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+--- Thread: E2 Journal (/Thread-E2-Journal)
RE: E2 Journal - EvolvingPhoenix - 05-25-2019
(05-25-2019, 02:52 PM)THolt Wrote:(05-25-2019, 02:40 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: I'm barely holding it together today, yet somehow I've managed to go the whole day without my dad noticing. I've been breaking down into tears a lot. I NEED E3, as soon as I cam get it.
I am sure you will get the program in no time and will be reaping the benefits soon!!
Thanks THolt. I'm really counting on these programs to help me out.
RE: E2 Journal - EvolvingPhoenix - 05-25-2019
I realize that there is a version of myself I want to become that I'm not yet: independent, buff, good with women, able to play at least basic guitar, creating every day, etc. And I feel like if I'm not that guy, I am unworthy of self validation. Yet I don't work towards any of those goals. I probably shouldn't even feel the need to make those changes before I respect myself. I've got a loy of changes to make.
RE: E2 Journal - EvolvingPhoenix - 05-26-2019
Been having really vivid dreams lately. Included in those dreams is dreaming about my ex-friend me trying to turn things around. This friendship breakup has been eating away at me since it happened in November of 2017. That's a long while to obsess over this. I've tried just moving on, I really have, but I can't yet. Something in me is preventing me from letting go, or moving on, or any of that. I feel so terrible about what happened. To have the love I feel trivialized, to be treated like just some crazy person best avoided, to be unable to work through these issues with the person I have them with... It feels utterly terrible! I don't think E2 is powerful enough. I can't yet afford E3. So I'm trapped in this vulnerable, deeply hurt state, and I can't express it to anybody because they don't understand, are sick of hearing about it and have their own problems, and my brothers divorce is on everybody's minds.
Can't wait to own E3. I'm really hoping it will heal all this.
If my dreams are anything to go by, I am in a very shitty place.
RE: E2 Journal - Greenduck - 05-26-2019
(05-25-2019, 03:08 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote:(05-25-2019, 02:52 PM)THolt Wrote:(05-25-2019, 02:40 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: I'm barely holding it together today, yet somehow I've managed to go the whole day without my dad noticing. I've been breaking down into tears a lot. I NEED E3, as soon as I cam get it.
I am sure you will get the program in no time and will be reaping the benefits soon!!
Thanks THolt. I'm really counting on these programs to help me out.
Count on yourself. You will do the work but the programs will help you so it. Try win hof breathing. It have helped me a lot.
RE: E2 Journal - EvolvingPhoenix - 05-26-2019
I'm doing the wim hof breathing today then. Other than that, what work is to be done?
RE: E2 Journal - EvolvingPhoenix - 05-26-2019
I feel like I need a close friend. Somebody I can confide in.
My therapist doesn't do it for me. I dunno, maybe I'm just missing what I had. I feel isolated. And ashamed. I feel like I'm not able to be as functional as everyone expects me to be today.
RE: E2 Journal - EvolvingPhoenix - 05-26-2019
I dunno how I'll be functional enough to work and keep a steady job, and also go to school. I'm barely holding it together and i'm just NOT functional anymore.
RE: E2 Journal - Greenduck - 05-26-2019
(05-26-2019, 08:44 AM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: I'm doing the wim hof breathing today then. Other than that, what work is to be done?
Nice. That and some grounding meditation I think will help you find your balance and your center.
(05-26-2019, 09:52 AM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: I feel like I need a close friend. Somebody I can confide in.
My therapist doesn't do it for me. I dunno, maybe I'm just missing what I had. I feel isolated. And ashamed. I feel like I'm not able to be as functional as everyone expects me to be today.
Have you tried different therapists? I read about people having a huge effect depending on who they see. You need someone who can understand and empathise with where you are, if they can't they guidance is seldom of much use to you.
(05-26-2019, 10:43 AM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: I dunno how I'll be functional enough to work and keep a steady job, and also go to school. I'm barely holding it together and i'm just NOT functional anymore.
Just start with the important stuff. Like securing an income. Take it in small steps. Set a goal of getting a job and making some cash and you will feel more in control of your situation. You can always start to study, it's never too late, so don't stress about that. Get a job, don't set to much expectations of it being the best job you can possibly have, just a decent job which you can handle with colleagues that can be your friends. Work in a warehouse or drive über, whatever. Get some cash, buy E3, keep doing daily small steps towards getting healthier and in 1 year you will be in another place from where you are today. "Every principle holds a promise". You are your own worst enemy setting the kind of pressure on yourself with the expectations you have right now, so try to take it down a notch and just keep your life simple. Development will come with time, but right now you need to find some solid ground under your feet.
RE: E2 Journal - EvolvingPhoenix - 05-26-2019
Thanks Greenduck. We can only afford who insurance will cover, so that lowered my options considerably. The therapist I have now is the best I can get. I feel so low and so useless right now. I wish I were somebody else. I dunno if E2 has been doing anything. I dunno if it can. And i don't know how I'm going to get over not just the friendship breakup, but all the pain that came from everything I experienced before it. I'm so ashamed of myself. And yet, after everything I've been through, I feel a lot more compassion for people who are at their lowest. I'm at my lowest. And I don't know how I'll ever rise back up from the place I'm at. I wouldn't wish the pain I'm enduring on my worst enemy. What makes it worse is that a piece of me feels like my friend has judged me u fairly. Like she doesn't know what it feels like to be this low and she doesn't know what it's like to have NOBODY. She had a fiancee and a really giod therapist when she was at her lowest. She doesn't know what its like to be this low with NOBODY who can help you. It feels so painfully unfair. And I wish she understood. But I u understand why she did what she did, because I gave her so many good reasons. I just wish she would have found it in her heart to accept my apologies and work things out with me. She has NO IDEA what it's like to be in the place I'm at. She's been through a jarsh friendship breakuo before, but her circumstances were different. Or maybe her shitty perception of me is spot on and she has every good reason in the world to incompassionately look down on me. That thought hurts the most I think. I am so far from the man I wish I were. And my self image is in the trash. I dunno how E3 or even LTU5 are going ro help me through this. I dunno if they'll be enough. But they're my only hope. What really kills me is, even if I used the becomi g method and got my friend back, would it change anything about how I'm feeling? I don't think it would. I just feel so low. I'm lower than I've ever been.
RE: E2 Journal - Greenduck - 05-26-2019
First / stop beating yourself up so much. You are much better than you think you are. So just stop for a minute. Breathe. You will get over this and this will pass. You are exactly where you should be and learning the lessons you need to learn. With time you will get why you had to get through this. It may take one year or five years, but you are in the right place now. You have decided to get better and so you shall. These subliminals are something different and using them together with other proven tools and your commitment will take you out of the place you are now and you will rise above the feelings you are having right now.
Btw are you exercising? Running have helped me much with my general mood and perspective on things. I always feel so much better after a run.
RE: E2 Journal - EvolvingPhoenix - 05-26-2019
No, I'm not exercising. I know I should but I don't. I don't do anything really, except try to escape my feelings, which I can't anymore. And now I feel like I can't function.
And I lied to myself when I said I wouldn't with this pain on my worst enemy. I wish my friend knew how it feels. Then she would have compassion for people like me. Maybe I just need her to because I have no compassion for myself.
RE: E2 Journal - Greenduck - 05-26-2019
(05-26-2019, 01:54 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: No, I'm not exercising. I know I should but I don't. I don't do anything really, except try to escape my feelings, which I can't anymore. And now I feel like I can't function.
And I lied to myself when I said I wouldn't with this pain on my worst enemy. I wish my friend knew how it feels. Then she would have compassion for people like me. Maybe I just need her to because I have no compassion for myself.
Exercise is an terrific outlet for emotions and thoughts. Start with taking walks or jogging.
Well you miss her, that’s normal. But right now it’s out of your hands. That’s the hard truth. Nothing to do about it.
Find things you like doing. Try a hobby. Meet some people. Talk about anything and nothing. The weather, your favorite food. Pottery maybe. Or learn to dance. Just do something
RE: E2 Journal - EvolvingPhoenix - 05-26-2019
You're right, Greenduck. I do need to stop beating myself up.
RE: E2 Journal - EvolvingPhoenix - 05-26-2019
(05-26-2019, 02:01 PM)Greenduck Wrote:(05-26-2019, 01:54 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: No, I'm not exercising. I know I should but I don't. I don't do anything really, except try to escape my feelings, which I can't anymore. And now I feel like I can't function.
And I lied to myself when I said I wouldn't with this pain on my worst enemy. I wish my friend knew how it feels. Then she would have compassion for people like me. Maybe I just need her to because I have no compassion for myself.
Exercise is an terrific outlet for emotions and thoughts. Start with taking walks or jogging.
Well you miss her, that’s normal. But right now it’s out of your hands. That’s the hard truth. Nothing to do about it.
Find things you like doing. Try a hobby. Meet some people. Talk about anything and nothing. The weather, your favorite food. Pottery maybe. Or learn to dance. Just do something
The problem is, I get no satisfaction out of anything. I don't feel like doing anything at all. Not even drugs.