Subliminal Talk

I admit I have a problem.

Signed up for Open DNS for that web filtering/ Adult content blocking. I think stage 4 has made me even more crazy, so I have been on those bad sites :X

I want to make it to 90 days. JO once a week or something.

Dude, once you are ok with feeling sexual vibes in public, porn doesn't compare. I haven't jo'd in weeks.

Im on the computer all the time. Its a work hazard. So the temptation is there

(04-04-2015, 12:31 PM)LeoistheSun Wrote: [ -> ]Im on the computer all the time. Its a work hazard. So the temptation is there

Do you work 24/7? No? Then try this:

Try to keep from jo for one week. You can look at porn, even masturbate, but NO ejaculation. Then, on the weekend, go to the mall and do the time drill (ask a hot girl for the time) but FEEL the attraction. Don't act on it, just feel. Begin expanding that internal comfort zone.

Once you get proficient with it, you'll begin to crave it I promise.

I still look at porn here and there for like 2 mins just to get a fix, but I actively avoid masturbation now. Not because I want to quit, but because I KNOW my sexual presence will be diminished, and interactions with people (especially women) will be far less fun.

It's like having a secret between the two of you. You feel the attraction, and she feels your attraction for her. The whole time you're both quiet, but it feels so good, honestly. That alone, for me, way better than jo to porn.

But like I said: try it, it may take a few weeks of trial and error, but you'll notice the difference. If you DON'T (for whatever reason) you can always go back to porn, it's not going anywhere. lol.

What have you got to lose?

Today has been an interesting day.

I haven't felt the need to post at all. However I might as well update the world as what I have been up to.

For me this journal has really been MY journal. In which case I want to point out that changes to me have primarily been on the inside and core of who I am. Less has shown on the outside. However it will show eventually. Like the butterfly-effect. This AM6 has really been like EPRAH for me in a way.


What was I going to say.

Ah yes, the last 2 nights I have had sexual dreams. Really the first of any. The first was out of the blue. The most I remember is being attracted to a thicker woman. Then pinching her... hahaha.

Last night was much more introspective and I have learned alot. Either from AM6 or the natural progression of change. You never stay the same day-in and day-out.

Anyway I had looked at porn before I went to bed. A mix really. Hetero and other kinds. I have a fetish for almost anything not involving the gross/disgusting- now that I think about it. I am quite free sexually.

I have odd wierd dreams of girls/guys and I find myself waking up... overwhelmed and horny. Wet dreams.
I will wake up in the morning, but the previous night feels like a dream in itself. (the waking up in the middle of the night). It feels so... odd. I have had this happen twice in my life that I can remember. Both within a 10 day period.

My journals are quite different. I mentioned something similar in my EPRAH journal. The part about, being so repressed. Mostly because I have felt that I needed to do/believe things to be "saved" from sin.

During this AM6- these 4.5 stages has been so difficult. Why? Because of the self-hatred that has been coming out. Not a voiced type but the kind you feel within yourself. Fear. Anger. Hatred.

I lack something that I really need. Self-Love. Its so crucial to me, to what we are about as human beings.

This morning I was walking my dog, just saying random phrases to myself- regarding self-love.

- "I love myself for moving to a new place, for getting rid of my toxic friends."
- "I love myself for the brilliant unique person that I am."
- "I love how I can love other people in my life and feel the love surrounding me."
- "I love how I am such an attractive human being, how I am unlike any person that has walked this earth."
- "I love how I am being less judging everyday of who I am, and getting to learn more about myself."
- "I love myself and how I am sexually unique, and able to share that with anyone who I choose."


Now that I am more self-loving than I have been- I hope to see more outward changes.



Also should you read this Shannon-

I think I was very impatient about the Hours vs Days thread. I wanted change- NOW! Just jealous of others. Everyone's path is different.

Also could you add more to your journal with the effects on your tests of the new programs. I found that to be quite interesting to read- when you were talking about that one woman.

I wish I could add more, but I have to be very careful about what I do and no not say about this stuff. Basically, the effects are as follows right now.

During 1 to 1.75 hours of exposure per test, the exposure time seems to trigger effect, but seems to be somewhat hampered by the fact that the input rate is causing the mind to spend most of its energy on decoding and processing the input. Once the input stops, the program is running in the test volunteer's head, and takes over 100% (or close to it) of the processing capacity for execution. At this point, the effect grows significantly, and becomes an expression of the full script, in the moment. The testers all so far exhibit a one track mind with regards to the goal of the program prototype, and they also continue seeking to achieve that goal until I prevent them from doing so. The number of times they have achieved the goal seems to correlate with how powerful the desire to continue achieving the goal is when they are prevented from achieving it in a correlative manner: Never achieving it, the desire is strongest. Once, the desire is strong, but not as strong as having never achieved it. Twice, not as strong again. Three times, less strong still. But even with having achieved the goal three times, they all still kept trying to achieve the goal a fourth time within the 8 hour test window.

Effects are noted the next day. Previous tests have shown effects for between 2 and 6 days after exposure, but that is still in testing for these particular prototypes. Longest time between exposures so far has been six days.

Emotional sensitivity seems to potentially be heightened by this latest prototype. I understand why, if that turns out to be the case. That is not a result of the technology itself, but the specific instructions being used to direct the subconscious to the goal of the prototype specifically.

Thanks Shannon for that update.

If you ever need a tester critic just let me know


*****
Regular post:

I wanted to ask for some advice for members here. Maybe some of you have felt this before???


- For as long as I can remember, I have had this feeling of sadness or wanting to tear up for no apparent reason. Its like I will say something on my mind or want to sing a song that has deeper meaning and my eyes will tear up. (If your going to say most people do this- well I dont see people do this when they do what I described).

Anyway this hasn't been going away, and I am looking for ideas on how to deal with it. Do I Tap through it when I feel it? What should I do??



Also saying I love myself as I did above previous posting, well that has done alot for me. Still I have crap going on in my head but I am trying to deal with it.


Any advice or a similar experience and how you dealt with it would be FRICKING AMAZING!

Thanks!

(04-22-2015, 10:50 AM)LeoistheSun Wrote: [ -> ]Thanks Shannon for that update.

If you ever need a tester critic just let me know


*****
Regular post:

I wanted to ask for some advice for members here. Maybe some of you have felt this before???


- For as long as I can remember, I have had this feeling of sadness or wanting to tear up for no apparent reason. Its like I will say something on my mind or want to sing a song that has deeper meaning and my eyes will tear up. (If your going to say most people do this- well I dont see people do this when they do what I described).

Anyway this hasn't been going away, and I am looking for ideas on how to deal with it. Do I Tap through it when I feel it? What should I do??



Also saying I love myself as I did above previous posting, well that has done alot for me. Still I have crap going on in my head but I am trying to deal with it.


Any advice or a similar experience and how you dealt with it would be FRICKING AMAZING!

Thanks!

Not sure man, but sadness can be a sign of unresolved grief, I know you probably don't want to hear this, but to get to the bottom of it you should probably look deep inside yourself. Specifically, check out sfhelp.com and be honest with yourself. If anything in there rings true for you, take the time to patiently and curiously learn the subject matter.

Stage 4 is out and Stage 5 is in!!!

For most of this stage I didn't notice anything. I just felt... "meh"

I was still fighting some internal depression, but I have started the sfhelp.org (thanks Sarge for referring me).

Last night I felt had pulled everything together thus-far.

I went out with a friend to a college-ball (prom) that was set on by the GSA (Gay Strait Alliance). As expected, alot and I mean alot of beautiful women- 18-24 age range. Wow, anyway this is what happened:

- Had two beautiful women dance with me. One who came back multiple times. The other danced with me, we got close and started kissing/fondling on the dance-floor. Moved it to a darker area, she let me kiss her all over, bit her neck and suck on her titties while security was watching... (made her Orgasm from it)- Oh and she was grinding on my leg and touching my crotch. Left a damp spot by the way. (Best part: No alcohol was involved on both parties...)- (If I would have acted sooner, no-doubt that wet-spot would have been on my car-seat after I got my fill!

-Free drink at a bar. Asked for a Kamakazi and bartender claimed that he hasn't made one in a long time. So he made a drink for me and himself. It was on the house.

-Throughout the night, didnt care if women were beautiful, I had no approach anxiety (this was also before I met the crazy one above). Was going to dance with another beautiful gal but the music was WAY to loud. My ears hurt. How can people dance to this? The treble was off the charts imo.

-Had a drunk guy, be very close to me telling me that I had some kind of powerful aura and that I would go very far in this world. Was bordering on calling me a "god." TRUTH

-Got respect from all those around me.

Their was one other variable involved aswell.

But first-off Id like to say that I was in my head for most of the time this stage. I did feel awkward when I danced awhile ago- so I looked up some "how to" videos on youtube. That helped a-bit, with dancing confidence.

To me this was a much needed slap-in-the-face. As I was already capable of this before AM6 but I was reserved...

Still need improvement- most of being more aggressive. As I had said above if I had acted sooner- more would have happened. I had thoughts in my head telling me to kiss her earlier and things like that- which I am not used to.

So all in all I feel quite giddy today knowing anything and everything is possible.


Peace


-Leo

(05-03-2015, 10:16 AM)LeoistheSun Wrote: [ -> ]Stage 4 is out and Stage 5 is in!!!

For most of this stage I didn't notice anything. I just felt... "meh"

I was still fighting some internal depression, but I have started the sfhelp.org (thanks Sarge for referring me).

Last night I felt had pulled everything together thus-far.

I went out with a friend to a college-ball (prom) that was set on by the GSA (Gay Strait Alliance). As expected, alot and I mean alot of beautiful women- 18-24 age range. Wow, anyway this is what happened:

- Had two beautiful women dance with me. One who came back multiple times. The other danced with me, we got close and started kissing/fondling on the dance-floor. Moved it to a darker area, she let me kiss her all over, bit her neck and suck on her titties while security was watching... (made her Orgasm from it)- Oh and she was grinding on my leg and touching my crotch. Left a damp spot by the way. (Best part: No alcohol was involved on both parties...)- (If I would have acted sooner, no-doubt that wet-spot would have been on my car-seat after I got my fill!

-Free drink at a bar. Asked for a Kamakazi and bartender claimed that he hasn't made one in a long time. So he made a drink for me and himself. It was on the house.

-Throughout the night, didnt care if women were beautiful, I had no approach anxiety (this was also before I met the crazy one above). Was going to dance with another beautiful gal but the music was WAY to loud. My ears hurt. How can people dance to this? The treble was off the charts imo.

-Had a drunk guy, be very close to me telling me that I had some kind of powerful aura and that I would go very far in this world. Was bordering on calling me a "god." TRUTH

-Got respect from all those around me.

Their was one other variable involved aswell.

But first-off Id like to say that I was in my head for most of the time this stage. I did feel awkward when I danced awhile ago- so I looked up some "how to" videos on youtube. That helped a-bit, with dancing confidence.

To me this was a much needed slap-in-the-face. As I was already capable of this before AM6 but I was reserved...

Still need improvement- most of being more aggressive. As I had said above if I had acted sooner- more would have happened. I had thoughts in my head telling me to kiss her earlier and things like that- which I am not used to.

So all in all I feel quite giddy today knowing anything and everything is possible.


Peace


-Leo

Hahahah that's fucking awesome man! Happy for ya! Keep going

Thanks. Currently working on getting out of this house and starting a postition at a well known company. Perks are I get to travel to most of Californiaaaaaa.

Okay so I just bought Beginner Daygame by Nick and Tom. (sigmawolf.com)

Going to give that a go. I remember getting into pickup long ago and not really making much of it. I did things wrong which skewed my views on women and that created more crap for me. I do have some pickup material already, and some things that I have recommended to other members here. However I want to see a fresh approach to it, and thus have new exciting experience.

Started watching Californication. Since I lived near Santa Monica/ Venice Beach, I cant help thinking that that life (minus some things) is open to anyone who wants it. Being 50 and getting laid by young women is not impossible. I thought, back when that IF I didn't get a girlfriend or get my skills with women by a certain age, that I would be alone forever. Such a terrible mindset. I have known for a long time that I needed to make myself better with women. Just in the general sense and much more. With that success it is easier to have the things/life that you choose.

Yeah, Hank Moody is my idol.

Mothafukaaa!

Although I dont plan on dying from STD's, Alcohol or Drugs.



***********
Feeling good.


On another note, I find that I feel more motivated to create the life of my choosing now that I feel I have more control.
I feel how messed up I/the world can be, but you can either let it run your life or take control of it.

Feeling like typing some more here.

Was on a call with my father, after speaking with him- I crave more! What I mean by this is I crave more out of my life! I think if I am on the same path as him (which isnt technically true since we are two different people):

-Dating a woman that he dated before, who has kids & who is bat-shiet crazzy!
-Not having much money (I got this from "I am on the Bronze plan of ObummerCare")

On the post from above:

In some songs that I listen to (pandora/spotify) I go inside myself and I can see the life that I want. I can see what it would be like with some real $$ in my pocket. Confidence, Success, all at my fingertips. I see how people women treat me differently. Its something hard to describe, yet I have been there.

Goals (I am going to write them here):

- Ladies Man (think Hank Moody) -> I prefer Latin girls
- Ten Million dollars in my bank/ or Bitcoin
- Own a dance-club here in the states and in a foreign country (Latin America)
- Skill: Black-belt martial-arts, Acoustic Guitar,
- And some other things I cant think of but will add


It strikes me that most of my generation is okay with the fact of not risking anything and working for people who HAVE risked it. Isn't that ironic? Or rather the way to "make it" is by working for someone else.

Every hour I work for someone, I loose an hour but they gain $$.


And just to let you all know, that IS all possible for me (above). I am an inventor at heart. I got a notebook full of ideas, one of which could solve the California Water Crisis.

Just gotta take the chance.

Know any good books you successful entrepreneurs?






Lets risk it all, baby!!