Yesterday morning, I felt the "morphine drip" for the first time since running 3.2. That's encouraging.
Overnight, I had a dream that was very sexual, another dream with a beautiful younger woman - maybe 22-25 years old - and she was extremely into me. I could feel butterflies, and excitement - as if I were in the initial stages of falling in love. Last, I had a dream I was hanging out with the new head football coach of my favorite college team. Must have been a status dream.
I've been using ultrasonic tracks exclusively, because for whatever reason, I seem to make more headway using it over hybrid or masked.
I finally understood the term "GINA".
Made the switch back to A, and so far I've had quite a few indicators that it was a good decision.
Hunger is back, in full force. Annoying, frankly, as I have my yearly vacation in a week. Gotta keep that six-pack goin'!
Fatigue, check. Even had a taste of the morphine drip - second time since starting 3.2, and first time on A.
Wife is super amenable and amiable today, even though I'm being reserved, clipped in responses, and irritable in tone.
Maybe this week will be the big breakthrough, but if not, I plan on starting my sub break after getting back from trip.
On A, I will be completely fine one minute, and then the next, something is being worked on subconsciously and tears well up in my eyes with a feeling of overwhelming emotional energy rushing up through my chest. I wish I knew what, specifically, is being worked on.
I haven't created many opportunities lately to be around women in public, or situations where anything DMSI-related has a better chance of happening. Manifestation seems to be at zero - at least nothing I've recognized as such.
Dude, exact thing here. I welcome these moments now because I know it's a strong chance to grow. As far as wanting to know what it is. I don't feel the need anymore. For two reasons. 1 emotional reactions can be so irrational and attempting to understand them consciously can actually interfere with the free flowing energy of them. 2, if I start thinking too much I start getting wrapped up in the story tied to it. Let's say it was emotional neglect at times, it doesn't do me any good reminiscing on all the memories where I experienced that. All that matters is the now and what currently effects me.
In my experience there's a strong healing process that can occur but it involves trust and understanding with another part of yourself that can handle this stuff better than your conscious. The hard part for me has always been removing my preconceived notions of what healing entails and how it works. Too much conscious involvement and I'd derail the process.
Been mentally exhausted. Since we're so close to 3.2 bloom-break, I've just been spamming my mind with loops whenever possible. Finally got to a point of overload, where I'm just tired for "no reason." So I took an early ASRB last night.
I'm going to run A loops tonight, after about 36 hours off, and then take another ASRB tomorrow night. The reasons for that are three-fold. 1.) I need the rest. 2.) I've probably gone as far with 3.2 as I can at this point, so why not experiment a little, and 3.) I leave for my annual fishing vacation with my favorite DMSI test subject (SIL!) on Saturday. Vacation is a week long, and I'm not planning an ASRB break during vacation. When I get back, I will take my bloom-break from 3.2.
Had sex with my wife last night. I had a sense she was due for her period, so earlier in the day I said, "So, you want me to kick-start your monthly tonight?" She said, "Well, I'm actually 5 days late, but I haven't had any headaches or cramps, so I don't think that'll be an issue." She came hard in about 3 minutes, and after I was done, I'm like "Look at all the blood!" (Silence of the Lambs reference, lol)
I think the module for improving sexual performance really works. I had a hair-trigger there for awhile in the past, especially if we didn't have sex for over a week (which is still, unfortunately, the case). I'm in full control now, and I feel like I can sense exactly what she needed to enjoy the experience maximally. As soon as she was "satisfied" is when I was suddenly able to climax myself - so it's almost like I'm programmed to hold off until I achieve giving my partner pleasure, or feel like the sexual experience was "successful."
Back from my annual fishin' trip, hope everyone had a good week.
Though I haven't felt much like updating this thread (almost an E2-like apathy to post), I will do my best to cap this run of DMSI.
Before I dive in, I will say that I am going to be running DMSI 3.2-A for one more week (even though I said I was done after vacation). Last night I took my final secondary ASRB break.
The reason I'm going to continue is I've noticed some new breakthroughs this last week, and want to see if that continues.
At the beginning of my trip last week, I had more "Waves of Emotion" hit me - seemingly random - but usually as my thoughts revolved around my kids, wife, and SIL. Those instances of emotion diminished considerably as the week went on.
BIL mate-guarded more than usual, while simultaneously getting along with me very well - no intimidation or looks of indignation shot my way.
MIL was very cautious of me, in a good way. No outright disrespect or arguments - in fact, quite the opposite. I still was annoyed by her, as the very sound of her voice irks me, lol. She went out of her way much of the week to keep things between us smooth.
SIL is still very attracted - perhaps the most she's ever been - but the behaviors are different. In fact, our relationship has become disappointing to me. She can no longer hold eye contact for more than a second, and any direct interaction is clipped. It's like she terrified of interacting with me. Yet, I still get all of the classic IOIs, and she even made sure she showed off her body to me in her bikini on a river day. The poses were clearly intentional.
At one point, early in the week, she made a comment about how an old TV show she likes makes her mad because the characters cheat on their spouses. It was out of left-field, and I feel like it was said to either get a reaction from me, express it out loud because she's actually thinking about cheating all of the time and she wanted to hide that by voicing her distaste for people who don't stay loyal to their marriage, IDK.
Few more notables:
Sexual dreams I could actually remember started back up. That was a positive sign.
A cute employee at the park lodge couldn't stop staring at me. Every time I glanced, she was staring a hole through me, even though I held my daughter the entire time. My daughter's cute, but I doubt she was mesmerizing this chick.
Respect from males, called "Sir" by almost everyone.
Wife showing more positive response - deference, interest in improving her appearance, sexual jokes/more open to tease, more open to having sex without excuses, and has massive orgasms within minutes - accompanied by more of her own natural lubrication than I've seen in years.
My ability to sense exactly what's needed to please in bed is heightened, and lasting as long as necessary is no longer an issue.
After being on caffeine and off caffeine, I noticed no difference in execution. Being caffeine-free did nothing for me.
Anti-anxiety module is amazing.
Remaining negatives:
No direct approaches or attempts at seduction.
Sudden flashes of fear, at times near-paralyzing. Most times has nothing to do with women, but more crazy, paranoid-delusional flashes of things happening to my kids. Or seeing myself going off the road in the car when my wife is driving, lol, when we're not.
Conscious-frustration of lack of eternals seems to shut down subconscious execution completely, albeit just temporarily.
Issues breaking ASRB by ripping off headphones, or having "technology" issues with my phone or Neutron Player.
Not seeing the full effects of Positive Thinking Positive Attitude. Experiencing a lot of negative chatter in my head, a lot of the time.
Not as apt to get out and do fun things as I was on 3.1.
No noticeable detox, past physical symptoms the first month. I don't know if toxic beliefs have been cleared or not. Likely so, just not sure which ones.
Finally (and I've already addressed this with Shannon), "This program’s design goal is specifically to cause people who are of the gender you find sexually attractive to be irresistibly attracted to you and aroused by you sexually to the degree that they actually and repeatedly try to initiate and have as much physical sex with you as you allow them to."
I believe "as you allow them to" is giving my subc a loop hole to not execute DMSI past IOIs.
We'll see if anything changes this week, or during the bloom phase.
(09-02-2018, 07:00 AM)Infinite Wrote: [ -> ]SiL seems to be intimidated by her strong sexual attraction to you. That's why she avoids the eye contact. If you do cheat with her, it will take a miracle for her not to screw things up by saying something.
Agreed. But she'd be put in the position of losing her husband, her sister, having the ire or her entire extended family, screwing up her niece and nephew's parents being together... I'd think keeping her mouth shut would have to be easier, considering the consequences. But logic doesn't always win.
I don't know what I want to happen, here. I guess I just want some kind of closure, one way or the other, and I feel like getting to the point of being able to address our mutual attraction would be good. Tired of it hanging over my head the way it has for years on end.
You seem to have oneitis for your sil. GFTOW
(09-02-2018, 08:06 AM)SargeMaximus Wrote: [ -> ]You seem to have oneitis for your sil. GFTOW
Lol, I had to look that one up.
10 other women would certainly do the trick. But I'm not going out of my way to cheat on my wife. I'm not sure what I've been hoping for is going to happen.
1. Get over SIL someway, somehow.
2. Increase sex life with wife to amazing levels.
But we'll see. I have a feeling 3.3 is going to put me on the fence with 1., grant me 2., and present me with the opportunity to GFTOW.
(09-02-2018, 08:36 AM)Infinite Wrote: [ -> ]Try to throw very subtle ioi at her. Make her think that she's the one doing all of the seducing, and you're just responding to her beauty. Act like what you have for her is not lust and sexual attraction, but a form of love and passion. Her saying that she hates when people cheat to get a reaction out of you makes me think that she's not ready for a sexual relationship with you. It might be dangerous for you to make the first move. Let dmsi do a lot of the work, and make her think that she is the seducer.
Amen.
3.2-A, Sennheiser Pro's, Ultrasonic, Galaxy Note 5, Neutron Player, Volume 6/15 (40%), Day 2/7 (3rd Listen tonight).
2 days of borderline depression, frustration, emotional turmoil, irritability. 2 days of needing 2+ hour naps, feeling absolutely drained. Still surprised this is happening after all this time. Clearly still a ways to go. Fingers crossed 3.3 gets past the fear, so the energy drain from fighting execution is nixed.