Day 13 and 14
Resistance is a B*tch...
I finally got my continuous loops back to 5 for Friday night going into Saturday and then Saturday night going into Sunday.
I had strange dreams on both nights - Rosario Dawson appeared in one of them where she stripped naked, and then in another dream I was making out with the girl I hung out with 2 weeks ago. In another part of the dream I met a really cute girl but when I looked at her legs they were hairy and that was a serious no-no for me.
I went out yesterday but didn't really pay attention to anything happening around me - I was literally inside of my own mind the entire time. This was partially due to the fact that I had the most cranium crushing headache I've had in years. It was madness.
The only way that I could get through it is to release some pressure that was building up, and I did that by rubbing one out and then taking a cold shower. I have to say, the orgasm I had was mind boggling. And sure enough, shortly after the pressure dissipated and I felt like a normal human being again.
Two other things started which I am now seeing in others journals today like Chaos and RTBoss which is an I won't be disrespected attitude along with a crazy feeling of OCD. Yesterday I was at a diner, decided to have breakfast at 7PM, so I got the waffles with whipped cream, scrambled eggs and sausages with good cup of Joe and I spilled a little bit of my eggs on the table. Sure enough I grab a paper napkin and then clean the table up quickly. It's only in certain places though that is happening, primarily in public. My desk at home is its usual mess.
This morning I woke up and weighed myself and found that I have put on 6 pounds since starting DMSI. So I decided I would cut for the next two weeks to get my sugar leveled out and detox the body a bit. I had been thinking of the detox since mid last week, but finally pulled the trigger on it today.
Then again this evening I had another headache, almost as the same time as yesterday. I went through the same routine, except this time I really felt the pressure in the center of my forehead. It was an insane amount of pressure - I can't explain the feeling, it was like something was breaking through the center of my brain.
After the cold shower that feeling subsided and I feel different now as I write this. I feel kind of powerful...
I'm gearing towards some of the older music I grew up and into, as in right now I'm listening to some old school Prodigy - Music for the Jilted Generation - one of the greatest electronic albums ever conceived.
I'm also starting to get some of my motivation back, which had become somewhat buried when I first started DMSI 2.4. Probably due to the fact that I was always exhausted.
Something is breaking through, I'm at the point of a major breakthrough - the brink of something. That's what I feel right now. I'm not there yet, but I am getting closer to it. I feel like by the time this week is over, I will have made that breakthrough.
The other thing I will say is that DMSI is affecting various aspects of my mind. I can only imagine that that is natural, as so many things in our lives are intertwined and once you break through one thing, you often unravel several other aspects - sort of like opening Pandora's box.
I'm not done with this journey yet. I believe I have only scratched the surface of not only what DMSI is possible of, but also what I am truly capable of achieving.
Day 15 and 16
The last two days on DMSI have been interesting for me. I can see some of the shifts happening within me. For instance, the change in my diet (I have lost the obligatory water weight of 6 pounds already), while I am eating much cleaner than I had been previously.
I had some strange dreams related to Charlize Theron also. Something about hanging out at her place and taking a shower.
On days 13 and 14 I didn't sleep well while the 5 loops ran, especially day 14 where I had a continuous headache throughout the entire evening run of the sub. It was only after the sub had finished that the headache had dissipated.
Something else is happening with me also.
To provide some actual feedback for Shannon that is better than just me rambling, these are the following things that I have noticed over the past few days.
1 - I am generally in a better mood than I have been at the beginning of testing DMSI V2.4. I don't feel as groggy and lost in space.
2 - My focus has come back. This was one of my favorite things about DMSI V2.3, I had this insane amount of focus. I am seeing glimpses of it now while on 2.4. I am just overall trying to improve myself in several areas where I can. A side point is that I don't procrastinate as much as I used to.
3 - My feelings towards women in general have changed. These days what I want has become very black and white. A prime example can be summed up as the woman will have sex with me or she won't. The medium ground of chasing a girl, getting to know her, wanting a romantic relationship of some sort no longer applies. This leads into my fourth observation.
4 - I have no problems dropping women these days. Case in point, I reached out to a girl last week because I had an extra ticket to a baseball game and she was nice eye candy, and some of my friends would have dug her. She turned around and asked if I had a ticket also for another guy friend of hers - I said no and we ended on that. She reached out to me on Monday and mentioned she had another friend of hers who came into town and was asking if I was going to any games (Because of work, I am invited to a number of events with a suite or skybox). I again said no and simply crossed her off as any potential interest.
In the past I would have been upset that she was using me for her own gains. These days, I don't have any personal feelings attached to women. Which leads me to my last and final point.
5 - These last two days I want sex. Nothing more, nothing less, just sex. Fun, no strings attached sex. This is interesting for me because I feel like some of my social stigmas around one night stands (years of women telling me how disgusting it is has obviously affected me with the nice guy programming), but that's all I want.
I'm not getting impatient with DMSI - not the program itself, but I am getting impatient with myself. I make a clear point of separating the two. I enjoy running the program - on some nights it actually helps me sleep better, on other nights, not so much.
So I am loving the program. I am not loving my lack of action. In this case my brain is being focused to a specific directive. I believe that this focus and new found view on women is also changing my views on several other things in my life, including money. Ironically enough. I know that isn't the goal of DMSI, but as I wrote in my previous journal entry - I feel that several things in our lives are intertwined. Using DMSI is like opening Pandora's box.
As I close this journal entry out, I suddenly realized that what I am now experiencing is an abundance mentality. In the past I wouldn't write off a woman that quickly, primarily because I think I came from a place of scarcity. Nowadays, I'll drop any woman that doesn't meet my basic requirement.
This is an interesting change in my mind.
On a final note, I have been inspired recently with a new creative bug. In the last three weeks of using DMSI - both version 2.3 and 2.4, I have completed two short stories and am now going to begin writing my second novel.
And that is progress...
Day 19
Before I begin this post, I am writing this post from my phone and so some things I write out may not really be completely comprehensive. I tend to babble when I type on my mobile.
Moving on...
Days 17 and 18 kind of went by without a lot happening, partially because I was so focused on work and partially because I was exhausted from the week. I was also irritable at times but this could also have been due to my diet change.
Moving onto today, I had two really interesting things happen. And then a side bar of some observations.
First the sidebar. The manifestation is really strong. Today I thought of a friend of mine and immediately got texted by him. I then thought of something I needed and someone at work immediately gave me those files before I could ask them for it.
Stuff like that kept happening. It was fun. After a while I decided to just test the lengths I could take it by thinking of random things and just watching them happen - typically related to people showing up or reaching out to me while at the office.
Next, the observations.
Well, one is an observation, one is an experience that I am now observing mentally in terms of a relation.
Recently, any desire to have a relationship with a woman has completely left me. I now look at a woman and it gets hard for me to be really turned on by her. The hard-ons that I would get early on from the sub are gone. I have zero desire for women.
So when I look at a woman, the only thing I think of is that I just want sex. Meaning, I no longer need any connection, I don't want to get to know them, I don't need to emotionally connect with them, it's just - would they fulfill a sexual desire that I have. That's it.
This led me to thinking about the ghosting that seems to be happening with a lot of us running the sub. There are days when I get the IOI's and other days when they look away from me.
I think the reason for the ghosting might be two-fold. One, our body and mind may not be totally congruent with each other yet. I look at women one way, yet I emotionally feel something else for them. I want to have sex with them but I don't want to connect with them. I have an apathy for women (I consider Apathy an emotion, had a debate about it when I was still in college and read Camus's the Stranger).
Once my body and mind become congruent with this new found mental state, I think the attraction will be much stronger. This may also be why posters haven't felt the aura that strongly and why the energy of the sub has been an issue. Which brings the second point. With our body and mind in constant conflict, perhaps that's where a lot of our energy is going. Hence the feelings of being tired early on in the sub. I realize we are releasing, but in a state of constant conflict, your energy would be zapped a lot more.
This may also explain the rise in energy with 2.3. There was no healing, just a lot of headaches. So the energy and appetites were satiated and fueled the single directive of 2.3.
Onto second observation / experience.
I wrote a while back how I wanted to tell the younger me that it was OK. That things would change. There was a part of my youth I wanted healed.
When I was about 12 I was in the Boy Scouts. One of our trips was an overnight at the Franklin Institute in Philadelphia. I remember walking around the museum with a buddy of mine. The Franklin had a long standing tradition of doing overnight stays and still do till this day.
Anyway, I wasn't watching where I was going and I bumped into a deaf boy. He hand signed something to me but I couldn't sign back and the kid left quickly. I think he felt embarrassed or something - he just looked at me sort of disappointed.
I always felt bad that I couldn't communicate with the kid properly. It stayed with me for a long time. Some random event. But I never forgot it.
Several times in my life, I tried to learn sign language. I never used it and for the most part I forgot what I had learned.
Anyway, I went to drop off a friend at Penn Station today (I accurately predicted the track number of their train by the way, more like the track number I wanted is the one that came up), and there was a deaf guy trying to figure out how the train works.
There was a lot of finger pointing on the NJ Transit maps, and me showing him what track his train was on on the board. But I was able to help him. In the end he thanked me in Sign and caught his train.
I immediately thought of the deaf boy from my childhood. And I felt like I was able to heal something inside of myself today.
It was a random experience maybe, but I thought it was interesting as I had posted about my childhood before.
DMSI has been an incredibly satisfying ride... Can't wait to see what happens next...
Day 24
This will probably be my last journal entry for DMSI 2.4. After having been on the sub for 21 days I began to supplement with a couple of loops of 2.3. The results have been interesting.
First, some feedback and general observations after using 2.4 for three weeks.
I didn't face a lot of resistance in terms of headaches or anger. I had a little, but not a lot.
In terms of women, by my second week of using the sun, I became completely apathetic to women. That was good up to a point. Looking back, I wasn't even interested in having sex, but at the same time, sex was all I wanted. It's a paradoxical statement and I think it speaks not so much to an inner conflict, but more or less a feeling of this is the only thing a woman can really give me.
Much of my time after week 1 was in a dopamine high. Hence, even though I didn't see the results that I wanted from DMSI, I was willing to forego that because it was doing something under the covers. I justified my use of the program, because I believed that at some point I would break through. This became interesting for me on reflection, because I have friends who are habitual drug addicts that do the same justification. Hence, I wonder if the neural receptors that DMSI 2.4 are hitting are actually the same that are triggered by our pleasure centers when using a drug. We get addicted to a type of feeling.
I also started to notice that people would outright disrespect me. This was a new development that happened into my third week with DMSI. I dealt with this fairly calmly, and in some ways I allowed it to happen because I didn't want the conflict.
After the thread with Dzemoo and Sicko, I started to look back at my 2.3 journal to account for the differences in experience.
To say it was stark would be an understatement.
For that reason I decided to try and supplement 2.3 with 2.4. On Monday I did a couple of loops and not only did receive blatant looks, but I also had a woman lick her lips when she saw me. And by lick her lips, I mean the way women licked their lips in all the movies I watched when I was a kid. Fun stuff.
Yesterday I did it again and not only got one girls number, but I ended up chatting a girl on the train.
This morning I ran it for a couple of loops again and have been seeing some IOI's.
I am still running 2.4 at night. I hate jumping off from one thing to another, ironic I know, considering what this post is stating. I intend to keep going with 2.4 for at least another 21 days. I want to see it through for 45 days.
I may continue to supplement with 2.3. I may not. What I am going to do for certain is run 2.3 after I finish my 45 day run. The plan right now is to run it for 90 days.
I want to give this version of DMSI it's proper due as that was my original goal.
When I do run it, I may go back and start journaling it. I'm sure folks will be deep into 3.0 by that time. Still, it would be interesting to see the contrasts.
On a final note, since running 2.3 again, I put certain people into place. I have some of that edge back that I was missing.
I know that there were a few folks that were hitting walls with DMSI 2.4. Not sure if it has to do with personality types. I myself am an INTJ, so I tend to veer to the proof is in the pudding, and I wanted to provide an as accurate feedback as I could.
To Shannon, not sure if you are going to read this particular journal post - but I did want to say that none of what I have written is meant to be a criticism of the program. If anything, version 2.3 hit all of the points for me. 2.4 hit a set of points, just not as it pertained to the goal of the program.
Perhaps with 3.0, the healing and the goals of the program can work in tandem, rather than having one go first before the other kicks in.
I continue to look forward reading others 2.4 journals.
Best,
Duke
http://subliminal-talk.com/thread-7934-p...#pid134331
(09-28-2016, 06:30 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Regardless of what anyone says, the younger generations are the least patient. They want it NOW, and **** everything else. So when I release 3.0, it will probably be two-part: one with, and one without the healing activated. You know what the outcome will be.
Interesting theory about the ghosting. I vibe with it
(09-28-2016, 12:29 PM)eternitys_child Wrote: [ -> ]Interesting theory about the ghosting. I vibe with it
It's either the conflict or it's because Vivek, you and I share a common background. I'm half Indian, and from what I gathered from the journals, we seem to be immune to 2.4.
And for anyone that takes offense, I am just joking regarding that. Sarcasm doesn't always translate well over text.
Nice! !!! Good to know us Desi's are taking over
There's 5 of us here now haha.
where are you located?
(09-29-2016, 02:37 AM)eternitys_child Wrote: [ -> ]Nice! !!! Good to know us Desi's are taking over
There's 5 of us here now haha.
where are you located?
Based in NYC.
Let me know when you're around here, we'll go grab a beer.
And, welcome back to the states!
Day 29
I thought that I would spend the last of my days on DMSI without writing to the journal, but a lot of internal changes have been happening. I have always believed that the best way to deal with any internal strife is to write it out. Writing has always helped me deal with my emotional issues. It started after I lost someone.
These past few days have been exhausting for me in a physical and emotional way. I missed work the past two days and I am missing work again tomorrow. I've spent that time sleeping. I literally slept for the past two days straight. I still run DMSI V2.4 every night. I will for another 16 days or so.
I'm not getting to the point of my entry.
Last night I had a dream of one of my ex's. In the dream she was pregnant. We were going to have a girl. I remember feeling her stomach and it was hard. The baby was encased inside of an egg shell that was inside of her stomach. In the dream she kept hitting her stomach. She didn't want the baby and was trying to crack the shell.
I also had other dreams of being on top of a glacier, watching snowboarders ride down the steep mountain sides.
And then I was in Japan.
The headaches were so bad today that I had to pop two advils. Even then the headache didn't go away. It didn't go away until I had some realization about my desires related to women. The realization came to me while I was half sleeping.
I think the only way I can explain what it is that happened is my mind has come to the realization that I need to take physical actions with the women I meet.
I also had dreams of walking through the grand canyon.
I was watching Westworld tonight - the new show on HBO. I kind of feel like that is my life right now.
Since starting DMSI, my brain is in a fog and time has slowed down completely. Beyond that, the things that once mattered to me no longer matter.
There is something deep inside of me that is changing and I'm not sure yet what the total change is.
All I know for sure is that I refuse to live my life the way I had been up until now. Something has to change. I am going to change it. I have to at this point.
With the first change being that I can't work for someone else anymore...
Day 36
My last post for DMSI V2.4.
I haven't done a very good job of recording everything that happened over the past 36 days with DMSI, so here's some of the major changes that happened.
I spoke about someone I lost - this is the biggest one because I never talk about her. I buried her so deep in my heart, that I never bothered to look back. This was, in and of itself, one of my biggest breakthroughs.
I changed my diet - I've gone the keto diet for the past 3 weeks and holding strong. My body has finally adjusted and I've learned to cook more dishes that suit my palette and new diet.
Cooking - I love cooking, but haven't been doing it much over the past few years. Now I do it regularly. It's actually really therapeutic because of all of the cutting, chopping, frying, grilling, roasting. It really does relieve stress.
Joined a startup - still at my 9 to 5, but as of last week I started working with a new startup. It's pretty exciting stuff and I see potential with where this one can go.
Recently got in touch with some women I had locked out of my life - the reason for locking them out had nothing to do with anything they did wrong or anything they said. It was because they had gotten too close to me. And I tend to shut people out when that happens. Looking back, I regret that happening, I lost time with them. And at the end of the day, the only thing we all really have is time. And it's always running out on us.
Dealt with a lot of emotional garbage - It had gotten so bad that I ended up taking a few days off from work and didn't leave my place. Basically ended up staying indoors for roughly four days while I tried to process my emotional issues.
That last ones been coming and going - I haven't been outside since Saturday afternoon, and I spent most of today in bed.
I had somewhat of an emotional breakthrough again this evening when something from long ago re-surfaced and I somehow processed it. I also realized after that happened that I needed a break from Subs. I've been doing the subs pretty consistently everyday and or night since 2.3 came out.
I'm going to wait until Thursday before I start DMSI 2.5. I need a few days to just taper off of 2.4 and let my brain process whatever it needed to process.
Looking back, there are huge changes that had occurred in the time span of a month. I didn't journal a lot of it probably because I mostly posted from my phone and it's hard to write out long posts from a mobile device. Today I had a chance to sit down on my laptop and really think it all through.
I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone in this community. Reading everyone else's journals, and knowing that so many of us had similar experiences made this journey a lot more fruitful for me. The community was also my one place of interaction several times over the past three weeks when I would go into hermit mode. At those times I didn't really communicate with anyone as I tried to process what I was feeling and what was happening.
To everyone who is taking on the 2.5 journey now - I'm looking forward to reading about all of your successes and hopefully sharing a few of my own.
Onwards and Upwards...