Subliminal Talk

I can't say specifically what it means.. but sounds like something about fear.

I can say that the times during these programs i've woken up sweaty and fearful that i've noticed the next day it's cleared something and I feel better. When it happens i've learnt to just stay with it and allow it to be there at the time.

-Ben

Well I don't know if I feel any better or worse, really. Sure, I'm not frightened any more, but It seems like just another one of those steadily growing days. The serenity is definitely back from last week, and has been around for a couple days. Thought I should point that out.

YEAH! yeah! That sounds quite right about me. When I was very young, like 3-5, when my immediate environment got really stressful, I would dissociate from the situation, usually feeling like I was in a place in the wall looking at my body from the wall. From 5-13, I just learned to block out memories altogether so there's chunks of my life that are just missing from conscious recall.

So yes, yeah!. I can relate to what you're saying. Good way of looking at it, thanks for the interpretation.

Stage 2 Day 27

So I have been writing a lot that I'm ambivalent as to whether I'm experiencing what I am because of the subs or my own reality. It's only realistic and practical that the subs are giving me a huge boost in whatever growth I may currently be experiencing.

Where am I at now that I'm almost done with stage 2?
I'm still an ENFP, the results of which were confirmed on 2 different sources.

Almost finished with John Alexander's E-book. I did all the exercises in my personal journal (check out penzu.com , it's what I use) Signed up for e-harmony based on a suggestion in the e-book. Not sure if my money's well spent, but supposedly there's a lot of success on that site so I just joined. Let's see how it turns out.

Negative self talk is brought significantly down. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I still have it but it's nowhere near as bad as it used to be.

I'm feeling more firm in the way I think and talk and feel. The only way I can explain it is "solid". There's no room to be a broken person, but I'm far from perfect. I've had situations I've totally looked out for myself where in the past I would have been a door mat.

People turn to me for input or leadership in situations. I also feel more dependable and that people can count on me.

I started working out even though the excuses for not having enough time to go to the gym is still valid. I just squeezed some exercises into my down time, which leads me to the next point of discussion which is

Better utilization of down time. I'm always using my extra time for growth in some way or other.

Less care of what other people think because I simply can't let other people rent space in my head for free.

Stopped using nicotine altogether

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Something interesting that's been happening for the last couple weeks is that I keep getting tagged in 4 different girls' posts on facebook. They're either gratitude posts or funny posts or "hey what are we doing this weekend" type posts.

I'm so glad I don't have notifications on my phone facebook, otherwise it would be blowing up all day every day lol.

Stage 2 Day 28
​I had a dream where I was holding an opium poppy pod in my parents garden, and I was staring at the seeds inside, looking for a place to plant them so that I could harvest opium in the future. I called A over to help me take me to the trash can so I can dispose of the seeds so I don't plant them. Almost like I was incapable of throwing them away myself, so I had to call for backup. So she took my by the hand and escorted me to the trash to dispose of the pod.

Then we went upstairs and she gave me her e-cig to start puffing on so I was hitting the nicotine in my dream (and I felt it)! I also had a dream where there was crushed up pills in my dream, but my friend T vacuumed it up so I wouldn't be able to use it. lol.
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To add onto yesterday's list

-circle of friends manifestations seems to be in effect for sure. People who are around me for support and growth rather than use me for what I have.

-success manifestation - AM6 seems to be giving me more money making opportunities. I have gotten a better paycheck, and have a desire to talk to new clients and make sales more so than in the past

(03-05-2015, 10:35 AM)eternitys_child Wrote: [ -> ]Stage 2 Day 28
​-circle of friends manifestations seems to be in effect for sure. People who are around me for support and growth rather than use me for what I have.

-success manifestation - AM6 seems to be giving me more money making opportunities. I have gotten a better paycheck, and have a desire to talk to new clients and make sales more so than in the past

Exactly same experience with me. I'm still stage 1 though.

Hmm, for me stage one was more of like recognize the current pattern of behaviors I was exhibiting, and stage two is the actual expounding on it.

I remember questioning whether circle of friends was being manifesting in stage 1, because it seemed like it was! Thanks for confirming that it is for you too.

stage 2 day 29

I had a dream where I was taking photos of P as a new part time job. V (from my real life workplace) actually got me that job, and we just ended up playing n64 the whole time at work, after clocking in.

I also just found out that B's in the hospital, from like diabetic shock or something (Ketoacidosis). my first reaction was to arrange taking a meeting to her in the hospital. So we've arranged one at 8 pm so that she doesn't have to miss a meeting tonight.

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​stage 2 day 30

I had a fun dream last night. It was like one large event. At one time, I was getting down with a couple pornstars :-D

Later on, the dream ended up at my parents house. In my old room upstairs, there was a party going on, with a bunch of people dancing and crowding around the window, where the music was coming from (even though there were no speakers and no dj, it was coming from the window lol.) I walk in, and some people hand me a bottle of vodka that had one shot left in it, and I drank it. I remember feeling a little buzzed in the dream, it was pretty vivid. lol at least I can drink in my dreams and not have any consequences .

Later, my sponsor comes over to talk, and I make him wait outside for 10 minutes for some reason. then i end up going outside and we talk outside. As we were talking, I look up at the moon (it's broad daylight, like noon or something), and I see this blue guy on the moon looking down at us. I was contemplating who the blue guy would be - I was sure it was an alien, and then thought it was Shiva, the Hindu god of destruction who is always portrayed as a blue being. I was so surprised that I actually saw Shiva, and I ran inside to get a camera to take a picture of the blue guy but he hid in the backside of the moon. I remember aiming the camera from inside the house at the moon (through the ceiling....wtf) and waiting for the blue guy to return. He showed himself again and I snapped a few pictures to prove to the world I saw god LOL


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I was reading the sales page for AM6 again, and I saw that seek the challenge was in it. I'm attributing the quitting of tobacco to seek the challenge. I read the sales page for quit smoking, and that presented the tobacco addiction as a challenge that I was finally ready to take on. And I did! I wonder if the extra money I'm making is due to seek the challenge as well?

I'm 2 days shy of having the big guns aimed at me. Bring it on! I seek the challenge of heavy artillery instigating massive growth lol...

In retrospect over the past two months, I've changed a lot! Although if I haven't kept a journal, I don't think I would have noticed much improvement!!

IF YOU ARE READING THIS AND DO NOT HAVE A JOURNAL... START ONE NOW AND KEEP IT GOING!!!!! whether it's on this site or off the site, just keep one. I originally started my journal privately, but after having a discussion with maniac360, I decided to post it on here. I also saw fonzy had kept a journal to himself but decided to post it on here afterwards.

I don't see how people can possibly not notice any results from AM6. Unless the script for AM6 is perfectly congruent with whatever is going on in the minds of the user before using AM6, SOME changes should occur.

</rant>

These days at work when I'm talking to clients, I'm speaking in a much more confident manner. Every conversation is recorded, so I want to see if my boss can give me the recordings for one prior to starting am6 and one from the last day of stage 2 - the day after tomorrow.

stage 2 day 31

I had a dream last night that I was having sex with a virgin girl. I don't remember too much of the details of it, though I wish I did ;P

​I'm starting to see facebook as an extremely distracting part of life. Every time I'm on facebook, I notice negative self talk going through my head that really shouldn't matter. I see facebook as such bullshit. It's a distraction from reality. I just deactivated it. Maybe i'll reactivate it again in the future, but as of now I don't have a need for it.

"Approval seeking destruction"

Facebook is the epitome of approval seeking in my opinion.

People really are looking up to me as a leader. To prove that it isn't all in my head, I got asked to be a manager for the sober house I'm at. I took up the opportunity so I can give back to the house that helped get me sober and has offered me a chance to get structure in my life. Additional proof is that there was debate up in the air whether or not to kick out one of the guys for having 3 strikes, and everyone turned to me as the final decision maker. This guy has been messing up since day one, he never did his chores and always left his stuff everywhere leaving grown men having to pick up after him. I said that the only fair thing to do was to kick him out for 3 days, which is standard protocol for anyone who either drinks or gets high or gets 3 strikes. I got high in november and I had to leave for 3 days, so it's only fair that he suffer the consequences of his actions. He's had 3 strikes many times in the past, but the owners were always lenient with him and didn't have backbone in them to kick him out. the dude's not even a drug addict or alcoholic. he's a sex addict with nowhere to go. regardless, he's a loved one and has to live the same rules as the rest of us.

I don't think I would have felt as comfortable making the decision I did today if I hadn't been running AM6. I would have been able to make the same decision, but it would have been a guilty kind. But then again, if I hadn't been running AM6, I might not have been looked up to for the decision to begin with.

Also, I've been getting long looks from girls. One girl who I never even introduced myself to before smiled and waved at me and said hello after the meeting tonight. The looks and attention I'm getting from women is starting to feel sexually charged. Not necessarily brutally sexual, but there's a sexual feel to it... not sure if that makes sense?

I have loads more to improve in the women department, but I think the horny vibe I'm giving off is helping to garner attention from women

Thank you John Alexander...

Quick recap of today because I don't get internet in my new room:

I got asked to lead every night's wrap up, where as before everyone would get a chance.

I told my sponsor about my usage of subliminals and he said not to use it any more, although i didn't get a chance to explain that I can't just stop using it halfway into it. So this is an incident where I need to go against what he tells me to do, although I should be following his suggestions.

He also told me to start finding pigeons of my own to work with, meaning find other guys to sponsor and take through the program.

Well, I'm out. Starting stage 3 tonight.

stage 3 day 1

I didn't realize I would have resistance already on my first day. I can see what the big guns are all about. I felt like M took a stab at me by calling me out and I got pretty emotional inside. I carried that around with me for about two hours but now I feel like I'm over it.

I really thought my voice got deeper since I started this program but my room mate just took a video in our room and I was speaking in it, I actually sound the same. I didn't grab the recordings like I promised though, I'll make sure to do that tomorrow.

I gotta go to work early tomorrow, so I'll post more later.

Well, here's the voice comparison recordings as I promised.

https://drive.google.com/folderview?id=0...sp=sharing

December 2014 is before I started the program and March 2015 is like last week.

There's a slight change in actual pitch and tone of my voice.

BUT I can tell you this. The way I was talking to the guy in March felt like it came naturally. Nothing about it felt forced.

I VIVIDLY remember trying to be "in the moment" and consciously recalling sales tactics while speaking on the phone with the guy from december.

stage 3 day 3

It was near impossible for me to wake up on time today. I got up an hour and a half late, dragged my feet into work. Didn't even read my books or brush my teeth this morning, so i just brought all my morning stuff to work. I don't think I've EVER felt that heavy of a load from these subs ever.... I used trickling stream last night instead of the ultra. I'm figuring I'll use trickling at night, and ultra during the day. I read somewhere a couple days ago that there is two different effects from using ultra and masked, so I figured I have a way to get the best of both worlds


I worked out again yesterday, for 10 minutes before the meeting and 15 minuets after the meeting and before sleep. That might have had something to do with how hard I slept. I really don't know what changes I'm looking for in stage 3, so I'm in for a treat I presume.

stage 3 day 3 cont.

So the bad news is that I caved in on nicotine, and put in a dip for the first time in like 17 days. I didn't even get a buzz, wtf. That makes me think I really was inhaling nicotine with all this e-cig vaping going on in the house.

MAN these past few days were STRESSFUL because I've been fiending for it so bad that it was ridiculous.

Maybe it was too much for me to be taking on at this time, what with all the crazy changes going on in my life. But I shouldn't think too hard about it.

I'm still excited to see what stage 3 is going to bring! I'm getting anxious waiting for this growth lol but I just need to take the 'set it and forget it' mentality.