(05-20-2011, 09:01 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ] (05-15-2011, 06:05 PM)spiritman Wrote: [ -> ]Shannon, I have a week before I start stage 3 of AM. Since the 12, I have the urge to want to get started on stage 3. Is it normal a week before you start the next stage to want to move on even though you know it is not time yet? Thanks
Yes. I get that too. I wanted to start Stage 5 a week before I should have, but I forced myself to do it right. Started Stage 5 on the 20th instead.
Shannon, ronatello and K-Train, I agree and understand/agree with what you're all saying. I just finished stage 2 yesterday, and now I am starting stage 3 today. I have to say for the last week of stage 2, I was getting pissed off and to the point of telling people to f^ck off. It was mostly with women I work with at my job. They really try their best to try and use me. They want me to do something for them when they could have done it. I then put them on the spot about it, and they just give me some bs answer. However, deep inside of me, it was really pissing me off. It took everything in me not to go off on them.
I noticed that I am standing up for myself more and trying to detach from people putting me down or trying to push my buttons. I look forward to seeing what happens in stage 3 with how I deal with women/people trying to use me.
I am 12 days in on stage three, and so far I have noticed a few things. First, I am not as self conscious as I was, I can walk around and not really pay attention if people are looking at me. I am learning now to just be ok with who I am and not worry about if people are talking behind my back. Plus, today the girl at work must be noticing a difference as well. Mostly, because as she was getting ready to leave work, she walked by me and our eyes met.
When our eyes met, it was a whole different kind of look, and she had a big smile on her face. We have looked at each other in the eyes before, but I never saw or felt what happened today before. Furthermore, I was talking with another co-worker, when out of the corner of my eye, I caught her checking me out. However, she looked away real quick because she was walking the other direction. I just find it interesting that she is now starting to take notice and have more of an interest in me. Unlike before, it was me that was checking her out all the time, but now she wants to check me out more.
In a way I feel like I am giving off an aura that people must be feeling because I feel it when I am walking around at work. Plus, people are starting to show a bit more respect to me. They're not talking down to me as much, and are now calling me by my first name.
Rock on, man. Even on my down beat days when I'm not feeling it other people are (my aura that is). I have a powerful presence whether I feel like I do or not these days. Just do you though.. don't look into things more than you need to.
Ah! You caught her red-handed checking you out! lol. You should flirt with her next time it happens. I made this one up on the spot one time and it is great, "Hey, if you keep checking me out, I am going to have to start charging you!
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I am guilty beyond a reasonable doubt losing my temper nearly ever ends in a positive manner. Keep calm and level headed when people try anything disrespectful. I almost guarentee they will stop and possibly feel stupid for trying. Losing a job and/or burning a bridge isn't worth the small anger release. Kick-boxing is my reccommendation. Desroy the bag until you feel better. Or lift weights. Anything that relaxes you in a healthy way is always the best choice.
Let us know how it goes. Keep up the good work man!
Thanks for the advice Spiral. Jeff I will have to remember that next time I catch her checking me out. I have to say that I am starting to see very small progress with two main issues that I have been having for a LONG time. First issue is staying level headed in the heat of the moment in difficult situations. I would get nervous, shaky and or would tremble. The second one is learning to keep my mouth shut in the heat of the moment when I know that it won't do any good or benefit me in the long run.
Well, today I got pulled in the office for something, when my boss told me what it was about, I wanted to say something so bad. However, I just let the boss say what he wanted to say and didn't say anything. Mostly, because I knew he would come up with some excuse or try to put the blame on me. Which he has done that a few times, so I am learning from that. When he asked me a few questions, I could feel myself getting a bit nervous, but at the same time I could hold my own. I could feel a very tiny bit of shakiness, but I was able to keep it under control. I could hold decent eye contact, but it really took everything in me to keep quiet about what I wanted to say.
About the girl at work, I was doing some work when she came into my view. Right as she saw me, her face lit up like a Christmas tree. She had a big smile on her face. Our eyes connected but here is the interesting part that I just remembered. our eyes locked, it was for more than five seconds, and I wanted to look away. However, something in my mind told me to keep looking until she broke the eye contact, which she did.
I have a question for Shannon, without revealing too much in the AM program, when does having a Zen attitude take place within the program? The reason I asked is because I am currently two weeks into stage 3, and I can feel the small changes that I just described. They are small changes but the little things are starting to come together.
Speech, drama, debate, and improv classes are great ways to nail this. When I did improv long time ago my confidence soared. I could get up and talk about virtually anything while acting it out. I actually want to find some more classes before I leave for college.
Confidence and/ weight lifting should eliminate any form of shakyness or trembling. Part two is a lot more complex. You could try mixing it up. Make your point and look at them in silence. Hammer the details in and walk away. Or talk them to death lol.
I say you should take her out. Comedy clubs, the mall, pools, a club, a beautiful park, or a local starbucks would be perfect.
Jeff, I have been working out for a few weeks now, which has been helping me release any tension I might have. I have thought about asking her out but this to me is a very delicate situation. If I do ask her out, and she takes it the wrong way, it could lead to an awkward tension between us. On the other hand, it could lead to a sexual harassment complaint. So for now I am just testing the waters, taking my time letting the chips fall where they may. I will keep you guys posted if something happens. Until then, I will just enjoy the process the best I can.
The best way you could ask her is start asking her about what she usually enjoys for fun. She'll probably ask you as well. If she doesn't make sure to share something you like that can relate in some way what she likes. If it's comedy clubs, playing in the park, going to a club then great. If she reciprocates with some sort of interest then let her know the next time you are going out with your friends and invite her and her friends along. You could probably do this also if you mention you are only going alone. I guess this would only work if you've really sold yourself and she really likes you. She will either want to go with you alone and/or tell her friends how awesome you are and then you'll have a pack of wild women on your hands for a whole night. Then from there you can get her number or whatever. This way of asking her would be very comfortable for her and it is something she would enjoy.
Just be direct and tell her. "Hey I like you and I would like to get your number and maybe take you out sometime". If she says no, then fine, move on. If she says yes...Get her number, talk to her and tell her you want to take her out and which days you are free and if they work for her. That's it. Definitely don't go out with her and her girlfriends. Avoid girlfriends on the first date, they will either pull her away from communicating with you or will cock-block you, esp. if they don't like you. You def. don't want to have to entertain a group of girls all night.
Ryan
Or, you can tell her that it's a shame about sexual harassment being such a touchy issue because it really makes it hard for guys to express their interest in a woman they work with, and let her put the pieces together.
That way you will get the point across subtlely, and if she doesn't catch on, at least you can probe to find out what she's likely to do in such a situation.
Same here, just finished day one of P90X. That program is crazy. I thought I was in decent shape, but I couldn't even finish the first day!
Both ideas work, just do whatever works best for you. Personally I do Spiral's approach with a mix of Ryan's. Here is an example I use today. I told this girl I got an awesome new pair of swimming trunks, and that she should check them out by going to the water park with me on saturday. And she asked if pda was okay.
So see what works best for you. AM11 will make you step outside your comfort zone. I think a day at the waterpark would be great now, cause it is so hot and humid outside. Tell us how it goes.
That's a really good option, I hadn't thought of that. Wish I lived closer to the waterpark around here.
Thank you guys for all your input on this, very good advice that I will be taking in. Then I will decide how to proceed with this and let you guys know how things go. Does anyone have any good books and/or dvds on body language?
look up the body language project its a very good in depth ebook.
Good luck with that girl you work with spiritman.