Subliminal Talk

(01-14-2016, 01:58 AM)LionKing Wrote: [ -> ]OF and ASC have clearly been more effective/fast-acting than the multi-stages.

So clearing the GSF effectively beforehand would allow for less overall resistance during the multistages.

Absolutely, single stages will appear to have more effect than multi-stages. Because they're hitting on one issue, as opposed to hundreds. So, more gets done with that issue, and the results are easier to see because you're only looking for one thing.

And I agree, clearing issues like GSF will allow the multi-stages to be far more effective. Even though they have OGSF in them, and OF in the case of WM2. That's why I'm doing OF before my next multistage runs and loving it. It's a smart choice. Make it as easy as possible for multi-stages, to do their job. The less resistance they have to fight in order to do their job, the better. I may even do OF5G as well before starting AM6 and SM3 again, depending on how much longer it takes to be made. I don't want to leave my AM6 foundation and SM3 snowflakes too much longer without building on them. Even though I've done massive hours on both programs, I am a bit concerned about fade.

Catman, I thought you were going to do 6 months of OFxG? Actually what I meant with the multistages was that maybe because OGSF/EPRHA is present there will generally be a good deal of resistance to what they are bringing up, so maybe the other, e.g. ASC, programming has a harder job in a way because the mind is more (often) in a state of resistance. Like if said something to piss you off first and then offered you a candy, you might refuse it because you think that might be poison, too. So, again maybe maybe maybe, doing OGSF beforehand would lead to the OGSF component producing less resistance during the multi stage. Like you mentioned that all you got from SM3 was GSF-related dreams. So, why did seeming only that particular piece of programming take obvious effect, while the rest seemed to get stonewalled? Maybe because fear is very important to the subconscious, so if fear is brought up, it will focus on it and resist it, and be in less-than-receptive state to other programming. But I know this is guesswork and doesn't really help; O(GS)F beforehand is going to help anyway.

ION: I'm really liking ASC atm! Full disclosure, I have some AV right now as I'm testing that too, but I'm really really really (really) liking this confidence thing! I was just at a social thing and sort of had this feeling like the lights were turned on this time, compared to how it's been before. Its like years ago when I was always drunk at clubs, I had this feeling like the lights were turned on when I went in sober instead. Now its like I can look at people's faces and say or gesture what's on my mind more freely, whereas usually I guess I just mostly look at empty spaces and take in the faces more from my side vision than from the center. And, I interacted with a specific type of woman that I always seem to think I'm "not good enough" for, and all she did was giggle and drift closer :D Though that's not ASC, but I think ASC allowed it to happen.

I'd like to take this opportunity to make this without any reason whatsoever. Like the 5 facebook comments I just wrote. lol, feeling good.

EDIT: Oh, yes, erection were affected from day 1. They be firmer now. Upright like a soldier.

I was...but OF5G is taking months and months longer than it was going to be. I remember one post WAY back where it was going to "be done in the next few days" lol. So yeah, I'm doing OF4G alongside OP4G, and have done runs of OPA4G and SM4G in the meantime. And I may not even need it by the time it comes out. I have to balance my want for it, with making sure I keep pressure on AM6 and SM3 and don't allow them to fade, as it's been over a year since I started AM6. Shannon has recommended one run of a multi-stage annually minimum, for the first 3 years. So, already, I'm past that and it's about 1.25 years. I don't want it to go much further before rerunning.

That's what I meant.

Day 12

I don't care... I love it!

I don't care... I love it!

Love it! Yeah!

*While Tindering away, talking about hand jobs*

Day 13

Felt like playing Mighty Wings and Danger Zone on repeat the whole morning. Otherwise kinda normal.

----------

Day 15

"I'm gonna take you right into the... Danger Zone" I am so tired of that song playing in my head for three days now. Apparently my subconscious thinks ASC = Top Gun. Well. At least its not Burt Reynolds.

The last few days I've been settling back to "normal", it feels. Not going for the eye contact so aggressively anymore, thought it comes up every now and again. I was almost thinking all the effects suddenly went away, but thinking about it I have been making more practical plans of actually going to do this and that on some day this week or the next. And today I got really excited about a trip to Asia that I'll hopefully get to go on early this summer. Felt good to be that excited and talk my MTLR into it with me. I felt inspired/inspiring. Started 2 new hobbies and switched the gym to home calisthenics for a month or two. Overall a little more action and a little less worry. So far so good then. No anger atm.

There have been some times when I've felt "tight" in the chest/neck/head area mostly, and meditating on those feelings has helped to dissolve that. Haven't done any special releasing work other than that. Still doing Wim Hof Method (week 9), and the breathings it calls for.

Day 17

Quite tired. At work, there's a situation where a partner hasn't done their job and is trying to make it look like it was our fault. My colleagues want to just let it go, but I'm pushing that we make our statement very clear and precise to make sure there's no room for him to twist things in his favor. Pisses me of, but I'm not obsessing over it or anything. The trip to Asia is not going to happen, conflicting schedules. Well, something smaller then.

-----------------------------

Day 20

I've been noticing that I smile a little more. For example, on the bus home from work I was a little stressed and looked around me and such. There were 1 or 2 women that I'd say were good looking, but they seemed distant (busy, avoidant, stressed) as usual. Anyway, closed my eyes just to relax and meditate and when the tension starts clearing there's.. well, just a joy of some sort that starts to take over. Its not uncommon. So at some point I'll open my eyes and realize the girl I'd noticed before (who I thought looked sad almost) is looking right at me with a slight smile on her face. Very strong and relaxed eye contact. I must've been smiling to myself, so I guess she joined me, but I was so surprised I only held it for a few seconds and then slowly turned my head to look out the window, as a reflex. And then when I looked back she looked the same as before: stressed, maybe a little sad. I know this is nothing, but it was sort of this weird dissonance thing again where I though I must've been dreaming just a second ago.

I sometimes go to dance classes as well, and there ASC has been noticeable because everything feels easier than before and its quite natural to be pushing and pulling girls this way and that. Its like "Yeah I know this, just go there. *push push push* Good. Stay."

Today I've been really interested in Stress Relief. I read what I could find and then I even played it for maybe 2 hours, just to see if I'd get the initial feeling of it. And I did: sort of like after a massage and that "ah oh my god yes, I can finally let go of all that". Then when I switched back to ASC, maybe the feeling is more I'd just accomplished something, like I'd just won the olympics and I'm traveling home.

While testing SR I realized that I can't really even vision what my life would be like without stress. That's a little alarming, I think. If I put of the lens of "stress" and start looking at my life and how I life it, then it becomes pretty clear that stress is... well its what I do, its my primary job and how I "solve" things. I'm currently in this mess where I spend a lot of time by myself and I just can't seem to make decision about what I should do with my life, or even with my day. Feels like everything is just wasting time, like no decision is good enough because I should be doing something better, more useful, more meaningful, or just general stress that it wouldn't go well. That's why I'm doing ASC. OF didn't sound right because I'm not exactly scared. But stress and negativity in SR, those sound like they hit the nail on the head exactly. For example, I'm very identified with having very little social stamina (although its a lot better now than it used to be). That's because it gets stressing after a while, I start straining which increased the stress and then I'll get tired and still try to resist it. I guess that's a definition of introversion, but still. Sometimes I'll have nothing to do, I'll think about calling someone up, but it feels stressful so I won't do it. Lame. Seems like ASC and SR are very similar in how they operate, sort of flip sides of the same coin. ASC being more aggressive and ego-driven, more alpha, whereas SR could be more accepting, relaxed, positive. Passive, not sure in the long run? I could see SR getting me very sensual (relaxed + sexual) with the ladies, whereas ASC is more of a direct-hit dominant effect. But maybe its straining and resisting more than SR, which would make it build on an unstable foundation. ffaux if you happen to read this rant, feel free to comment.

I though SR must be somewhat close to tapping. I stress a lot about wanting something. And then when tapping you feel the tension in your body and mind, and then you let it go. So the results would be something like in "Tapping for PUAs", where you have the figure where the guy has cleared all the red negative/stressing beliefs out and even a normal level of positive beliefs is enough for him to take action. ASC maybe builds you up a little more and then you push through with more force and momentum.

ION: I reached out to an old fb of mine and it seems I'll be going to spend a weekend with her in a couple weeks. It seems Natious is right: all you need to do is ASC.

EDIT: Oh right, I seem to be a little more comfortable with phone calls.

EDIT2: Elliot Hulse's stuff seems to line up with that bit of SR / releasing body tension (LINK)

EDIT3: But ASC still seems viable. Increasing confidence should lead to more positive and safe experiences and those should lead to an increased ability to take risks. So, it should move (restore) my comfort zone further, and that should also help with this helplessness I've been feeling lately (hard to success at work / in the job market, etc.). I have noticed some evidence of increased risk taking, not its just a matter of giving it time.

Day 22

Progressing still. Stress has been coming up a lot, or rather I'm very aware of it. On one hand I'm sure it was because I was reading about SR and thus noticed how prone to stress I am, and on the other hand it could be resistance. Stressed is not absolutely confident, so it makes sense ASC should help let some of that go too. I'm taking the active measures I can: I bought some theta/alpha binaurals that I'll be listening on most days. One hobby I started is also a lot about relaxing. And then I'm reading into stuff related to bioenergetics and I'm doing the weird mouth-open-hand-up-lean-back stretches Elliot Hulse showed on the video I linked to in the previous post.

I noticed I was very comfortable spending time with my special lady. I guess there's some low-level amount of self-doubt or anxiety/stress that's usually present, because now I noticed its absence. I was very relaxed, secure. And today I was in new group of people, did something stupid that no one else saw, and intentionally announced it called the whole group's attention to it. I was surprised that my eye contact and strong & relaxed, my voice was resonant and I was feeling calm. Then I got a little wary of "am I being too aggressive?", and then thought "how can I be this relaxed, can I?" and then I quickly lost it. I'll sort of have glimpses like this, but then doubt it and its gone. But this is good. Its exactly what my brain needs: new positive reference experiences. I gather enough of these and the mind starts expecting it, and then it's mission accomplished.

Having very violent dreams. Often in the most violent, or most scary, dreams I'll sort of now that its not real: usually I'll think that I'm playing a very realistic video game. Last last I was thinking: "Damn, this game is really, REALLY violent!".

Really enjoying reading your journal. Seeing lots of similarities, how it started and the glimpses. Some days may be rough but coming out on the other side is gold. Have to remind myself of that at times.

Day 24

Wow. Sure I've been nodding my head reading folks like Kol and Natious, alpha360 write about ASC, but its something else to experience it. Its like: sure, I was expecting to be confident, but I wasn't expecting THAT! :D Its.. well, its no limits, its openness, its vulnerability. Dominance. I'm guessing that's what Kol meant when he said "eye contact just is", because I felt that it was just this living thing that came into existence and then was gone as the moment passed. No meaning for it really needed, or words either.

I am looking at people more again. Half of it is testing myself, but there's also just curiosity and wanting to connect a bit. If I see a hot girl on line or something I've starting to just check them out a lot more, and I'll actually become pretty aroused in 1 or 2 seconds. So there's some shame and such block that have been worked on, or that are now being ignored by the confidence focus.

One thing I've been meaning to report: I'm singing now! This is something that's always been very hard for me to do if anyone's around, but the last time I saw my girl I was singing quietly to myself every once in a while (never happened before), and today I was just doing that on the streets in the city center. No karaoke for me still, but.. yeah.

Also, I know that I've been more confrontational, but I just realized looking back that I've really put the brakes on hard at work towards this one person. Only now I realized that he is actually way my superior and the stand I've taken is so harsh that it'd be really weird if I tried to go back on it. But he is trying to make other people look bad so he wouldn't look so bad himself, so someone should point it out. Its just that usually I would've played it safe, and now there's a risk I'm wrong at something. But I am, I will be the first to admit it.

Stress levels have been through the roof these last days. Mostly I've been going through this endless loop of ASC vs. SR, but its more than that. And a lot of that, even, is probably not really about choosing subs. Anger, feeling like an animal in a cage sometimes, yes. Frustrated, like I'm going to explode at times. Neck is really tense, but I've been doing a lot of handstand push ups and such. But even with all this.. I'm not as tired as usually on the way back home from work. Even though stress is spiking at work. Weird. Maybe I'm just so wired. Only today did I feel a pretty good release in the evening.

A part of me doubts ASC as being childish in a way. As in aiming at a person who's only looking out for himself and does so at other's expense. Someone who doesn't connect with anyone. But I guess that's resistance = old beliefs, because I think I'd actually have a lot more to give. Definitely see how ASC could make you some enemies, but also how powerful it can you make you for good if you choose your company right. Interesting.

I'm still somewhat trapped inside the house. If I dropped all of this thinking and stress, reading, everything, then I'd have some time to actually do things even on days like this when I don't have any hobbies. I'm starting to get intrigued how this new-found confidence would manifest itself at the club, but I feel like I'd still be putting a great deal of pressure on myself to perform. Getting there, one way or another.

EDIT: I've never dealt with anger much before. I've always thought of myself as a very calm person. But now that someone mentioned it, I am seeing that a lot of stress is often based on anger. And of course I've always tried to ignore or resist the stress that I seem to store quite a lot of, so I guess anger has been present in some form, but repressed. So this could be important to look into.

72 Days left of 92 Days

Oh, OF 5G is out. Cool. But at this moment there's absolutely no doubt in my mind that ASC is my sub. I feel I like been dragged through hell today, but on some level I've enjoyed every second of it. Very clear and absolutely obvious results on confidence, despite that my upper chest, neck and face have been so tight the whole day I thought many times I won't be able to socialize with this much tension.

So tons of resistance, but I don't really see it resistance, as something bad. Its just that I have so much fear, doubt, etc, and now I have the chance to face it. I would've gladly faced them before but its like I didn't know how. Like you're inside a car and you're supposed to turn it, but there's no steering wheel. Now on ASC its like I've gotten on a train that goes through the House of Horrors. Like ASC is taking over my body and I'm acting very confidently and making connections, and there's the old me inside just looking at what's happening and he's experiencing all the fear of doing it, while the body is busy being confident. Just a little shock therapy. That's cool. Yes, count me in.

Something I've encountered is a fear of success. I think the sub is setting me up to become this larger-than-life persona that is very visible, very opinionated, speaks his mind, and people trust him because he's so strong and secure. The fear is that what if become someone like that, how will I be able to maintain it? What if I change subs and become weaker for some other reason, will everyone just eat my alive when I don't have that strength anymore? But yeah, its just a fear. Its based on this assumption that having confidence is a struggle and requires this massive effort to keep it up. But I hope this will not be the case in the end.

I set the countdown for 96 days, but right it seems very likely I'll do 192. But I'll leave it for now and check again around day 64.

This is how people look when I talk now (except for the frightened children lol). All eyes on me.

Quote:but its something else to experience it. Its like: sure, I was expecting to be confident, but I wasn't expecting THAT! Its.. well, its no limits, its openness, its vulnerability. Dominance.

THIS sounds awesome! Sure I got some confidence from AM6 but nothing like this. During WM I feel more 'natural' but it still doesn't sound anything like you're talking about.

It makes me want to do ASC at some stage. I wonder how the 4g version would go combined with OF.

You know, I'm sure there a million reasons for why that could be, but in my case how AM feels is just nothing almost. There are some effects but its more like you're just casually walking around, maybe a bit foggy, doing what you do and maybe at some point you'll notice that hey, maybe this room I'm in now is a little different than before... maybe? Like the grey color of the wall is little bit lighter than I remember it, but maybe its the lighting.. On ASC it feels more you're walking along with a good, normal pace, and someone's pushing you forward to walk faster. Well not exactly, but the effect is much, much clearer for me. Maybe I'll be able to benefit more from the multi-stages after some time on ASC. And I'm sure some of that AM/SM/WM programming is coming out now as well. I fucking hope so.

Hardly got any sleep last night. I have a lot of trouble calming down, its like even at home late in the evening I'm just pumped. I don't really get anything productive done, but I'll do body weight exercises and such because I can't quite hold still. Last night I was clearly processing something and thinking of various possibilities that I could do, and of succeeding in things.

Talking loudly and I feel I'm much more expressive even when tired, but I can't force it. Yesterday I noticed it, then tried to more and it sucked. Then relaxed and just naturally went back to that good state.

I'm also clearly taking a more proactive attitude towards things and taking more action. Looking good.

I have gotten very clear female interest: repeated long looks, and 2 or 3 times I've been pretty sure they're making a clear effort to be in my very near vicinity, without making it clear to be. But these are in more relaxed social situations. During the day, mostly I'll just see that other people are not confident-enough for that. Everyone's looking down and not making contact or smiling with anyone. A lot of people just evade any chance of discomfort and get their phones out, disconnecting from the situation entirely and making it look like they're doing something important.

I now its completely ridiculous, but the way to know if I'm in that ASC state is if the Top Gun soundtrack is playing in my head. Ridiculous.

(01-29-2016, 12:27 AM)Benjamin Wrote: [ -> ]It makes me want to do ASC at some stage. I wonder how the 4g version would go combined with OF.

Geodude reported that OF + ASC 4G was too much resistance in his journal, but I don't know.