8th day of Stage 2
Woke up today with some feelings being cleared. Looking forward to getting rid of them as the day progresses. So far, I haven't had any episodes of seething anger lately unlike when I ran the older versions. So that's quite a nice improvement. Eye locking has initiated. But amidst the signs of interest being shown by women, deep inside I feel empty. As if there's something lacking. It's like I'm having an existential "blah". Getting excited to run Stage 3.
It's funny how you feel that urge to finish everything in the shortest period of time because of the growth pains you are experiencing. I have always felt that urge every time I do Alpha. Anyone else running Alpha had that similar urge?
So my motivation to do things has returned. I am slowly moving from the state of inactivity to the state action. Started exercising yesterday as well as am looking forward to exercising today. I have become more disciplined in terms of my sleeping habits. It's like I feel the nudge to move my ass instead of staying for long periods in bed. Btw ftw, I didn't experience this(staying in bed for so long and falling asleep again) during my previous runs. I have been quite proactive during my early stages. Must be the Procrastination module manifesting its effects.
I have also noticed that during this run I have picked up a knack for unhealthy food. But recently it has come more and more to my attention that I should choose better food. Getting more interested in how I appear more. Updating my wardrobe and getting rid of my worn pants. I have shifted my view from people-oriented to self-oriented. Somehow this didnt stick in my previous runs. Hopefully it sticks this time.
I noticed that my sexual confidence has been growing lately. The recent breakup has really messed me up considering it involved another person in the picture. Recently I have noticed that suddenly out of the blue, I tell my self I'm such a sexymofo and that a lot of women desire me. Those are some of the ideas that popped into my head when I woke up. I have again begun to look at myself in the mirror. And the difference is that I now like more of what I'm seeing. Some of the old programming tried creeping in but somehow I am able to counter it with the thought "If there is something that I don't like of what I'm seeing, then I have to accept it and love it because primarily nobody else is going to love the ugly parts of me". I used to have a distorted sense of handsomeness before. But for the first time in my life, I saw myself as myself. Staring at myself in the mirror, imperfections and all, and finally loving every little bit of me.
On other news, I have been more dominant in more situations at work as well as have become more of a peacemaker. I again found the value of slowing things down and using third-person thinking when it comes to approaching stressful situations. Although I cannot say I am 100% like that right now, because I am sometimes caught off-guard. I feel I too have become more mature lately. I regressed to being a boy because of that recent breakup. But now all seem a lot clearer to me. No tantrums or whatsoever. However there is a part of me that is still in a hurry to grow up. As if that hunger for growth is insatiable. Sometimes thoughts of combining another sub creep in. But somehow I can manage myself and bring me back to my senses. I just remind myself that "Alpha Male has already the complete mix for everything that a man needs. No additional sub will be needed." After reminding myself with those words, the resistance disappears.
Which AM ride is it for you, mate?
It’s been a while. Been having heavy resistance lately. and yah its regarding that ex. I thought i was already done with her but anger seemed to flare up as things that she did crept into my mind and it was being discussed by my workmates too. Her cheating on me has definitely damaged me as a person. But i know i’ll get over this in time. memories flashed in my mind as i’ve heard news that she’s going back in our country together with the guy she dumped me for. He’s a married guy with two kids. i’m filled with hatred towards her. but somhow wish that she would do the right thing. i dont care about her coming back to me, but the desire that she would do the right thing is of utmost importance to me.
On other news, dominance has been consistent with regards to my dealings with other people. I even tell doctors straight up if they fucked up with certain things as well as put them on their places if they seem to try to tAke advantage of me and my team. so far, i haven’t encountered any problem yet with regards to me being dominant. Haven’t seen any signs of aggression from others, only sheer respect. And I like it. They all know when i mean business.
I have been soaking my mind with some alpha male examples like characters from GoT as well as Christian of Fifty Shades. I just love how he maintains the sexual tension. He also has that strong dominant vibe, presence and laser-like eye contact. Reminds me of myself wayback when I was running AM5.0 in 2013. Although I haven’t read the book, I already embodied the character’s traits. That’s why my old ex would always attribute me to Christian’s character. Somehow It all faded to oblivion. But now i know I shall have it back.
@ Voytek, am doing Alpha 6.0 now man. 4 days more to go til Stage 3 and I’m really excited now because things seem to be picking up speed
Hey there guys! This is a late posting. I have finished Alpha Male 6.0 and tomorrow iis my last day for Stage 1 of SM3. Alpha Male was pretty good. I like the touch of slipstream and everything else. made the whole set a whole lot smoother. made me more Alpha automatically. The recent SM run is quite taxing. I find myself sleepy all the time during mornings. No amount of coffee can keep me awake. My brain automatically shuts down and i keep getting mini sleep episodes. I feel the urge to keep my place clean at all times. Admiration from my fellow workmates continue to increase. Few days ago i felt aloof. But today i feel a whole lot better.
* Just had to catch up a little but with my zzzs. I think I have some deeper changes going on without me realizing it. This entire Stage 1 of my SM run sure is beating me up. One thing that I noticed after finishing AM and procedding to SM is the amount of self control that I have with regards to my emotions. My emotions used to go all over the place so to speak whenever I feel stressed out. I lash out on people if stress levels have reached a certain level. Now its much more like I feel the stress, but choose to be composed anyway. I run at my own pace and dont allow outside events get the better of Me.
Today's the Sixth day of SM Stage 2. I really don't know what to expect of this stage. Quite puzzled as to what it's doing right now. Been procrastinating heavily since I started this stage. It has been hitting me quite hard in contrast to Alpha Male. This is certainly another type of training going on here. Am not really motivated into doing anything. Procrastination has been all time high. My usual charismatic character during alpha male subsided and is replaced by apprehension. Sometimes I have intervals wherein I feel I'm not aware of what I'm doing. Like some kind of funky stuff after which I snap out of the daze. Hoping things would be a lot clearer in the coming days.
Experiencing slight changes in my temperament. It's like early Alpha days but not that much. Some form of irritability. And some testing of waters. So far no concrete results for now that I could link to SM. More of like some women in my life are disappearing. Probably the fuccboi aura emanating from me or am just more of an asshole right now. hehehehe No cares as to what women perceive of me to which is quite liberating. Maybe too much IDGAF attitude for now. Some certain things in my life right now require a certain degree of giving an F but I cant seem to find the F. Probably this is the bottom of all Fs on the scale for me which is zero. nadda. zit
You’re only going to get colder. The coldest I ever was on SM3 was stage 4.
What is your sub history?
@
Darkness
I have lost track of my history. But did a lot of minor subs like EIP, US among those that I still remember. Did the different AM versions. Took a rest for a little bit in between subs. Some I did straight right away. In my early days i tried doing plenty of subs at one time but results never quite materialized. But it was probably late 2013's or so that I started using my subs religiously. For a clearer picture of my sub history, I have the old journals for your perusal.
How about you bro?
AOS, OGSF,AM5,AM6,SM3, AM6,OED, EPRHA,AOSI, AM5, DMSI 3.01, DMSI 3.1,3.2
You got some track record too right there bro. I didnt pursue DMSI since it didnt reach my expected level of effect. And there have been a lot of quirkiness going on while I was on it. Things actually went downhill for me during the times I was testing DMSI. That’s why I went back to my roots. Things just took off from there. Had my life pulled back together.
(04-08-2018, 10:34 PM)SexyMofo Wrote: [ -> ]You got some track record too right there bro. I didnt pursue DMSI since it didnt reach my expected level of effect. And there have been a lot of quirkiness going on while I was on it. Things actually went downhill for me during the times I was testing DMSI. That’s why I went back to my roots. Things just took off from there. Had my life pulled back together.
I’m returning to that line of thinking. I’m trying to decide if I should re run AM5 i feel less solid and miss the fiascos of SM3
(04-08-2018, 11:21 PM)Darkness Wrote: [ -> ] (04-08-2018, 10:34 PM)SexyMofo Wrote: [ -> ]You got some track record too right there bro. I didnt pursue DMSI since it didnt reach my expected level of effect. And there have been a lot of quirkiness going on while I was on it. Things actually went downhill for me during the times I was testing DMSI. That’s why I went back to my roots. Things just took off from there. Had my life pulled back together.
I’m returning to that line of thinking. I’m trying to decide if I should re run AM5 i feel less solid and miss the fiascos of SM3
Why run AM5 if you have AM6 ?