(09-10-2016, 05:28 PM)DisneylandUSA Wrote: [ -> ] (09-09-2016, 08:08 PM)Duke.Togo Wrote: [ -> ]Day 4 and Day 5
DMSI has been affecting me in interesting ways. I try to look at my progress on a daily basis, but I am more interested also in understanding the longer term impacts of my changes.
To get the one area that I am sure everyone is interested, how are the women treating me.
It's a mixed bag, I am seeing more looks, some of them good and some of them not so good. I definitely just do whatever I want and I've hung out with some of the women I know, whom I hadn't seen in some time. That was nice. I was just able to enjoy their company. The sex doesn't matter so much right now. So I am seeing progress, but I think that with women it's not really that hard anyway.
So yes, I am seeing the results of what DMSI has promised, and I believe that over the next few months I'll see them in big strides.
But now I'm going to switch out of the women for a while and actually get to the root of what I love about DMSI.
I finally have been able to run it for 5 loops, I didn't until last night, opting for 4 instead.
I have the same feeling of being tired a lot of the time that many other posters have written about. I think that that's part of the effects as I am burning through some of my programming. Yesterday I felt like I was on the verge of a personal breakthrough, this morning I was much more grounded.
I have a partial "I don't give a f***" attitude about me that I don't mind. I think that's just a part of me in many ways; I don't tend to be too emotional and for the most part the only thing that really pisses me off is social situations where people who have a implied power flex their muscles over someone else - primarily I get that a lot at the work environment. That's not real power, but ego flustering. I don't see that as being Alpha.
What I love about DMSI is the amount of power and control I am starting to see within myself. I've never cared about ruling anyone else - I want my own self mastery. I think that alone is the greatest and strongest Aura, and that will naturally attract anything you want to you. Power is being able to make a decision and living with it without wavering or flip-flopping. That's always been my perception of it.
DMSI brings me closer to that. I don't know what the healing modules are doing - I believe Shannon posted in one of the forums that it will do whatever it can to make the goal come true. It is morphic in its very nature. I see that. DMSI will amplify a persons personality and align the goals to how the person sees themselves.
I also understand now why the healing modules were so critical with this version - specifically if a person is aggressive in a certain way, DMSI will present situations that amplify that aggressive approach. This is only rhetoric and theory - I'm sure only Shannon really knows what this technology can do, but from all the journals I have read and what everyone has posted, the program is giving everyone what they subconsciously want - or, the program is shifting before someone can really give the program a chance to flow.
I think for anyone that isn't seeing an aggressive result, they should stick with 2.3 with perhaps fewer loops as that program was extremely aggressive. It played up some of my more primal natures that I tend to reserve for private moments, however those behaviors started to present themselves in public.
With 2.4 and the healing modules, I think for people to effectively get what they really want, they need to burn through the aspects of their personality that results in conflict or indecision. Once that is out of the system, it makes the position of going from point a to point b a straight line instead of going through the entire alphabet before coming to b.
This is my long winded way of stating that DMSI is working, it works, if given enough time, this could actually be a perfect program. But, it needs to be given the time to work.
Quote:If people are frustrated with the results up until now, perhaps that is the ultimate sign that its working. Frustration is also a form of resistance. It is the greatest form of resistance.
I am going to post a bit more infrequently because this journal, first and foremost, is for me. It's a chance for me to record how I am personally evolving and changing. And I think I need two or three day observation windows to see the micro changes that are occurring.
But, in the 5 days that I have been on this program, I know that something has definitely started to shift inside of me. Now I will carry this through until I see where that shift ends.
I hope others on this forum give themselves the same opportunity with DMSI 2.4.
Frustration and Resistance. Great insightful journaling. Yes, Frustration is a form of Resistance; Yet, it gets frustrating just thinking about it. 
It does. I think that's why I mentioned that if people want more immediate results, I think 2.3 provides that. 2.3 for me was very aggressive. I am much more laid back with 2.4. I may do 2.4 for the next 3 months and then switch to 2.3 just to see how the reverse would go.
In the meantime, the only thing we can do is just not think about it so much - go with the flow if you will...
Thanks for the comment Brother!
Day 6 and 7
Before I get to the actual Journal entry, one thing I need to state is that the last 7 days of my life feel like an entire year has gone by. I'm not sure if it is because of the way the healing modules work, but the entire concept of time has lost all meaning.
Day 6
Since the first day of using DMSI I had a headache again. A rather dull one. The difference this time is that I didn't reach for a bottle of Advil to address the pain. I dealt with the headaches. During the process I recalled several unpleasant memories. Memories of when people had disrespected me in the past. Memories of situations that had absolutely no real positive value in my life. Memories that I have very willingly suppressed.
I realized that a lot of the changes that had occurred over the years for me came from me accepting that these issues never existed previously.
The other thing that happened is that I realized I needed to drop some of my old friends. These are friends I have known for 20 years. But, staying friends just for the sake of time doesn't seem worth it anymore. Especially since I live a completely different life from them now. I strived to make myself better, and I feel like the majority of them stayed the same because they were comfortable with that.
I ended my evening making a few changes to my phone contacts.
Day 7
I woke up this morning hornier than I have been in months. The desire for sex has just taken itself to new heights. That was followed with a few moments of looking in the mirror and not being happy with what I saw in the mirror.
This was followed with small moments of an inner rage. A lot of my old insecurities came up - things that bothered me when I was much younger.
At some point during the day I didn't recognize the person staring back at me.
Those feelings subsided.
I did have a desire a few times yesterday and today to run DMSI 2.3. I didn't and am not going to yet. I jumped from 2.3 to 2.4 after 10 days. I want to see 2.4 through. I need to see it through for myself and because I don't think I can give a fair assessment of something until I have give the program itself a chance.
I do feel like the next few weeks maybe a pendulum of emotions until either I resolve some of my own inner conflicts and or one desire outweighs the other.
Until then, I'll be living with the emotional bull running wild in a china shop.
Day 8
I don't feel like writing today, and that's more of a reason for this post than anything else.
Yesterday evening hard was hard for all of the reasons that it's been hard for the past 15 years. Living in NYC at the time of the attacks, it changed the psyche of everyone here, and while the world has gone on, it still affects most of the people who lived through that day here. It reminded me of the friends I lost that day.
I spent the evening with one of my friends, the same one of them that I had written off in my phone contacts. We have common ground, and so we got together and hung out in Long Island City's Gantry and watched the light representations of the twin towers for 2 hours while we talked about the state of our lives. I asked him what was holding him back from achieving all of his dreams. He asked me the same. Unfortunately, neither of us had a very satisfactory answer.
I ended up spending the night at my dad's place, sleeping in my moms old room.
I ran the sub through the night for 3 loops and then again this morning for another 2 loops.
As I ran the sub this morning, I suddenly recalled all of these old memories of when I was a kid. I was socially awkward at the time and I remembered specifically this one girl that I liked. I haven't thought of her in 20 years, but sure enough, so many vivid memories of my childhood came back to me, including what happened when she found out I liked her. The childhood ghosting that came from her.
That led to memories of me being a teenager and the issues I had with girls then, all the way up to college when I built my fortress and went on a bender dating several women - many of whom I emotionally hurt very, very unfairly. I really screwed with several women's hearts back in the day.
This then went through the emotional blackhole I created with other women that loved me - whether they did or not can always be debated - but there is no doubt that these women took unbelievable care of me and supported me in ways that helped heal many of my wounds. And in return for all of that, I ripped their hearts out and fed it back to them every possible way that I could.
I was a bastard.
Which then took me to where I am now - I haven't had a relationship with a woman in 5 years. Sex, yes, but not a real relationship. Nothing steady with any woman. I made the decision not to dip my feet in those waters again - primarily because I honestly just prefer the sex. Women are a fantastic distraction, fun, enjoyable. But at the end of the day a distraction. With work being what it is for me, a distraction is welcome for short periods of time. Nothing more than that.
As all of these thoughts and feelings were going through my head, I felt a physical pain in my chest - like a knotted pain. This went on for the majority of the two loops.
This state of being emotionally overwhelmed stayed with me for the rest of the day. At some point in the evening I saw some of my childhood pictures and I looked at the boy smiling and I couldn't help but wonder where that person went. I had this strong urge to go back in time and find that kid and tell him that all of the pain and unfair feelings that he was feeling - that it was OK and that it passes.
But the reality is that I can't go back, and that boy doesn't exist anymore. And that thought left me with an unbearable sadness.
So, that's why I wrote out today's journal entry. Because I didn't want to write any of this out, and because that boy deserved to be remembered somehow.
Just like everyone that's been lost needs to be remembered...
Very brave of you, I hope that it helped you process and move on.
You know, every version of yourself still exists within your subconscious. That's where the term "inner child" comes from. So you can go back and tell him that... just not back in time. Maybe that post was about doing exactly that without you even knowing it. Something to think about.
(09-12-2016, 08:10 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]You know, every version of yourself still exists within your subconscious. That's where the term "inner child" comes from. So you can go back and tell him that... just not back in time. Maybe that post was about doing exactly that without you even knowing it. Something to think about.
I have heard of the inner child and know about the "silent observer", but I have never thought about directing it like that. Food for thought.
(09-12-2016, 08:10 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]You know, every version of yourself still exists within your subconscious. That's where the term "inner child" comes from. So you can go back and tell him that... just not back in time. Maybe that post was about doing exactly that without you even knowing it. Something to think about.
It's interesting that you mention that. After writing the journal entry out, I felt really different. I think a part of me finally realized that that time could be let go.
Thank You for your insight. I meant to reply sooner, but I wanted to process it for a few days and give you an honest response rather than just make some blanketed statement.
A lot of feelings changed since then. Will write in a journal entry.
Day 9 and 10
Day 9 was hard in the morning. I was still on an emotional bender from Monday and I spent most of the day in a really angry state and ready to rip someone's head off.
That afternoon I had tickets to a Yankees game with some friends. That was actually refreshing and I ended up laughing a lot and just enjoying the time.
Full disclosure here - I am a life long hockey fan. Never got into baseball. But I will say, after seeing the women that showed up for the Yankees game - hockey girls have nothing on baseball girls. I spent 7 innings like a dog in heat. I obviously need to expand my sporting events to outside Hockey...
I didn't run any loops while I slept and instead opted to wait until the morning to run my loops instead.
Day 10
I woke up exhausted due to the fact that I got home as late as I did and went to bed late.
I struggled through work all day, but I managed to get some goat curry (my kryptonite) from a Cuban place for lunch. All in all I was in a better mood all day today. I was also horny. Like a crack addict needing a hit horny. Just when I think I reached the pinnacle of horniness on DMSI, it just goes up another level. I actually stepped two to hot girls today, and one so so looking Asian chick.
The first girl was while I was at the Cuban place. We were ordering food. The conversation circled around our lunch choices and that was that, but it's the fact that I just randomly stepped to a girl. That was a big thing.
Later on a friend of mine wanted to grab a coffee from Starbucks. As I was waiting for him I saw some OK looking Asian girl in line. Wasn't really interested in her, was more interested in what she was drinking. Anyway the guy she was with saw me looking at her and decided to stand in front of her with his back to me, so I couldn't see me. He also had his arms crossed, a clear sign of a defensive response.
Anyway, when his coffee got called he moved away. I looked at the green drink and asked the Asian girl how the drink was. She giggled at me and said it was good.
Left with that.
Later on this evening I saw a really cute Blonde walking down some stairs into the subway and tried to tak to her. She just looked at me and smiled.
Right now I'm on the train back home and I can barely keep my eyes open.
I'm wiped and Hornier than ever.
Will be interesting to see how things evolve over the next few days.
I apologize for any incoherent sentences. I'm wiped and typing on my phone.
Day 11
I had three days to process a lot of information, and I will get into the day and the thoughts about what occurred in a minute.
First, how are women reacting to me these days. It's been interesting because I certainly feel more women responding to me, some of them just stare at me, some smile, so it's a really mixed bag of feelings. This occurred today despite the fact that I looked like hell.
So, those aspects of DMSI are definitely becoming more and more apparent.
It's also strange that women friends that I had for a while now, but whom I don't communicate with much are starting to respond to me a lot more these days. That's another interesting thing that's occurred. Actually, if I really stop to think about it, today I feel like I could see the wall breaking where women are concerned. But this is after I went on an interesting, self destructive bender over the past two days.
On Day 9 I was still tripped up from my feelings on Monday. I didn't realize it at the time, but, all of that anger was directed as a sharp tongue. I mean, some of the things that I said on Tuesday as I reflect would probably label me as a psychopath. I think Dzemoo posted something akin to having similar feelings. I was that angry. At the baseball game I drank with my boys and ran into someone who once said something really disgusting about a mutual friend of ours. So I laid into him in a fashion that actually made him look like he wanted to cry. I was verbally vicious to the guy.
By the time the night ended, it was 1AM as I was walking into my place. I didn't get to bed until 2 and woke up at 7 to go to the office. This anger issue sort of stayed with me I think for most of Wednesday, though not as blatant. I ended up directing that anger to the bar where I met up with some other friends and basically spent a good portion of the night drinking and partying. This time I didn't get home until 2AM and not to bed until 2:30. Woke up again at 7 and walked around the office today like a zombie. Did 3 loops this morning. That was all I could manage without my brain falling apart on me.
Then around 11AM we get a credible bomb threat in my office. I evacuated everyone from my team out of the building and I was the last one to leave. I was out of the office for another 2 hours while the cops and Fire Department came in to investigate. It was during those 2 hours that I had some time to think about what was happening with DMSI. The resistance to the sub brought up a lot of old angry memories for me and I actually slipped into an old pattern of drinking excessively in trying to bypass some of the pain that had surfaced. I realized that I wasn't dealing with my issues as much as I was trying to drink everything away and party hard.
This presented its own interesting dilemma for me, because on the one hand I could see the progress that DMSI was forcing me to make, and on the other hand I could see how my own self destructive resistance was basically literally killing me (excessive alcohol and no sleep are a lethal combination).
Realizing what was occurring I eased off myself by the late afternoon and decided to breathe a bit. It's currently 11 now as I write this, and as soon as I post, I'm heading to bed.
What's been interesting for me is how hard this sub hits and how it forces someone to look at everything with an almost microscopic precision.
Years ago I would have looked at my drinking, accepted that I was doing it, but I would also have 50 excuses about why.
That wasn't the case.
I also like the fact that I am actually writing this stuff out. Writing forces me to face everything that is right and wrong about who I am and more importantly, how I deal with the world and process the haptic feedback of life.
I'm putting myself through a detox this weekend and going to change my food habits a bit. I'm also going to sleep, because god knows my body needs some rest.
Another interesting fact as it pertains to women - zero interest today. Not feeling aroused like I was yesterday where I would have humped a light pole. I was out of my mind last night.
As far as the manifestations go - I have been seeing a ton of beautiful women lately. More so than any other time this year, which is odd. It may be the sub is finally allowing me to appreciate beauty - I've had my head buried in work almost the entire year.
The bomb threat definitely gave me a fresh perspective again though.
It's definitely been an interesting week.
I'm looking forward to seeing where I am at day 30 of this sub.
It makes me wonder if somehow you didn't manifest that bomb threat just to force the realization...
(09-15-2016, 09:24 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]It makes me wonder if somehow you didn't manifest that bomb threat just to force the realization...
:idea: :-O
That'd be crazy...if the sub can manifest something that affective...wow.
(09-15-2016, 09:24 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]It makes me wonder if somehow you didn't manifest that bomb threat just to force the realization...
It's funny, as I wrote my post last night, I was thinking the same thing. That perhaps I manifested that bomb threat into my life to force me out of my own self destructive apathy.
(09-16-2016, 02:32 PM)Duke.Togo Wrote: [ -> ] (09-15-2016, 09:24 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]It makes me wonder if somehow you didn't manifest that bomb threat just to force the realization...
It's funny, as I wrote my post last night, I was thinking the same thing. That perhaps I manifested that bomb threat into my life to force me out of my own self destructive apathy.
tbh it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest, I think DMSI definitely played a big part in why I moved out of my last rental, literally forced me out into a new environment which is healthier for me, some scary stuff.
Day 12
I ran 3 loops while I slept and then another 2 this morning. I needed a few days before I could run the 5 again back-to-back. I'll be running them again from tonight and use this weekend to recuperate some.
Today was nice - I wasn't euphoric but I also wasn't as angry. It was a pretty calm, serene day. I didn't feel much in the way of sexy so much, more just comfortable.
A couple of things to note - I did catch a few women's eyes and held their gaze for a few seconds. I thought of a lot of things to say to them, but I didn't actually say anything. This was mainly due to the fact that I was tired and didn't want to interact. This again could also have been my own deep rooted fears stopping me. I can't say for certain today. I am sure there is some resistance that I am working through, but after only 12 days, my personal progress in terms of how I feel has changed significantly.
One interesting observation from yesterday and today is that I have become much more empathetic to people. I almost feel like I can read their minds and understand what they are thinking. It's only happened with a few of the guys I know, but, that has been something that I noticed just recently.
I've also grown a bit more comfortable with the sub and much less impatient in terms of an expected outcome or result. I suppose the only way that I can describe it is that I am enjoying the journey more than the destination.
For now, it's one day at a time.