I haven't been updating this journal for a while. I'm on a bus right now, and I have time to do it, so I'll do it.
I found out that there's no greater priority in my life right now than to improve my game. Oneitis wasn't gone completely, it's there whenever I see the girl. I grew so dissatisfied with my job and the uncomfortable lifestyle I have in this town that I explicitly told my boss in an Alpha way, "This place no longer suits me, I have to explore my life." He respects that, but personally, I don't feel like respecting him.
I went to a bootcamp of a famous pickup mentor in this country, and after the 3rd night game, he told me straight, "At first, I saw nothing attractive in you, and it seems you did not change a little. Love yourself man." That kinda hurts.
I lost in a week all the mass I gained from months working out in the gym and eating well (note that I'm really very thin). I went back to habitual fapping, though I know I shouldn't be doing it. My life isn't in anyway great right now--game, job, business--but I have so much hope for the near future.
(01-16-2016, 08:27 AM)alden Wrote: [ -> ]I haven't been updating this journal for a while. I'm on a bus right now, and I have time to do it, so I'll do it.
I found out that there's no greater priority in my life right now than to improve my game. Oneitis wasn't gone completely, it's there whenever I see the girl. I grew so dissatisfied with my job and the uncomfortable lifestyle I have in this town that I explicitly told my boss in an Alpha way, "This place no longer suits me, I have to explore my life." He respects that, but personally, I don't feel like respecting him.
I went to a bootcamp of a famous pickup mentor in this country, and after the 3rd night game, he told me straight, "At first, I saw nothing attractive in you, and it seems you did not change a little. Love yourself man." That kinda hurts.
I lost in a week all the mass I gained from months working out in the gym and eating well (note that I'm really very thin). I went back to habitual fapping, though I know I shouldn't be doing it. My life isn't in anyway great right now--game, job, business--but I have so much hope for the near future.
Hang in there man! Just get to hitting the gym and building your life. Even if at first you don't feel like doing full on workouts again, do little things like 10-20 pushups when you first wake up. Get in the habit of doing that and you'll want to do more.
And out of curiosity, which company/instructor did you do your bootcamp with? If I was ever going to do one, I'd go with RSD or Vercetti & Sterline from LoveSystems who teach natural game.
(01-16-2016, 11:11 AM)maxx55 Wrote: [ -> ]Even if at first you don't feel like doing full on workouts again, do little things like 10-20 pushups when you first wake up. Get in the habit of doing that and you'll want to do more.
Great idea maxx55, I can do 5x more pushups than that. And thanks for reminding, its now in my Habits app.
(01-16-2016, 11:11 AM)maxx55 Wrote: [ -> ]And out of curiosity, which company/instructor did you do your bootcamp with? If I was ever going to do one, I'd go with RSD or Vercetti & Sterline from LoveSystems who teach natural game.
The instructor was a good student of Mystery who has developed his own style. Everyone here knows RSD. We don't really care about the origin of a particular pickup style or the artist's inclination as long as they work. (Note that I'm not in the US
)
Too bad, my porn addiction and habitual masturbation came back. I'm really struggling. I woke up this morning and the very first thing I thought about was an erotic scene I watched many months ago. I fapped about 3 times because of that. Yeah, this Stage 1 is a real struggle. I don't even know if I'm doing it right.
Also, my voice got weaker and I saw my posture slouching.
Nice, you're into pick up too. How long have you been doing it for, just outta curiosity? I'll be subbing to your thread in return.
By the way, that's a messed up thing to say to a student that he saw nothing attractive about you. I had two different mentors in my time. I left both of them, because neither were very good coaches. The second one was a little harsh, and said something similar along those lines too, but I had no personality and that all he sees is a shell. The truth is that every time I was around him, he was overly dominant and would tell me off if I didn't do things right. It made me all stifled. I wasn't my true self when either of the coaches were training me. Leaving them was the best decision I've ever made. I started doing pick up on my own, hanging out with my wings, saying whatever I wanted to say to girls without any scripted nonsense. My true personality came out and I was killing it with getting a lot of dates. I honestly believe now that having the wrong coaches can actually stunt our progress.
(01-21-2016, 06:50 PM)wolverine_i_am Wrote: [ -> ]Nice, you're into pick up too. How long have you been doing it for, just outta curiosity? I'll be subbing to your thread in return.
Thanks brother! Your positivity motivates me. I've been doing pickup for almost 5 months, but the logistics of my life living in this very remote town leaves me with very little chance to practice my pickup skills. I'm quitting my job today so I can move to a better place, so I can improve on my game.
(01-21-2016, 06:50 PM)wolverine_i_am Wrote: [ -> ]By the way, that's a messed up thing to say to a student that he saw nothing attractive about you. I had two different mentors in my time. I left both of them, because neither were very good coaches. The second one was a little harsh, and said something similar along those lines too, but I had no personality and that all he sees is a shell. The truth is that every time I was around him, he was overly dominant and would tell me off if I didn't do things right. It made me all stifled. I wasn't my true self when either of the coaches were training me.
I could relate so much to this. Being harsh as a coach could work to some students, but in my case, what he told me added more to the insecurities I've been working so hard to erase. I thanked him though for his brutal honesty, though I was also thinking that's how he do his sales pitch so I would take his more expensive bootcamp. In fairness though, he's a real good pickup artist and I learned things from him.
I woke up this morning, and my heart feels like it's heading itself to sadness. Oh negative thoughts! I guess my thoughts are around that girl, who was my oneitis... how we're going separate ways, how other guys might fool around with her, how she needs someone like me who's gonna love her and be loyal to her... Oh man, I need to meditate. I will edit this in 30 minutes.
EDIT: My game, my body and my money---they're all I have. I must love them more than anyone else. I must take care of them and focus all my attention in making them better... Happiness is a decision, not a destination.
I make good plans, but often, real circumstances do not synchronize with my plans, and that makes things more difficult. I quit my job yesterday, and while I am making these transitions, I could see that the chance for me to practice my pickup skills will become less frequent. I hope I could do it at least once a week.
I and some acquaintances agreed that we're going to another province tomorrow to hone our pickup skills. It seems that's the only chance I have for this week. But today, my friend texted me to say, they couldn't make it and the plan is postponed.
I hope I could practice alone, but at this low point, I really need some friends to keep my vibes up. As a last resort, I called another acquaintance, who is not the most fun to hang out with, to ask if we could sarge together. Now, it seems he also does not want me as his sarge mate.
I wish I could control circumstances... At this point, it seems that the "friends manifestation" is not yet happening. Come on, I should not stay in this hut forever doing paper works! I kinda feel paralyzed, but these are just negative thoughts...
EDIT: That would be great then! I have this weekend to look for a job
Good luck with the reallocating! It'll definitely help a lot once you move to a more suitable location.
Coaches DO need to be harsh in terms of pushing their students to do things they don't want. But they really shouldn't say things that offend the students. That's the problem with a lotta them. And yes, both of my former coaches were good at pick up too, but it doesn't make them good teachers.
In that case, he's not the right mentor for me... I will keep on improving my skills. Something says within me, I can do this, I am the one...
(01-23-2016, 06:36 AM)alden Wrote: [ -> ]In that case, he's not the right mentor for me... I will keep on improving my skills. Something says within me, I can do this, I am the one...
Keep it up. It's a healthy mindset to have knowing you have what it takes. I was so bad at the beginning too, but I had the adamant belief that I have something special. My persistence led me to many fun adventures.
I have not done an account of where I'm coming from. I feel like procrastinating tonight, but since I already made a commitment to guard my thoughts and habits against anything that doesn't help me reach my goals, I'll do it instead.
When you have finished using this incredible program [AM6], you will:
Have let go of any negative self image, attitudes, thoughts and beliefs about yourself. I currently have a lot of these shits. (rating: 3)
Have a powerful, positive sense of self respect, self esteem, self image and self worth. I kinda have this at present. I have so much ego. I believe I'm so important. (rating: 8)
Have unshakable self confidence. There's a lot of work to be done. I have to improve my very thin and small physique. (rating: 2)
While writing this, I saw how I'm consciously changing the word "need" and "want" to "have", "seek", or anything that does not remind me of my neediness. That's good and that shows my loyalty to my commitment to guard my head against negative thoughts.
Be unaffected by rejection. My ultimate self would be that man who does not get affected by any failure, whose emotions are numb to rejection. (rating: 4)
Treat women as people to enjoy the company of, without taking them too seriously, needing them, or being easily upset by them. I'm making progress on this, but there's still a lot of work to be done. (rating: 3.5)
Have released expectations towards women, which often lead to bad choices, actions, attitudes, thinking and responses. Oh AM6, save me from this! (rating: 1.75)
Be self sufficient and self reliant mentally, emotionally and otherwise. I kinda lived this way for a decade and half. Emotionally though, when I mess up, kill me, I really mess up. (rating: 6.75)
No longer be, or come across to others as “needy”. I'm working on this, but I may still come out as that fake it till you make it kind of non needy guy. (rating: 6.75)
Take good care of yourself, your hygiene and your appearance, not just because you want to be attractive to beautiful women, but because it makes you feel good about yourself. I quit my job in the mountains so I could improve on this. (rating: 4.5)
Be able to effortlessly approach any woman you want – and the more attractive you find her, the easier it will be. Well, I don't have approach anxiety, but I'm kinda needy when I really like that 20-year old Lolita standing beside that bookshelf. (rating: 6)
Be selective about whom you spend your time with, and which women you give your time, interest and affections to. I'm practicing pickup, do I need this? (rating: 4.25)
Exude an aura of confidence, commanding presence and authority, which gets you respect, attention and obedience. Everyone tends to respect me too conventionally, I don't like that though. I want respect from equals, not from those who make me feel I'm way too mature for them. (rating: 5.5)
Exude an aura of sexiness that makes you much more attractive to the beautiful women you encounter. The more beautiful they are, the more attracted and interested they will be. I love this. I just seek a sexiness... that leads to sex. (rating: 5.25)
Have a Zen attitude, which keeps you calm when other guys would lose control, thus demonstrating your self control and mastery of the situation – an Alpha male trait. Presently, I'm always like this--probably because I still have money. (rating: 8)
Display graceful, confident body language, which broadcasts your power and dominance to all, but especially females (for whom body language is a very important way of communicating, and thus determining the men they are interested in). It still only comes out with conscious effort. (rating: 5.75)
Display the attitude, thinking, actions and speech patterns of an Alpha Male. I won't use AM6 if I'm not struggling with these. (rating: 2.5)
No longer seek approval from others, nor be concerned with what they think of you or what you do or say. I've been this way for almost a decade, and I'm proud, though I don't see others care about that. (rating: 9)
Be your own man, who does what he wants, when he wants, how he wants, where he wants. Well, I'm not at the low-end here. Never will I be! Kiss your own ass, boss! (rating: 7)
Be in control when dealing with women, and especially beautiful women or women you are interested in. I don't have much experience to see how I measure up. I'm scripting my actions though for when the dates come by loads. (rating: 4)
Be entirely unconcerned about “getting the girl” or achieving sexual interaction, which will make the ladies perceive you as higher status, higher value, and more worthy of both. Well, this might be hard. Sex is a high priority. (rating: 2)
Be easily able and willing to walk away from people and situations you don’t like, and TELL HER NO — whether it’s to her asking for sex or anything else. Well, that's in my dreams. But when it comes to telling that sexy sweet girl no, particularly to her asking for sex and say she's here in my room now, my imagination gets quite blurry this time. (rating: 6)
Be in complete control of yourself and your environment, and YOU will be the one who controls when, how, and with whom you have sex. Oh, that's where I seek to go. (rating: 3.5)
Develop and display a fantastic sense of humor, which will make you socially popular and attractive to others, especially beautiful women. I actually could not rate myself accurately here. Most people though see me as serious. (rating: 3.75)
Shit, somebody's here talking to me, and I can't make him go. I can't make him stop talking. He's speaking of negativities! I want to protect myself, but he just doesn't stop. Go away man! Can't you see I'm doing something?
Be entirely comfortable in social situations of any type, whether they are familiar to you or not. That's why I'm doing pickup, but I still don't have much experience to test how I handle all sorts of social situation. (rating: 4.25)
Be a better, higher and more refined quality of man. That's our goal right? All of us. (rating: 3)
Let's stop here. This guy beside me is hopeless!
EDIT: Would you believe that guy talked about the possibility of crimes happening here, while I've been doing my best to clear my mind of negativities? He just sprang on my right side. I don't even know who he is. He then went on demonstrating his knowledge about fiber optics. He couldn't be stopped from talking. My body language was so obvious, I didn't want to listen to him. That guy should learn pickup. I said I'm done then I went away.
I'm seriously monitoring my thoughts and emotions as a personal commitment. Just a tip in using language, if you want to eliminate NEEDINESS from your system, reduce the use of the words "want" and "need" in your sentences, whether you say them aloud or to yourself. Moreover, if you want (edit:
if you have) to forget something that causes you heartache, probably a person or an experience, do not use the word "this" to refer to such person or circumstance, use the word "that" or "those" instead. When you say "this", the person or experience feels near and more real, whereas when you say "that", it feels like it's faraway.
Just discovered it while logging my emotions. It's helping me
EDIT: Some HR guy called me today for an initial interview. I want (edit:
I plan) to work at home, but I don't have the equipment, the phone cable, and the renovated home office yet. He said I have to set it up first before they process my application. I said, I could set it up in two weeks, but could they have me pass their application process first? The response was negative... That got me feeling afraid. It seems I have to take some risk to get a work at home job. But I could not gamble all my cash savings for an unsure job. Now this job-hunting seems a little harder than I thought it will be. Well, I have to keep going.