Subliminal Talk

Day 3 - Reset from V1

Currently meditating to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yN0cDecXfKc

It's been 3 days since I've been back on 2.5. The headache had gotten incredibly bad last night and I was fighting something deep because I felt feelings that I haven't felt in years. Feelings of just a hopelessness. It was unreal how desperate I felt last night. I don't know what happened to me.

I slept in late this morning and I've been able to refocus some today, and my focus on work has come back as well.

I had read Hunk's AOSI V1 journal and he echoed many of the feelings that I had been experiencing when on V1, including a paranoia that I was experiencing. I don't know if that was due to me switching out versions too early or if that was a side effect of V1, but I do feel much more collected today.

I can still feel a slightly dull headache forming in the back of my skull and while I slept in until late this morning, I had woken up several times last night as I listened to the sub do its thing.

I was due out to a friends party last night, but because of the headache I stayed in.

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It's been about six hours since I started writing this post. I went out and had some fresh air, did some grocery shopping, and just let the last few days process. I feel much more grounded right now, more like myself. Whatever it was, it's passing because I feel my edge coming back.

I'm going to monitor myself and see where this second wave of DMSI takes me.

Day 4 - Reset from V1

Currently contemplating life to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMVc0vG4K_k

Non women related post.

Today was an interesting day. I realized what the feeling was that hit me Saturday and Sunday. It was longing. Maybe a longing for something that was a part of my past. Maybe the realization that with this journey I'm taking, not just with DMSI, but with my company that I started and with the goals of life that I set for myself, that those parts of a past are finally going to be gone.

It's funny, the older I've become, the more melancholy I feel for certain things. Or, perhaps that melancholy feeling is a part of my programming that is trying to assert itself in a mind that is constantly shifting.

By the time this year ends, a lot of things will end up changing for me as well. I effectively resigned from my full-time job 2 weeks ago and gave them until the end of the year. So, I'm putting that to bed. I got tired of the work in any case and I felt like I was just running around in circles in a place where people didn't want to change. And I got tired of wasting my time.

I also thought of my friend from last week. I made a choice a long time ago to not get into anything long term again. Relationships feel like their own prison for me, and I can't live my life around another persons schedule. That's how many of my past relationships felt. I can't do that. I like my own time too much. It's probably due to the fact that I'm an only child. I crave my independence and solitary time.

Part of me wants to go back to the version of me that was 23, and on the road, landing in foreign countries and staying there. The idea of being in a stationary place, the idea of even having a home is a completely foreign concept to me. The same associations I have with relationships I have with the idea of a home. I have a place to live, but that isn't really a home. For me it's all temporary. I like the ability to just move around. Probably why I don't own much and keep my place sparsely furnished.

It's funny, even though V2.4 had all the clearing modules enabled in them, I feel like I cleared more and came to terms with many aspects of myself while running 2.5. I can only assume that that's part of the function of the anti-resistance tech in 2.5. Or maybe I just do better with blunt force trauma when it comes to getting an idea across.

I will say in reading the journals of so many of the members on this forum, it's exciting to see how many positive changes are occurring in so many peoples lives. It's inspiring really. I'm not even sure how I found Shannon's programs, because I don't typically surf many forums. This is actually the only forum I have ever really been active in.

I guess I just feel good. I feel grateful. Melancholy on the one hand, because some things are coming to an end. But so, so grateful on the other hand. Because of the fact that I'm alive, and that I have the life I have, and the opportunities in front of me.

I knew so many people that never even had a chance.

It reminds me of the lyrics of one of my favorite songs:

There's one more kid
That will never go to school
Never get to fall in love
Never get to be cool

Keep on rocking in the free world...

Day 9 - Reset from V1

Currently listening to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3cEWRdCI8w

This will be my last post in my DMSI V2.5 Journal.

I'm going to still continue running 2.5 in the background for a few more days. Then when 3.0.1 comes out, I'll wait a few days before I hop on it and use it.

I can't really count all of the changes that occurred with 2.5. There were many. There were many experiences on 2.5 period. I feel like this version of DMSI coincided with many other events happening in my life at the same time.

Me resigning from my job was the biggest one, and probably the best decision I made in some time. I hated the place I was working. Leaving that is probably the healthiest choice I've made in some time. I lost about 18 pounds since starting DMSI. I haven't dropped much more because I can't help my sweet tooth these days. But I feel like even those desires are going to go away soon.

I had a shitty week dealing with people in general. I could elaborate on all of the experiences here, but it would just make me angry all over again, and at this point I feel almost apathetic to certain things in my life.

I finally cut my hair also. I hate the new look. I cut my front bangs off - they were down to my chin for a while. I feel so corporate all of a sudden.

Yesterday I had one of the greatest and most heartbreaking manifestations yet on the DMSI series of subs, and probably in the last 10 years period.

I meet my father every Friday for dinner. It's a chance for him and I to catch up and for me to check in on him. It's been 16 years since my mom died and he never dated anyone else or got married again. He spends his life doing his own thing now.

Anyway, we have a usual spot that we go to. While I get up and make my way around the place, leaving my dad at our table, I see this woman and my heart literally stops for a few seconds. She was an absolute dead ringer for my ex. It takes me a few moments to realize that she's not my ex.

I go back to my table and spend the rest of the dinner focused on my dad. Didn't look around, didn't try to initiate anything with anyone else. It was father and son time.

As I'm going to leave, I see her again, getting ready to leave as well. My dad and I walk out first and I hold the door open for her as she was right behind us. As she walks out she says thank you, and even the way she said it, and the way she smiled, reminded me of my ex.

My dad and I say our goodbyes and as I'm heading back home I keep playing the few shared moments I had with her, over and over in my head.

Living in NY, the chances of me seeing her again are slim to none. And the manifestation technologies, as I read from Shannon's posting, are usually an in the moment kind of thing.

I've been living in my head for the past day or so thinking about that woman. Not because of who she is, but who she reminded me of.

If I'm honest with myself, I don't even care about whether or not DMSI works anymore. I just set it at night and fall asleep to it most nights.

Lately I've just been feeling burnt on life. And I'm tired of people I deal with in general.

I don't attribute those feelings to DMSI. I've had some of these issues coming to a head for almost 6 months now.

I will say that with 2.5, even without the clearing modules, it helped heal, or at least raise, a lot of old wounds that I had a chance to work through and finally put away.

It'll be interesting to see how 3.0.1 goes along.

Only time will tell.