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+--- Thread: The saga continues: AM 6 (/Thread-The-saga-continues-AM-6)
RE: The saga continues: AM 6 - mat422 - 05-17-2017
(05-15-2017, 04:47 PM)Frosted Wrote: Stage 7 is a refresher but it's also like cruising after the stages. Also you can use it to grow after you've ran the stages a few times.
Ah never heard of the cruising thing.
I don't know about you guys, but you ever come so far but still feel like you haven't gotten anywhere? I had work these past few days, like 4 days in a row. I know that's not a big deal for everyone else but man something about working in customer service, it just eats away at me. Long story short I got so stressed about this job I ended up with a migraine and had to call out sick one day this week. As far as I've come with AM6 and as much growth as I've made, my tolerance for these types of crappy environments is really low.
Just thinking about my future a lot lately and life in general. It feels like everyone I know is just trying to figure out a way to survive and make the most of life. A sort of mediocre existence. And I don't say that out of disrespect. I mean life has great potential and enjoyment, but it's like so many of us are just slaves to our limiting beliefs. A better life dangles in front of our faces just out of reach taunting us, some of us chase that until the day we die and never reach it. It's scary how months can fly by at a shitty dead end job because days start losing their value when all you can think about is having your freedom back on your days off.
Sometimes I feel like I can't figure this out. Like I can't crack the code to finally live a life I actually enjoy. I feel suffocated, but at the same time don't know where to go or what to do.
RE: The saga continues: AM 6 - pakr93 - 05-18-2017
(05-17-2017, 10:56 PM)mat422 Wrote:(05-15-2017, 04:47 PM)Frosted Wrote: Stage 7 is a refresher but it's also like cruising after the stages. Also you can use it to grow after you've ran the stages a few times.
Ah never heard of the cruising thing.
I don't know about you guys, but you ever come so far but still feel like you haven't gotten anywhere? I had work these past few days, like 4 days in a row. I know that's not a big deal for everyone else but man something about working in customer service, it just eats away at me. Long story short I got so stressed about this job I ended up with a migraine and had to call out sick one day this week. As far as I've come with AM6 and as much growth as I've made, my tolerance for these types of crappy environments is really low.
Just thinking about my future a lot lately and life in general. It feels like everyone I know is just trying to figure out a way to survive and make the most of life. A sort of mediocre existence. And I don't say that out of disrespect. I mean life has great potential and enjoyment, but it's like so many of us are just slaves to our limiting beliefs. A better life dangles in front of our faces just out of reach taunting us, some of us chase that until the day we die and never reach it. It's scary how months can fly by at a shitty dead end job because days start losing their value when all you can think about is having your freedom back on your days off.
Sometimes I feel like I can't figure this out. Like I can't crack the code to finally live a life I actually enjoy. I feel suffocated, but at the same time don't know where to go or what to do.
I feel pretty much the same way. And it makes me very depressed, as my limiting beliefs are being removed day by day.
I am realizing more and more that this "mediocre existence", the life that most people want to live ( get a wife, have kids, build a house bull***t ), is like a nightmare to me, and I have no intention of living this way.
It's also very frustrating to know that there is so much more in life, but fears and insecurities are keeping me stagnant, not doing much. Although it gets better every day. Thanks to AM6!
RE: The saga continues: AM 6 - RTBoss - 05-18-2017
(05-18-2017, 12:04 AM)pakr93 Wrote:(05-17-2017, 10:56 PM)mat422 Wrote:(05-15-2017, 04:47 PM)Frosted Wrote: Stage 7 is a refresher but it's also like cruising after the stages. Also you can use it to grow after you've ran the stages a few times.
Ah never heard of the cruising thing.
I don't know about you guys, but you ever come so far but still feel like you haven't gotten anywhere? I had work these past few days, like 4 days in a row. I know that's not a big deal for everyone else but man something about working in customer service, it just eats away at me. Long story short I got so stressed about this job I ended up with a migraine and had to call out sick one day this week. As far as I've come with AM6 and as much growth as I've made, my tolerance for these types of crappy environments is really low.
Just thinking about my future a lot lately and life in general. It feels like everyone I know is just trying to figure out a way to survive and make the most of life. A sort of mediocre existence. And I don't say that out of disrespect. I mean life has great potential and enjoyment, but it's like so many of us are just slaves to our limiting beliefs. A better life dangles in front of our faces just out of reach taunting us, some of us chase that until the day we die and never reach it. It's scary how months can fly by at a shitty dead end job because days start losing their value when all you can think about is having your freedom back on your days off.
Sometimes I feel like I can't figure this out. Like I can't crack the code to finally live a life I actually enjoy. I feel suffocated, but at the same time don't know where to go or what to do.
I feel pretty much the same way. And it makes me very depressed, as my limiting beliefs are being removed day by day.
I am realizing more and more that this "mediocre existence", the life that most people want to live ( get a wife, have kids, build a house bull***t ), is like a nightmare to me, and I have no intention of living this way.
It's also very frustrating to know that there is so much more in life, but fears and insecurities are keeping me stagnant, not doing much. Although it gets better every day. Thanks to AM6!
It's all about what's right for you, for sure. For instance, I have a house, wife, and kids - and I live far from a "mediocre" existence. Dropping the 'baggage" Mat is speaking of is good for anyone, whatever path one chooses to take.
RE: The saga continues: AM 6 - mat422 - 05-19-2017
The biggest issues I've had running these subs in general is that what feels good isn't always right. Relaxing, taking it easy, not putting so much pressure on myself have all been subtle ways of avoiding responsibility by my subconscious. Relaxation is necessary, but too much and it just becomes an escape. I haven't managed to nail a good balance yet. It seems I'm either always pushing too hard and burning out or abandoning responsibilities and thinking the mental break is good for me. There's this middle ground where I'm pushing forward, but at the same time I know when to let up. But balancing that out is incredibly difficult for me.
As I look back into my past I see that I had very extreme forms of fear. Before I even ran subs most days I'd hole up in my room and block out the world or just go to sleep. I couldn't consciously acknowledge that I was afraid, most of all I wouldn't admit it because I perceived it as a huge weakness and me being a massive loser. So it was always under the guise of being tired or stressed, never really acknowledging how I really felt underneath it all.
With that being said I realize I wanted everything to be smooth and easy running AM6. But what I failed to realize is that the changes can't take place unless my habits change. I frequently hold onto old habits and wait for the subliminal to work, instead of changing those habits into what I want. So when I procrastinated all the time I'd just get upset at how I procrastinated and wait until the sub fixed it instead of figuring out why I'm procrastinating or just doing what I needed to do. I often feel that actually knowing more about the subconscious and how it operates is a detriment to the result of these subliminals because there is a certain expectation that's unrealistic in how the goals are brought about. You have to know when to say screw it and stop analyzing yourself so deeply and just take action instead because after a certain point all that analyzing can dig you into a deeper hole.
RE: The saga continues: AM 6 - mat422 - 05-23-2017
So these past few nights I've only been getting about 5-6 hours of sleep. I keep staying up late accidentally working on my music. I know a lot of it is fueled by fear of not making good enough music. The irony of it is half the time I do stay up it's something stupid like working too much on the mixdown instead actually writing the damn song. And I wonder why my music isn't progressing, it's because I spend too much time bogged down in the finer details as a way to avoid the often anxiety provoking task of actually writing a complete song. Then I get upset when my music isn't where I want it to be, but I'm not putting in the effort as much as I should to move forward. Basically I'm prolonging my own misery by not taking enough responsibility for my actions.
Having said that, this is a terrible habit I need to get out of. Going to try to get more hours of sleep because I definitely need it. Part of it is at the end of the day I have more energy or less anxiety or something. Basically my mind feels more clear to work on stuff. The best way I can put it is, the start of a new day fills me with dread, I'm constantly paralyzed by what needs to get done, how much time I have, how much my job is taking up my time. At night it's like time slows down and there's this gap where there are no obligations and I can focus properly.
Also completely unrelated, or maybe it is. I've lost desire to eat or for food in general. I feel like I'm just eating to survive at this point. Which is troubling because I've gone entire days without eating besides a bowl of cereal in the morning. Figuring out what to cook or eat just seems like one more obligation that I have to add to my long list of crap to deal with. On the plus side junk food no longer has an appeal, I know whatever short term satisfaction it gives me isn't worth it in the long run.
RE: The saga continues: AM 6 - mat422 - 05-23-2017
I guess writing stuff out helps me process it better, weird how that works. Anyway after that post it hit me that a lot of these negative thoughts are what I'm manifesting in my life. I don't know why they feel so tempting to latch onto, but I do know it won't make me happy. I keep limiting myself to past experiences. So crappy jobs, less time to make music, more stress, etc. I need to focus on what I do want which is plenty of time to pursue my passion which is music and a job that doesn't grind away at my soul. I think that's a strong belief I need to break, that all jobs suck and are stressful. As long as I keep believing that, that's all I'll get in my life.
Overall I think I just need to focus my mind more and start really focusing on what I want and to stop telling myself I can't get it.
RE: The saga continues: AM 6 - mat422 - 05-24-2017
Went grocery shopping today and just could not deal with the amount of people. I have to wonder what the hell is going on inside my head because large groups of people make me incredibly uncomfortable. Just feels like I'm suffocating. That and I almost had an emotional breakdown when I got back to my car. Made me realize I've been trying to hold off the painful stuff coming to the surface in favor of holding onto the more positive upbeat state.
I think that's the tricky part sometimes. Having these feelings of worthlessness pop up, but at the same time also knowing I'm not. It's like I have to allow the negative to come up and be released, but at the same time keep myself focused on improving myself. I often find that I hold back a lot or suppress stuff until one day it breaks down and I'm forced to face it. I need to develop a more even flow of emotions where I embrace the good and bad. More importantly I have to really drill into my head that just because I'm feeling a certain way it doesn't mean it defines me. I can feel worthless, but that doesn't mean I am worthless.
I don't have a clear path laid out before me. All I know is I'm doing things differently than what everyone told me I should do growing up. It feels like I'm guided by intuition mostly, something I used to be afraid of because I was worried it would be wrong. But after years of disregarding this intuition I've come to understand it's pretty much the direct route to happiness in my life. The key is strengthening it and not to be swayed by fear into disregarding it or by other people who claim to know more about my own life.
RE: The saga continues: AM 6 - mat422 - 05-26-2017
Figured out where most my growth lies. It's just being able to accept the parts of myself I don't like. And what I mean by that is the feelings like insecurity, jealousy, sadness, neediness, anger, etc. All the things that I've labeled as undesirable, but the more I fight them the more control they have over me. The key is not letting these things define me, but also not actively resisting and pushing them away. Basically I need to be a whole human being, not cherry picking the parts of myself I find "good" and living through that mask 24/7.
Even running this AM6 sub there's a desire to be better, which isn't bad. It's only bad when I'm too attached to that idea of being better and basing my worth on it. Just because I'm not the most alpha guy doesn't mean I've failed in life. I should be doing this for myself, nobody else. I also realized the other day if I can't look in the mirror and tell myself I'm a confident person and I love myself without feeling shame, there's still a lot I need to work on. I think part of me is afraid to stand out because I do feel different. I've always felt a bit out of place. Whether or not I am a bit different or not, I can't say because I'm sure that's a shared experience among a lot of people. But the point is, I have to embrace that because it's who I am and who I'll always be.
RE: The saga continues: AM 6 - mat422 - 05-26-2017
Man I'm so sick of fear. I've been trying to change my thinking and be more positive lately. But I find a lot of the time it's a futile effort because it feels like it doesn't even stick. And it's stressful trying to be positive, especially when I try to counteract some negative thought and I get hit even harder with a negative feeling.
These past two days I've had this feeling in my stomach like I'm going to throw up. It makes me feel like I want to curl up into a ball and do nothing. Fighting it just drains my energy and does nothing to actually minimize the feeling. At the same time I find it really really difficult not to get sucked into it. I know the best advice is to set it and forget it with the sub. But when stuff like this happens it throws off my whole life. It's like I'm outgrowing old habits and beliefs, but at the same time I'm still not quite there with the new ones, so outwardly my life is stuck in this stagnant state and it feels like i have nowhere to go.
RE: The saga continues: AM 6 - mat422 - 05-29-2017
So last day of AM6 today, then taking some time off until I run DMSI. Overall I've just been thinking about fear more. And I'm kind of sick of how it limits me in subtle ways too. Like I was thinking about the music I listen to and how for years now I've been listening to the same stuff. It's not like I have anxiety about listening to new stuff. It's more like I favor the familiar and delude myself into believing that I don't like other stuff when I haven't even tried it. It's stupid shit like this that I hate. I just want to do stuff, try it out, fail, learn. I'm tired of this over analyzing, preparing, being overly cautious mentality. Also I don't want to turn into one of those "music was better in the past" people being too afraid of exploring new music. To put it bluntly, those people are obnoxious.
Even this post I took way too long to write and looked over several times to make sure I got it "right". I used to think it was just my personality and I couldn't change it, but I'm pretty damn sure it's just fear operating on a very subtle subconscious level. I think the first step to getting rid of it is to destroy the idea that "it's just who I am" and embrace a change. Oh the bitter irony though because I'm still stuck in that familiarity of sticking to what I know.
RE: The saga continues: AM 6 - Darkness - 05-29-2017
Can suggest that you use stage 7 for 32 days to help you cement the program
RE: The saga continues: AM 6 - mat422 - 05-29-2017
(05-29-2017, 09:40 AM)Darkness Wrote: Can suggest that you use stage 7 for 32 days to help you cement the program
I was thinking about it, but DMSI seems like the clearing is way way above what's in AM6. And the clearing is what I need the most of at this point. I was going to run E2 after, but then I found out DMSI had some pretty advanced technology for clearing.
RE: The saga continues: AM 6 - Darkness - 05-29-2017
The reason I suggested it is because, this version I would chill on it, because the cleaning is not as cracked up as it's made out to be hence running stage 7 and then dmsi 3.2
RE: The saga continues: AM 6 - mat422 - 05-29-2017
(05-29-2017, 11:28 AM)Darkness Wrote: The reason I suggested it is because, this version I would chill on it, because the cleaning is not as cracked up as it's made out to be hence running stage 7 and then dmsi 3.2
I appreciate the help, it's something to think about. I read the refresher stage is just for maintenance so I could actually run it any time within six months. I think what I'll do is take a week off after AM6 or more then I'll run dmsi to see what kind of healing I can get done, then run stage 7. Plus I've been really curious about how I'll react to DMSI after seeing all these posts.