Subliminal Talk

Day 26: March 27th, 2017
Version: 3.1A
Format: Trickling Stream FLAC
Player: Phone thru Headphones
Volume: 7 out of 15 clicks

Now blonde roast coffee tastes bad too. My previous comments were concerning medium roast. I've never liked dark anyway. I guess that's it for enjoying coffee for me then. I don't wanna stop it cold turkey tho. I've done that twice before and it was hell. I guess I'll just stick to caffeine pills for a while and taper it off little by little. But hey! I'm already at half my usual intake, so some progress there.

Last night was pretty intense. I was in such a victim mentality and I was feeling fear like crazy. Fear of the unknown, fear of whether I will be okay, whether I'll have enough, whether I'll end up alone in life, whether I'll be abandoned by everyone I care for. I was so confused and not in the mood to do anything. I wasn't even in the mood to do nothing. Pressure on chest. Panic. I was wondering whether it was all a dream. I hoped that would be the case, but I knew it wasn't. I felt stuck. I felt that I should start it all over again from ground up, which added to the fear even more. Not sure what I've done to deserve such intense fear, not sure if this is all about karma, but I'm happy to pay the price and get it over with. All I know is I put myself into this mess and I'm not backing off now. Then I went to bed. I was tired but I couldn't sleep. As soon as I started feeling a bit tired, pictures of snakes, lizards, and spiders infesting my bed started coming to my head. WTF?!

In any case. Sasha has posted this video. Nothing new in there. It's just a good reminder. Didn't help my case at all. But it might help someone.

Feeling way more relaxed this morning. I almost missed my workout because of lack of motivation. But dragged my ass to the gym. Glad I did. There's still some lingering sadness, but whatever...

Days 27-32: March 28th-April 3rd, 2017
Version: 3.1A
Format: Trickling Stream Hybrid FLAC
Player: Phone thru Headphones
Volume: 4 out of 15 clicks

I hadn't updated for the last while because it was really rough and I didn't want to update in that state of mind. I mean, look at my last post. Yuck... I wanted to delete it, but fought the urge. It would be a good reference point in the future.

The same state continued for a good 4-5 days. I was more introverted than ever, I thought I was gonna go crazy. Saying that I was terrified would be an understatement. This thing was so strongly challenging some core beliefs that I've had. That's what it felt like at least. I'm not sure what those beliefs are. It felt like death was staring me in the eye. Waiting for me to screw up somehow so it can take over. Typing it out is giving me chills... So many hidden insecurities and fears rose to my consciousness. I flat out thought I was gonna get into a depressive spiral. But dare I say it was a "good depression"? It allowed me to go in, and come up with a plan of action. I asked the help of a couple of friends even. I have never done that before. I was terrified when I did it. I'm sure they even thought I was talking gibberish when I first opened my mouth to express myself. But things went well when I gained momentum.

I fully get what Shannon meant by "running away" now, because I felt it. I came close to quitting a few times. But I'm a fan of this "forced" healing compare to E2. Given, E2 is a way less powerful sub for healing, and I would buy E3 in a heartbeat, but for the time being, I'm a fan At points it feels like a gun to the head situation. So persistence and endurance are key. Staring at fear and completely feeling it is part of the process. These were abstract concepts that I've read about, but they are real in my mind now. But there's a light at the end of the tunnel. And hopefully it's not roadrunner coming on the bus

But that's done. Whatever was cleared, or partially cleared, I'm glad it was. For the past 2 days, I've been back to normal. Even slightly at a better level. I haven't enjoyed a weekend so much in a long time. There were a few instances where I laughed my heart out at the situation and left the people surrounding me in a better mood. Hell... I was skipping at some point while walking. Felt like a kid!

Two days ago, I believe, a thought popped up. It said, "now we execute the attraction bit of the script". Had two DIHLs the next day from very attractive women. I was amazed both times. Thought there was something wrong on my face. Then I remembered I was running DMSI. I feel like I had a calm lion's gaze in my eyes while walking. A "don't f*ck with me look", yet friendly and approachable if that makes sense. I mean, subconsciously I know how to be an alpha male. I've run AM6. I just didn't cooperate with it at the time. But I'm sure I still remember what the script said If not fully, then at least in part.

Overall, with all the difficulties, it's a great run so far and it's gaining momentum. I'm contemplating on switching to version B, and I will on Saturday. I don't wanna do before then because I have an exam coming up and I don't wanna mess with my focus.

So far so good!

Days 33-36: April 4th-7th, 2017
Version: 3.1A
Format: Trickling Stream Hybrid FLAC
Player: Phone thru Headphones
Volume: 4 out of 15 clicks

This thing has started building up great momentum. I feel that a major clearing has already taken place, at least for this cycle, because the euphoria has been very blatant for a while and dreams are very sexual. In one of my dreams I was James Bond, dodging laser missiles... It was in third person at the beginning and then I stepped into his body!

Motivation is at an all time high. Waking up very early with no complaints or bad thoughts and going straight to either the gym or to boxing, which is going great. The coach sees a lot of improvement in me and he hinted at training me one-on-one so I could participate in an amateur match next year. Mind you, I've been at this for about 6 months now, so that's probably going to be difficult, but it doesn't mean I can't try. By the end of the session last time, he called me "beast" seeing the way I was hitting the bag. One of the girls there, who happens to be dating a good friend at the moment, started calling me "boss" and told me that I had great moves and that I should teach them to her. This whole thing happened during one session. As if I was the star there

My sweat smell has definitely changed and it's way stronger. I've never liked its smell before, but there is something to this new one! I'm a fan

My thoughts are becoming real bold. It hasn't yet manifested to the physical world, but I really like it! For example, I felt like going to a couple of girls and just after saying hi to them going for a make out... I am not going to ever do that in public. In a club, maybe, but it's been ages since I was last at one. But I could definitely use that state to fuel me up.

Interest in porn is going down real hard real fast. I had stopped it completely for about 8 months, which started during AM6. But sometime during my E2 run, it came back. Now, I don't wanna look at it. It feels disgusting. I can get off to my imagination.

One complaint I have is that my eating has gone all over the place. I'm still at the same weight but my body fat has increased 2%. I use a hand held caliper to measure weekly. I reckon that it is not accurate at all, but it's a good tool for comparison. So I'm going back to intermittent fasting. That's mainly what got me burn fat hard in the first place.

I was in a very stressful and sad situation last week, but I came out of it very quickly. Previously something similar would have taken at least a week. Body's twitching in places it hasn't twitched yet. I suppose that's the stress.

Getting blatant IOI's from 2 older women at the gym. One of them I like. She has a tight body and has taken great care of herself. The other is just your usual old woman I bumped into another girl from the gym I go to at a Bulk Barn store. The reason I don't see her anymore is because I switched to morning workouts. She was trying so hard to get noticed. I was right behind her in the line and she was turned half way towards me. Kinda like the tricks we used to pull when we were kids. She's pretty cute too. Not a huge fan of her face, but a very attractive body. We never said hi to each other tho...

On the 8th, I didn't run the sub and took a one day break. Switched to version B on the 9th and damn IOI's haven't been this obvious yet! I'll do a separate write up for that.

Days 1-12: April 9th-20th, 2017
Version: 3.1B
Format: Trickling Stream Hybrid FLAC
Player: Phone thru Headphones
Volume: 4 out of 15 clicks

Time for an update. This would be my first on side B.

Currently I am in a bad cycle. It almost feels like there's healing in side B, or it's the effect of side A still. A couple of days ago something happened that sent me into intense sadness. It wasn't that big of a deal, but my reaction to it was stronger than I thought it would be. I ended up crying for hours until my head started hurting. I'm thinking either situations like this would have been avoided on A, or its after effect made that happen, because I felt much lighter the day after, and today I was outright happy and motivated.

For the last few days, tiredness has been present full time. I can't sleep deeply at night, and I can't stay awake in daytime. It's crazy. I do not remember my dreams as much as on A. In fact, I only remember one, which is the following. I was at a hospital, which felt more like an asylum, that had surviving soldiers of a war. There was blood everywhere, and they had all gone crazy. One of them was uncontrollably laughing while his face was fully covered in blood, and another was talking to himself. It was disturbing to say the least. I was not going to mention it on here, but I remembered Duke.Togo and Dr. Strangelove having bloody dreams as well. So whatever's in B... And it's so interesting that how similar our subconscious parts are!

On the flip side, for the first couple of days of running B, happiness, hopefulness, and confidence were the main themes. I can probably say that I haven't felt that good ever before. I also realize that the way my life is currently going, I'm going to end up alone. That's by choice, simply because I am not convinced of living my life with someone else. I feel that would lead to more stress and less freedom than anything else. I might be wrong and might change my mind. But that's the way it is at this point. Strangely enough, I'm okay with the idea. I fear it, sure. But I'm okay with it. Shannon and Duke.Togo seem to have mastered this and any words of wisdom or advice on how to take it on would be really appreciated!

IOI's seem to be more blatant now. Or I started noticing them more. First day after running it, I thought nothing was happening. I'm getting that feeling a lot on this side in general. No physical sensations whatsoever. So, after the first 2 loops, I went to a restaurant. I instantly liked the receptionist, she was pretty and was wearing a real nice outfit. Then, whatever happened, she spilled some water on her. So, she ended up changing her outfit and putting on a mini skirt, showing more skin and the sexy boots she was wearing. I'd like to think that I caused that leepy: During the same time, 3 Hispanic women stepped in. Not sure why, they decided to show each other about some haircuts they like to have. That ended up with them flipping their hair in my direction in all sorts of ways. One of them even started braiding it, while pointing it at me! After that I noticed a woman across the room staring at me. All after the first run. Nothing close to this happened after that incident unfortunately.

Some random things to note.

• I have more chest hair.
  
• Girlfriend told me that she wants to eat me because of the way I smell. I had taken my shower 10 or so hours before that, and I haven't been wearing any deodorants lately. She was on her period too when that happened.
  
• I cried of gratitude for the first time ever in my life!
  

Days 13-32: April 21st-May 10th, 2017
Version: 3.1B
Format: Trickling Stream Hybrid FLAC
Player: Phone thru Headphones
Volume: 4 out of 15 clicks

I've been back to version A for the last 5 days, but this will be an update on my second half on version B.

Attraction:

• Got a few DIHLs. One particularly stands out as I was outright depressed at that point. I was waiting for the elevator at work and when it arrived, this amazingly well dressed girl's face fully lit up when she saw me and she greeted me in the cutest submissive way.
  
• I went to brunch with girlfriend and there was a bit of a wait. By the door there was a hottie. She did a double take on me and for the rest of the time we were waiting for our table, she was throwing very blatant IOIs at me. She adjusted her seat so she can have a better view of me, showed wrists, did hair flicks, the whole package. Her boyfriend was busy on his phone. She totally checked my girlfriend out too and had an annoyed look on her face after
  
• At the train station, there was a Japanese girl with a huge luggage waiting at the stairs. She obviously was waiting for someone to come pick up the luggage. I genuinely wanted to help and I asked her if she wanted any. I have felt like helping people before, but have never took action mainly out of shyness. This came out of nowhere. When she saw me, she responded with a big smile "Thank you. Arigatoooo." Not sure why she got all confused and spoke Japanese all of a sudden
  

Girlfriend:

• Sex with girlfriend has been great lately. Although I'm thinking that I'm not lasting long enough for her, the way she's feeling it is totally different. One time she described it as "perfect" and another time as "the best she's ever had". She says she started enjoying foreplay way more.
  
• I was very direct with her about asking for sex for a couple of times. I don't think I've ever been this direct before.
  
• She's initiating harder than ever. I've mentioned before that she initiates more than half the time, but now she's way more verbal about it.
  

Healing:

• I know version B has no healing, but it almost feels like it does...
  
• I have just recently started thinking that I'm finally over my previous girlfriend. The relationship lasted for 20 months and we broke up more than 2 years ago. I can easily say that I still think of her every single day, even though I'm now in a new relationship, but the thoughts about her do not have that down feeling anymore.
  
• I realize that I need to feel down sometimes. It helps me come to realizations, come up with plans of action, and I feel it makes me wiser. Looking at it like this, I'm being able to embrace it easily.
  

Dreams:

• Dreamed of my high school crush. Haven't thought of her in ages. She was all over me too...
  
• Dreamed of being chased at least 3-4 times. I know it's a pretty common theme, but I don't remember having such dreams before. I never got caught tho, I was always increasing the gap, and the chasers were getting tired and giving up. I read that it's a positive sign.
  

Random Observations:

• Horniness on B is huge!
  
• The number 26 is popping up a lot. Not sure if that means anything.
  
• I'm getting lots of "do I know this person" looks.
  
• I was asked if I got a new face. Convenient leepy:
  
• Got a new job I start in June. No effort from my part, recruiter contacted me and I went to the interview. Everything went smoothly afterwards. Pays 15% more than my current job.
  

Been reading your journal on am6 and dmsi. Lately it seems to me that dmsi on the very first run itself is very powerful for motivation people but it seems am6 requires multiple runs. From what I read in your journal, do you think the am6 improvements have been light or that dmsi improvements are just too profound.

AM6 is released in 5G, how many years ago? DMSI is brand new cutting edge experimental 5.5G technology... of course there's going to be a difference.

(03-09-2018, 05:19 AM)Ago Wrote: [ -> ]Been reading your journal on am6 and dmsi. Lately it seems to me that dmsi on the very first run itself is very powerful for motivation people but it seems am6 requires multiple runs. From what I read in your journal, do you think the am6 improvements have been light or that dmsi improvements are just too profound.

Hey man. Sorry for the really late reply.

I feel like AM6 had more profound results for me. I was going through a breakup at that time and it helped me with that. But yes, one run of it was definitely not enough.

For DMSI, I think I've stonewalled most of it. I've seen results here and there as reported, but they didn't seem all that much. At the end, I stopped journaling, because results completely stopped.

As an extra note, going through a breakup too currently. It happened on Sunday, so it's only been 2 days, but it seems it's way easier than the first time. I have a couple of theories as to why that's the case: (1) AM6 made me more whole; (2) A-side DMSI heals the future as well(?); (3) Maybe I didn't care as much about this girl than the previous one, even though the relationship was substantially longer; (4) It's just the beginning still and I might be in shock or denial that I don't have the time to feel as bad as the first time around.

It'd definitely be interesting if DMSI heals the future though. This seems more possible with version 3.2, from what I'm reading so far, but I've only ran version 3.1 so far.