Okay, I see now that DMSI 3.2 has been released, so I am starting a journal. How often will I update it? I don't know.
Anyway, last time I logged on was last mid October, and I believe I haven't used any sub a few months before then. So I suppose I can say that I 'm pretty much a clean sheet.
I'm using DMSI 3.2, but I know that things are going to be very difficult. Why? because of logistics.
First of all, I am back to my home country, and I am currently living with my parents. (Where I live, everybody pretty much lives in a condominium, and it isn't uncommon to live with parents before marriage.)
Compared to my situation back in the states, this definitely is a much worse condition, as I used to have a Queen bed and my own APT.
Second challenge. I have absolutely zero social connection back here. I have studied abroad for a long time, and during that time, I lost all the social connection. Thus, I pretty much stay at home reading some stuff online, playing games, or watching TV (documentaries, comedies, tv shows, news, etc).
I didn't really have any social connections before, but I at least went to classes. Now, I don't even have that. Besides, where I am currently living, the demographics is rather terrible. I will have force myself to go to some other place for better social stuff. (I am not a social guy to begin with anyway.)
One thing that is good is that I have begun getting personal training for about 1 month and half, and so far I have been getting great results. (As I was pretty much a beginner, it is not unusual. Even then, the trainer consistently tells me that I am getting a quick result, especially legs, and shoulders. ) So, if sex were to happen, I suppose I would be having much better sex than my previous days.
Another good thing is that since I am not in school anymore (at least for now), I currently don't have any stressor (that causes stresses). Hence, I have not suffered anxiety, depression, or any other negative emotions. Besides, I am currently taking anti-depression/anxiety for maintenance. The doctor seems confident that the dosage is rather low (as I have dysthymia, a condition that can be seen as prone to anxiety, depression, and/or chronic depression at a very mild stage, that the doctor thinks it's good to take the medicine at low dosage, but believes that it is low enough to not cause any side effects.) that it shouldn't cause any side effects, such as low libido.
Social scene may change in some time, as I am currently waiting for my mandatory military service requirement (I'm not getting directly drafted. It's going to be something different.). I don't know when, but it is going to happen.
This is my first time trying B version, as I thought A version would have been better to deal with my high functioning Autism, and anxiety. However, come to think of it, I may not have had any need for healing, as I have not really had any sexual trauma. (Unless not having sex counts as trauma.) Perhaps some clearing was necessary as my family is quite conservative when it comes to sex (even for my country's standard and of course the US standard.)
But right now, I feel rather calm, no mental stress or damage, emotion or whatever. So B would be interesting. Who knows what it will do.
Will DMSI be effective enough overcome the logistics and reality obstacle? Well let's see. Welcome to the ride folks.
Well, I ran the sub for 1 loop. (Hybrid trickling streaming flac version). Here is what I noticed.
While I was not heavily focusing (reading DMSI store page), I noticed that I got a few random spontaneous erections. On the other hand, while I was heavily focusing (playing a game), I don't think I noticed getting an erection. (Maybe I did, but I couldn't have known.)
Other than that, nothing seems interesting. Oh well, first time, 1 loop. No miracle's going to happen in that short amount of time.
Day 2.
Currently I am listening to the sub. Oh well, nothing is out of ordinary at the moment.
But I did notice a few things after I woke up today.
1. More random erections. I got a few erections out of nowhere, without thinking anything sexual or anything. Hell, just thinking about erection is about to get me an erection. I suppose it's a good thing that my sexual energy is getting boosted, but at the same time, it is annoying, as it may create awkward situation. Ability to better control erection would be nice.
2. I am feeling much more thirsty. I don't know why, but I got more thirsty today.
3. Slower recovery from workout? I need to see more to determine this, but I feel that my muscle recovery is slower today, as I feel more pain than usual.
The effect on people of gender which I find attractive (women) is yet to be seen. Bad demographic to test, as when I was on bus there were way too many people, and most of them (99%, if not 100%) were definitely not attractive to me at all.
Day 3. Nothing new. It's pretty much the same compared to the day before, except that I didn't feel thirsty.
I'm going away in the forum for a few days as I am going on a ski trip. Well, I don't know things would be interesting there. (As I am having my cousin around.)
We'll see.
(02-25-2018, 06:00 AM)sw72hw Wrote: [ -> ]Day 3. Nothing new. It's pretty much the same compared to the day before, except that I didn't feel thirsty.
I'm going away in the forum for a few days as I am going on a ski trip. Well, I don't know things would be interesting there. (As I am having my cousin around.)
We'll see.
From what you're implying here, I hope your cousin is at least a 2nd cousin.
(02-25-2018, 06:29 AM)Nox Wrote: [ -> ] (02-25-2018, 06:00 AM)sw72hw Wrote: [ -> ]Day 3. Nothing new. It's pretty much the same compared to the day before, except that I didn't feel thirsty.
I'm going away in the forum for a few days as I am going on a ski trip. Well, I don't know things would be interesting there. (As I am having my cousin around.)
We'll see.
From what you're implying here, I hope your cousin is at least a 2nd cousin.
Unfortunately, he's my 1st cousin, but his mentality and maturity is similar to the level of my 2nd cousin. (Although his size is about twice of me.) I would also say that he is less experienced with women than I am. Lastly, I am expected to "baby sit" my cousin.
It's all cool though, as I haven't had a chance to spend much time with him as I've been abroad for a long time.
On the other hand, if something "interesting/meaningful" were to truly happen there (in terms of DMSI), it would speak the effectiveness of the program. So let's keep fingers crossed.
The most hilarious thing would be that my aura gets him to be more experienced with women, while I don't get anything. That would truly be hilarious. (But would be very amusing and interesting for me to see.
)
An interesting update. I'm listening my day 3 now, as I have been busy meeting relatives, and packing.
Compared to 1st and 2nd listening phase, I am not getting an erection nor getting feeling sexual energy. Rather, it has calmed down. I was going to fap, (for no real reason). I didn't, and thought well I will do it if I feel like it after listening to DMSI.
I'm about half way, and found that I no longer have the urge, and all the sexual build up sorta dissipated. I don't think it subsided, but rather, it seems to have spread out my body, which would be sorta opposite to my previous two runs. Previously, I felt like energy was building on my genital, but now it has calmed down that area.
I have no idea what it's doing, but we shall see.
Quote:From what you're implying here, I hope your cousin is at least a 2nd cousin.
It sounded like you were implying it was a female cousin, but sounds instead you were curious to see if DMSI helped your results be better than your cousins results with women.
(02-25-2018, 04:23 PM)Benjamin Wrote: [ -> ]Quote:From what you're implying here, I hope your cousin is at least a 2nd cousin.
It sounded like you were implying it was a female cousin, but sounds instead you were curious to see if DMSI helped your results be better than your cousins results with women.
Well, I was actually curious to see if the aura from DMSI would influence my cousin's actions towards women. It did not at all.
Okay, I'm back from the trip. It was fun, but tedious and somewhat tiring as I literally needed to baby sit an adult cousin, who is about double the size of me. (Weight wise, he's more than double.)
There were many episodes, but they are irrelevant to DMSI, nor do I wish to share all the problems my cousin cased. So I will leave them.
Was the trip terrible? Actually no, it helped me grow. I think.
Before the trip, I was thinking that I'd rather not be a father, because I wouldn't be a great father, even though I've been told that I'd be a fantastic dad. Why? Because I thought that I wouldn't be able to provide everything best for my child(ren). I literally thought that if I were to be a good father, I would need to provide the best material support, best mental support, provide huge amount of love, being a good husband, lots of playing time with the child(ren), being able to look at their level, think at their level while provide best guidance that suits them, and etc. And I thought I would not be able to do that, or I'd be lacking that I'd better not be a father.
After the trip, the thought changed. I handled all the situation and all the problems that were created by my cousin, and I handled it well. And that made me realize that if I m put in the situation, and that I am required to perform such functions (such as taking care of people, solving problems, being at their level, and handling people's emotional stress, and etc), I would handle it rather very well, and do it smoothly.
This made me realize not only that I could be a great father, but also a great boyfriend, and/or husband. Hence, the experience made me feel like a real man, in a way. Yes, sure I am small so I may not be physically adequate to protect (although this may change, and maybe soon as I am getting personal training), but I'd be able to handle all the mental and emotional aspect, and protect, restore and heal those areas. It also made me be reminded of the fact that protecting someone isn't all about size, and that there are other side as well.
It made me see that I have many sides of me. I can be tough, firm, and assertive, but at the same time, I can be soft, comforting, embracing, mellow, and you name it. This made me realize that I am much more a man than I thought, and that I am truly ready to handle having a great girlfriend, wife, or whatever, and enjoy building love, sex, relationship, intimacy and other related good stuff. Also, I don't feel I am not just ready; I am gonna be great at it.
Now, I need to find that girl (or girls). Unfortunately, this has always been the toughest part for me. Finding the right venue, and escalating with girls. Looking back, I noticed that girls tend to be quite comfortable around me. I also believe that I may have gotten a few signs that some girls wanted to escalate (not necessarily sex, but in terms of relationship), but I didn't handle it too well. Either I missed it totally, or I blew it up due to some ego related stuff. Hopefully, listening to DMSI will all the necessary things (like not missing cues, escalating, and etc) natural that I'd handle it well.
This also made me think about the girls I want. This morning, I was resting after cleaning up the lodge we stayed (we are expected to clean up before check out, and since my cousin's mental level isn't much higher than that of a kindergartner, I pretty much had to do all of that by myself), as I was exhausted. I turned on TV to watch some stuff, and the show was about girl's dating habits, thoughts, and etc. The girls were not random girls, but were celebrities. One of them was a hot girl with great body (which I have seen from sex scenes in a few movies.) This girl has seriously terrible dating habit that she lies to validate, she does shit test (is this the correct term?), she says terrible stuff, and would even threaten to break up with here boyfriend, just to validate his love, and validate her value. (The value part was more intuitive to me, not overtly shown, but intuitive.) This turned me off completely.
Would it have turned me off prior to DMSI/DMSI 3.2? Sure, but I don't think the degree of being turned off would be as intense I felt this morning. Also, other girls on the show were also doing shit tests or were gaming heavily.
I knew that I didn't like girls who need(would) to shit test, or game, but this morning, the feeling of disgust has not been as strong as what I felt this morning. The feeling is so strong that I think that I would just leave the girl, even if I were involved with her for a while, when she shit tests me or tries to game me.
Maybe a disgust is a wrong word or a bit too strong word. Perhaps being turned off may be a better description.
Maybe all girls shit test and game guys. Perhaps that's the way. However, I am certain that there are great girls (great personality, great looks, high intelligence, great sense of humor, and etc), who don't shit test or game guys. I am feeling more energized and wanting to find such girls and make the girl mine than ever. I am hoping that DMSI will let it happen as effortlessly and smoothly possible.
These internal thoughts, I believe that could have happened without DMSI. Yet, I feel that at least some part of the thought process must have been influenced by DMSI.
Unlike previous DMSI, in which I have felt strong anxiety and some depression (which I am prone to due to some condition I have), I am not feeling any of it in 3.2, even though it's not even healing/clearing version. This indeed is a nice feeling, and it is a feeling that I am becoming a real man.
Also, during this trip, and with my extended period of spending time with the cousin, it made me realize more about what a man needs (or what a man needs to be a true man not a boy). At the same time, it made me understand what my cousin's real problems have been.
Too many, if not all of my family member sees the cousin's problem as in game, smartphone, and computer addiction, being obese, lazy, and lack of enthusiasm, interest and focus in his life. (I could use some focus too, but at the same time, I have been literally going all the time for a single focus, academic success that a break, having no goal or focus, can be a good and refreshing thing) However, I see these as his secondary problem. To me the biggest things he needs to fix are his self esteem, self worthiness, and confidence. My cousin is aware of all these problems, and feel really bad about making mistakes and screwing things up. It seems that he has been punished by his family somewhat seriously for such deeds. There also seem to be an atmosphere in the family such that nobody expects highly of him or everybody expects low tings from him. I feel that these have let him down seriously, and harming his self esteem, self worth and confidence.
Yes, his family punished him, wanting for him to be better. Unfortunately, I am seeing that the punishment's effectiveness and usefulness is overturned and became toxic for him. Somehow this must be fixed. I'd rather be frank to his family about this, but it seems that everybody in the family (including the cousin) doesn't want me to do that. Nevertheless, I intend to do it soon, will bring it to my uncle and his wife, as that guy needs to be better. (Also I would want him to get his T level tested, as it seems that he has absolute zero interest in sex. I am cool if he turns out that he's asexual, but I am not entirely certain if he's asexual, or something's wrong with his body. After all, he's quite obese, and I remember reading that obese men's testosterone level is lower than that of normal guys.) Yet, I am going to find a way to bring it up in a way that it's not taken as an offense, but as an advice from seriously concerned cousin as if they take it offensively, it will back fire and nobody will benefit. (Not to mention that I will damage my relationship with the family.) I have some thoughts, and I will act.
I feel that I have gotten quite a lot from this short 3 day trip. I also feel strongly that I would have gotten regardless of my having been exposed to DMSI. Yet, I also have a feeling that DMSI would have contributed somehow, whether small or large.
It is also interesting that DMSI (particularly this version of DMSI) doesn't seem to provide sexual effects for me yet. (It did some in the previous version, but it hasn't completely gotten to the goal yet) Rather, it seems to help me grow to be a greater person, greater man, and maybe it's even making me the greatest version I can be.
(02-28-2018, 09:16 AM)sw72hw Wrote: [ -> ]Unlike previous DMSI, in which I have felt strong anxiety and some depression (which I am prone to due to some condition I have), I am not feeling any of it in 3.2, even though it's not even healing/clearing version. This indeed is a nice feeling, and it is a feeling that I am becoming a real man.
https://subliminal-talk.com/Thread-Men-s...#pid189869
Quote:Just adding perspective on that issue. I was under the understanding you were only adding what you called the "heavy lift rocket engines", one from ARA, one from DRA. I wasn't aware you were open to adding of DRA itself. So I thought this perspective may help you.
(02-16-2018, 01:17 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]I didn't add DRA. I did add the heavy lift rockets, and I added ARA etc. to the script because they could also help the program without any potential issues.
Anxiety Relief Aid (ARA)
https://www.subliminal-shop.com/product/...ity-3-2-b/
54.
Added submodule to ASWM module to prevent depression in response to having to face your fears and execute the script
(02-28-2018, 09:59 AM)4Kingdoms Wrote: [ -> ] (02-28-2018, 09:16 AM)sw72hw Wrote: [ -> ]Unlike previous DMSI, in which I have felt strong anxiety and some depression (which I am prone to due to some condition I have), I am not feeling any of it in 3.2, even though it's not even healing/clearing version. This indeed is a nice feeling, and it is a feeling that I am becoming a real man.
https://subliminal-talk.com/Thread-Men-s...#pid189869
Quote:Just adding perspective on that issue. I was under the understanding you were only adding what you called the "heavy lift rocket engines", one from ARA, one from DRA. I wasn't aware you were open to adding of DRA itself. So I thought this perspective may help you.
(02-16-2018, 01:17 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]I didn't add DRA. I did add the heavy lift rockets, and I added ARA etc. to the script because they could also help the program without any potential issues.
Anxiety Relief Aid (ARA)
https://www.subliminal-shop.com/product/...ity-3-2-b/
54. Added submodule to ASWM module to prevent depression in response to having to face your fears and execute the script
Ah, good reference. Well, I might also add that I don't have the high stress from academic work. That may be also a reason for not feeling depression or anxiety.
Shit, this post is the most difficult one I've ever written. I have written and rewritten several times for this post, which has never happened before. What I want to describe, or express is too difficult to be portrayed through my limited language ability. (Whether in English, or in my mother tongue) Too much mental and emotional overload. Is it from DMSI? Nope. It's from watching a show, which have gotten me thinking very much, but today's more extreme.
I am very sentimental as I have been watching a show. Is it DMSI? No I don't think so, but it could be making me having more sensitive emotion (not in a bad way, as I don't think being more sensitive is a bad thing). The show is mainly about being a mother, motherhood, and mother daughter relationship. It got me thinking very much about things. Some very serious things, especially about being a man, a good man, being a great father figure, and being a good person in general for different relationships.
It reminded me about a Japanese movie that is about being a father, but also Heavy Rain, the game. The show has gotten me to think about how being a bad man can destroy a person (especially women, children, and mother), and can create chain reaction. (i.e.Abusive dad/men making abusive mother, making abusive children who grow up to be abusive men/women, which then create more cycle) Not all woman become a bad woman, nor a bad mother because of the scar they got from being involved with bad men/father, but many end up being bad.
All of this makes me think about how I should be a good men (or so called alpha men, as many of you refer to). I also feel that becoming such person isn't being born into that person, but growing into that person. It takes strong will, courage, determination, and resilience, just like being a good mother. It also got me to think that being a good dad or a good man, isn't different from being a good woman, or good mother. It's easy in theory (or easy to say), but difficult to do.
Yet, more sentimental I get, the more sentimental I get from the show, the more I think about stuff, it is making my determination to be such person much stronger. The thing is that I think I am already that person (am I arrogant to think that way? I don't know.), but keeping being that person is just as hard, if not harder. Still I feel very strongly about becoming (or keep being) that person.
Then what is good man, good father, or good person in general? I think and feel I know, but it's very hard to express. Perhaps you guys are better at this.
I'm definitely listening to 3.2 B version of DMSI. I checked again, checked MD5Sum again. It is weird, as I thought B version doesn't have clearing. Yet, I am doing internal stuff very much. (At the same time, I think that DMSI didn't do much about internal stuff as I think that even without DMSI, watching that show would have gotten me to do the same thing regardless) Still, internal stuff is the only thing I am observing, so I don't know.
DMSI is supposed to do sex relate stuff, but whatever internal stuff that's happening seem to me not really about sex. Rather the results seem much more relatable to other subs like Alpha Male, E2, and/or AYP (romance version). I don't know if these stuff is going to somehow make me sexually irresistible, but it "definitely" doesn't feel sexual at all. These feel much bigger than sex.
Im not having the same exact reaction as you by any means, but I think something similar may be going on with me. Like I am being pushed to eliminate toxic habits and be a better person overall. Nothing directly sexual, but maybe we need to go through these seemingly non sexual internal shifts to eventually reach the goal of the program of developing maximum sexual irresistibility