and tiredness still fluctuates alot but ive learned to accept that alot more and learned to sleep when i need to. Which has been alot lately. I have stopped noticing dreams at night as of the last few days but when i go for a quick nap my god do they come out in force. ive also dropped a few friends who arent helping me get where i want to go.The one thing i havent dealt with that is holding me back is my fear of abandoment. It has lessoned but its something i need to deal with so i can move out of my parents place which is something i really want to do but that fear is still a bit to great to enable me to do so at the moment Looking forward to the sub that deals with that when you get a chance to make it
RE: jimbobdays journal - Magnus - 03-04-2012
So I think im starting to realise when women are trying to manipulate or play with my mind. I got a message from my ex last night saying "I get it now. Goodbye for good" and the first thing that came to my head was she is just trying to play with your mind. Had a bit of an inclination to message back but thought to myself what is the point its not going to achieve anything. I just have to let it go
RE: jimbobdays journal - ncbeareatingman - 03-04-2012
sounds awesome man! Jim Keep up the good work and let yer Light shine,man and more power to ya.
to thyn own self be true and they'll come flockin to you,Jim! Ncbear.
RE: jimbobdays journal - Magnus - 03-04-2012
Thanks NC still got a fair amount of healing to do but progress is progress.
Good to see you are on alpha. Will be interesting to see how that goes for you
RE: jimbobdays journal - Magnus - 03-04-2012
So i'm now off review at work and my boss is saying how much potential I have and how well I've been doing lately. Hes also been coming to me for management advice as well.
I do have a question though Shannon for the last few weeks I have had this image popping up in my head quite often. It scares me like nothing has ever scared me before. It is a image that came up from when I listen to a guided imagery exercise around abandonment. This is something I don't know how to deal with, its that scary. Its a baby alone in a dark room with no one around. Any suggestions on how I deal with this one Shannon? It scares me more than anything ever has before and its been coming up a lot over the last few weeks
RE: jimbobdays journal - Ryan - 03-05-2012
Jimbo, it's merely an image or a movie in your head. Doesn't mean it is real to you. Distinguish it, that it is not real and that your mind is just playing tricks on you. Don't feed it's power by being afraid of it. It's merely an illusion you are experiencing temporarily.
Ryan
RE: jimbobdays journal - Magnus - 03-05-2012
Thanks Ryan. It was a little surprising to me having that come up as ive never been aware of anything coming up that strong usually its just a feeling without an image.
I do seem to be getting more and more pissed off with people lately and that usually ends up with me pulling out smart ass remarks. Negativity and motivation is also still low but im cool with that