Day 95
I had a similar dream. I was in a party / function with my parents. All people were coworkers / friends of my father with their family. I was angry with my parents over something. I felt like going to toilet. I spotted a toilet across the hall / big room but did not feel comfortable crossing the room in front of everyone. I went the toilet from the other side. I locked the both doors of the toilet and peed.
Day 97
The instruction for the sub clearly says it should not be used while driving due to both In-The-Moment state shifting and Triggered state shifting. In the start I was hesitant. Then I tried to listen to it while driving to office and nothing happened. So I kept on listening to the sub daily in my car and listening whole day and also when driving back home in the evening.
Yesterday I was driving my car and the pickup in front of me braked suddenly. I was lost in thoughts and my reaction time was slow. Thankfully I managed to stop in time. I think it might be due to listening to sub and state shifting. I have stopped listening to the sub while driving.
I also feel that in the start the sub was gentle. After about 3 months, I think the sub has melted / penetrated the outer layer or shell and is now affecting me very directly. Sometimes when I listen I feel that I feel kind of drugged. I will try to explain as best as I can. The feeling of drugged is not so much that I lose control of myself or surroundings but i feel like my mind is in some cloud or smoke. When I am not listening to the sub I feel more clear.
That cloudy feeling is likely the state shifting changing to accommodate your current needs.
Day 107
Sore throat, headache, fever like symptoms. I was planning to update the journal and then climate change affected me.
Mentally feel very tired. I have reduced the time for the sub and cover 8- 9 hours only. One reason could be I experimented with a radionics software for a different thing. That might have contributed to brain load. I have stopped that now. I ran E1 for about 6 month and now I am on 4th month of E2. It kind of gets boring when you see things around you which are interesting and appealing and you want to try but cannot due to the sub.
Overall my perception of the world has changed a lot. I am facing things like my age, my household responsibility directly in the face. From sitting on the sideline and watching I am more in the stream right now. I think more maturity and practically. There was this one thing which was stopping me from moving in the stream, I cannot define what it was but I always felt it like a chain or something, holding me in one place. I do not feel this anymore.
I was irritated very easily especially while driving if someone cuts me or behaves badly. I used to react a lot. Not in the kind of road rage but internal anger and frustration. Now this is more directed outside than inside. I honk or engage slightly in a road rage but with mental control without endangering myself or other drivers. i think that instead of holding inside I can direct it outwards or just let it slip away. Its like if I find this driver again I will not let him cross me again but if not I let him go and release the anger.
I can relate to the mental fuzziness, as I've been on E2 87 days now. I've begun to associate it mostly with E2 since I've used 4 other 5.5 subs, and I didn't have that same feeling. But E2 was the very first 5.5G sub, and Shannon's tweaked newer ones a lot.
Day 112
Overall I was going fine, and then suddenly in the last few days I found myself getting irritated very quickly in all areas. In driving and at home. It is more of like a habitual irritation and not spontaneous one. I mean its like I am programmed to get irritated. I behave irritated but deep inside I am not that emotionally disturbed. Its like I am acting on a defined pattern.
Day 119 to Day 122
I did not post for a while as nothing significant happened. However, during 3 days I went to attend an office meeting / retreat in an outstation venue. Overall I do not have a good relationship with my office colleagues due to various reasons.
I kept listening to the sub during the day on my spare mobile. I feel that my interaction was very good. Some of the colleagues got more friendlier with me. I think I myself have become more friendlier and have removed some of the walls / barriers around me. I am more at ease talking to strangers. I feel the need to be secure and safe has diminished a bit; i do not feel the need to be more protective about myself. Within myself I felt that I am speaking more opening without fear of judgement, repercussion; which may be good and may not be good as you need to be a bit diplomatic in office environments. There were some ups and downs during those days but I think the sub kept my going without my getting upset or depressed.
I noticed less brain fog during the trip and in some times I felt like zero brain fog, which is quite opposite at home. Maybe it was due to the new environment; don't know.
Overall I am more relaxed, less stressed out and less tense.
Day 124
I have been thinking of a side business but could not muster courage to go ahead. Yesterday night I was contemplating as always and took a step and emailed someone to ask for some information.
I saw nightmares during the night. I was pretty scared and woke up in the middle of the night. I was scared that something is going to happen to me. Someone was telling me you are going to be paralyzed. You will turn into a statue. I think I saw my mother also who was telling me something or warning me. I have not felt this scared since my childhood. I went back to sleep a while later and slept peacefully till morning.
I am not sure this was related to me taking a step forward or some other issue.
Day 127
I was thinking of shifting to LTU 5.5g when it comes out. But the expected price >$500 made me think twice. Now I am going to buy USLM3 and hopefully I will get some money and then later after 6 months maybe I will buy new LTU. By that time maybe 6G will be out and there will be more choices.
I plan to take rest of few days and then start with USLM3.
Day 128
I did not listen to the sub due to the plan to shift to USLM3. My morning time was very intense. I was irritated and angry on every small thing. I myself was surprised due to the sudden mood shift. By afternoon I am much settled but irritation and tension is there.
My mood and internal emotional feeling was at the bottom. Shannon advised one week rest before shifting to USLM3 but after 3 days I could not bear this anymore. Either I start listening again to E2 or shift to USLM3. I think E2 was addressing some real issues when I stopped and there was some stirred feelings there. Everywhere I went I felt in a horrible dream, people like demons. I was fighting with people / drivers on the road. Upset at everything.
I have now shifted to USLM3.