Day 9:
I woke up this morning feeling intense anger. I have a great deal of repressed anger, and shame and fear of expressing it. I think the wall that was keeping it in has weakened a little.
I spoke to my mum on the phone today and I'm finding it near impossible to keep pretending that Im not still hurt by the way she raised me. I've communicated this before but Its just not being 'heard'. My core pain is one of abandonment and while my dad physically left when I was 2.. I was abandoned emotionally by the rest of my family. My mum still unconsciously shames, and she tried today and I can't take it anymore.
Day 10:
My dreams were very emotional last night, but I can only really remember one part. I was screaming hysterically at my family in a house I grew up in. I woke up feeling drained and expected today to be another low day, and it mostly was.
However, I noticed a significant change. I have a hard time crying even if I'm by myself. There's a lot of GSF attached to it. But today I bought some food and went to the park and as I was eating a bird limped over towards me. One of his legs was seriously broken but he wasn't scared of me at all, he was standing so close to me. I was just watching him when all of a sudden I started crying my eyes out. All this sadness came up, my pain and sadness for the birds condition and there was a bit of resistance but I let rip. The whole time this bird didn't move and he watched me with what felt like compassion, it really was a beautiful moment. I cry just thinking about.
It felt like one of those moments the universe reminds you that love is never too far away
(02-08-2016, 11:27 PM)bliss Wrote: [ -> ]Day 10:
My dreams were very emotional last night, but I can only really remember one part. I was screaming hysterically at my family in a house I grew up in. I woke up feeling drained and expected today to be another low day, and it mostly was.
However, I noticed a significant change. I have a hard time crying even if I'm by myself. There's a lot of GSF attached to it. But today I bought some food and went to the park and as I was eating a bird limped over towards me. One of his legs was seriously broken but he wasn't scared of me at all, he was standing so close to me. I was just watching him when all of a sudden I started crying my eyes out. All this sadness came up, my pain and sadness for the birds condition and there was a bit of resistance but I let rip. The whole time this bird didn't move and he watched me with what felt like compassion, it really was a beautiful moment. I cry just thinking about.
It felt like one of those moments the universe reminds you that love is never too far away
Wow...
That's really intense and super deep.
What an incredible moment. Like something from a movie.
I wish the bird could've gotten help. I've called animal services before to get them medical help. It's brutal seeing that.
I'm positive in my experience with animals, they can sense our emotion. I'd bet good money that your little winged friend connected with you.
Awesome.. I love watching nature sometimes. I love watching chickens walk around, and birds jump around and eat stuff. I just want to pat them for some reason but they run away haha.
Day 11:
I feel so angry I could kill somebody right now. For the last couple of days Ive had this energy stirring up in me. I keeep having these thoughts of someone pissing me off and me just raging on them.
A lady served me at the cafe this morning and she was being generally friendly, saying hello, asking me questions and I was so blunt, didn't respond to half of the things she said. I was not in the mood, and what was weird was I didnt care whether or not I was rude. Usually I'm trying to be all nice and lovely even when Im feeling shit. I guess thats fear based conditioning from childhood.
Whats interesting is the biggest reason for me suppressing my emotions around others is a fear that ill be abandoned. Im happy to let that go!
These are some epic posts man. I can sort of relate to that last one. After a year of AM6, I have these rare, fleeting moments where I feel aggressive and ready to fight, and it's usually triggered by a masculine presence that I feel threatened by in some way.
I have to say the stuff you're posting only after 11 days is wild. Makes me lean towards running OGSF sooner rather than later. Not interested in the crying stuff though, as liberating as it may have been.
(02-09-2016, 06:39 PM)essy Wrote: [ -> ]These are some epic posts man. I can sort of relate to that last one. After a year of AM6, I have these rare, fleeting moments where I feel aggressive and ready to fight, and it's usually triggered by a masculine presence that I feel threatened by in some way.
I have to say the stuff you're posting only after 11 days is wild. Makes me lean towards running OGSF sooner rather than later. Not interested in the crying stuff though, as liberating as it may have been.
My focus for the last few months has been connecting with my emotions and true nature. So the crying was significant and important for me. This is coming from someone who couldn't cry up until recently.
I used to think all I was missing was confidence, then I thought I needed to be an Alpha male, then I realised I was just saying the 'right' things, walking the 'right' way and I was just pretending to be this Alpha male out of fear that I wasn't ok the way I am. This was my self rejection. So I went inwards and found that shame guilt and fear are at the core of my issues.
Watching this forum has taught me the importance of a strong foundation and a clean slate to build from. I want to run this program for 6 months and hopefully ASC 6G is out by then. Run that one for 6 months as well
Today was a rollercoaster of emotions. I'm starting to see how my a lot of my anger is a mask for my more vulnerable emotions and fears. Right now I feel so worthless and unlovable. I'm feeling so lonely, angry at the state of the world and all this bullshit we are fed, and seeing garbage on the ground, so much shit on the ground, makes me so angry. I've been listening consistently everyday for 12 - 18 hours. It feels like my subconscious is going through a bit of a rough ride. Its bittersweet; at least I know its working but damn it hurts
(02-10-2016, 02:02 AM)bliss Wrote: [ -> ]Today was a rollercoaster of emotions. I'm starting to see how my a lot of my anger is a mask for my more vulnerable emotions and fears. Right now I feel so worthless and unlovable. I'm feeling so lonely, angry at the state of the world and all this ***** we are fed, and seeing garbage on the ground, so much shit on the ground, makes me so angry. I've been listening consistently everyday for 12 - 18 hours. It feels like my subconscious is going through a bit of a rough ride. Its bittersweet; at least I know its working but damn it hurts
@
Bliss
This is not a race. Why the hurry to fix yourself? The brain needs some "ME" time to process this new information. We all have 24 hours in one day. Listen for 12 and let your brain sort it out. Turn off the subliminal for 12 hours and enjoy the process.
The technology used in this subliminal OGSF is designed to make the process of change smooth and painless.
(02-10-2016, 08:42 AM)4Kingdoms Wrote: [ -> ]The brain needs some "ME" time to process this new information. We all have 24 hours in one day. Listen for 12 and let your brain sort it out. Turn off the subliminal for 12 hours and enjoy the process.
Totally agree, here. I don't follow the "more is better," belief with subliminals either. The script needs quality processing time to execute. Giving the brain a rest 3 hours per day just isn't going to do it (or, 6 hours, in this case).
(02-10-2016, 08:53 AM)RTBoss Wrote: [ -> ] (02-10-2016, 08:42 AM)4Kingdoms Wrote: [ -> ]The brain needs some "ME" time to process this new information. We all have 24 hours in one day. Listen for 12 and let your brain sort it out. Turn off the subliminal for 12 hours and enjoy the process.
Totally agree, here. I don't follow the "more is better," belief with subliminals either. The script needs quality processing time to execute. Giving the brain a rest 3 hours per day just isn't going to do it (or, 6 hours, in this case).
I have been coming to the same conclusion lately, although from the other side of the fence. Since starting out with these subs 1 3/4 years ago I have been doing 16-21 hours a day, often around the upper end. It takes a toll on you in the form of increased resistance. In the long run you tend to see results from a sub only after you stopped running that particular program.
At least in my case it also makes me prone to sub-jumping. So less listening and more instant processing every day seems the sustainable long-term strategy to subs.
(02-10-2016, 09:45 AM)Raz Wrote: [ -> ] (02-10-2016, 08:53 AM)RTBoss Wrote: [ -> ] (02-10-2016, 08:42 AM)4Kingdoms Wrote: [ -> ]The brain needs some "ME" time to process this new information. We all have 24 hours in one day. Listen for 12 and let your brain sort it out. Turn off the subliminal for 12 hours and enjoy the process.
Totally agree, here. I don't follow the "more is better," belief with subliminals either. The script needs quality processing time to execute. Giving the brain a rest 3 hours per day just isn't going to do it (or, 6 hours, in this case).
I have been coming to the same conclusion lately, although from the other side of the fence. Since starting out with these subs 1 3/4 years ago I have been doing 16-21 hours a day, often around the upper end. It takes a toll on you in the form of increased resistance. In the long run you tend to see results from a sub only after you stopped running that particular program.
At least in my case it also makes me prone to sub-jumping. So less listening and more instant processing every day seems the sustainable long-term strategy to subs.
Absolutely what I've been thinking about today! I also tend to gravitate towards doing a lot of hours, all of them on headphones. The feeling of heaviness and resistance grows so slowly I can't quite notice it, and then I'll still sort of think "nah, I can take this, it'll ease up soon".
When starting subs I tend to have a strong initial reaction, but as time goes on I'll eventually reach a point where its completely like nothing is happening. I guess I'm just stonewalling it at that point. This just happened to me with ASC, and I've been thinking about the whole day. And I was thinking I'm probably doing too much and the tiredness started to grow, but I thought I'll overwhelm to resistance with increased hours.
On both of my AM runs I've felt this, and still done it. On SM3 I started out with less hours (12 or so, because I thought I'm doing clearing too so I need the rest).. then I was convinced to stop the extra activities and upped my hours to max --> feeling like nothing's happening for the rest of the program.
So more hours --> less results --> more hours --> less results --> ..
Will correct myself, thanks.
Are you guys using the masked or ultrasonic track, or both? And if both, for how long each?
For me its Stream at night (sleep phones), then I'll alternate between masked and ultrasonic during the day, except only ultra when I need to listen to something. Started out with only masked during the day, and I've done only ultra during the day. Don't think it matters too much, to me at least.
Oh, and I was thinking about this today because I just got a lot of my ASC results back after 2-3 days on OGSF (=off the sub).