Two days break from USLM tomorrow, i have a cold and sore throat the last three days, forgot to mention
Finished my 2 day break and tomorrow back to listening. USLMaximizer now. Lets see what happens
Nothing to report in those 2 days. On the positive side i studied like hell on the negative side i am eating shit all day long. Back to the gym, eating more healthy and working hard tomorrow, leaving this black hole behind, once and for all hopefully. Every year i have the same pattern in my nutrition. Eating healthy, working out, enjoying life and ladies for two months then binging for one month and barely productive. Same story the last three years. I want to change this pattern but do i really want to? Do i want to change it as bad as i want to breathe?
(10-12-2018, 12:15 PM)blth Wrote: [ -> ]Finished my 2 day break and tomorrow back to listening. USLMaximizer now. Lets see what happens
Do i want to change it as bad as i want to breathe?
Well someone has been listening to Eric Thomas
(10-12-2018, 12:55 PM)cataleya Wrote: [ -> ] (10-12-2018, 12:15 PM)blth Wrote: [ -> ]Finished my 2 day break and tomorrow back to listening. USLMaximizer now. Lets see what happens
Do i want to change it as bad as i want to breathe?
Well someone has been listening to Eric Thomas
I had to google who he is. I am not really into motivation videos but that phrase stuck with me
Days 1-6
The first days i felt demotivated. Like i had the feeling who gives a fuck what is going on everything will be a-ok. That happened the first 4 days. The next 2 days i worked my ass off
I find very difficult to stop eating ice cream since i returned from my trip which was a month ago more or less. Personal life is non existant atm. I have some tax issues pending which will be interesting to see if they will go worse or better than expected
I dont have anxiety at all but i am getting frustrated easily. The first 6 days i was very calm. Today, first break day i had a small wave of anxiety while walking to the gym for 5 seconds. Finally i have some issues with the other poker player i am working my strategy with because he is either busy or lazy and our work is a bit behind. We had a talk yesterday but not sure how it went. Future will tell. Three days break now
I am listening 6 loops of hybrid ocean from stereo speaker. Second run will be done on hybrid trickling on earphones. Lets see
First day on second cycle of hybrid trickling flac on earphones. I was fine in the morning and as soon as i started listening to the sub, i felt sick. I am sneezing often and my nose is acting weird. It could be coincidince. I find the sub annoying on earphones, i am not sure if it is the hybrid part or the sub. I will persist two more days and if it is so annoying i will switch to trickling stream simple the simple version
Overall i feel more motivated even though i took some serious bad beats today. I finished my session and instantly opened my software to study. I dont miss the social aspect today which is suprising but welcomed
edit: last loop of the day and i have sore throat, dry eyes and neck pain. Is this resistance? I never had something similar with uslm1 or even uslm2 listening through speakers
I had a dream about ex. She cheated on me. Someone paid money to fuck her and then they got into a relationship. He told me that she is a very decent woman and i dont know what i missed. Not sure what that means, it was my fault when we broke up
I got strong headache since the start of first loop today. Flu is getting worse and my ears are in pain while listening hybrid even at 3/15 volume from earphones. I might switch to non hybrid trickling stream or hybrid from speakers. Finally i feel very tired today and i can hear the us part of hybrid two hour after i completed all the loops. Like a constant ringing
Edit: many negative things happened regarding my taxes and the line was very long when i tried to join a live tournament so i left. I will wait to see how the things end in order to write more details
Yesterday i listened the us while sleeping because i didnt have time during the day. I woke up with very strong headache, hit the gym and i am in my appartment with my head spinning. I dont know what is going on. I feel pressure on the two sides of my head and my blood boiling even when i dont listen the sub
On the positive side i won 200€ having 4% propability, communication is even better, motivation is through the roof. It seems i am getting even more annoyed with the stupidity of people. I never tried to hide that i am annoyed but this part of me is significantly magnified, i am not sure if i enjoy this or not. I have high temperament and i lost many friendships because i didnt use any filters while i acted
A negative aspect is that i did one cigarette every day for 5 days. I was never a regular smoker, i dont even consider myself recreational smoker. Maybe i will smoke 15 cigarettes all year. I dont really understand this decision and if it part of uslm2 for some reason
Smoking is done as a response to some sort of subconscious (or perhaps even conscious) fear. Almost always. Even when it looks consciously like the "reason" is something else.
(10-26-2018, 04:36 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Smoking is done as a response to some sort of subconscious (or perhaps even conscious) fear. Almost always. Even when it looks consciously like the "reason" is something else.
Since you wrote this i havent smoked anything. I guess when i understand what produces fear or what are the syptoms of fear, i have the ability to shut it down (?)
First day break on cucle 2 yesterday. I have a live event where i lost a very big pot for the chipleading positioning been 92% favourite. It was an insane bad beat but i didnt bother that much. Everyone was saying wtf happened, how is this possible etc. I didnt bother about the bad beat. I was annoyed because i wasnt annoyed at the bad beat. Two points
1) I felt i will lose before the river. It was like i was expecting i will lose
2) When i lost i was thinking ''How is possible to lose such a huge pot and dont bother at all?''
I was thinking that maybe i didnt care about the tournament that much or for the game but waking up this morning made me realize that maybe was a sign of maturity. Fuck if i know
On the positive side my weight dropped bellow 88kg, i am hitting the gym every day and i dont remember when was the last time i ate ice cream. Possible a week+ ago
edit update: second day of sub break, i had DAY 2 in a live mtt first place 70k, 20 mins into the tournament KK vs AA all in preflop for 60bbs and busted. One sick bad beat and one sick setup sum up my break days
I had a very sexual dream about a girl that i dont know. I guess i saw her before but i dont remember her. Day 2 Cycle 2
I had another dream. I was flying to Prague. It was a small private jet with four people in. During the take off, the air was filled with poison and the captain informed us that we are going to die. My first thought was to call my ex and tell her i love her which was unexpected because i never thought to contact her since we broke up. I decided against it in my dream because i thought i wouldnt like her to continue her life like this, me tell her i love her and then die. My second thought was to contact my brother and tell him i love him very much and i am very happy that we shared our lives together but time was over and i died. I wasnt scared in my dream, i remember while slowly leaving my last breaths thinking the following
''oh this is what death is all about, just a deep sleep''
When i woke up i was frozen. I was pleased because i didnt see any nightmares lately which i enjoy, the feelings i get during and after are very powerful and i would have nightmares every day if it was in my power. I dont know why i was frozen, neither i know what the dream actually means, neither why i saw it
(11-04-2018, 03:32 AM)blth Wrote: [ -> ]I had another dream. I was flying to Prague. It was a small private jet with four people in. During the take off, the air was filled with poison and the captain informed us that we are going to die. My first thought was to call my ex and tell her i love her which was unexpected because i never thought to contact her since we broke up. I decided against it in my dream because i thought i wouldnt like her to continue her life like this, me tell her i love her and then die. My second thought was to contact my brother and tell him i love him very much and i am very happy that we shared our lives together but time was over and i died. I wasnt scared in my dream, i remember while slowly leaving my last breaths thinking the following
''oh this is what death is all about, just a deep sleep''
When i woke up i was frozen. I was pleased because i didnt see any nightmares lately which i enjoy, the feelings i get during and after are very powerful and i would have nightmares every day if it was in my power. I dont know why i was frozen, neither i know what the dream actually means, neither why i saw it
That dream most likely means you are making the changes (death and transport in that dream) the sub (poison) is trying to get you to make, and the way you reacted to it tells you that you have accepted these changes without fear.
Congratulations, you're proving FRM2 works.
I never had the sub as poison in my mind. I did enjoy base uslm1 and uslm2 (only time i didnt enjoy when on headphones+hybrid) i am still running hybrid but through speakers. Your explanation make sense. Thank you