Subliminal Talk

The truth shall set you free.

I worked with 2 different traders this morning about 2 future deals, plus I expected a friend to join me online this morning for a game.

During this time, I felt myself withdrawing from working with the traders. Moving towards success is really throwing me for a loop, mentally. Meaning I'm looking for what I know, which is failing, and I'm being pulled towards this foreign thing. Also, my friend didn't contact me, but....I didn't contact him either.

I got in my shower, and I felt my feelings come on. Terror came on. Not fear, but terror. I felt it in my stomach, and since I'd just eaten, it stayed there.

I don't feel it as heavily now. But I do remember it.

Truth: I've feared failure mostly due to social stigmas; people knowing about it and judging me (or abandoning me). My success, mostly, has been fear driven. It makes the success thing undesirable.

I am painfully trying to "blend in", to hide me from what is true.....that's not happening, within the last 15 minutes. I am going to just write.

About 2 hours ago, I was asked by a coworker if I wanted to go home at the end of our shift or if I wanted to stay longer. I was unusually honest with him and myself, and said I was resisting some changes, but I needed to go home. That's all I said, and I'm unsure even if he was listening. USLM is doing.........something. I don't have clear understanding now, as this is happening emotionally.

I came home, turned on ARA at first to destress (last time was 30 days ago or so), but within 5 minutes I shut it down and turned on USLM.

I am seeing (in my mind) something come out of me, like I'm spitting out something foreign and black. And it's not a substance, it's something living. It's the lie I've been living. I've lived this lie called "me".

That's why I'm different right now. I'm unsure who I am right now. I've been grappling for attachments to my past all day in my mind, but everything seems to be changing. Nothing dramatic happened at work, mind you. I just have needed to feel freedom today. I've not had words for it; it was just a feeling.


As I almost stopped writing, my survival mindset instantly began looking for old comforts, old pieces of me.
I have no understanding for this. It's not dangerous, but very new.

What I am seeing right now is that you are now able to reach the root of your problems, Successfully.

It's not easy to change but once you see how it changes your life you will start enjoying it.. Growth is an amazing process.

Thank you Zane

Last night I dropped early. Today, I am brain tired again. Dropping early.

I had a simple, cool awareness this morning, while driving to work. I'll feel no fear sporadically, and I realized I've always had to do recovery work on myself since I've always had fear.

I connected it with subliminals too. I crave the "next, new subliminal" since I feel fear while on one, thinking the next one will fix me, meaning it'll take away my fear.

I'm going to write. I dozed, re-awakened, and am needing to identify what's going on in me.

I'm feeling an intense resistance by a small part of me, a young part of me. I got an offer online days ago with "Rich Dad, Poor Dad", I've left the sales page tab open on my laptop, and I've avoided it. I opened it twice tonight, even just now. I'm afraid. He has such good ideas, this offer is only $20, and .... I resist--am skeptical......of moving into it. I'd be buying some ideas. But I keep turning back to an old feeling. An old feeling of being .......sure about some things. I remember being young, knowing someone would be there for me. That was security to me.

I'm writing now, finding my ideas. That same young part of me is desperate for me to listen. I've seen myself working a home business alone. Without anyone. Alone. Well, apart from my opportunistic moves dealing with people, I'd be alone.

That is a major reason I'm feeling fear. It's separation from people. From support. I've seen doors opening up for longer term home businesses, but mostly ones I'd kept eyes on. I even opened up some loan offers tonight that have been available to me.

Why am I afraid?

Well, I've always enjoyed serving others. All my best jobs I've had I gave in some way to people. I give because I receive immediately when I give, inside. Be it restaurants, teaching, customer service, anything.....I did it and succeeded since I was giving of myself. I was being me. And people not giving back was not an issue when I gave, for something always comes back. Much of it was internal--Simon Sinek spoke of this. I felt good.

And I've been in this spot many times in my life where I've had desire and fear right before me. I just recalled memories of a friend or my brother who, like a leader, would come alongside and walk into it with me. Knowing I was not alone was all I needed. Having someone have my back is a gift.

I'm seeking this.........but I think......this is all internal. I've had USLM running for hours, and maybe....maybe some old piece is blocking me. Some fear. Some memory. I don't know.

I fear abandoning people in order to be successful. I need people to succeed.

2 years ago. I was a type of guy that would have given everything to others just to make them happy or to make their life easier..

I would even go against my own desires just to give to others. I had been doing this my entire life.

I would help others even though others won't help me.

Results of all this :

I lost respect from everyone. My family, sister, brother, I mean they all loved me but they knew I wasn't capable of nothing.

The world abandoned me. I feel into deep depression for 8 years. I lost myself.

I thought that if I would help other then someone might come and help me. But in the end the only person who helped me was "me".

I used to fear abandoning people but in the end I only abandoned myself.

I now only abandoned people who are a parasite in my life.. Sucking the life and joy out of me in any form.

Once you overcome this fear you will gain an emotional strength you can only dreamed off.

If it wasn't for IML. I wouldn't have reached this stage ever. Not in this life atleast . I never knew my own fears. Recognize your fears and work on them.

That sounds rough Zane. It was unfortunate you experienced that.

I've been hanging on to myself these last 10 years or so, meaning I used to abandon myself as well. I've fallen into the "be anything, do anything" trap myself. I learned I wasn't loving myself at all, for I was just being mean to myself. What I realized, in time, is when I go into any interaction with expectations, I set myself up for pain and failure. I put all my power in their hands. And that's what children do. They expect and need anyone else to do what they don't know how to do themselves. I was in my 30's when I learned this.

Expectations put on other people were nothing more than premeditated resentments. I had to find a better way since my mind was leading me to do this, over and over again. I began using subliminals in 2016, and I found IML after that. Emotional healing is mind healing which leads to much less stress in life. I choose that, for that is loving myself.

(12-05-2018, 06:09 PM)findingme Wrote: [ -> ]I fear abandoning people in order to be successful. I need people to succeed.

Maybe you should look for some meaning. What gives your life meaning? What feels meaningful enough to do it for a living? I think you already answered it in that post.

Today all kind of people want to tell you that you have to be "successful" (= doing online marketing business that makes you rich drinking cocktails on a sandy beach by selling people automated e-products they do not need or that do not work). And many people - also in this forum - follow those "marketing leaders" or "motivational speakers" thinking a lot of money is all they need. Money = success. Money = money. Have you ever wondered why "successful" (=rich and famous) people kill themselves? Or drug themselves into poverty or death?
Rich dad poor dad is all about money (he himself might have a mission today, to educate people on money - but he got rich by doing the meaning-free things that he recommends in his books).
What if what you call fear in reality is your gut feeling/intuition telling you that this way is not the right way for you?

Do you fear abandoning people or do you fear abandoning meaningful work in order to "succeed"?

Edit: Deleted 2 words due to rule 4

This is getting into rule 4 territory, guys. And I'd like to point out that fear is never used that way. The higher self uses discomfort, not fear, to point the way.

(12-06-2018, 08:41 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]This is getting into rule 4 territory, guys. And I'd like to point out that fear is never used that way. The higher self uses discomfort, not fear, to point the way.

Yeah. I brought Rule 4 stuff in. Will change it.

I read your response during my workday, and I can attest to the "discomfort, not fear" affect today.

After having an easy morning on the road alone, I returned to our shop to find my coworker working with 2 temps. Cool. But that's where cool ended for me.

I asked 2 questions trying to figure out what he was doing, and in both replies, he replied making me look and feel really stupid in front of the other guys. I intentionally left after a 3rd comment since he is an a*******. I did something I've never done at any time in my 3 years here. I left to walk the yard, to blow off steam. My feelings were hurt, I was angry, and I didn't want to play his a******** showdown game. I just felt hurt and angry. Reason: I'd given him some safe status in my mind when he began working here (AKA "expectations"), hoping he'd be caring and brotherly.

I was then given another pickup to do by the front office, so I went, even talking angrily to him out loud while driving, though the conversation was internal. A celebration barbeque was underway at our shop, and I didn't want to go back and possibly see him again.

I imagined me, him, or both of us would be fired if I spoke to who I'll call "ghetto guy" at the shop. I knew he'd left, and I didn't dodge the barbeque.

What I experienced: extreme discomfort and imagined panic if I played "helpless". So my old "reasons" for asking for help were gone. I didn't seek anybody out. I then realized (this is big) I wanted---oh, I was drawn toward playing the victim. But what occurred to me, my lightbulb moment, was me taking on the victim mindset is what is causing me problems. Why? Because playing victim is me quietly screaming for someone else to take responsibility for me. I read Greenduck's post about his mom playing that victim card on him........and I realized that I've been doing it.....on myself. I've done it countless times. I've done even though it doesn't feel good doing it. The sad eyes, dropped mouth and expression, or what is quite loud--me being very quiet around people who care about me.

It's fricken uncomfortable now. It's retreating. I do NOT want to have either a verbal confrontation or a physical one. Why? Oh s***........I've played that helpless card in showdowns, and got some of what I wanted, but not liking it or myself in the end.

I don't wish to be in a showdown. But the uncomfortableness is making me do SOMETHING. Something I don't normally do. Which is why it's so very uncomfortable.

Thank you for speaking up Shannon.

1st day of break.

I wrote almost 3 paragraphs of stuff, and sat on it while sidelined doing other stuff. I deleted it since I was writing seeking someone to validate me. Damn.

(12-07-2018, 05:59 PM)findingme Wrote: [ -> ]1st day of break.

I wrote almost 3 paragraphs of stuff, and sat on it while sidelined doing other stuff. I deleted it since I was writing seeking someone to validate me. Damn.

You have no idea how many times I did that.