Hi I came to the Alpha program because I was failing as a man or rather failing to become the one that I hoped and never was this more apparent than in my relationships with women. however I realize the most important relationship id like to heal/ integrate is the relationship with myself, through this all else is possible.
They say just about every man receives a psychological wound at some stage in his formative years , in my case ,its not too difficult to trace.my father a short tempered ,angry man, ill suited to family life.his behaviour would eventually destroy my mother and was a factor in my sisters future unhappiness and self destructive relationships. I was aged 10 when they divorced, but the damage was already done.at some deep level my self esteem was shot to hell
on the outside I was physically strong , captained the inter house football, basketball and hockey teams at secondary school,was popular, boxed , taught myself martial arts,but was never a jock.read by the truck load and had what you'd call smarts
women hovered, and hovered and I've enjoyed sex as much as the next guy but something from those early experiences of male behaviour makes the whole putting myself out there , escalation process disconcerting not so much that I cant do it , - i don't enjoy it, something inside me baulks, freezes, censors movement , energy, refuses to engage and its accompanied by a feeling that somehow I have to drop 3 notches down the evolutionary scale and drag my knuckles across the ground just to generate attraction this in turn causes resentment within myself for myself .as a consequence desire isn't triggered , transmitted and if so its a mixed signal, ambiguous at best . it baffles women . and women don't like being baffled. somehow the legitimate healthy aspects of masculinity got discarded with the negative displays of machismo, the baby with the bath water, this is what I need to restore and more besides.
thank you to all Am travellers who have shared their experiences
I've just completed the second week of stage 1
and will post a record of events to date later today.
" I didn't save anything for the swim back " Gattaca
Love your quote! Welcome to the forum
Thanks ffaux and fonzy its just one of several memorable quotes to be found in that inspirational film. PS ffaux your Am6 journey was amazing,keep growing
Stage 1 the first 2 week weeks
when you start the sub there's an expectation for things to start happening, you don't know quite what , when or even how and in a way that's not your concern , you just have to follow the instructions ,and its funny how the expectation almost blinds you to what is actually happening, or has even already happened, stops you from seeing things in real time, in the now and this is a big, big , thing in life and when enraging with women
So I started to notice what's not happening , and found there was a whole lot going on within the not happening : a real reduction in internal dialogue and those of a negative persuasion in particular . made me realise how much non productive thoughts I actually generate about myself,and events and circumstances.
My thoughts aren't racing ahead of themselves and concocting what if scenarios and even if these thoughts do occur there a distinct lack of interest in sustaining those thoughts, repeating those thoughts ,or even validating or disputing them.
its almost like there's a filter working along the lines of an email in -box saying do you really want to think this , do you really want to entertain that situation, is having this thought really helping you? , is it necessary and its done in a non condemning/judgemental manner.
Doubtless the roots of these behaviours will be unearthed in the coming stages but for now my mind is very clear, there's a Zen like quality to my days , a real focus.
I'm moving slower , feel physically heavier, more expansive. oh and my sex drive has gone through the roof , its not generated by external stimuli more an inner sensuality / life force and a unspoken acknowledgement and acceptance of it
Had a very Interesting dream and encounters with women but save that for next post
Am6 Stage 1 the first two weeks ( continued)
I've read some of the John Alexander material recommended by Shannon and its good some may find it too basic but sometimes there are some things you cant say simply and often enough. So thanks Shannon for the heads up on that one. Even if you were to just take one concept from that book such as women want and sex as much as men and probably enjoy it and experience it on a much deeper level .start there, take the time to digest that statement , that fact, walk with that truth , act from that reality- -its a game-changer , things start to unravel.
this is what I'm doing and what I'm seeing
final word on reading sources , Chase Amante article "how the victim mentality can stifle your life and luck with women ," its so on the money and as design would have it the subs already starting to drill into these areas like what I do for a living . There is absolutely no hiding from this sub its like emotional archaeology everything s going to come up for examination whether you like it or not.....
Had a dream and I use that term lightly more lucid nightmare, started to see swirling masses or dark vapour, and the sensation of something materializing, the vapour gains solidity, has a centre with tendrils extending around the extremities and it forms into Medusa,even when I switched the light on , the image was still in front of me for about 3 seconds, felt very primeval , disturbing, but hard hard evidence of the subs effeciveness
Medusa is symbolic of many things, Freud could have retired at 10 explaining this for me,its about fear, and the sexual paralysis ,and the inability to act as a result .Shannon spoke about how fear permeates so much of what we do and don't do and we just don't see it or want to. in the dream Medusa had no
torso the head was severed.....the possibility of fear transcended.....Perseus Rising ?
" I didn't save anything for the swim back" Gattaca
Am6 Stage 1
Getting a lot of looks from women and you will be pleased to know none of them had snakes in their hair lol.
Starts very subtly at first ,furtive glances, then their eyes dart away nervously, usually towards the ground, some times they disguise the need to look within a larger movement, anything that can mask the real purpose of that activity which is to check you out,
I just love the way that it happens its like they register you almost on an aetheric level before, it hits their eyes, almost as if something called out to them or answered something within themselves that is calling out.
Women like operating within your blind spot, so overt desires, actions and intention cant be traced back to them . what Am6 does is increase your presence , cleans your vibration, so you offer several strong signals that are congruent.Your not hiding , apologising, your saying I AM, I AM HERE, I SEE YOU.
for a women to have these unspoken longings ,attractions unmasked it can be both exhilarating and frightening.
As I'm increasing the hours from say eight to ten the effect is getting stronger and now they do much more than look they find feel impelled to act to gain closer proximity,they'll do a double take as if to say did I just see what I did, and contrive pass again so that if you are in a supermarket ( as I was ) they double back and just happen to be out the same freezer section as you or checking out at the till ,the same time you are .
its fun to experience and to be aware of how women show interest, I missed so many opportunities in the past because just didn't see it in myself and so could not see it outside myself no matter how hard the women tried. still a long ,long way to go but it feels good to be getting to grips with things. my eye contact is better and developing what is known as "eyes that wait"
I seem to attract a lot of Latin American women ( I'm loving it ), since using this sub , so much so one woman (killer curves)practically followed me home , had to check that i hadn't down loaded manifest your perfect Latin American Woman 7G 12 stage sub ( Shannon is probably working flat out on this as I speak). but I actually find myself more and more drawn to very thin shapely elegant women, high cheek bones ,who,speak and move slowly , always found intelligent women very attractive,. I felt this very strongly while in a training seminar at work the lead speaker at the event was very much in this category as was the co attendee sat beside me . has anybody else experienced this ,
as if to underline this a long time friend( with benefits) has re entered my life, she's ringing me like there's no tomorrow also fits the type outlined above ?
more next time
Stage 1 weeks 3- 4
Wow noticing more changes some in response to a actual situation as it is happening others are after the fact, kinda of how the hell did that get there, or did I just say that,did I just do that.
the looks from women are getting stronger, it doesn't matter if with partners, husbands, boyfriends,there's that pause in the conversation, a halt in movement, the incline of the head ,the lean in to my sight-line, and lastly the Smile sometimes openly and some times to themselves - the one that says busted
another thing I'm getting is women asking for my phone number which I never remember or hardly ever carry my phone out with me, when I say I cant remember, its like what's your email then,and they go on and on until they get it. what makes me laugh is that I'm no even trying to flirt or Interested in doing so and they have been very attractive girls,and its like a professional setting/ business seminar, wasn't even talking to them at the time, but when I did something went on. just a few words, bang ,
the sub works on your presence, gives solidity, creates an outline and people feel it, this keeps coming up conversations, your always so calm, steady, so you gain a certain gravitas, they sense this, its an unspoken re assurance that things will be all right, or they'll be OK. its like you are standing up within yourself , by yourself, for yourself but by doing that you are actually helping them to do the same .
my voice went unaccountably deep a couple of days ago and is sliding around the lower end of the register, gone back to normal- ish but like a work in progress.
couple of interesting show downs at work which were forecast within a dream I had about my bosses making unreasonable demands. their appearance kept changing with that of former employers, I think the sub was bringing up behaviour issues around status, leadership and self determination, I've pretty much made up my mind to leave in January before the big guns kick in( stage 2 -3) to find something more in alignment with who I'm becoming and I really feel excited and good about it.
only a few more days of of stage 1 so will post final accounts shortly
"I never saved anything for the swim back"
Am6 stage 1 last day
well if Am6 consisted of just stage 1 alone I would consider it time and money very well spent.
I like the way its always there gently nudging, you towards , a better you.
I'm far more optimistic even if things don't go my way, I don't dwell on it, beat myself up or others over it, just move on. no caving in
I haven't felt the need to be around people as much, I choose the exchanges I want to have, walk away or just say no to the things that are demanding I spend my time , energy or attention now when it my not be my desire or to benefit to do so.
Always liked my own company but now I actually love it,there a different quality to it, I like being with me , because I like the thoughts that the sub is helping me generate, and healthier thoughts create better emotions..
A lot of what I thought was friendliness and kindness was just inverted neediness on my part, a trying to please, seeking validation, still a long way to go on all those fronts but there a kind of liberation that comes by being able to see it at work in your words , actions , gestures and motives.
Stage one has reigned in a lot of that excess energy, channelling it into something taunter
Shannon thank you
"I never saved anything for the swim back" Gattaca
Am6 Stage 2
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[b]weeks 1 & 2[/b]
There is a feeling, that has been constant throughout using this program, only I couldn't articulate it up until now, Its about preparation, preparation,preparation , I had to get ready for something , I didn't know what for , all I did know was that I needed to be ready.
I started to look at how i dressed, what was I projecting,got rid of all the items in my wardrobe , which didn't fit correctly. Invested in a new suit,boots and good interchangeable basics . a decent watch and pen were also purchased. in the days that followed I remember catching site of my face in the mirror while shaving and not just approving of , the appearance of me , but the thoughts and actions that are rebuilding how I now see and feel about myself. it was a revelation.
Stage 2 unveils the many faces of manipulation and you really see it for what it is doesn't matter if its in an email, the subtext stands out, and if in conversation the energy or the motive behind the words will be come apparent.
I'm noticing an ability to channel aggression into action, a guy tires to ease in front of me at an ATM I tell him I'm first and block his way with my arm, and then move forward to occupy the space. again I'm in a super market in a long line waiting to check out I get to an automated till which doesn't accept my notes I attempt to get the attendants notice but he's too busy chatting , then I just shout, only its not a shout , there's a hell of a lot of volume , but its controlled, projected strength HEY YOU
The whole god-dam supermarket goes silent ( it was Christmas eve so you can imagine how packed and noisy it was) and the assistant comes running.
My friend ( with benefits) I'll call her Elle because she's French has been calling like crazy. Brilliant chemistry,we really make each other laugh till it hurts and we can talk about serious stuff and personal feelings too.When we are horizontal its like the 4th July and Bastille day in one. So its incredibly tempting to start things up with her again but I haven't despite her heart felt text asking me to spend Christmas with her. why , because I'm seeing the bigger picture
My valuation is changing, my perspective is changing, my priorities are changing, my objectives are changing. I used to think I had a problem with women , now I'm seeing that they had a problem with me, because I had a problem with me.
The sub is exposing areas of stunted development and generating new possibilities and opportunities for growth .
At the time of writing I stand at the threshold of a decision which can change my life in so man ways, am I petrified- yes, am I excited- yes. constantly amazed at how the sub is helping me move towards the unknown,despite anxieties ,every stroke takes me further out to sea, away from what was, I feel like Howard Roark in " The Fountainhead" by Ayn Rand
I never saved anything for the swim back
Am 6 stage 2 weeks/3-4
Stage 2 this was really a game of 2 very different halves
Ps thanks guys for the support on last post
the first thing i noticed was a stacking up or Intensification of much of the ground work and results of stage 1.Guys would approach me and and nod in approval me, others would give me a look, like I was packing an a semi automatic, complete fear .lastly there were encounters with guys who looked alpha in size (huge) and movement (slow) and outwardly exuding dominance. You can see them trying to work you out, you're not trying to out-stare them, compete or escalate hostilities but you can look them dead in the eye , not miss a beat and be about your business very very interesting.
The exchanges from women also take on a more Intense nature, if they started noticing me at say 10- 15 feet away , now there picking up on me from around 50 mark,smiling now, saying hello without invitation from me, or starting random conversations,and the visual attractiveness of the women has gone up scarily so.its either that or I've inadvertently turned into kayne west
I can now fully appreciate and enjoy the complex hovering manoeuvres women employ while they wait for you to initiate docking procedures.
I been listening to James Marshall, i really like his take on seduction and masculine identity.Any guy that looks like aragon from lord of the rings cant be all bad. he's a advocate of direct game , ie be clear on what it is you want, don't apologize for having it or wanting it,I tried this and god the effects were devastating.
also tried a simple peripheral vision exercise which is the way women check men out without giving themselves away. i went to a fantastic whole-food cafe alone.
sat down at the only table free which was in front of another table occupied by two women diners ,I ordered, unpacked some books, concentrated on my books and wrote some notes,just had a sense of my body on the chair, breathing and being there. i never looked directly at anyone or thing but was aware of everything t
when my food arrived ate slowly and deliberately and really enjoyed it.
overheard the women diners close to me, body language and energy indicated they were very aware of me, their conversation becomes more animated itself a tell tale sign. as they prepare to leave one of the women who has been looking at me the whole time , our eyes lock , my intent is clear , she is excited and really hungry for that gaze, becomes flustered looks away then our eyes lock again.
good to be able to draw women in, keep them guessing,make them invest, creating sexual tension
I'm beginning to enjoy the different strategies and frames,and starting to understand how they work and why they work.
I still keep getting a hell of a lot of latina women so i definitely think I've got a Shannon latina lovely prototype,lol so i shall be asking for a full refund after my 58th rerun of the entire program, if it carries on like this I'll be having twins with Selena Gomez by stage 3, triplets with Ariana grande by stage 4 quads with Jessica alba stage 5 and lord knows what with salma hyek in stage 6
received a text from Elle while writing this and I'll explain what the sub started to force into the open about this relationship in another post
Perseus Rising
Am6 Stage 2
last post I wrote about the intensifying aspects in stage 2 and 95 percent of what I experienced was startling, and enjoyable .but there were the rare days when this stage seem to accentuate all divisions and tensions in me , who I was , who I am and who I'm becoming .
To feel the breaking down of old patterns ,false constructs and conditioning is no easy thing, I can normally tell when the subs meeting stiff resistance , because you wake up feeling like you've been in a cage fight ,with flu like symptoms that never manifest in to an actual cold , just toxins being released. its an idea to keep well hydrated during these phases.
There were times I felt a profound sense of grief,like I was in mourning for myself,or at least the passing of certain aspects of myself, the white knight, the nice guy ect,, as this happens your entering uncharted waters, and as always with the unknown , we want to turn back ,retreat into the familiar even though you know its was a negative, co dependent , limiting, debilitating relationship ,like Odysseus during his passage you are going to hear those voices,
I know I did and I didn't want to be seduced by the momentum of old ways.
alluring as she ( Elle) is, there are elements of her nature that damage happiness, so much so that the derailing of happiness becomes the happiness itself, it never will change, and she doesn't have to, because she doesn't want to, and as she doesn't want to, there is no need to
but I have , I am and I will because
"I never saved anything for the swim back"
stay strong