Day 1
Today marks the beginning of my Alpha Male Journey with AM5 and the books and programs that I've wrote on my BIATBW post.
I've used AM5 for 8 hours today and will continue to use BIATBW for another 64 days for 4 hours.
Today I felt a bit off, in the sense that I got annoyed easily today. One of my co-workers has a crush on me but I don't see her in that way, mainly because she's very overweight. Otherwise, she's a very outgoing girl and has a great personality. It's also my bad on this, since I've led her on with overtly sexual jokes and teasing. But I enjoyed the attention, since I needed it really bad. There is, however one co-worker, very cute. Haven't had the chance to talk to her, but very slightly and she did gave me a great response to a bad joke, but nothing more than that on my part. Our breaks do not intersect and I highly suspect that she is with another co-worker of mine. But I shouldn't assume anything, I'll just have to find out for myself.
Hey man
How come you prefer AM5 instead of AM6?
Can you run both these programs simultaneously?
Have a great journey..
I got AM5 before AM6 came out. And I'm very tight on the cash to afford to buy AM6 now.
No, you can't run AM5 and AM6 simultaneously, because AM6 is 5G ( nuff said ) and AM5 is 4G, though you can run two 4G programs. However, I did read the instructions now and saw that BIATBW is basically out of the programs that can go along the AM5.
And thanks a lot for the wishes.
Day 2
I don't know about you guys ( who did AM5 already ), but depression started to kick in already. I got really annoyed today by my co-worker who has a crush on me. Prior to starting AM5, I enjoyed the attention I got because I really needed it, but now, I'm very annoyed.
Also, during break I've realized that Valentine's Day is coming up and that I don't have anybody to spend it with. And that make me feel really down and it affected my performance at work. After this, going home from work, I started to read David Deida's "The Way Of The Superior Man". And it struck home really bad. It reminded me of how much I messed up all my relationships by being too selfish and not opening up to myself and to my GF in many ways, being out of touch with the dynamics of a relationship and all. It made me very angry and at the same time really sad. It made me feel that the more I advance in age and experience, either the less I know about women and relationships or the more I make mistakes that cost me very much. It made me feel that the world of relationships is very complicated and very counter-intuitive and if I get into a relationship now, it'll be very tiresome to "keep my guard up" ( so to speak ).
But that's a terrible mindset to have, "keeping your guard up". It's not like your partner is your enemy, because she's not. And that's probably the reason I messed up.
Anyway, it also made me aware of stuff that previously I thought I can handle them or knew them, but knowing is not enough. I must do.
Maybe I have the "victim" mentality, or at least I'm aware of a "victim" mindset : I understand what the social pressures and consequences are for women in today's world, but at the same time aren't we as men prone to social pressures? Of course we are. But I'm having trouble being at peace with it. I know deep down that neither man nor woman is better than the other; that we complete eachother; that equality, though a very ambiguous term, should be embraced and be exploited from multiple perspectives both inward as men and outward to women.
I've never been more aware of how much the core of my masculinity is shattered all over the place. And honestly, I don't even know if it was whole before ( or at least as close to being whole ) or was it always shattered and never noticed.
Day 3
Today was better. No signs of being sad whatsoever. However, some embarrassment and "Oh, God, why?" moments came up today, mostly while reading the book above mentioned. Also felt sort of too straightforward and unabashedly "going for it", albeit a bit recklessly.
Day 4
Some very conflicting feelings showed up at the surface. It's a combination of vengeance and acceptance. And also anger. Been able to tone them down, the ones that didn't got to be toned down were taken out in a Kenpo session. It's feels like I'm clinging to the past and move on at the same time. And I know what it's all about : all my exes ( that I actually care about ). Ugh, it's ugly...well, not that ugly, it's manageable, but I can see why this is the fire and brimstone that gets pulled at the surface in this stage and clears it out.
Day 5
Nothing major to report. Only that I brought my ignorance at the surface and tried to fix it. I have a bad thing with overweight people. More specifically obese and morbidly obese people. I don't hate them, nor dislike them, I've met obese people that are an absolute joy to be around. What bothers me is those that whine about being obese and think they can't do anything about it/won't do anything about it/don't have time for it. Their lack of self-discipline, lack of motivation, lack of willpower and keep making up excuses as to why they don't work out. I know it's hard to break a habit, but it has to happen sometime. Also, I'm not entirely convinced that the whole "I have a disease" thing is actually for real. I can't remember the technical name, but it involves a gland. The part where they say that they eat one meal a day might be true in some cases.
My parents are overweight ( my dad used to be a pro athlete ), mostly related to stress.
I heard once a line in a David DeAngelo product called 77 Laws Of Women And Dating that ( and I'm paraphrasing ) "what you despise in others is what you despise about yourself and what you admire in others is what you lack in yourself". Maybe I do, maybe I don't. What I know is that now that I'm working out and intend to work out until I finish the programs that I started. The motivation is there, definitely. I can't afford another failed relationship and I do intend to be seen by my recent ex as having the body of a Greek god. Furthermore, I want my next relationship to be the best ever. In order to do that, I myself have to be the kind of person I would want to date/attract. And I do have to switch my thinking from "can't afford to fail another relationship" to "wanting the other to be the happiest person on earth with me". That's key.
Anyway, back on track. That line that I mentioned above kept coming up while I was writing the reason obese people who won't do anything about their weight problem piss me off. The thing is for quite a while now, I can't distinguish between genuine observational facts/traits about others and what David D said there.
That's all for now.
Ha I think you referring to "the shadow effect", its an interesting thing.
Its best you tap on your shadow self and all the things you hate or cant stand about other people as you heal yourself in that way, and release blocks. Its works really well for me
I think I'll try that, Dee. Any good resources?
Day 6
Today I felt different. I felt aggressive. Not in the sense of wanting to punch somebody in the face or anything like that.
I kept thinking about how it is staring in the eyes of death. I visualized somebody holding a knife to my throat and just telling him to do it, to slash my throat, seeing him wimp out and just yelling at him to do it. It was very liberating. I felt free and it gave me an energy I've rarely felt.
I've noticed some slight changes in my behavior. I found that I can say no very easily. My voice tonality deepened. My walk is slightly different. And now I feel an energy...a very peaceful and manly energy around me. And very passionate about women, like wanting to ravish them. I feel it in my entire body. And a slight warmth in my chest too.
I learnt about it doing a money course with Margaret Lynch, but this might help
http://www.thetappingsolution.com/blog/shadow/
As long as you know what it is am sure you can use your common sense and tap on your own. Let me know how its goes
Day 7 & 8
Noticed that I'm more social and I bond fairly easy with new people at work. Also, I value myself more and stick to my guns without any bit of remorse whatsoever. Great.
Also, I've chatted with a girl I kinda like at work. Went fairly nice, we clicked, she qualified herself many times. The other girl who has a crush on me kinda backed down on the "hitting on me" thing, but her friend ( who is morbidly obese ) kind of ganged up on me/us and keeps hinting that we should get together/have sex pretty blatantly and in front of everyone and I find that very annoying. I find it hard to say the right words that convey that I don't want her without offending anyone of the parties involved ( meaning her and her hinting friend ).
How about "That's great, although I really see her more as a sister."
Day 9 & 10
Finally "sister-zoned" the co-worker. The opportunity arose, so I took it. Thursday and Friday kinda got lazy on my workout ( target : 6 out of 7 days), more specifically I missed them. But not today. I intend to recover from those days by doing the Thursday and Friday workouts on Sunday ( today ).
Other than that, no major stuff to report on.
Sister zone? That sounds like a more advanced friend zone.
Is it like me and my sister when we only see each other every few months?
