Subliminal Talk

Might as well start a journal myself

Some background info.

• I'm 30 years old
  
• I'm a stonewaller. Trying to find out why that's the case at the moment. Shannon's posts about the fact that it is me that is going to execute the script didn't do much for me, but the one that I have to take the responsibility of my subconscious choices hit something somewhere. So that's a start.
  
• Sub history: AM6 (complete without breaking rules), OF4G (~60 days), OGSF 5G (~100 days), E2 (~130 days), and DMSI 3.0.1 (~40 days, haven't tried the other versions, although I've owned it since V1). As I mentioned, I've stonewalled most of it. I felt a couple of nice highs and low lows on E2. I've also felt DMSI doing something for the first couple of days. And that's that... This is not criticizing the subs at all btw. This is criticizing myself
  
• I'm an INFJ, so I have no opinion about almost everything Also, that would mean expressing my thoughts and feelings is pretty difficult for me. That usually annoys people a lot, especially my girlfriend, and I can clearly see why. I'll try to do my best in that department here. I feel communication by writing is way easier.
  
• Girlfriend: She's an ESTJ, and for those who understand typology you can clearly see the mismatch there. We've been dating for about 16 months now, and the relationship has lasted this long because I keep my mouth shut about certain things in order not to hurt her and because she's very cute She is a great friend, but as a partner, I don't think the relationship has a lot life left in it.
  
• I've started talking to my subconscious and inner child before sleeping every night asking them about what is it I fear and resist, and visualizing that I'm taking care of my inner child. This is a concept of being your own parent that I've read in "The Presence Process" by Michael Brown. Not sure if it's originally his.
  
• I've got bright as day abandonment and trust issues.
  
• Gonna try some aromatherapy soon. I've done a quick research and ordered some essential oils (frankincense, lavender, myrrh, and orange). Let's see if they'll help my efforts of becoming friends with my subconscious I realize that the responsibility is on me in here and they're not going to be simply magical scents solving all my problems
  
• I'll try to update this journal every now and then. If I remember I should update it on every high and low to see if there is a pattern to it.
  

Day 1: March 3rd, 2017

Version: 3.1A
Format: Trickling Stream Hybrid
Player: VLC on PC
Volume: 70% on VLC (I'll measure with FrequenSee at source and ear to be more comparable)

Notes:

• I took no breaks at all between 3.0.1 and 3.1.
  
• I listen to subs thru speakers on one side of the bed or on my phone sometimes. I've been meaning to change my speaker setup for a while to have them on each side of the bed, but my speakers are big and Shannon says it doesn't make a huge difference, so I'm getting lazy. But I should give it a shot at some point. Maybe I'll get some more portable ones to make it easier.
  
• I should also try listening during daytime, just so I'm conscious so I can feel what it's doing.
  

Observations:

• I felt a strong pressure on my chest, to the point that it woke me up from my sleep. This has been happening since the last 2-3 days of 3.0.1 as well. This one was a bit stronger. I thought I was just gonna drop dead, because I was having breathing and swallowing difficulty as well. These last two sensations are very familiar in my sleep. They happen from time to time, for a few nights in a row and then it stops just like that. I almost stopped playing the sub. Probably turbulence. I'm willing to go thru it.
  
• I felt some pain before falling asleep around my groin area. I've had an inguinal hernia surgery 7-8 years ago. I'm familiar with an annoying pain there every once in a while. This was a bit more than just annoying.
  
• Felt some tingles for a couple of seconds around my right eye. I do not have perfect vision and wear glasses full time. I have moderate myopia (-4.5) and a very slight astigmatism, which was improved last time I went for a check up.
  
• Fell asleep right after so I can't remember or know of any other sensations.
  
• Woke up with the strongest wood. Last that happened was maybe a month ago.
  
• Mood is quite the normal today, I was feeling a slight down yesterday, but I'm about my normal satisfied state at the moment. I actually had about two or so down last few weeks. Looks like that came to an end.
  
• Reflexes were better at boxing? Not really sure here, but I was seeing jabs coming in clearly. Once I noticed that, it went away and got punched a few times Or maybe I just got tired. Coach praised me by the end of the class tho. I didn't notice him doing that with the rest of the people.
  

Dreams:

• I was dating an amazing looking woman. She was really into me. Nothing sexual tho.
  
• I was a leader of an army or a king in a second one. It's blurry otherwise.
  

Days 2-4: March 4th-6th, 2017

Version: 3.1A
Format: Trickling Stream Hybrid / Ultrasonic
Player: VLC on PC / Phone
Volume: -30dB at Source, -65dB at Ears

Observations:

• I don't like ultrasonic as much as hybrid. It's just a gut feeling. Maybe I'm being guided not to use it.
  
• No physical sensations whatsoever.
  
• Mood is up. No tiredness or hunger to report.
  
• Endurance at boxing was at another level. I was punching mitts for 3 minutes straight before realizing that it had been that long. And something was different in the way I sweat. The best way I can describe it is, it felt softer. This is not making any sense even to me right now as I type, but it felt different in a very pleasant way.
  
• A thought popped up at random: "Why don't I just let it go and start accepting this script?" I think this is huge! I did not force that thought as I usually do, it just came by itself as I was walking down the street.
  
• I looked pretty good in the mirror at the gym. All I could think of was "hot damn"
  
• While at a restaurant with a couple of friends, a server with drinks came to our table. I was the one closest to her and she couldn't hold the drinks straight and one of the beers fell on her and she could only hold it with her chest. Without even thinking twice, I reached for it and helped her out. She needed it and nothing was spilled. After she left, my friends started busting my balls for what happened. Only then I realized what I had done Hello autopilot!
  

Reactions:

• IoI's:
  • Receptionist at restaurant decided to put her hair up, exposing underarms, when I asked for a table.
    
  • While at the restaurant, a friend decided to sit closer to me than to her husband. When I ordered, she said that she was gonna have a bite from my plate as my girlfriend would if she were there. She was looking way more beautiful than usual that night too. Damn...
    
  • A shy smile and eye contact from from an Asian cutie. She looked down afterwards. I have a weakness for Asians.
    
  • A couple of forced smiles.
    
  • Some hair flips here and there, but I can never tell if it was directed towards me or someone else when in public, or if it was just the wind. Worth mentioning, I suppose.
    
  
  
• Celeb Effect:
  • I had an older woman (maybe in her 50's?) stare at me while sitting at a restaurant with my girlfriend. Even she noticed that and commented on it. It wasn't a look that she was attracted at all. It was more like confused / "do I know this person?" kinda look. Given, she was sitting right across from our table, so looks would have been inevitable. But this wasn't just a random look. She was still staring as she left.
    
  • Some person said hi to me and started a conversation. Only after seeing the confusion on my face, did he realize that I'm not who he thought I was This has happened twice before in my life, as far as I can recall, last time being years ago, so I'm not chalking this up to mere coincidence. I like the "celeb effect" explanation, and I'm sticking to it!
    

Dreams:

• They're all blurry, but I had two dreams involving two previous girlfriends, one that I'm completely over and haven't thought about in ages, and another still gives me sad feeling when I think about.
  
• SargeMaximus was my best friend in another and he had a girlfriend. Hope this is a vision, Sarge! That, or I'm spending way too much time on here
  

Definitely a vision pal! We're destined to rule the world together.

Day 5: March 7th, 2017

Version: 3.1A
Format: Trickling Stream Masked FLAC
Player: VLC on PC

• First night on masked track in my sub history. I'm gonna stick to if for a while.
  
• I felt some tingles on my tongue as soon as I asked for subconscious to execute the script. I thought it was my imagination and had some water, the tingles were still there. Cool!
  
• Slept for more than 9 hours. Haven't done that in ages. Woke up tired.
  
• Last night girlfriend told me I look like Chris Messina. "You guys have the same facial features and body features". Her words. While on 3.0.1, she told me that I looked like Andy Samberg. She finds both of them hot.
  
• Salty concierge at work started greeting me pretty consistently. This started on 3.0.1.
  
• Just felt a soothing feeling after food.
  

EDIT: Just realized that I've lost half a kilogram (1.1 lb) last week and my food intake was about 3200 Cal/day. That brings up my burning to 3750 Cal/day. Seems a bit crazy!

Day 6: March 8th, 2017

Version: 3.1A
Format: Trickling Stream Masked FLAC
Player: VLC on PC

Last night, on my way home from work, I had this nice feeling that everything is going to be fine and I will be able to get whatever I want in life. It was actually more than a feeling, it felt more like a fact.

At home, I had my first hunger experience on DMSI. I had not worked out all day, because I got up late and missed my workout. So this was unusual for such a day. Usually on my non workout days, I aim for 1800 Cals, but since I'm trying to put on some weight now, I'm aiming for 2400 Cals on such days, and I would force myself to eat that much. Yesterday I had 3200 Cals. It put me in a "I'm full but I wanna eat more" mood. Eating more would have made me sick, so I stopped there...

After that, I felt some heat. Temperature in my room was around 25 degrees (77 Fahrenheit), so around normal, but I had to check my body temperature to see if I'm sick. It was normal. It went downhill from there. Shortness of breath and fast heartbeats. Panicky mode. This has never happened "out of nowhere" to me. At least not in daytime.

At night, I had some bad dreams. I can't remember the content, but I woke up in half rage half depressed mood. Went to boxing, it was not a good workout, mainly because the coach was in a bad mood. We did some nice drills tho, I learned a couple of things. At boxing, a friend was giving me some advice on my form and technique. He usually does, as he's much more experienced and smoother than I am. He was a bit more aggressive today. Then his girlfriend started flirting. She's always like that tho, in fact she like that with everyone. She took it up a notch this time tho. This girl confuses the hell out of me

Now at work, after having food I feel so much better. I usually get sleepy after I eat, but this is a different kind of sleepy. The kind that you get after a nice and satisfying day just before bedtime as opposed to my usual "damn I'm tired, I need a nap to survive" type of sleepy.

Days 7-8: March 9th-10th, 2017

Version: 3.1A
Format: Trickling Stream Masked FLAC
Player: VLC on PC

Observations:

• Some dude at work has stopped greeting me. We barely had any interaction anyway, but at least greeted each other. I mean we're in the same room But he has decided to ignore me. Meh...
  
• On the flip side, two guys from boxing are showing buddy-buddy signs. Fist bumps, high fives, and big smile greetings! They bigger, smoother, faster, more experienced than me too. Same is happening at the gym. I'm getting nods from jacked, probably on steroid bros
  
• Apparently girlfriend wants to "jump my bones" tonight. She's pretty aggressive and initiates sex more than half the time. But this is a new level of aggressive. She hasn't texted me anything close to that before.
  
• On the topic of having sex, we haven't had it in like 3 weeks maybe? She was away for a bit and then she was on her period. Previously this would have bothered me a lot and would have put me in a pretty agitated state. Last night it just hit me that I haven't even bothered thinking about it yet!
  
• Feeling some heat from time to time. It's mostly accompanied by tingles on my lips and as if someone's squishing my face...
  
• Sometimes I feel very confused and not caring at all. Kinda like "what's the point" or "is this really happening" type feelings. As if like something's about to happen and you know you have zero control over it. Very similar to an exam you've written and you know you did so bad there's no way in hell you're gonna pass. That feeling.
  
• Headaches here and there. They last anywhere around 5 to 30 minutes. And they hurt. They switch sides too
  
• Some lights are brighter. Mainly car and traffic lights. This morning it happened in the elevator too.
  
• Sometimes some boring sounds are so soothing, it's amazing. Water filling up a cup, the sounds doing the dishes makes, a light wind thru the window. This happens with touch too. Feeling my jeans and my sheets is really soothing sometimes. That takes care of touch, hearing, and sight. This is working hard on my senses. I've never paid much attention to them previously. I wonder if smell, taste, and other senses will be worked on as well.
  

Dreams:

• I can't remember details, but that's always been the case. It's rare that I remember a full dream.
  
• In one dream, I saw old high school friends. It's been ages since I even thought about some of them. It felt really good throughout too.
  
• I was in a car in another. A friend of mine was driving. He was drunk and I was in the backseat, as he had picked up a girl and she had the passenger seat. I was scared shitless! Then the police started following us. He wouldn't stop. But it turns out they weren't really following us in the end. And we avoided a huge crash. I know there's a really strong message in this one. I gotta look it up.
  
• Dreamed of a really good friend. He called me the day after. It had been about 2 months since our last communication. He wants to hang out sometime soon. I really enjoy my time with him. It's always light, full of jokes, and busting each other's balls
  

I feel there was more to write about. I'll add if I remember.

Days 9-12: March 11th-14th, 2017
Version: 3.1A
Format: Trickling Stream Masked FLAC / Ultrasonic
Player: VLC on PC / Phone

This is mainly going to be a sad entry. I'll mention the good parts first, so if anyone wants to skip the sad parts can do so.

The Good

• I conveniently had a dream that I was a sniper in an army. This was during an afternoon nap too. I haven't been able to remember my night dreams for the past few days. Not even general themes.
  
• Shared longer than usual eye contacts with 2 girls. One was on the bus, the other was accompanied by a male. Both had blank, emotionless expressions on their faces.
  
• Feeling a lot more sensitive than usual. I've put this under the good because I enjoy connecting with people emotionally. I love that part of my personality. Even if the emotions are not happy. eternity's and Duke.Togo's recent few posts hit me more than they usually do Good stuff guys!
  
• Had a random cry during the weekend. Maybe it cleared something?
  
• Led Zeppelin came up during the gym in the morning. Last I heard anything like it in there was years ago. I wonder if this was some form of a manifestation, because I love that band. Not to mention, it was easily one of my top 3 songs, "Kashmir"
  

The Bad

• I feel very insecure, abandoned, and lonely.
  
• Memories of my previous girlfriend are coming in very strongly, as if we have just broken up. It'll be exactly two years next week. I do not know why I can't let myself get over her... I wonder if I can put this feeling to good use, instead of just feeling butt hurt about it.
  
• I kinda know what triggered this state. I rather not talk about it on here, because it's plain silly. But maybe this was supposed to happen anyway, and what triggered it was just that. A trigger. Something to give me a reason for why I should feel the way I am, instead of hiding it, putting it aside, and adding it to the pile of things that need to be dealt with. So here I am, feeling my sadness, instead of trying to do something that will make me forget it. I feel worthless and almost suicidal. I've been here before. I can handle it. It's just a matter of time before it's sunshine and rainbows again
  
• I was feeling pretty normal most of yesterday. This started in the evening and I woke up in a pretty bad shape today.
  

The Ugly
Gaaah! Resistance... Blah. Ok I'm done. Bring it on!

Days 13-14: March 15th-16th, 2017
Version: 3.1A
Format: Trickling Stream Masked FLAC
Player: VLC on PC

Self Observations

• Mood is back to normal again. Just like that...
  
• Tried headphones last night. My ears were burning. I didn't feel any other sensations. I was studying while at it tho. Not sure if this interferes with the state shifting.
  
• Feeling more and more the urge to study MBTI in depth. Gotta get on it soon. I already bought "Gifts Differing" some time ago.
  
• Girlfriend introduced me to her friend last night. I instantly liked her and she went all weird while shaking hands Even my girlfriend was confused.
  
• Previous girlfriend added me on Snapchat. She's having thoughts about me too, it seems. Maybe that's why she's been on my mind that strong lately, or the other way around... Or both
  
• Feeling occasional tingles on eyes, lips, and tongue.
  
• Like I mentioned on another thread, coffee and alcohol do not taste the same anymore.
  
• The initial excitement of being on a new sub is gone. Now I'm kinda excited to try version B in a couple of weeks.
  
• For a split second I had the thought that it's totally possible for women approaching me and trying to seduce me.
  
• Had two women, around my age range and fairly attractive, do double takes on me. One of them had a silly smirk on her face too.
  

Observations On Girlfriend

• Very interesting stuff. I should mention that I exposed her to the sub two days in a row during the weekend. Not as an experiment, but to get my loops in. Now, I'm not sure whether what's happening to her is because of my aura or because of the sub. Probably both tho.
  
• She mentioned that she had this weird sexual dream 2 nights ago.
  
• She's joking about meeting someone else a lot these days.
  
• She met a couple of guys at school. She's been there for a year.
  
• She started working out and wants to eat healthy.
  
• She brought up her past sexual experiences last night.
  
• She wants me to initiate sex more often than I currently do. Like I've mentioned before she does this more than half the time.
  
• Nothing of the above remotely bothers me weirdly.
  
• At least I'm seeing either my aura or the sub work on someone else live and not just on a forum. This tells me that either I'm executing this, at least partly, or that it is very powerful if you let it do its thing. I'm very glad for this experience and realization, having come from a past of mainly stonewalling subs. Now since I've already started experimenting on my girlfriend, I'm not gonna expose her again and will observe her behavior for 21 days after exposure. It's been 5 days already. I'll expose her again afterwards.
  

Days 15: March 16th, 2017
Version: 3.1A
Format: Trickling Stream Masked FLAC
Player: Phone thru Headphones
Volume: 10 out of 15 clicks

Just realized I messed up with the dates a little bit, since I ran yesterday's loops 16 hours after the previous ones. But that's a detail.

I think I found my perfect format/volume combo. Hell, it's about time. And I'm in love at the moment, it's just I dunno what with

I feel and probably will sound high or drunk with this post. But I would like to say that it's simply the effect of the sub.

During the first loop, I was on the bus on my way back from work, and all I was doing was talking to my subconscious/inner child to execute the sub and how awesome it would be if that happened. I almost felt nothing except some heat in my chest. During the second loop, I was already at home and had started studying, and I went from feeling panicky with fast heartbeats, to feeling heat in my hand (it kinda felt like those anime healing ninjas), to feeling a nice buzz you get after like 2-3 beers. I couldn't help it and closed my eyes for a 5-10 mins nap, feeling like it's all gonna be okay and I'm on my perfect path in life.

I'm done the loops now and my legs are burning and still feeling a slight buzz. Finally... Thank you subconscious for listening!

As soon as I was done, I got a text from girlfriend that she was feeling nauseous but ate and felt better. Apparently she got a free sandwich too earlier today because they messed up with her order. Celeb/LM. She's executing the hell of the script without even consciously being aware of it

Anyway. This is an amazing sub. My eyes are watery because of feeling so grateful at the moment. I hope this streak continues. Thank you Shannon and all IML staff!

Also, it seems for me that daytime listening thru headphones is better. It's the Sennheiser HD 380 Pro, for those who are interested.

Days 16-19: March 17th-20th, 2017
Version: 3.1A
Format: Trickling Stream Masked FLAC
Player: Phone thru Headphones
Volume: 10 out of 15 clicks

• Hung out with a couple of friends on Friday. One of my friend's wife sat right next to me at the exact opposite angle from her husband so she "could have a better view of the restaurant". I've mentioned her doing this before on this journal. She shared her food with me too...
  
• In my mind's eye, one of my friends that I used to classify as "hot" now I classify as "definitely within reach", for the lack of a better way of putting it I was pleasantly surprised when that thought popped up!
  
• Feeling that I deserve way better in my dating/sexual life
  
• Feeling tingles in the weirdest places. Inside ears and gums in the front of my mouth
  
• Girlfriend was pretty disrespectful and borderline abusive with some of her comments over the weekend. It was all uncalled for too. I didn't do anything, at least knowingly, to deserve them. I know she's coming from a place of insecurity and fear with the comments. I hope the source of it is DMSI.
  
• Trevor Noah is a silly SJW dum-dum. Watched a show of his last night and he triggered me with his "jokes". I don't think this would have happened before. I would have just shrugged it off.
  
• Some songs I used to love, I don't connect with anymore.
  
• I was feeling rage-y all day long. Kicked the door in the bathroom at work with the intention of breaking it. Put a nice dent on it :angel: I just took a cold ass shower and it seemed to calm me down finally. At least I can think now and put my thoughts into a journal entry...
  

Days 20-22: March 21st-23rd, 2017
Version: 3.1A
Format: Trickling Stream Hybrid FLAC
Player: Phone thru Headphones
Volume: 4 out of 15 clicks

• Mood has been very up and down. Rage, depression, peaceful on repeat.
  
• Motivation for gym was really down for the past two weeks. This hasn't ever happen since I started working out years ago. I was dragging myself to there. For the last couple of days, it's back to normal.
  
• On that note, overall motivation in life was down. I was feeling lazy at work and not doing anything other than checking the forum. It's back up for the past two days and I've been very productive and hopeful.
  
• Cold showers have taken a new level of enjoyment. I was avoiding them for a while, but they're amazing!
  
• Hung out with girlfriend a couple of days ago. Her disrespectful behavior continued. I was starting to feel butt-hurt and intolerant and I was gonna call her out on it and probably ruin the day for the both of us, but something snapped. A full blown IDGAF attitude. And I slipped into a seductive mode. I guess we're on a full time job here and have to seduce our girlfriends at all times and not take them for granted. Makes sense. But why now? If DMSI is manifesting some sort of a personality in her to make me good at seduction, I'll take it! Could this be the indirect work of SATT?
  
• I think I felt the LM this morning. When I got to the train station in rush hour, the train was just arriving and I found a seat! Usually it's a can of sardines in there, with not even space left to stand and I would need to wait for 2-3 trains to find a space to be one of the sardines. For those who've been to the subway in Toronto, I'm talking about the Yonge line during rush hour.
  
• Boxing in the morning was amazing. I'm advancing at it pretty well. And the coach isn't silent about it Endurance was really good and I was hooking the bag real hard real fast during our burnout at the end of the class. I saw the cute Asian pretty much staring at me go at it from the corner of my eye. I guess she caught herself and stopped doing it during the subsequent rounds. But her butt was pointing at me during her sets. I mean she could have been standing anywhere around the bag, as she was the only one on it. So I'll take that as butt pointing.
  
• Also, past day 21!! No more turbulence, not that I've felt much of it.
  
• Some of my dreams are full blown weird and sexual... I'd rather not talk about them here Funnily enough tho, something happens during the day and that's how I remember them. I'm also remembering dreams that I've had days or even weeks ago, when it felt like I wasn't dreaming at all.
  
• Oh! I halved my coffee intake.
  

(03-24-2017, 09:26 AM)Blink Wrote: [ -> ][*]Hung out with girlfriend a couple of days ago. Her disrespectful behavior continued. I was starting to feel butt-hurt and intolerant and I was gonna call her out on it and probably ruin the day for the both of us, but something snapped. A full blown IDGAF attitude. And I slipped into a seductive mode. I guess we're on a full time job here and have to seduce our girlfriends at all times and not take them for granted. Makes sense. But why now? If DMSI is manifesting some sort of a personality in her to make me good at seduction, I'll take it! Could this be the indirect work of SATT?

Wow, that was full of energy that part. I could feel the shift. Reminds me of those moments in movies where the hero is down and out, everything looks bleak, but then he just says "No" and keeps fighting. :o

Days 23-25: March 24th-26th, 2017
Version: 3.1A
Format: Trickling Stream Hybrid FLAC
Player: Phone thru Headphones
Volume: 4 out of 15 clicks

Mood has been insane. Saturday, I was feeling really happy, upbeat, and hopeful, even tho I had a headache all day long. I even woke up with one when I hadn't had any drinks the night before. This is a first ever, as far as I remember. Sunday, I was depressed, feeling like a failure, and envious of my friends' successes. Today I feel like punching people. At the gym, I almost snapped at a random person that I haven't seen there before, just because he was being slow and taking lots of rest between sets. I didn't even need the bench and the weights he was using... Glad I avoided that and had it in control. Can't wait to go to boxing so I can let the beast out.

Dreams have been involving lots of unknown people. I mean from time to time, I'd dream of a random person, but I'd associate it with someone I know in real life, or someone from this forum I would have the rare dream involving a total stranger, but it's becoming pretty common lately. I wonder if this thing is helping me heal past lives... Dreamed of enjoying an orange and singing last night. Apparently they both represent happiness. I'm far from it today tho I also think I dreamed of a voice telling me to stick to the masked tracks for the time being. It's very vague, but I will comply. Maybe at 7/15 clicks.

I think my sweat smells slightly different, as other people have mentioned it, but I'm not quite sure about that. What I'm sure of is that it's way more pronounced. Given, I haven't been using deodorants for a while, since my skin decided that it wanted to have a rash against them, but I've started smelling it for the last 2 days. And it's stinky. Girlfriend likes it tho. And she mentioned oral sex last night, when she previously has said that she doesn't like giving one.

I realized that my mom has been in control of my dad, even tho she's almost 10 years younger and hasn't gone thru the stress of bringing money home at all. She probably doesn't even realize of this fact herself. Don't get me wrong, she's an amazing woman, I'm happy and grateful of the way she has taken care of me, and I love her. I'm simply mentioning that I'm realizing this only now, and that's the example of masculinity I've grown up to.

I don't understand what I fear yet. I don't understand what all this clearing is about. Sure, the above paragraph could be part of it, but can't be the whole thing. But then again, I don't understand how gravity works. I can look that up, but who cares. It works!