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After a trusted and respected friend of mine suggested I run AF following his success with the AM subliminal, I put my quest for bigger boobs on hold ? and have embarked upon AF. My ultimate aim is to become my best version of myself.

Day 1 - started listening at work using the silent version via earbuds. Within half an hour, the usual headache and nausea set in, despite it being at the lowest possible volume. I get these with all subs so not surprised.
Spent the day in a state of euphoria. I'm a happy person normally but this was like being high. Delicious!
Day 2 - I had broken sleep with three dreams about a 13yo boy being bullied. Different boys in each dream, black eyes, being chased, etc. I felt helpless and could only hug the boy. I woke after each dream but was in no way upset. Just hyper-energetic. My foot was tapping like crazy all night, mind was racing with bulletproof thinking, and the elation from the day before continued. Headaches remain.
Day 3 - I slept for 10 hours last night, waking only once. I had a vivid dream of being on an island where men I've been infatuated with over the years were brought to me. Most are celebrities as I'm usually level headed with men. Each one had his flaws highlighted and it was apparent to me why a relationship with them would never have worked. Last up was R, and I laughed hard. If ever there was my dream man and soul mate in one delectable form, he is it. Anyway, in the dream, he took my hand and led me to a vortex. As he stepped through, I woke.
Day 4 - meh.
Day 6 - in the last 36 hours, men have been more overtly attentive. I walked past one in the morning and he smiled and called me 'gorgeous'. Another said I was ideal wife material, yet another used the term beautiful soul, and the men I work with are all flirty. Odd. Nice, but odd.
Slept for 11 hours...broken, poor sleep. Each time I awoke I was still half dreaming and was seeing multiple images flash in my vision rapidly...a bit like having ten pictures flickering on a screen yet each one is clearly perceptible. I'm having visual memories a lot, of random things, like my entire school class from age 12... I haven't thought of nor seen any of them since that age, yet I had a visual roll call of each one. Clearly...faces and names. Shame it's not upcoming lottery numbers lol.
I would normally be wanting to text R but today I just want to be a hermit. Very unmotivated to interact with the world. Except online forums, clearly ?
Day 7 - I seem to be on a cycle of elation and motivation one day, slothful recovery the next. Today was a high day. Super energetic, absolutely more productive at work and wasn't watching the clock for a change. The women I've been having difficulty with have all backed off and actually paid me compliments today, which was a pleasant surprise. The male attention the point where a stranger airdropped porn to me when I was walking at lunchtime. Bizarre!! A male colleague actually remarked that other men seem to be more attentive than usual so it's not my imagination. My own level of sexual desire is heightened and my orgasms are increasing in velocity, noticeably...not that lack of desire has ever been a problem lol. The most notable thing for me though is my confidence in expressing myself. For example, things I would usually want to say/text but either choose to censor or moderate I now just think 'stuff it, I'm just going to say what I want'. And I'm really not afraid of the consequences (not that I'm being rude or confrontational...I am just realising that I used to be very guarded and plan messages based upon a theoretical response, whereas now I find myself being true to what I'm really thinking).

Today was awesome Smile
Day 8 - work based productivity remains high and I'm actually happy there for the first time in months. I realised today too that I am making more of an effort physically: I wore mascara to work when I rarely ever wear makeup, and am mentally thinking about my outfit more. I'm also more motivated to exercise.
I was told I'm being needy today which really annoyed me. On reflection, I can see how my being more authentic and impulsive could be interpreted as needing attention. Funny though, because internally I feel more secure and confident now than I have in twenty years. I'm positive the AF scripting shares elements with DMSI because of the external male response but also the shift in my self talk, which I notice at quiet moments like on the bus. I'm actually thinking thoughts of feeling invincible and of having a magnetic personality. The highs and lows are calming - today was another upbeat day but not crazy euphoria high (way better than having a hermit inducing low day).
The past 5 days have been smooth sailing. My sleep has normalised and I'm actually getting deep sleep which is undisturbed for the first time in months. I wake feeling groggy so hopefully that's a sign my subconscious mind is getting a workout. I have woken today clearly remembering a happy dream- first dream recollection in a week. I'm hoping this one manifests!!
I caught up with a friend yesterday whom I hadn't seen in a while and she commented that I seem more confident and clear about life, which does actually reflect how I'm feeling. I have a renewed sense of ambition and work remains highly productive. The shifts are subtle but sure.
Crazy horny.

That is all. Lol.
What a great week! Sex drive is on overdrive and the Os are intense. Work continues to get better and better with a marked shift in people's attitudes towards me - the women are friendlier and more respectful whilst the men are all more flirtatious and fun. The only problem area is sleep - either I only get 2-3 hours in total or I'm rip van sleepyhead and do 9-10. Vivid dreams ++ but they're not distressing nor memorable. I'm fatigued by 3pm each day but mentally elated probably 90% of the time. Exercise motivation remains strong. I'm loving Stage 1, excited for Stage 2!
Did what was previously unthinkable for pre-AF me: was completely honest with my best friend about how I feel about him (spoiler alert: it's not platonic). Ordinarily I'd have kept my little love nugget to myself but I had no fear or hesitation in telling him. I would normally have kept quiet out of fear of losing the friendship or just looking like a goose, but not now. I'm really glad that I'm finding my voice. In the past I've always been exceptionally backward at speaking about any emotion. I can yap about banal crud happily but to tell even my partner that I was upset or hurt was impossible. Literally...when I left him he was shocked because in 7 years I had never indicated how unhappy I was nor admitted that I had only sisterly love for him. So yay me for telling my dream man I love him.
May have made a slight tactical error in declaring my love for one man here after telling another one that I was doing AF. Turns out he has google skills lol. Oh well... :/
I'm so mellow and happy in my own skin that I really am unbothered by my mini soap opera afternoon. I have every faith that the right alpha man will come soon enough. In the meantime I shall be content with rendering myself visually impairedBig Grin
Congrats, much progress! Supporting your journey. <3
So I'm a month in tomorrow and I have been reflecting on how much has shifted in that time...feels like longer than 4 weeks! Yesterday I was chased down by a random man who saw me walking to the bus and "had to tell you how beautiful and sexy I think you are". Knocked my stilettos off Smile
The biggest shift is definitely in my self image. I'm exercising more every day and loving the changes. Still wearing makeup each day plus painting my nails. I really care about how I present myself but it's for me, not because I want attention or validation.

Emotionally life is smooth sailing...I have had a relatively crap adulthood thus far so that surprises me as I was expecting some underlying emotional baggage to emerge. Maybe I'm more together than I thought! I'm really happy with where I am at...even the love confession.

I just love life in general Smile I can't thank Ryan enough for getting me on to subliminals and have the utmost respect for Shannon for doing this work. Bring on Stage 2! Yeehaa
(09-24-2017 08:04 AM)mimi Wrote: [ -> ]Congrats, much progress! Supporting your journey. <3

Thank you! It's kinda scary posting my journey on here...I've never been a diary keeper, so whacking it all online is totally exposing myself. Grateful for your kind words Heart
Back in the land of broken sleep and colourful, realistic dreams. If the ones I’ve had just prior to waking manifest, I’ll be a very happy girl. Despite being in bed for nine hours, am waking groggy and feeling lazy. Still motivated to exercise (just in a brain fog). Oh, the hyper sexual stuff having wet dreams most nights despite two Os a day. Pity I’m single lol
I’m one third of the way through Stage 2 and old demons have resurfaced. It started with dreams about literally overcoming hurdles or obstacles, mostly naked and vulnerable. The past few days have been a struggle...really looking at myself negatively. I’ve come to realise that past trauma was just buried but not resolved resulting in me being very insecure (I’m great at being superficially secure and confident). I now know exactly why my best friend came into my life: To awaken me through the process of being brutally honest. As well as being someone I admire, he has also made me feel crazy insecure since Day 1. Whilst part of me feels the cure to that is to sever the relationship altogether, the smarter me understands that I need this safe zone in which to heal. And hopefully reach a point where I am truly ready for intimacy, commitment, and can feel secure once more.
I’m doing everything I can to improve myself. Whilst there’s plenty of room for improvement I am trying to accept the ‘now’ me rather than clinging to the hope of a new version suddenly having magical powers (like being in a fun relationship and travelling a lot to places where I won’t be ashamed to wear a bikini lol). Part of that means stepping out from behind an avatar and showing my face. I’m done hiding or feeling unworthy.
Interesting to see a woman transition into an alpha. I’ll be keeping eye on this journal. I’m undertaking Alpha Male V6 myself in the next couple months.
Well, my contacts list gets smaller by the week. There’s been a definite shift in the type of people I want to spend time with. I’m also finding women particularly needy and annoying but calling them on it. My interactions with men are changing too - instead of trying to be nice in saying “thanks, but you’re not my type” I have been able to be much more direct. In some men that’s interpreted as ‘try harder’ so on him, I am practicing my ‘leave you on read for twelve hours/7 days’ skills Big Grin
Ah, the end of stage 2! What a month! I lost people and my job (which I detested, so yay), got a personal trainer, and got really focused on moulding my best ‘me’. Today marks my 4th birthday spent solo and I don’t mind at all. I’d much rather evolve into the woman I want to be and attract a high quality partner, than settle for Mr Not Quite Right. My biggest struggle at the moment is reconciling my last true is inconsistent and unsatisfying in several ways, yet when it’s good, it’s great. This past week has seen me really pull away mentally, and in some ways I’m grieving the loss of this before it truly happens. I know what I want/deserve, but walking away from something you thought would last an eon is tough. Here’s hoping stage 3 is a good one.
This is where the growth happens.
Stage 3 is drawing to a close, and I am struggling with the idea of continuing. There has been so much upheaval and turbulence in my life since starting that I am unsure if this is the path for me. I read and reread the Alpha information, mentally ticking off those traits I observe coming to fruition. Nothing, not even the sage advice from Ryan, prepared me for this. As I look at my life in this moment, I have little to offer optimism or reinforce the alpha mindset. Money and love are scarce. (Random comments or flirtations are completely meaningless and empty) Hours are spent each day working out to improve my body, and meditating to still my troubled mind. If only love and prosperity were as easy to manifest as muscles!

I’m equally stoic yet devastated by the loss of Ryan in my life... I like my own company so I have no trouble amusing myself but I definitely mourn the loss of my dearest friend. There are twenty times each day I think of something I’d love to ask or tell him, but no longer can. Letting go is hard. Maybe one day we will reconnect and get it right next time. No matter what comes, I still offer my love and appreciation for him daily. He inspired me and helped me to become a better person.

So, birthday month has been a major fizzle... I can only trust that better things are flowing to me.
Hello. What do you think of feminism?:)
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