I dont know somehow your journey reminds me Sarge's early writings
Not surprising as far as I'm concerned.
I woke up today after a dream of people invading my house and trying to confront them. I was terrified all day. Scared about the future and what it may bring. Honestly I've never felt so vulnerable and exposed.
I notice that people sense weakness and are repulsed by it. As soon as I started feeling this way (probably three days ago) a number of people just automatically stopped talking to me. Friends, family no one seems to be reacting nearly as well as they were only a few days before.
I cooped myself up in my room this evening to regather myself. Do some yoga and meditation, build up my strength again before taking it all on again tomorrow.
I've ordered supplements which might help support my mood. I think over training at the gym might have had some impact.
So end of stage 2 and I'm definitely backed into a corner where I'm going to have to man up or just fade into nothing. I have my goals. I have zero interest in socialising, no interest in women, though I'm not averse to
Hooking up if it comes along.
Becoming much more practical in my outlook and have found good resources to hone in on what my real personal values are.
Much has happened. It's not different from
The stories that have preceded this one. But my attitude to push through has become steadier.
(10-13-2014, 01:55 PM)Darwin Wrote: [ -> ]So end of stage 2 and I'm definitely backed into a corner where I'm going to have to man up or just fade into nothing. I have my goals. I have zero interest in socialising, no interest in women, though I'm not averse to
Hooking up if it comes along.
Becoming much more practical in my outlook and have found good resources to hone in on what my real personal values are.
Much has happened. It's not different from
The stories that have preceded this one. But my attitude to push through has become steadier.
Do you find any distinguished difference between the first and second run after end of stage 2 ?
Had to dig hard to find this thread - it's been a while. I'm half minded to not even write but I guess it might be useful to some readers and perhaps to me.
Stage 3 has seen me go through some pretty difficult times, not in terms of the sub but just life. I've been forced by circumstance to face all the ways I hide from reality, and it ain't nice.
I don't know what to say in terms of development. Tapping seems to be getting better and more effective, I'm visualising every single day. Taking myself through what's ahead, tapping, going through the past, tapping. I got thrown back a bit when my doc asked me to try another adhd med, being desperate for something to work on this, I went for it, and it sent me totally off the reservation. Felt weakened and mentally dead for days as a result.
I'm engaged in what I hope is a correct process for me. Daily yoga, gym, meditation, visualisation and tapping. Work and everything else is coming second to this, whilst I want to achieve a lot, I'm
More focussed on rooting in my process goals, and allowing things to flow from that.
Erm.
Well that's it. Stage 4 starts tonight.
Thanks for coming back to post Darwin. I'm going to be rerunning AM6 again next year so your journal is one of the ones I'm always keen to read
Yeah man.i'm not gonna even think about WM/SM before a second run of AM6.so keep us updated bro.
Best of luck
This is really just by way of a cautionary note than an update. My second round of AM6 has gone off the reservation. I'm part way through stage 5 but it doesn't matter. It's likely I'll stop now and do something a little less intense like LTU.
I made a mistake which I said I wouldn't make again. About 2 months ago I went to see a doc who was convinced I would do well with a new adhd medication. I was pretty stressed at the time with a lot of personal family responsibilities and thought I might as well give it a try if it's no good I'll stop after a couple of days.
Well the stuff was addictive, and didn't help with attention at all. It did make me more articulate and confident but that's not the point!
It screwed up my reward system. I was getting addicted to facebook, and loads of pointless shit, and I just couldn't let the drug go.
Now I'm off it, having told the doc of the effects they won't give me another script (thankfully)
If you're trying to change, the way your neurochemistry aligns to the beliefs and habits you're trying to create is pretty important. This is why in my personal opinion, anyone using subs or the like would do well to stay off any drugs which impact the brain.
Just yesterday I was thinking, where is this Darwin guy who is doing a second run with AM6?
Why would you stop now? I'm half through 5th stage too and I can vouch it being tough. I think the only reason I haven't stopped is because I can't see myself doing anything else. LTU? I guess it would be nice, but then I would never see the things unfold after I've completely finished AM. Will it still be tough until the last day of stage 6? I have no idea, but it's certainly possible.
I think you are one of the few people that ran AM back to back. People say that they will do it and they could live with just using AM for 5 years straight, but they know it can be tough and don't. You have walked most of the journey and these last steps are the ones that really count. These choices make you into the person who you are. Now that the gloves are off, will you keep going or step aside?
Regardless of your choice, your journal has been inspiring. Peace
I don't understand, why not just finish it ? You're not even that far off.
What's seems now obvious to me with AM6 is that it kinda suggest us to do something with our life.
And when we have "no life" so to speak, it can be hard to pass through it. I would suggest you find something you like to do, no only woman focus. Go out and explore the world, go to a yoga club for example. Learn a new job, do something. Staying in front of the computer won't help, watching movie, dodging life, etc. Medication is the biggest one, it is just hiding like any drug, it's just drug anyway.
The reason i'm considering putting AM6 to one side is that i don't feel like i've really started. for the last two stages i've been all over the place, i'm pretty sure it's killed my progress in this run. I might be wrong, and this feeling could well just be another, particularly acute batch of resistance, but my gut says i need to get a stronger root in self esteem, which i think LTU would provide.
In terms of hiding from life Maniac, you're right to a point. But I'm not dodging life.
I am dodging real decisions. I have a job (which i perform average at, at best) and several business projects. I'm trying get to the gym every day, i also want to do yoga, meditation, tapping. - the list could go on but i'll stop there.
I need to narrow my focus down, i've just become overwhelmed with choices and options. Doing somethings means I can't humanly do others, and also means that i can't benefit from those things.
Right now i'm just exhausted... I've had a string of genuinely unfortunate events, partly my own doing mostly not. I'm not feeling sorry for myself in the slightest, but i am giving myself a break and saying, 'dude, you need to calm down', and thinking about what i genuinely need.
I take what you guys say though. another month and a half of AM6 can't hurt. still, i feel there may be more value to me personally from spending that month and a half boosting myself up with ltu.
Quote:The reason i'm considering putting AM6 to one side is that i don't feel like i've really started.
You are going to send to yourself the message that you are not a man capable to finish what he started. The way you do one thing is the way you do everything. It doesn't matter the bs excuse you tell yourself to justify your behavior. You have the opportunity to act like a man instead of like a boy who piss his pant when s**t hit the fan.
You are really not helping yourself with this, changing subs will not really help you.
Being a quitter is a weak man trait.